Dear Diary 13/17
Title: Dear Diary
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Two:
March 31st, 12:47 AM Gilbert's bathroom
Alfred stumbled through the bathroom door and shut it behind him but forgot to lock it. He nearly lost his footing but caught himself on the bathroom counter. Laughing, he took a hearty swig of his beer, set it on the lid of the commode, and began to relieve himself.
He had enough presence of mind to wash up, but did not notice that he was no longer alone until he moved to dry his hands and saw in the mirror that someone was standing behind him.
It was Ivan.
Alfred wrinkled his nose. "What're you doin' here?" he slurred.
"I came to see you," Ivan said.
"You're one confusing son of a bitch, you know that?" Alfred responded, flailing his arm about as if to point an accusing finger at the reflection of the taller man.
"What do you mean?" Ivan asked, stepping in closer, close enough to rest two large hands on the blonde's hips.
Alfred tried to shrug him off and turned around to glare at him. Ivan took the opportunity to trap him in place. Alfred was forced to lean against the counter, the edge pressing uncomfortably into the base of his spine. "First we don't talk," he said, poking a finger into the Russian's chest, "then you stalk me, then you want to date me, and then when I try to be friends, you ignore me!"
Ivan smiled and lowed his face to the others, brushing their cheeks together. Alfred gasped a little and grabbed onto Ivan's upper arm, jerking his head away. "What are you-"
"Does that bother you?" Ivan whispered in his ear. "That I ignore you?" He ghosted his nose against the sensitive skin of his shell.
Alfred twitched and pushed at him, clumsily hitting him on his chest. "Yeah it fuckin' bothers me, man!"
Ivan drew his face close to his own, noses only half an inch apart. "Why?" he whispered. Alfred tried to turn his head to the side, tried to pull away, but Ivan had firmly grasped a handful of his hair.
Alfred tried his best to stare at him, but couldn't quite get his gaze to focus. He frowned. "You think I feel sorry for you but I don't," he said after a moment. "I think you're a fuckin asshole but I don't feel sorry for you, not in the least."
"Is that so?" Ivan asked, grinning ear to ear.
"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"
"Just what, dorogoy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.
Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.
March 31st
My head. My fucking head.
Later
No scratch that.
My stomach.
Ugh.
Later
I so called it. Damn, am I observant or am I observant? My skills of conduction or deduction or whatever the hell it's called are flawless. Move out of the way Sherlock Holmes, Alfred F. Jones is here!
So I guess you're wondering why I'm singing my own praises (other than the fact that I'm so amazing I should just do it anyways). ...Actually, now I'm just sort of wondering why I just asked myself a question. But whatever. It's not like I'm talking to myself or anything.
Anyways.
So, last night after work (um, ok, after I got fired…) I was just minding my own business, winding down in my room, feet propped up, getting ready to write about how much I freaking hate Ivan Stupid Face Braginski, when there was a polite knock at my door, followed by laughter, followed by persistent pounding. I opened it and came face to face with half of my hall, including Arthur, who was already completely shitfaced. (It was pretty obvious by the fact that he had already lost his vest and tie and was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt.)
"Come on, ya tosser. Off yer arse!" he yelled at me and grabbed my arm. (Arthur's drunkenness is directly proportional to how deaf he thinks we are.)
"Man, how wasted are you?" I asked, laughing as I let him pull me out of my room.
He smiled. "I believe I'm well hammered. And you should be too!"
So even though I'd promised Coach I'd quit going to parties, I sort of went anyways. But it's not like we had curfew, and it's not like I was going to miss class cause there's no class to miss on Sundays, so I didn't see any harm in it. Not to mention, Kiku was there, so I knew something had to be up, because he usually hangs out with Heracles and his other baseball buddies; Arthur and my friends aren't usually his thing.
But I'm totally getting on a tangent.
The point is, me, Arthur, Matthew, Francis, Kiku, and Antonio (who sighed the whole time) went to Gilbert's house. Apparently Kiku and Arthur had been hanging out when Arthur and Francis had somehow gotten into a fight, which had turned into a drinking contest, which had turned into a bit of a get-together in Francis's dorm, and then Gilbert had called Antonio (who was still feeling emo) and asked him to bring some friends over because he'd just gotten a keg and Antonio had half-heartedly relayed the news to Francis who thought it was a freaking sweet idea, so then they decided to come and get me and we all made the long trek across campus and two blocks away to Gilbert's apartment loft.
By the time we got there the party was in full swing, Francis had mistakenly hit on me which got him in trouble with Matthew, and Arthur had lost his shirt and one of his shoes. Of course I went straight to the kitchen to play some beer pong, but after a few completely undefeated rounds I, slightly less sober than when I had arrived, decided to do the "mingling" thing. I was gonna chat up this hot chick I saw, when I saw Kiku sitting on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable and out of place. So, being the amazing friend that I am, I went over and sat down with him and asked him what was wrong.
