Last Code; Part 3c
***
After a week,
Yixing sat on his bed, eagerly forcing himself to stand up.
Everything will never settle down in a week or in years even. Learning to have grown hatred for the government and killed people for it, Yixing knows he should still feel angry for being tricked into that kind of life. For a person who once disliked bloodshed, he had done in it because of the belief his father was killed because of the government. He was just the same as Kris, hungry for revenge.
But the difference was, his father was alive, and Kris’ reasons remained unknown.
He knew that the gunshot wasn’t from the gun his father was holding. He knows the bullet’s angle too much he noticed the culprit wasn’t in the crowd. He was hidden in the building near The Government’s.
Jongdae never showed himself again even after the offense team was granted freedom, in secrecy of from the knowledge of people, of course. Yixing was always accompanied by Luhan and sometimes Minseok visited them.
Luhan kept quiet about the event, because he knew nothing at the first place and his sympathy is the only thing he could give. Yixing was grateful to him for that. He had kept silent about every threats Kris had given him also. It would be pointless to be even angry to a dead person.
The only memory of the person he hated now was the silver card he was holding.
He looked through it and found no special feeling in it.
Despite losing Baekhyun and a lot of things happened, Yixing decided to remember Kris as the false one he believed in. It was after all, Kris’ whole plan that the country is doing well now. Zhang had been positioned as President when the government’s system was changed, no conspiracy hint due to the media’s record of all the evening’s event.
This is where everything should be cleared up where Kris was the bad guy and Lay was the good guy but it isn’t. It isn’t because Mr. Zhang answered in short replies whenever Yixing asked about Kris and what he had done to commit to such revenge.
“It’s better hating him in the end, he didn’t know what he was doing. It has done us good that his plan about killing you and being king failed,” Mr. Zhang always said and Yixing knows better than to push his father.
Although he wasn’t satisfied, there was always mischief behind his father’s tone that leads him to more question.
He would be lying if he said he didn’t care about Kris anymore.
He still does. He cares. He still cares and pathetically loves Kris despite the cruel things that happened.
Yixing was forbidden to come out the house since it happened. If ever he will, bodyguards surround him because his mother was worried too much even though she was oblivious to her son’s previous sufferings. Jongin and Luhan sometimes visited him but the absence of explanation ate Yixing up. Jongin being alive when he thought he was dead was never explained. Jongin only said he escaped, that is all. Yixing could only shake his head as Jongin refused to talk in details and change the subject. They didn’t know of Kris’ original plans and his death. He just wishes he will forget everything for once.
Until his father permitted him to go out.
“Just don’t go somewhere dangerous,” Mr. Zhang only said when Yixing asked for it. Now, standing from his bed, Yixing got ready to go to a place he wanted to be alone at the moment.
When he went out their house, there were numerous construction workers outside, houses being renovated by their owners because they are now permitted to do so. The people chatted and laughed with each other, freedom expressed everywhere. The Government building was now being built again and Yixing could see the remnants of the bricks from the street he was at.
He smiled as he passed by a few children who were running around and playing with each other. He remembers when he took the kids from the community into the greenhouse and-…
Yixing decided to let the memories stop, thinking those children are now in good care without anymore hiding. He knows Kris’ image had been turned into hatred from people, though only few remained grateful to him… but still, Yixing let it be.
The way within the forest has been too hard to reach by car now due to the growing plants since no one ever maintains them anymore. Yixing decided that walking will take more of his time.
Every step reminded him of the walk towards the gate he had with Kris.
The doctor advised him that it was better if he remembered good memories out of the bad. And Yixing finds himself doing the exact thing. When Yixing reached inside, he learned that the community was now deserted.
There was no reason to hide in it anymore though thus resulting to its abandonment.
But Yixing’s life almost felt real in this place. Well, at least he thinks it did.
He then went to the familiar building he had always visited. Kris’ house. It took him a lot of courage before entering the place.
The whole place was dusty. Some high cabinets hung cobwebs. Yixing refused to look at the far end room of the first floor and decided to go upstairs where Kris’ office resided once.
