The joys of IB
-You spend hours making dumb little computer pictures (_8^(I) <--like this -You have enough sick humor to actually enjoy this list ! -You think SEX is an acronym for a test you take after the SAT. -You think "getting high" is a reference to grades. -You think Saved By The Bell was a documentary. -The vampire rapist thought you were crazy. -Your idea of watching TV is the morning announcements. -You misread the Psychology exam and write an essay on "social sex". -You're one of the few people who realizes that Catcher in the Rye isn't about baseball. -You have taken in so much knowledge that you forget what the doorbell means. -You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume. -You're one of the few to know that the "perverted American Dream" isn't a porno. -Watching Beavis and Butthead requires WAY too much brain power. -You clean up your room and find a bed.(You have time to clean your room?!?!?) -You wonder about things like what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and your turned your lights on. -You have a bumper sticker that says "Proud to be a test tube baby." -"Burnout" isn't a strong enough word to describe you. -The word "ponder" sends you into spasms. -William Carlos Williams' poetry actually makes sense. -You gave up your search for a "nice university with a good curriculum" during 11th grade. You've now redefined your search to "a nice bell tower with a good mount for a sniper rifle". -You stop going to volunteer work, but you unconsciously think you're still going. -Everything you know about sex, you learned from the English reading list. -You worry about hyphens. -The words: "Oh my God! There's a triad in this poem!" -You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work. -It's the little things that confuse you. -You have the chemical formula for crack memorized. -You think that the game LIFE will really affect yours. -You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about "normal high school". -You find all the "glitches" in movies. -You use your ToK background to analyze Winnie the Pooh's Book of Quotations. -When asked what significance Hitler had to Racial Social Darwinism, you say "Well, he didn't like Jews." -You look foward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation. -Free time? What's that? -You've mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school. -You get to college and realize the classes you are taking seem really familiar. -Your college professors' grading systems seem a little too lenient. -You dread the word rubric. -Yourbrainissooverloadedthatyouforgetthesimplestthings. -You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject "Hitler wasn't a nice guy. Was he?" -You've managed to get through an entire year of History of the Americas without reading one page of your test book. -Five words: "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!?!?!?" -You can spell "Baccalaureate". -"I.B., therefore I B.S." -"IB has an honor code?!?!" -"Friends" and "fellow IBers" are interchangeable. -You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!" -Your favorite saying is "If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year..." -Social life? What's that? Can I download one of those of the Internet? -You've fooled yourself into believing that colleges actually care whether you're in IB or not. -You try to wake up fast enough to catch yourself sleeping - and succeed. -You talk to yourself in the 3rd person. -You write sentences on multiple choice tests. How else can you justify your answers? -It's okay to fail, so long as you are not alone. -You frequently catch yourself saying "What?? We had homework??" -You don't drink, but you find it a convenient way to explain how you dressed yourself in the morning. -Your idea of impure thoughts is whether or not to copy math homework. -You've convinced your parents F is for "Fantastic". -You can count your last quiz grades on one hand. -You have an internet connection on your calculator. -You wonder if there's Cliff's Notes on the Calculus book. -You don't really cheat-you just tell people the answers. -Cheating became too difficult, so you took up telepathy. -You have a tab running at Books-A-Million. -You've consulted tarot cards for hints on a History test. -You have the library on speed dial. -You've framed the Honor Code. -You've developed an imprint of your book bag in your back. -Your best hope for most classes is divine intervention or a strategically placed lightning bolt. -Your backpack weigh more than you do. -Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans. -You slip Prozac into your Mountain Dew. -Your last mate was a "checkmate" -You plead insanity on a research paper. -You talk in your sleep - in your language B. -After getting a "B" on your Chem. test, you decide to take out your anger on some TWA plane. -You have a Cliff's Notes Preferred Customer Credit Card. -Four Words: "Wanna play some chess/ trivial pursuit?" -You do your essays on the plane ride to school. -You can lead your way through a frog's intestines with your eyes closed. -You forgot about that pesky Extended Essay thing until the night before it was due. -You have to stop twice and get gas to make it all the way to school. -You're afraid of sunlight since you haven't seen it in 3 years. -You have an element named after you. -You haven't seen light in so long you glow in the dark. -You're so frustrated with IB that you sent package bombs to random houses and framed some Ted guy. -You've been out various times looking for the Abridged Cliff's Notes. -You consider giving up going to the bathroom permanently to give you more time to study. -You envy the unabomber's social life. -The only words you ever say in Spanish class are "Nos & eacute" -You carry a protractor in