And that was when he confessed his undying love for Arthur to me.
Ok so it was more like I asked him if Arthur was the problem and he blushed and got all tongue-tied and like I said- so called it.
"Well why don't you go say something to him about it?" I suggested.
Kiku gave me a dead-pan look and politely pointed to the other side of the living room, where a half-naked Francis and Arthur were trying to end each other's lives as my poor brother looked on in complete horror and helplessness.
I was going to go help Mattie out, but then I just decided to go drink some more beer. After that the night got a little fuzzy, but I woke up in my own bed, so whatever.
Later
Just got out of the shower and I kid you not, I have three dark purple hickeys: two on my neck, and one on my chest.
Later
Make that four. Found one on my shoulder.
God damn. Guess I did chat up that chick.
Later
Man. Can't believe I forgot about that. Hope it wasn't anyone I know, cause I definitely don't remember how that went down…
-
To: all students
From: Francis Bonnefoy
Subject: Spirit Week Info and meeting times
Bonjour tous!
As we're all well aware, tomorrow is the first day of April, and that means that it's almost time for Spirit Week to begin! This year the Student Council has collaborated with the International Student Organization in order to make this event even more entertaining. This year the theme that was voted on for Spirit Week 2010 is Cultural Awareness. As always, the student body will be divided up by grade. If you have any questions, please feel free to direct them to your class president or myself. If you are interested in participating, there will be meetings tomorrow night. I've listed the times and locations below.
I hope you're all having a wonderful semester,
Francis Bonnefoy Student Body Secretary
Junior Class President
The Freshman Class will meet with Elizabeta Héderváry at 7:30 on Washington Porch.
The Sophomore Class will meet with Arthur Kirkland at 7:30 on the second floor of the Student Union Building, provided he can make it back from his eyebrow waxing appointment.
The Junior Class will meet with magnifique moi at 8:00 in Jefferson Auditorium.
The Senior class will meet with Sadiq Adnan at 8:00 in the Performing Arts Center room 308.
April 1st
Arthur is in a completely shitty mood. And it's not just because of Francis's e-mail, or the impending amount of stuff he's got to do and crap he's got to deal with, or the fact that he's like, longing for Kiku (which I totally know he is).
No, the reason he's in such a crap mood is because his mom just dropped by this morning with his little brother, asking him to take care of him while she went off to New York City for a meeting or some crap like that.
So now Arthur is stuck with Peter for a week during one of the busiest weeks of the school year, he's already pretty freaking high strung, and he hates his little brother.
Haha!
Later
Wait. Where is he supposed to sleep? Our couch doesn't pull out into a bed. And why the hell did she drag him across the ocean when she's got business? Doesn't he have, like, a Mary Poppins?
Later
So uh… I think Arthur just gave Peter to Berwald and Tino. We were sitting on Washington Porch, trying to figure out what to do with him, when Berwald walks by and is all, "W'v g't n em'ty r'm n 'r d'rm" which Tino assured us means "We've got an empty room in our dorm" so I guess that means Peter is staying with Berwald and Tino?
Later
…Can he do that?
Later
Are we even allowed to have kids here?
Later
Oh my god it's April Fools. How could I forget!
Later
So I tied some rope around Matt's and Arthur's door and knocked on both their doors. Except Mattie's not here right now, so instead of getting to watch them play tug of war before Arthur yelled at me, I just got yelled at. That was lame.
Later
Oh my god that was epic. At lunch I stole Arthur's phone and texted Braginski and told him that Natalia was right behind him. He looked like he was about to piss his dress and started shaking and everything. It was such a beautiful sight I almost cried.
Later
Arthur just told me he got a death threat from Braginski. And then he hit me. Repeatedly.
It was still worth it, though.
Later
My life is over. Matthew just told me that the cafeteria is going to stop serving burgers. What am I supposed to do now? That's just cruel and totally unfair. I fucking hate the cafeteria. How could they? I'm boycotting. I'll never eat in there again!
Later
That was a cruel, cruel joke Matthew. April Fool's Day sucks.
Later
We've got class meetings tonight to discuss Spirit Week, and it is going to be my pleasure to personally make sure that the seniors are CRUSHED. Because Braginski is a senior and an asshole and a complete fucking dick, and our team is going to be so much better because I'm going to be on it and I'm going to fucking pulverize him. Yeah.
