A Day in the Life
The gravity of what you'll be doing for the rest of your life doesn't hit you the first day of medical school, all fresh-faced and eager, but it strikes you down hard the moment you step onto a ward.
Everyone looks like a blur as they rush past you to deal with the mouthy patient in bed 2 or stuffing relatives into interview rooms to get a history. Everyone is always doing something, and no one pays you any attention at all. Most of the time they expect you to join the madness instead of standing there tentatively trying to get in a word. You're expected, as green as you are, to give an assessment of a problem and provide a suitable plan. Enthusiasm is a must.
As the expectations build, you feel the walls closing in, and you can't breathe. Make a sudden movement, and your resident or consultant cuts you down. The meat of the matter is that you feel like a nuisance. Such a little person daring to be part of something that is so much bigger than yourself. You're terrified and unfortunately, you have a bad habit of taking things too personally. Most of the time, you can barely relax.
When it comes to procedures, the idea of placing the tip of a needle into someone's vein causes your entire world to shatter, but then you can never talk about it. You're too ashamed to admitting your level of confidence or lack thereof to anyone else for fear of their judgment. Most days you wonder if you don't belong behind a desk in a cubicle. Most days you lie in bed and cry because you think you make a very big mistake. You want to give up, like you've done for everything else, and stay behind with your tail between your legs as the others move on. The proverbial salt pours into your self-inflicted wounds and it stings.
Perhaps as the rotation rolls on, you'd find yourself trying to hold your head above water. All you want is for someone to teach you, to be kind and most importantly, to be encouraging. On some days when things go right, you feel filled with an emotion that you cannot understand. Sometimes you wish it could be like that all the time, but then you suppose it would defeat the purpose of this thing called life.
Everyone looks like a blur as they rush past you to deal with the mouthy patient in bed 2 or stuffing relatives into interview rooms to get a history. Everyone is always doing something, and no one pays you any attention at all. Most of the time they expect you to join the madness instead of standing there tentatively trying to get in a word. You're expected, as green as you are, to give an assessment of a problem and provide a suitable plan. Enthusiasm is a must.
As the expectations build, you feel the walls closing in, and you can't breathe. Make a sudden movement, and your resident or consultant cuts you down. The meat of the matter is that you feel like a nuisance. Such a little person daring to be part of something that is so much bigger than yourself. You're terrified and unfortunately, you have a bad habit of taking things too personally. Most of the time, you can barely relax.
When it comes to procedures, the idea of placing the tip of a needle into someone's vein causes your entire world to shatter, but then you can never talk about it. You're too ashamed to admitting your level of confidence or lack thereof to anyone else for fear of their judgment. Most days you wonder if you don't belong behind a desk in a cubicle. Most days you lie in bed and cry because you think you make a very big mistake. You want to give up, like you've done for everything else, and stay behind with your tail between your legs as the others move on. The proverbial salt pours into your self-inflicted wounds and it stings.
Perhaps as the rotation rolls on, you'd find yourself trying to hold your head above water. All you want is for someone to teach you, to be kind and most importantly, to be encouraging. On some days when things go right, you feel filled with an emotion that you cannot understand. Sometimes you wish it could be like that all the time, but then you suppose it would defeat the purpose of this thing called life.