Who do you love? Me, or the thought of me?
There are a lot of things I could say about the last Grey’s episode - all of them are filled with bitterness - which reflect how I feel about the season so far.
Let’s start with this one scene.
This is the scene that has caused so many to jump ship, to sob into their pillows, and to scream at television screens. Me? I’ll admit I felt nothing at all. Maybe I’ve gotten used to the disappointment this show has brought me over the years that I’ve become immune. It did cause me to do some reflection though.
I’m peeved though. In this scene, April stated she lost herself last year. As a part of the audience, I’m scratching my head wondering what the hell sort of ret-con is this mess supposed to be? Didn’t she tell Jackson that he changed her. She felt good? So what the hell is this? This takes me back to the whole revirginising thing - another part of this storyline that pissed me off. Okay, I understand how seemingly important her religion is to her. But, I thought by now she would have accepted that it happened, even if she decided that it hadn’t worked out between them. They moved on. Certainly it may have helped her re-evaluate herself as a Christian and as a person, but to me, all she’s doing is going around in a circle. She wants Jackson, but she “loves” Matt. She pushes him (Jackson) into the arms of another woman, but can’t even look him in the eye, or let him touch her after he admits to her that he shacked up with said other woman.
When she told Matthew she loves him (twice), I honestly wondered what she meant. She doesn’t love him - the person - but merely what he represents. The ideal man (for her). She won’t allow him to taint himself for her, even if I’m sure he’s thought long and hard about it. It doesn’t matter if the deed happened before the wedding, because in his head, he’s sure that they will spend the rest of their lives together. Quite frankly, I’m inclined to agree if that was his thinking. She tries to compare it to her situation with Jackson which really won’t do - that was a different situation. The night before the biggest day of their lives, with adrenaline pumping from a bar-fight, nerves and alcohol, they have sex. It didn’t matter that they were friends for a long time either. It happened, and for a moment, the Japril fandom rejoiced.
This brings me to my title choice. It’s a line from a John Mayer song: “I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You)”. I think Matt should take a hint.
At the end of this, it frustrates me that she has regressed so much. Way back to the ”Jesus hates me” speech she gave to Jackson before they started their exams.
I cannot deal with this anymore.