Things to bring up at the meeting:
1. Our top priority should be to crush and humiliate the seniors.
2. Arthur can do all the boring planning but I get to be the leader.
3. Ask the science department (or Kiku) if they've got any robots they'll let us use.
4. Or maybe we can just pretend to have robots, and that way Braginski will get so scared, he'll pee his dress. Again.
5. And make sure the juniors lose too. Stupid Alvarez.
April 2nd
So Arthur is stupid because he didn't like any of my plans, but it's whatever. I didn't really pay attention at the meeting, but Arthur mentioned something about an eating contest, so we've totally got this. With me as the sophomore's class Spirit Week leader, there's no way we're going to lose.
Later
Braginski skipped trig, but I saw him in the cafeteria this afternoon. He wasn't wearing his scarf, which I know he must hate since it's like, his fucking security blanket, so there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to make fun of him. "You look pretty weird without the scarf, Braginski. How's your neck doing?"
But instead of taking the bait, he just smiled. "I think the better question," he said, "is how is your neck doing?"
My hand instantly shot up to the fading bruises that were only half concealed by the collar of my polo. "Mind your own business," I sneered.
Why the fuck was he looking at my neck anyways? Weirdo.
April 3rd
I always knew I didn't like Alvarez for a reason.
I went to the library earlier today since we're reading some Shakespeare crap, but I just don't get any of that shit, so I went to check out the movie version instead. Well, I was standing there, trying to remember what we were reading (I'm pretty sure it's Much Ado about Nothing. Or maybe Sense and Sensibility. Or Shakespeare in Love. I don't know.) when all of a sudden I heard Alvarez's stupid voice from the other side of the aisle.
"Yeah Maria talked me into participating in some of the Spirit Week competitions," he said.
I stopped what I was doing and leaned in closer to the shelf in order to hear him better.
"I'm not sure what we're doing," he continued, "but Braginski said he'd help me make sure that the sophomores lose, which'll piss Jones off, so I'm all for it. I could seriously care less about winning, just as long as Jones doesn't."
Can you believe that little asshole? If he thinks he can defeat amazing, totally awesome me then he's got another thing coming. I'm gonna kick his ass so hard, he's gonna run crying back to Cuba. Stupid communist. And Braginski. Who the fuck does he think he is?
April 4th
Dude, I totally forgot about Kiku and Arthur! I wonder how they're doing… I know Arthur is really busy with all his President responsibilities and shit, but isn't Kiku the VP? I bet they've been spending a lot of quality time together, if ya know what I mean. All those late nights in their dorm rooms, going over plans, accidentally brushing against each- WHAT THE FUCK AM I WRITING ABOUT JESUS CHRIST.
Anyways.
Like I was saying, I bet they're getting close. And I've got to admit, it's pretty cute how bashful Kiku is. I bet this is just what Arthur needs! After the whole Francis thing… He really deserves some happiness.
But he's such a loser and when he's sober he's got like, next to no social skills. Actually, he's even worse when he's drunk. So I guess it's up to me to get those two together. Gosh. I'll be like, their Love Hero!
Later
All things considered, I think that conversation went pretty well!
Me: Whatcha doin', Arty?
Arthur: I'm busy, Alfred. Trying to get everything together for Spirit Week so that you can make a fool of yourself.
Me: I'm going to ignore that completely uncalled for jab at my awesomeness because I'm feeling generous today.
Arthur: Oh, I feel so honored. Do note the sarcasm.
Me: Then I guess I won't tell you that I know some juicy information that you'd really like to heeear.
Arthur: I'm not a thirteen year old girl, Alfred. That tactic won't work on me.
Me: Fine. Be that way. I won't tell you that someone likes you, then.
Arthur: W-what?
Me: Nope. Too late. You don't care, remember?
Arthur: Don't be a prat.
Me: I'm not teeeeelliiiii-
Arthur: Tell me!
Me: Ok, ok, let go of me!
So after he stopped choking me and I got a little bit of the color back in my face, I told him that I knew someone who likes him. Someone we're both pretty close to. Someone shorter than him. Who likes video games. And has black hair. And is really quiet. And Japanese. And his names starts with a K and that's when he cut me off and told me that I'd made my point very clear but he was totally blushing like crazy and stuttering and saying a bunch of crazy stuff in British-speak so I asked him if he liked him and he threw some stuff at me so I took that as a yes.
But he made me promise not to say anything because he, to quote him, "didn't want to make things awkward" between the two of them. But if I leave it up to Arthur, then nothing will ever get done. They'll just skirt around each other for the rest of their freaking lives when they could be… doing whatever it is gay people do.
So I told him that I wasn't going to say anything but it was a total lie. He might get a little pissed at me, but he'll totally thank me later when he's got himself a little Japanese boyfriend.