your back pocket. -Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of their epidermis and the wonderful shape of their occipital plate. -Timothy McVeigh is scared of you. -"Burnout" isn't a strong enough word to describe you. -Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs, then staring at your TI saying "Look!!! Waves!!!" -You get Advil at cost. -You hold "parties" to study. -You look forward to your parties. (What's wrong with that?) -Your parties are the hippest thing going today. -Your Extended Essay consists of 20 pages of "This is my Extended Essay". -You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker. -Your backpack is only comfortable when it weighs 30 pounds. -You are convinced your "Baccalaureate Internationale proffeur de francais" thinks you're sexy. -Your "Baccalaureate Internationale proffeur de francais" DOES think you're sexy. -You are such an IB loser that you will actually try to correct the grammar in my last two contributions. -TOK = "What is Human Being??" -You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to "get in some extra cramming time" to "gain that upper edge" on the rest of the class. -When your idea of a good conversation includes at least one of the school librarians. -The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks. -You make a date to do homework together and you actually do. -Your home becomes a "home away from home". -You derive formulas for fun. -You just have one long continuous headache. -You think the meaning of life is: G = -RTlnK. -Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily ever after. Amen". -You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier. -The offer of bonus marks for combed hair results in a dramatic improvement in appearance. -You copy old TOK essays so you can get an "A" in the Ethics unit. -You plagiarize from Cliff's Notes for the "What is Truth?" TOK paper. -You find yourself thinking, "Without stress my life would be empty". -You fight with your fellow IBers about who has the most stress. -You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work. -Study groups are actually one HUGE gossip fest! (Is there really time for this???) -You find your teacher saying, "CALM down the test is only worth 95% of your grade". -It's the little things that confuse you. -You find yourself worrying about the 98% you have in math. -You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework. -The peers know more about you than you do. -"Anybody wanna play some cards?" -You wonder if you can relate Apollo 13 to TOK. -You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home. -You find that you have planned murder plots for each and every person in all your classes. -You really do wear those IB T-shirts. -You don't carry lunch money -- you carry Vivarin-and-Mountain-Dew money! -You've memorized the cracks in the stucco on the wall behind your computer monitor. -You can type 70 words per minute -- on a TI-82/83/85/86. 120wpm on a TI-92 -You devise a 'pager code' and page your classmates all night with obscene messages. -You resort to communicating using a series of clicks because languages take too long. -You hang out at Kinko's at 4 a.m. -You get a job at Kinko's not for the paycheck, but because you're there 8 hours a day anyway! -You are nice and respect other people for who they are. -You watched all the Revenge of the Nerds movies enough to act out all the roles. -You use the internet for research not smut. -You have an autographed picture of Bill Gates in your bedroom. -You show school spirit at pep assemblies. -When on vacation you visit other schools. -You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table the quickest. -Your favorite TV program is Wild Discoveries on the Discovery Channel. -You have you TI-82/83/85/86 hooked up to your friends so that you can "chat" during class. -You use your "chat" program to tell each other the answers during a test, and your teacher congratulates you on "innovative thinking!" -Tests are no longer singular efforts! -You talk on the phone with your friends for hours and hours just about school. -You spend lunchtime sitting and talking about computers and how cool you THINK your life is! -The only reason Texas Instruments hired you was because your bill was so big! -You brag about how large your computer is! -You're shunned if you don't have a computer with at least 1.6 gigs! -You try to impress your teachers by giving them pocket protectors. -You think that the "game of LIFE" will really affect yours! -Your favorite card game is "brain busters". -You try to see how many "brain busters" packages you can memorize, just in case any of that useless information just happens to appear on a pop quiz! -You memorize thousands of useless facts and try to impress your neighbors, friends, and family! -The librarians know you so you don't even have to go to the front desk to check the book out. -You've read most of the books in your library, and have a written report on over ¾ of them! -You debate whether or not you can send a fax collect. -Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina. -You exceed the 4200 word limit on the extended essay. -The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long. -The "Macarena" appeals to you, not because of the neat-o dance, but because you can actually understand what those two Spanish guys are saying! (they are singing about last weeks slut and how they want more) -You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in December. -You've got your summer assignment done before Christmas (From LAST summer). -You come into school at 6:30 a.m. to do Biology and don't complain. -It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker. -You envied the lack of pressure on OJ's lawyers. If they lost, they'd ONLY be