When Yixing entered the room, the pain was there again.
He clutched onto his chest as everything goes back. He didn’t even know why he decided to go here. Though false, it didn’t fail to make him remember how much he treasured every memory that was in this room. The only dread in that room was the guest room where Yixing will never enter yet again.
On the side of the dusty old office, Yixing saw Kris’ desk. He suddenly imagines Kris sitting there, high and mighty but the look of affection visible whenever Yixing enters the office. Sometimes Yixing wonders who the real Kris was out of all the same faces he saw?
But the pain he had inflicted could never be cured. It was still raw and healing. All the pain could never be replaced.
Yixing sighs as he turns to walk behind the desk.
The latter then went to sit on the black chair situated there.
Every tip of his fingers slid on the wood, dust reaching the soft pads of them. The desk was empty of things and only dust covered it. The whole room was before Yixing’s eyes then - the couch across him where subordinates sat to inquire something to Kris and the trolley of liquor beside the chair. Yixing’s eyes wander through the desk again until they fell on the drawers.
The one at the middle was the only one who didn’t have a handle because it was locked, with a machine like bolt with no key hole.
Yixing felt more curious and stared at the lock intently. He was sure it only contained of a keyhole when he first saw it and now… it was changed into a machine but why?
There was no key hole anymore and the mahogany desk itself felt like steel in his hands. He touched the metallic handle and noticed the slice in between. Yixing tried pulling the drawer using his fingernails stuck in the corners but it didn’t move.
The lock seemed similar though. Like it was a swipe machine in an ATM-
Yixing remembered the card. The card Kris threw at him on that day… With half expectation, Yixing pulled out the card from his wallet, where he had always kept it in him.
With shaking hand, he swiped the card across the split and suddenly, there was a beeping sound before the drawer drew open.
Yixing flinched in response as he puts down the card on the desk. What was inside the drawer surprised him even more. There was the same card placed atop a black journal. Kris’ journal. Yixing lately realized that it was Kris’ own key of his drawer and the spare… was the one he threw at Yixing.
The stricken man refused to move for a second. Afraid of what he will know. Why would Kris give him the only key to the drawer where his journal lay?
And beside the journal was a withered red rose.
Yixing feels the back of his eyes sting. No, he can’t cry right now. It didn’t mean anything. It can’t be discerned into something because Kris was a cold person. So Yixing proceeded to take out the journal together with the key and the dead flower. And the last thing inside the drawer made Yixing’s heart stop.
It was Jongin’s knife.
The latter then realized he hadn’t asked about the knife and letter yet so Yixing buries the upcoming conclusion within his head and decided to focus on the journal instead.
On the cover’s bottom part, a name Li Jiaheng was written in thread. The old journal felt foreign on Yixing’s touch, making him curious on what Kris wrote in it.
Curiosity got the best of him and Yixing opened the first page.
It seemed as Kris' handwriting that welcomed his sight. On it was a date 4years prior. Yixing read through the letters and,
"I don't know what had come to me but writing has been a way for my father to relieve his distresses. And so I hope it will help me too. I hold too many secrets to contain in one piece of multiple pages but still, stupidity like this makes me remember how to feel human. Maybe in years this journal will be turned to ashes when anger will rise from all people. I will be hated. Death will be the future of me with my settled plans. Even if it will take me years, I will hold onto my words, no matter what occurrences might come."
Yixing froze in his place when he read the future that really happened. Now he felt scared to turn the page.
It was the only words that came with the first sheet and it took Yixing five minutes to flip the sheet again.
"Jongdae had agreed to come together with the others. I will start from scratch and will find a way how to destroy the government. It's my life I'm sacrificing for this and I will never forgive them for they've done. Not just for the people.... But for me."
Another page.
"Its been a year and I thought I'll never write again since getting the whole place together was enough to drive me numb. I've killed again. Something I'm very used to for years now... But killing innocent people for the first time makes me believe I've sold my soul to the devil. I'm mortified to even see my own reflection once all of this is done. There is nothing that could save me from this straight path to hell. And I am adamant to finish this all.”