Man, I am such a great person.
Later
Kiku wasn't in his room… I think the baseball team has mandatory study hall in the library tonight, though. Guess I can wait till after dinner to work my magic…
April 5th
I am going to remain calm. Because I am a calm person and I do not freak out and it is not two o'clock in the morning and I am not sitting in my bathroom repeatedly hitting my head against the wall because that is what crazy people do and I am not crazy and I am also not gay. Not gay. NOT GAY, YOU HEAR ME?
Later
Not gay.
Later
WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?
Later
On my way to the library yesterday I ran into that… that person who shall remain nameless. Anyways, I decided to confront him about the whole Alvarez thing and… God I can't even write about this. But basically what happened is that he was a complete dick and I totally bitched him out about being a stupid, dishonest, stupid jerk off, and he got all up in my business and was all, "what are you going to do about it?"
I narrowed my eyes. "I'm gonna stop you," I said. "There's no way I'm going to let you and Alvarez cheat, and there's definitely no way I'm going to let you win."
"What I think you mean to say [insert stupid Russian word here] is that you are not going to let the senior class win, da?" he asked, fake smile firmly in place. "Or is this personal to you?"
God he's so weird. I don't even know why I ever wanted to be friends with him. He was totally all up in my personal bubble, breathing down my neck and everything like that creepy kid from Hey Arnold. Except he doesn't breath funny and he doesn't wear glasses and he wasn't standing behind me and my name isn't Helga, but you know what I mean.
So I pushed him away and told him to stop being so fucking weird and do you know what he did? He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and whispered, "Good luck, Alfred. May the best man win." Except he didn't sound like he was wishing me good luck. The tone of his voice was more like, "I'm going to take your first born and put it in a blender" or something freaky like that. And before he said that he… he fucking- Yeah I can't talk about this.
Later
But like… I can't believe he did that! And in public no less! Who the fuck- Ugh!
Later
I'M NOT GAY, OK?
Later
Just because he kissed my cheek doesn't mean anything!
Later
I mean of course it doesn't mean anything. Duh! I'm not the one who did the cheek kissing, he is!
Later
And if he wants to go around kissing my cheek, then why is he being a douche and ignoring me?
Later
Not that I want him to kiss my cheek.
Later
Or any part of me for that matter.
Later
Because I'm not gay.
Later
…I am so going to make him wish he'd never been born. Just you wait, Braginski. The Sophomore class is going to fucking rape you.
Later
In a completely non-homosexual way. That statement was in no way a metaphor. Because I am not gay.
Later
But uh… yeah. Didn't get a chance to talk to Kiku. I'm gonna have to get on that later. As soon as I figure out a way to kill Braginski.
April 7th
I am such an amazing person. Yesterday Peter demanded that Arthur take him rollerskating, and me, being the perfect best friend, told him that I would go along. Of course I had an ulterior motive: I invited Kiku along too! Course Kiku was all, "Oh, sorry, I can't do anything today, I've got a lot of homework and I need to feed Heracles's cats…" But I knew that that was complete bullshit, he just wanted to play videogames all day because that's all we ever do when we have a day off and we're not getting drunk. But I didn't want to tell him that Arthur was going to be there, because I wanted it to be a surprise, so I told him that if he came with me then I'd let him borrow my X-Box for a week, so he's agreed to meet me at the skating rink in half an hour!
Man, I am so cool.
Later
So I might sort of really suck at skating, and Peter is probably the most annoying thing on the face of the earth, but it was totally worth it because man, the look on Arthur and Kiku's face when they saw each other… It was fucking priceless. And I know I sound like a fucking chick when I say this, but I don't care. You should have seen Arthur; he looked so happy. And I think they both caught on to the fact that I totally planned it, and yeah I got stuck with Peter, but whatever. They're so dating now and it's all thanks to me. God, I'm amazing.
Later
And oh yeah. Tomorrow is the first competition. I have no idea what we're doing because I can't be bothered to listen to Arthur's stupid speeches, but whatever it is, Braginski is not winning.
OMAKE
Roderich was doing something behind the desk, but at the moment Elizabeta couldn't be bothered to ask what he was up to; she had more important things to do. Like watch Alfred and Ivan get it on in Gilbert's bathroom.
"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"
"Just what, dorogy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.
Elizabeta gave a squeal of delight as Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.
All of a sudden the television screen went black and Elizabeta dropped her bag of popcorn and screamed.
"No!" she wailed, "Roddy, what did you do?"
He reappeared with a wire and a pair of scissors in hand. "This has to stop, Elizabeta," he said calmly. "You need help."
