Coming Home

[aidansgreenenvy]

In many ways, I don't even feel like the same person anymore that I was at home. These last few weeks have been very difficult. I'm used to my depression coming somewhat in waves that become more intense at times and eventually wane off in a day or two. I feel like I haven't not been depressed in a week or more at least. While I work, my head

Comments

To Aidan or Why We Just Give Ourselves Away

[teknopo8]

Aidan, I've been thinking of you with some frequency, lately, which is a wierd thing to say, except that it's true. Probably, you'd never know or appreciate it if I didn't mention it, so I feel inclined to say it. I regret not calling when I was last in Albuquerque, and hope I didn't miss an opportunity to see you. I don't know that you would have been around, but I maybe you would have appreciated the call. I know I would

[lianarosanadana]

I'm gonna be blunt here, the reason you're still in the rut you tried to get out of when you left is because you're not facing the situation as it is. You think "I hate Albuquerque, so I'm gonna move and that will help me feel better." But you don't really hate Albuquerque, or at least that's not all of it. You have things you need to deal with, things within yourself, and you're trying to begin the journey of confronting those things by changing your surroundings. That's not gonna work.

Turn your eyes inward, and really try to understand what you see there. Once you have that settled, then you can seek happiness in your environment.

[aidansgreenenvy]

I agree with you partially. While I know the heart of my problem lies in looking inwards, I have stopped saying I hate Albuquerque. I don't seek happiness in my surroundings...I'm doing where my heart is, which is on travel and exploration. My time here has been miserable because we have stayed in a situation and surrounding that involves no exploration...it's simply my life from home transplanted somewhere else. Only now my friends aren't here, so I am lonely. Since I was little I've been restless to look around my world, and I also know that I want to spend some time in a big city.

The problem is that some of my problems are not problems but rather things I have to learn to accept about myself...What I need to do to move on past those things I know, and I do know that going home to a place where I was already having problems is not the best solution. We'll see what happens I suppose...I feel confidant that I'm on the right path, I'm just sad about where things are taking me.

[clearleigh]

aidan, i keep trying to call you but it keeps telling me that the wireless customer is out of reach. or something. and this is the only other way i know how to get a hold of you anymore. i know you left that message like... years ago, but call me again after 8pm (your time) and i promise i'll pick up. i want to talk to you.