Yixing continues with a shaking hand,
"I dreamed it again. Mom... And dad... being shot in their head with my own eyes while he smiled behind that glass. It was the exact event of that dreadful day... Everytime I question my own reason, the nightmares always come back as a reminder. I can't take it anymore. It's killing me. But the thought of me gone is dumber than I could think of. I need to avenge them. Or else I won't be silent even if my soul is burning in hell. I will never forgive Guang for betraying me..."
This time, tears fell from Yixing’s eyes. Now he knows why... why Kris hungered for revenge towards Baekhyun’s father. He was the reason why Kris’ escape plan for his family failed... but the death of Baekhyun still lingered to stop Yixing’s heart to forgive.
Yixing steadies himself and flipped another page.
"I found the thing behind The Government's motive to have a hold on the town. It was a train with rails directed towards under The Government building. If the rails haven't been destroyed then, it is possible Lay took on with his words to cover up for me. Lay... The reason why I am still alive up until now. The man who helped me escaped and feigned my death from the seven pawns of Satan. I wonder how he's been concealing his plans from the circle. Guang must be rejoicing his second year of office life without me being a parasite. I still remember how I wanted to quit my post and Guang and Lay were the only ones I trusted in the circle, telling them I want them to help me save my family so we could escape. But no, Guang betrayed me and even offered that dreadful execution. They made me watch my parents and sister die in front of me. I am supposed to be dead today also... if not Lay helping me. Saying one lone word to me before pushing me off the cliff, the word, “live”, which I am now using as a power to continue walking. We had a long time agreement that when time comes, I will gather all the hate and he will receive the glory.”
Yixing could number the puzzle pieces now in his head remembering the words Kris told him when he asked about the new president, “I have the perfect person for that position you’re talking about, Zhang Yixing.”
He continued reading, dated the current year,
“Tao finally gathered the information of the apartment the sons of the circle lived. I promised myself I will end the circle. But I promised myself that I will avenge my family also. I never knew of their real names but I’ve found Guang’s son through his alias. His name is Zhang Yixing. And I will make him fall for me.. In minutes I will meet him finally.”
There was a frown on Yixing’s features as he remembers the first meeting he had with Kris. He looked so distant and cold... the reason why Yixing was curious about him. Without further thinking, Yixing turned the page once more,
“I’ve successfully lured Yixing into revenge. His first assignment was about killing his father’s close friend and he did it so easily. But nevermind, he’s still that man’s son. I intend to still use him in the end.”
“What I had planned is setting as it is. Thanks to Yixing, I had now the card that could get us in the mainframe where we’ll have total control of the whole building. All I have to do now is to make him fall for me more and I’ll succeed. He is as predictable as I have found, soft and too kind for his own good. I even wonder how he is Guang’s son...”
The words themselves made Yixing remember the part when he saw Kris writing it...
Kris eyed him from the journal he’d been writing on and just smiled. “Ready?” he asks as he closes the journal and puts it back in his locked drawer. Yixing didn’t pay attention to the thing and just nodded. “What are we going to do?” Yixing tilts his head and Kris only chuckled.
Yixing had yet more to know as he questioned Kris’ mistake for him as Guang’s son. The next page now was written in mess, like the writer was frustrated and Yixing struggled to understand the words,
“Tao learned of the mistake we’ve done with the apartment’s information. The fucker dared exchange his son’s and Lay’s information of their aliases to avoid threats for his own son. Zhang Yixing isn’t Guang’son. How stupid of me to believe that bullshit! Lay’s son is in my arms now... Fuck, out of all people why his? The card showed us more than we had expected... How am I still going to continue my revenge if it wasn’t him all along? Tao better have a way in this because I can’t believe Baekhyun is the son of Guang...
Zhang Yixing.
Why did it have to be a mistake? Why are you in my life right now? Why... Why are you making me care for you?
Why did you have to make me relieved it wasn’t you I am going to kill?”
Yixing didn’t even notice the trembling hands that held the journal. He was confounded even more. It was dated right before they met at the beach. And the morning when Kris held him like there was no tomorrow. The fact that it was Baekhyun he needed to use, why did he have to drag Yixing into pain?