Translations:
Dorogoy - darling
Warnings: Slash, college AU
Pairings: Russia/America, minor France/Canada and a few others
Genre: Humor/Romance
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. You'll see; just read his diary.
Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Two:
March 31st, 12:47 AM Gilbert's bathroom
Alfred stumbled through the bathroom door and shut it behind him but forgot to lock it. He nearly lost his footing but caught himself on the bathroom counter. Laughing, he took a hearty swig of his beer, set it on the lid of the commode, and began to relieve himself.
He had enough presence of mind to wash up, but did not notice that he was no longer alone until he moved to dry his hands and saw in the mirror that someone was standing behind him.
It was Ivan.
Alfred wrinkled his nose. "What're you doin' here?" he slurred.
"I came to see you," Ivan said.
"You're one confusing son of a bitch, you know that?" Alfred responded, flailing his arm about as if to point an accusing finger at the reflection of the taller man.
"What do you mean?" Ivan asked, stepping in closer, close enough to rest two large hands on the blonde's hips.
Alfred tried to shrug him off and turned around to glare at him. Ivan took the opportunity to trap him in place. Alfred was forced to lean against the counter, the edge pressing uncomfortably into the base of his spine. "First we don't talk," he said, poking a finger into the Russian's chest, "then you stalk me, then you want to date me, and then when I try to be friends, you ignore me!"
Ivan smiled and lowed his face to the others, brushing their cheeks together. Alfred gasped a little and grabbed onto Ivan's upper arm, jerking his head away. "What are you-"
"Does that bother you?" Ivan whispered in his ear. "That I ignore you?" He ghosted his nose against the sensitive skin of his shell.
Alfred twitched and pushed at him, clumsily hitting him on his chest. "Yeah it fuckin' bothers me, man!"
Ivan drew his face close to his own, noses only half an inch apart. "Why?" he whispered. Alfred tried to turn his head to the side, tried to pull away, but Ivan had firmly grasped a handful of his hair.
Alfred tried his best to stare at him, but couldn't quite get his gaze to focus. He frowned. "You think I feel sorry for you but I don't," he said after a moment. "I think you're a fuckin asshole but I don't feel sorry for you, not in the least."
"Is that so?" Ivan asked, grinning ear to ear.
"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"
"Just what, dorogoy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.
Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.
March 31st
My head. My fucking head.
Later
No scratch that.
My stomach.
Ugh.
Later
I so called it. Damn, am I observant or am I observant? My skills of conduction or deduction or whatever the hell it's called are flawless. Move out of the way Sherlock Holmes, Alfred F. Jones is here!
So I guess you're wondering why I'm singing my own praises (other than the fact that I'm so amazing I should just do it anyways). ...Actually, now I'm just sort of wondering why I just asked myself a question. But whatever. It's not like I'm talking to myself or anything.
Anyways.
So, last night after work (um, ok, after I got fired…) I was just minding my own business, winding down in my room, feet propped up, getting ready to write about how much I freaking hate Ivan Stupid Face Braginski, when there was a polite knock at my door, followed by laughter, followed by persistent pounding. I opened it and came face to face with half of my hall, including Arthur, who was already completely shitfaced. (It was pretty obvious by the fact that he had already lost his vest and tie and was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt.)
"Come on, ya tosser. Off yer arse!" he yelled at me and grabbed my arm. (Arthur's drunkenness is directly proportional to how deaf he thinks we are.)
"Man, how wasted are you?" I asked, laughing as I let him pull me out of my room.
He smiled. "I believe I'm well hammered. And you should be too!"
So even though I'd promised Coach I'd quit going to parties, I sort of went anyways. But it's not like we had curfew, and it's not like I was going to miss class cause there's no class to miss on Sundays, so I didn't see any harm in it. Not to mention, Kiku was there, so I knew something had to be up, because he usually hangs out with Heracles and his other baseball buddies; Arthur and my friends aren't usually his thing.
But I'm totally getting on a tangent.
The point is, me, Arthur, Matthew, Francis, Kiku, and Antonio (who sighed the whole time) went to Gilbert's house. Apparently Kiku and Arthur had been hanging out when Arthur and Francis had somehow gotten into a fight, which had turned into a drinking contest, which had turned into a bit of a get-together in Francis's dorm, and then Gilbert had called Antonio (who was still feeling emo) and asked him to bring some friends over because he'd just gotten a keg and Antonio had half-heartedly relayed the news to Francis who thought it was a freaking sweet idea, so then they decided to come and get me and we all made the long trek across campus and two blocks away to Gilbert's apartment loft.