labeled mediocre lawyers. -You have mastered the art of procrastination so well, your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school. -Every year you nominate yourself for Homecoming Royalty and wonder why you never win. -You have made an IB cheer. -Nights before major projects are due, you hold parties at Kinko's. -People actually come to your IB Kinko's parties. -You've perfected procrastination down to an art form or a science... and you can debate between those two points endlessly. -Oral commentaries become cakewalks. -Your idea of having fun is cuddling up with your favorite textbook. -When you are home sick you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is. (Forget staying home- it kills exam exemptions) -When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done. -Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes. -You consider your computer your best friend. -You burst into tears when your pencil breaks. -You actually BUY caffeinated water. -Your Extended Essay advisor sees you more than your parents do. -Watching Beavis and Butthead requires WAY too much brainpower. -You measure your daily caffeine consumption in gallons. -You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one hand. -You've cleverly taught yourself how to take quick naps while walking between classes. -You frequently get lost while walking between classes. -You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a "5". -You have to take a hit of acid to understand what the heck you were talking about in English. -You have nightmares about being attacked by the "Chain Rule" like your teacher told you would. -You think "Monty Python's the Meaning of Life" would be a good subject for a TOK paper. -You've gotten electronic copies of textbooks in TI-82 format. -The TI-82 has made you stupid. -During a chemistry test, instead of doing the work you write a random answer program in your TI-82 and get the highest score in the class. -You voluntarily spend time with a teacher outside of school. -Your only contacts with the outside world are school and e-mail. -You actually get used to waking up at 5:00 a.m. -You are still wondering why there was a 66 1/2. reason rather than conunting thes in whole numbers. -You were able to correct that error without looking back because you remembered that it was 77 1/2, not 66 1/2 that was added in the middle. -you see 0110 1001 0110 1001 and get horny. -It rains and you place the umbrella over your bookbag instead of yourself. -The "due" date becomes the "do" date. -TOK essays are now the easiest of tonight's homework. -You make graphs of your grades to chart your progress (or lack thereof). -You'd go into severe spasms if you ever lost your day-runner. -Your unweighted GPA is a 1.2, yet your weighted GPA is a 5.7. -Teachers have actually said the following words to you : "Do your Extended Essay draft, TOK essay, lab-books, read those five books for Polish, write the Philosophy GCW, do the remaining thousand hours of CAS... and have a nice summer holiday!" -You manage to complete a semesters worth of homework the day before the term ends. -Desperate to fill up your CAS hours, you claim watching a black and white movie as "creativity" and walking your dog as "activity", and your teacher approves it. -You have a special "test writing sweater" that you wore to all the IB exams. -You can count your last quiz grade on one hand. -You wonder if there's Cliff's Notes on the Calculus book. -You've framed the Honor Code. -Your thesis for the Extended Essay is whether or not Bert and Ernie are gay. -You have a Cliff's Notes Preferred Customer Credit Card. -It's essential to learn to live with occasional failures. -"What is the Bronsted Lowry Theory again?" -Can we say EXTRA CREDIT?? -You are 18 but can't drive. -You have 15 library cards each under a different alias. -Tests are no longer singular efforts! -You carry around vocabulary flash cards to whip out in your free time. -You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests. -You've replaced your Flintstones vitamins with speed. -Your best friend is Jack Daniels. -You actually believe "mental health days" are excused absences. -Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans. -You slip prozac into your Mountain Dew. -You get Advil at cost. -You get a full upper body workout carrying your backpack. -Breakfast?! What's that? -You always seem to have one continuous headache. -You haven't seen light in so long you glow in the dark. -You can measure your daily caffeine consumption in gallons. -You know the word "bourgeoisie" - you think you speak French. -You find yourself using words like "supercillious" in everyday speech. -You correct your non-IB friends when they use incorrect grammar. -You talk in your sleep -- in Spanish. -The only words you ever say in Spanish class are "No sé." -The only French you know is "J'aime manger le poission." -The only time you ever get phone calls is before a major chemistry test. -You know you have parents beacause you have seen their picture. -Your not certain if you want to get layed, or if you would prefer to get laid. -When you go to the library, you see a least three or four of your classmates. -To celebrate finishing your IB exams you decide to be really wild and go for coffee. -You show school spirit at the pep assemblies. -You are usually dressed more formal than your teachers. -You FTP to your computer at home to retrieve your Extended Essay amd finish typing it at school before it's due. More importantly, you understand this process! -You crash your calculator. -You have more CD-ROMS than music CDs. -You consider your computer your best friend. -Your TI-82 has made you stupid. And the most important: You know you've been in IB too long if you are at the IB Humor website!>