The page now contained the date after that morning,
“I never was a scared person. I never was. But now I am scared. I am scared I will hurt him. He looked so fragile within my arms. Chanyeol has been talking to me about his friend in the city and the growing guilt within him threatens my plan for Guang’s son to be spilled. Yixing can’t know the truth. Tao and Jongdae are the only ones who know of my mistake and Chanyeol is beginning to show his pity for Zhang Yixing. So I ordered Tao to send them to a far part of the list. I need Luhan to be away also, he’s too smart to figure out things if he stayed longer. I am starting to lost focus... What have I been doing? Why shouldn’t I just tell him the truth? To let him get away from here because he doesn’t belong here... he makes me feel unsettled but at the same feel peace around him. Yet...
I am too selfish to let go of Yixing.”
Yixing breathed out heavily as the tears started running again. All he did was cry now when the memories flash again,
“I know that… we’re in a dangerous situation to even fall in love.” Yixing whispers as he pulls his hand away. But before he could do so, Kris managed to hold it still on his face, “But it’s not like it’s prohibited to do so. We’re still humans and what do humans do best but fall stupidly in love?”
“You’re clingy today,” Yixing notices and just watched Kris lies comfortably, planning to sleep again. The latter simply hummed as an answer and Yixing suddenly felt the doubting feeling he once had go away. Kris was vulnerable in this state, in which he hadn’t seen in their previous mornings and nights. He didn’t know the difference but he felt it. It was like Kris’ walls had let him in. Did he?
“I don’t know why but I’m really glad you came into my life.”
The slow unfolding of the truth came rushing too fast Yixing held his chest as he couldn’t breathe again. The doctors were contemplating if he acquired a panic disorder and the results will be out tomorrow. But right now, he couldn’t think anything else but Kris.
He needs to forget the pain for now because he needs to finish the journal that will explain everything. With one last will to turn the page, Yixing saw Kris’ messy handwriting once again.
“ This morning, I decided to tell Yixing everything. I can’t take it anymore. I find myself not wanting to live in a lie. I should have known that using love as a tool in a game of revenge is a trigger to more danger to the player itself. Now I am bound to my own heart. I want to apologize for every lie I told him. I for once forgot everything I’m supposed to do. Had he asked me to stop my revenge and continue the plan for the government, I would. I have fallen in love with Zhang Yixing.”
“I waited for him to come but instead, I am welcomed with the face of the son of my most hated enemy. Byun Baekhyun stood before me with Yixing. He was covered in bruises and I am inwardly smiling when I saw him in that state, knowing it was Tao’s way of helping me. Suddenly, my hatred sufficed. The image of my mother and sister screaming to plead for their lives rang in my ears… and then the silence that came next. My hunger for revenge flared up with just the sight of Baekhyun and just because of that, I’ve abandoned the plan to tell Yixing everything.”
There was emptiness after that. And while in daze, the latter had recognized the handwriting as the one that threatened him to kill Luhan, and realizing it was Kris after all and not Jongdae who wrote it. Yixing needed to flip ten more pages to come up with the continuation,
“It’s better like this. It’s better if you would just hate me until the end that you’ll join the whole people on rejoicing for my death. I planned on telling you how much I love you last night. The fact that you didn’t kill me… why didn’t you do it? Why did you let me live and hurt you more? I gave you a second chance to escape but you didn’t, again. Why do you keep hurting yourself, Yixing? But I know you will never read this. I gave you the card, a key to my true self, and expect you to know its purpose once it’s all done. But I guess you will hate on me that you wouldn’t even think of seeing this place again. Jongdae thought you could save me… but you did. I told everything I planned to Jongin and he agreed to keep quiet until the schedule, thus, making you hate me more.
I can’t back out anymore. And I am a cruel person so you are welcome to curse me to hell. I will die in that building, with Chanyeol’s bullet in me and his decision to blow up the building. Because I’ve done the most vindictive sin a friend could commit. I’ve killed the one he only loves. Chanyeol loved Baekhyun and I ruined everything for revenge. I am a selfish person in the end because I only knew of my feelings.