By the time we got there the party was in full swing, Francis had mistakenly hit on me which got him in trouble with Matthew, and Arthur had lost his shirt and one of his shoes. Of course I went straight to the kitchen to play some beer pong, but after a few completely undefeated rounds I, slightly less sober than when I had arrived, decided to do the "mingling" thing. I was gonna chat up this hot chick I saw, when I saw Kiku sitting on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable and out of place. So, being the amazing friend that I am, I went over and sat down with him and asked him what was wrong.
And that was when he confessed his undying love for Arthur to me.
Ok so it was more like I asked him if Arthur was the problem and he blushed and got all tongue-tied and like I said- so called it.
"Well why don't you go say something to him about it?" I suggested.
Kiku gave me a dead-pan look and politely pointed to the other side of the living room, where a half-naked Francis and Arthur were trying to end each other's lives as my poor brother looked on in complete horror and helplessness.
I was going to go help Mattie out, but then I just decided to go drink some more beer. After that the night got a little fuzzy, but I woke up in my own bed, so whatever.
Later
Just got out of the shower and I kid you not, I have three dark purple hickeys: two on my neck, and one on my chest.
Later
Make that four. Found one on my shoulder.
God damn. Guess I did chat up that chick.
Later
Man. Can't believe I forgot about that. Hope it wasn't anyone I know, cause I definitely don't remember how that went down…
-
To: all students
From: Francis Bonnefoy
Subject: Spirit Week Info and meeting times
Bonjour tous!
As we're all well aware, tomorrow is the first day of April, and that means that it's almost time for Spirit Week to begin! This year the Student Council has collaborated with the International Student Organization in order to make this event even more entertaining. This year the theme that was voted on for Spirit Week 2010 is Cultural Awareness. As always, the student body will be divided up by grade. If you have any questions, please feel free to direct them to your class president or myself. If you are interested in participating, there will be meetings tomorrow night. I've listed the times and locations below.
I hope you're all having a wonderful semester,
Francis Bonnefoy Student Body Secretary
Junior Class President
The Freshman Class will meet with Elizabeta Héderváry at 7:30 on Washington Porch.
The Sophomore Class will meet with Arthur Kirkland at 7:30 on the second floor of the Student Union Building, provided he can make it back from his eyebrow waxing appointment.
The Junior Class will meet with magnifique moi at 8:00 in Jefferson Auditorium.
The Senior class will meet with Sadiq Adnan at 8:00 in the Performing Arts Center room 308.
April 1st
Arthur is in a completely shitty mood. And it's not just because of Francis's e-mail, or the impending amount of stuff he's got to do and crap he's got to deal with, or the fact that he's like, longing for Kiku (which I totally know he is).
No, the reason he's in such a crap mood is because his mom just dropped by this morning with his little brother, asking him to take care of him while she went off to New York City for a meeting or some crap like that.
So now Arthur is stuck with Peter for a week during one of the busiest weeks of the school year, he's already pretty freaking high strung, and he hates his little brother.
Haha!
Later
Wait. Where is he supposed to sleep? Our couch doesn't pull out into a bed. And why the hell did she drag him across the ocean when she's got business? Doesn't he have, like, a Mary Poppins?
Later
So uh… I think Arthur just gave Peter to Berwald and Tino. We were sitting on Washington Porch, trying to figure out what to do with him, when Berwald walks by and is all, "W'v g't n em'ty r'm n 'r d'rm" which Tino assured us means "We've got an empty room in our dorm" so I guess that means Peter is staying with Berwald and Tino?
Later
…Can he do that?
Later
Are we even allowed to have kids here?
Later
Oh my god it's April Fools. How could I forget!
Later
So I tied some rope around Matt's and Arthur's door and knocked on both their doors. Except Mattie's not here right now, so instead of getting to watch them play tug of war before Arthur yelled at me, I just got yelled at. That was lame.
Later
Oh my god that was epic. At lunch I stole Arthur's phone and texted Braginski and told him that Natalia was right behind him. He looked like he was about to piss his dress and started shaking and everything. It was such a beautiful sight I almost cried.
Later
Arthur just told me he got a death threat from Braginski. And then he hit me. Repeatedly.
It was still worth it, though.
Later
My life is over. Matthew just told me that the cafeteria is going to stop serving burgers. What am I supposed to do now? That's just cruel and totally unfair. I fucking hate the cafeteria. How could they? I'm boycotting. I'll never eat in there again!
Later
That was a cruel, cruel joke Matthew. April Fool's Day sucks.
Later
We've got class meetings tonight to discuss Spirit Week, and it is going to be my pleasure to personally make sure that the seniors are CRUSHED. Because Braginski is a senior and an asshole and a complete fucking dick, and our team is going to be so much better because I'm going to be on it and I'm going to fucking pulverize him. Yeah.