I chose revenge over you. And although I wanted to choose you, everything will just fall apart in the end. So I decided to ruin us than the freedom everyone wanted. I don’t even know myself anymore. But thank you for making me feel human for once. I just hope your father won’t prolong your pain by not telling everything to you because the last thing I want is for you to feel sorry for me.
This place will purge soon and I know you won’t ever read this.” The remaining page has a torn out part and it sent a dawn of realization on Yixing.
Yixing didn’t want to drawn conclusion but his eyes already sting and the rush of comprehension hunted his mind. He pulls out the knife that has been in the drawer and a paper fell from it. He took it and immediately placed it on the page.
It fitted right in it.
The content saying, “I love you, Yixing. Please, leave.”
Yixing choked for air as he cried. He should have known. He should have known Kris’ handwriting… Kris had loved him all this time and he doubted it.
But the reality of him killing Baekhyun didn’t exempt him from his sins. And he paid everything of it by letting himself die. Yixing placed the journal on the desk and placed the rose there, settled into a decision.
He will always love Kris. Deep inside him, he had forgiven him a long time ago. He might not know where Chanyeol is now but Yixing hopes they find themselves standing again. Kris had done so much damage around him that he focused on destroying the government than of fixing his own life. He lived by revenge, and he ended everything by revenge.
Yixing mourned for Kris because only few knew the real him. He said he didn’t want to feel sorry for but Yixing did. Guang might have deserved what happened to him but including innocent person in it was never right. But who is he to contradict a person’s pain? Kris had gone through too much before he met him. Maybe he arrived in his life too late to change him…
If only Baekhyun didn’t step into the community maybe he will still be alive and Kris will forget his revenge…
But those are the results of the phrase ‘if only’ now because all has been done. Damages have been made. It’s already past the point of no return.
Suddenly, the door opened and it flicked Yixing out from his reverie.
It was Huang Zitao.
“What are you doing here?” Zitao asked gravely and when he saw the journal on the desk and Yixing’s face, he pursed his lips in understanding.
“Zitao,” Yixing answers as he weakly stood up. Zitao came in and only said, “We’re doing rounds to check if someone is in the community, please leave with me now.”
“Why?” Yixing asks in a broken voice and the former shook his head, “EXO agreed to blow up the whole place and rebuild it into a new one. Blowing it up is more convenient for most people, I guess.”
Yixing remembers the name of the offense team Kris himself handled and stupidly asked again, “But why?”
“Yixing, you know of all people that even though the whole country hates Kris ge, we the offense team still treat him as an older brother, that is why we’re rebuilding this place to forget the hate people had connected it to,” Zitao spoke in a gentle tone, walking towards the desk where Yixing stood behind.
Zitao waited patiently until Yixing moved to walk beside him. The former eyed the journal that still lay on the desk and raised his brows, “Aren’t you going to bring it?”
Yixing shook his head as he answered, “I bet he would want me to leave without it.”
Zitao nodded and both started walking towards the door.
“You know,” Zitao stopped walking and started while Yixing looks at him, “I regret helping him with his revenge. It’s too late when I realized that the way to repay the lives he killed was to actually let him be killed.” Zitao remained rooted in his spot and continued, “And worse, he let Chanyeol do it.”
Zitao turned to look at Yixing then and held out a handkerchief which the latter accepted with a thank you. “I never thought you’ll figure out what he did with the card.”
“You knew?” Yixing looks at him with surprised as he stopped wiping his tear-stained face.
Zitao nodded and laughed bitterly, “I helped change the lock. He was sure you’re never going to figure it out because he said it would just be easier if you hated him and live your life peacefully again. Besides, it’s the reason he treated you badly and made you hate him, for you to feel less pain when he’s gone.”
“Because him getting killed was the perfect plan to divert the people’s trust to my father,” Yixing continued as he can’t hide the pain he was feeling yet again. Zitao saw this and smiled, “But I know… that a little part of him really wanted you to know the real him.”
Yixing can’t find the words to reply. He just stood there looking at Zitao until the latter broke the stare to answer his ringing phone.
“Hello, Jongdae ge?” answered Zitao and Yixing snaps his head towards Zitao with the name.
“Ah, yes. He came on the last minute. I thought he will never read it…” Zitao answers and Yixing realized it was about the journal.
When Zitao only hummed in response until the call ended, Yixing finally understood that Kris’ decision was highly respected by these two. Kris wanted him to go in his own decision and that’s why Jongin had been keeping quiet about it. Suddenly, Yixing find himself unable to deny his care for Kris again.
“We should go now, Yixing ge. The timer had started,” Zitao said with stern voice as he opened the door.
Yixing stayed at the doorframe then for a minute, as he looked at the whole office again. He had decided to remember memories worth remembering there and when his eyes landed on the rose lying on top of the journal, he smiled lightly as he whispered, “Goodbye, Kris. I love you too. Even until now.”
With one final look, Yixing closed the door behind him and left with Zitao.
Passing by the streets brought out so many emotions from Yixing as he saw the far greenhouse. It held so much innocent memories that Yixing couldn’t even look at it now. Instead, he followed Zitao and finally reached the black jeep Jongdae owned.
“Yixing,” Jongdae smiled slightly and Yixing responded with a handshake. Both acknowledged the untold reconciliation and Yixing quietly climbed in the vehicle with Zitao.
“Have you checked the whole place?” Jongdae asked and Zitao immediately answered, “I did. There was no one except Yixing.”
‘Setting timer into ten minutes.’ The operator’s voice said as Jongdae started the ignition.
Yixing kept silent, focus on just remembering the real Kris inside his mind as the vehicle drove out the gate. In ten minutes, they will be out the forest and the said community will finally be dissolved.
But on their way out the gate, Zitao yelled, “WAIT! ISN’T THAT CHANYEOL?!”
Jongdae suddenly stopped driving and turned his head together with Yixing. And there it was, Chanyeol’s profile inside one of the houses through the window.
“We don’t have much time to tell him!” Jongdae cursed under his breath as he thought of a way to save a person in ten minutes without all of them burning also.
Zitao’s face turned from surprise to comprehension then.
“Jongdae ge…” Zitao started and Jongdae looked at him, “What?”
“I think he knows…” Zitao answered as he and Jongdae realized that everyone in the offense team got the message although Chanyeol didn’t show up in the meeting.
‘seven minutes.’ The operator reminded them and Jongdae didn’t have a choice but to drive forward. Yixing kept looking at Chanyeol and he didn’t know what to discern of his posture. Zitao and Jongdae held on a grieved expression as they left the community, knowing one of them decided to leave once more.
Yixing didn’t have a word to say but in his mind, he hoped Chanyeol don’t regret his decision in the last second like Kris.
For once, Yixing didn’t speak and let the road towards home go in silence.
He still has Luhan and Jongin to worry about him and though he wanted to stay in the memory of Kris, Kris reminds him that he still has a life to live in the new country he had accomplished. And Yixing closed his eyes as he heard a loud explosion behind them.
End.
A/N: Finally I’ve finished it! I.. It just happened. This just happened. Everything just happened like a gust of wind passing by my rotten brain. I had some few questions to myself also with what i am writing and answered them one by one in my head to have come up to this.... to this you all so called ending. I mean, i am open to criticism and questions that might be same as my previous questions to myself. This will be my first and last dystopian fanfic anyways because this gave me headaches. Sobs. I don't even know what to think anymore. I was originally inspired by The Governor and Andrea's intimate relationship in walking dead where i imagine the governor to not really be evil in some ways and just wanted Andrea to be safe from harm. And because zombie related stuffs are already overrated these days, i plotted it as a rebel community. Also, V for Vendetta's plot twists are also here and some of The Wanted actions scenes... I didn't even noticed when these movie plots were suddenly inside the story. Ugh. Shit happens though. So okay. Enough with explanations and do feel free to let out your opinions in this fanfic dear readers while i burn myself in frustration. Ciao~