Things to bring up at the meeting:
1. Our top priority should be to crush and humiliate the seniors.
2. Arthur can do all the boring planning but I get to be the leader.
3. Ask the science department (or Kiku) if they've got any robots they'll let us use.
4. Or maybe we can just pretend to have robots, and that way Braginski will get so scared, he'll pee his dress. Again.
5. And make sure the juniors lose too. Stupid Alvarez.
April 2nd
So Arthur is stupid because he didn't like any of my plans, but it's whatever. I didn't really pay attention at the meeting, but Arthur mentioned something about an eating contest, so we've totally got this. With me as the sophomore's class Spirit Week leader, there's no way we're going to lose.
Later
Braginski skipped trig, but I saw him in the cafeteria this afternoon. He wasn't wearing his scarf, which I know he must hate since it's like, his fucking security blanket, so there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to make fun of him. "You look pretty weird without the scarf, Braginski. How's your neck doing?"
But instead of taking the bait, he just smiled. "I think the better question," he said, "is how is your neck doing?"
My hand instantly shot up to the fading bruises that were only half concealed by the collar of my polo. "Mind your own business," I sneered.
Why the fuck was he looking at my neck anyways? Weirdo.
April 3rd
I always knew I didn't like Alvarez for a reason.
I went to the library earlier today since we're reading some Shakespeare crap, but I just don't get any of that shit, so I went to check out the movie version instead. Well, I was standing there, trying to remember what we were reading (I'm pretty sure it's Much Ado about Nothing. Or maybe Sense and Sensibility. Or Shakespeare in Love. I don't know.) when all of a sudden I heard Alvarez's stupid voice from the other side of the aisle.
"Yeah Maria talked me into participating in some of the Spirit Week competitions," he said.
I stopped what I was doing and leaned in closer to the shelf in order to hear him better.
"I'm not sure what we're doing," he continued, "but Braginski said he'd help me make sure that the sophomores lose, which'll piss Jones off, so I'm all for it. I could seriously care less about winning, just as long as Jones doesn't."
Can you believe that little asshole? If he thinks he can defeat amazing, totally awesome me then he's got another thing coming. I'm gonna kick his ass so hard, he's gonna run crying back to Cuba. Stupid communist. And Braginski. Who the fuck does he think he is?
April 4th
Dude, I totally forgot about Kiku and Arthur! I wonder how they're doing… I know Arthur is really busy with all his President responsibilities and shit, but isn't Kiku the VP? I bet they've been spending a lot of quality time together, if ya know what I mean. All those late nights in their dorm rooms, going over plans, accidentally brushing against each- WHAT THE FUCK AM I WRITING ABOUT JESUS CHRIST.
Anyways.
Like I was saying, I bet they're getting close. And I've got to admit, it's pretty cute how bashful Kiku is. I bet this is just what Arthur needs! After the whole Francis thing… He really deserves some happiness.
But he's such a loser and when he's sober he's got like, next to no social skills. Actually, he's even worse when he's drunk. So I guess it's up to me to get those two together. Gosh. I'll be like, their Love Hero!
Later
All things considered, I think that conversation went pretty well!
Me: Whatcha doin', Arty?
Arthur: I'm busy, Alfred. Trying to get everything together for Spirit Week so that you can make a fool of yourself.
Me: I'm going to ignore that completely uncalled for jab at my awesomeness because I'm feeling generous today.
Arthur: Oh, I feel so honored. Do note the sarcasm.
Me: Then I guess I won't tell you that I know some juicy information that you'd really like to heeear.
Arthur: I'm not a thirteen year old girl, Alfred. That tactic won't work on me.
Me: Fine. Be that way. I won't tell you that someone likes you, then.
Arthur: W-what?
Me: Nope. Too late. You don't care, remember?
Arthur: Don't be a prat.
Me: I'm not teeeeelliiiii-
Arthur: Tell me!
Me: Ok, ok, let go of me!
So after he stopped choking me and I got a little bit of the color back in my face, I told him that I knew someone who likes him. Someone we're both pretty close to. Someone shorter than him. Who likes video games. And has black hair. And is really quiet. And Japanese. And his names starts with a K and that's when he cut me off and told me that I'd made my point very clear but he was totally blushing like crazy and stuttering and saying a bunch of crazy stuff in British-speak so I asked him if he liked him and he threw some stuff at me so I took that as a yes.
But he made me promise not to say anything because he, to quote him, "didn't want to make things awkward" between the two of them. But if I leave it up to Arthur, then nothing will ever get done. They'll just skirt around each other for the rest of their freaking lives when they could be… doing whatever it is gay people do.
So I told him that I wasn't going to say anything but it was a total lie. He might get a little pissed at me, but he'll totally thank me later when he's got himself a little Japanese boyfriend.
Man, I am such a great person.
Later
Kiku wasn't in his room… I think the baseball team has mandatory study hall in the library tonight, though. Guess I can wait till after dinner to work my magic…
April 5th
I am going to remain calm. Because I am a calm person and I do not freak out and it is not two o'clock in the morning and I am not sitting in my bathroom repeatedly hitting my head against the wall because that is what crazy people do and I am not crazy and I am also not gay. Not gay. NOT GAY, YOU HEAR ME?
Later
Not gay.
Later
WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?
Later
On my way to the library yesterday I ran into that… that person who shall remain nameless. Anyways, I decided to confront him about the whole Alvarez thing and… God I can't even write about this. But basically what happened is that he was a complete dick and I totally bitched him out about being a stupid, dishonest, stupid jerk off, and he got all up in my business and was all, "what are you going to do about it?"
I narrowed my eyes. "I'm gonna stop you," I said. "There's no way I'm going to let you and Alvarez cheat, and there's definitely no way I'm going to let you win."
"What I think you mean to say [insert stupid Russian word here] is that you are not going to let the senior class win, da?" he asked, fake smile firmly in place. "Or is this personal to you?"
God he's so weird. I don't even know why I ever wanted to be friends with him. He was totally all up in my personal bubble, breathing down my neck and everything like that creepy kid from Hey Arnold. Except he doesn't breath funny and he doesn't wear glasses and he wasn't standing behind me and my name isn't Helga, but you know what I mean.
So I pushed him away and told him to stop being so fucking weird and do you know what he did? He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and whispered, "Good luck, Alfred. May the best man win." Except he didn't sound like he was wishing me good luck. The tone of his voice was more like, "I'm going to take your first born and put it in a blender" or something freaky like that. And before he said that he… he fucking- Yeah I can't talk about this.
Later
But like… I can't believe he did that! And in public no less! Who the fuck- Ugh!
Later
I'M NOT GAY, OK?
Later
Just because he kissed my cheek doesn't mean anything!
Later
I mean of course it doesn't mean anything. Duh! I'm not the one who did the cheek kissing, he is!
Later
And if he wants to go around kissing my cheek, then why is he being a douche and ignoring me?
Later
Not that I want him to kiss my cheek.
Later
Or any part of me for that matter.
Later
Because I'm not gay.
Later
…I am so going to make him wish he'd never been born. Just you wait, Braginski. The Sophomore class is going to fucking rape you.
Later
In a completely non-homosexual way. That statement was in no way a metaphor. Because I am not gay.
Later
But uh… yeah. Didn't get a chance to talk to Kiku. I'm gonna have to get on that later. As soon as I figure out a way to kill Braginski.
April 7th
I am such an amazing person. Yesterday Peter demanded that Arthur take him rollerskating, and me, being the perfect best friend, told him that I would go along. Of course I had an ulterior motive: I invited Kiku along too! Course Kiku was all, "Oh, sorry, I can't do anything today, I've got a lot of homework and I need to feed Heracles's cats…" But I knew that that was complete bullshit, he just wanted to play videogames all day because that's all we ever do when we have a day off and we're not getting drunk. But I didn't want to tell him that Arthur was going to be there, because I wanted it to be a surprise, so I told him that if he came with me then I'd let him borrow my X-Box for a week, so he's agreed to meet me at the skating rink in half an hour!
Man, I am so cool.
Later
So I might sort of really suck at skating, and Peter is probably the most annoying thing on the face of the earth, but it was totally worth it because man, the look on Arthur and Kiku's face when they saw each other… It was fucking priceless. And I know I sound like a fucking chick when I say this, but I don't care. You should have seen Arthur; he looked so happy. And I think they both caught on to the fact that I totally planned it, and yeah I got stuck with Peter, but whatever. They're so dating now and it's all thanks to me. God, I'm amazing.
Later
And oh yeah. Tomorrow is the first competition. I have no idea what we're doing because I can't be bothered to listen to Arthur's stupid speeches, but whatever it is, Braginski is not winning.
OMAKE
Roderich was doing something behind the desk, but at the moment Elizabeta couldn't be bothered to ask what he was up to; she had more important things to do. Like watch Alfred and Ivan get it on in Gilbert's bathroom.
"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"
"Just what, dorogy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.
Elizabeta gave a squeal of delight as Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.
All of a sudden the television screen went black and Elizabeta dropped her bag of popcorn and screamed.
"No!" she wailed, "Roddy, what did you do?"
He reappeared with a wire and a pair of scissors in hand. "This has to stop, Elizabeta," he said calmly. "You need help."
Translations:
Dorogoy - darling