FIC: With Eyes Wide Open, Part I
Title: With Eyes Wide Open
Author: Aillil
Rating: Hard R for somewhat graphic sex
Summary: Remus and Sirius take their friendship further, but not quite in the way you think.
Spoilers: PA, OP
Author's Note: This fic is set in the days just before Christmas in MWPP's seventh year at school. And yes, I know that my invention of the study rooms is a trick as cheap as they come to get them some privacy. Had to post it in two parts, because LJ considered it too long. Can you believe it?!?
Disclaimer: All Ms. Rowling's.
Warning: Reference is being made to sex between first cousins, so if you're squicked by that, don't complain to me - you've been warned. :)
Thanks: That one goes to Lyras for being a wonderful and patient beta. Thank you, Lyras. :)
Word count: 8,122
First posted: my LJ and SBRL 12/04/2005
Feedback: Appreciated here or at aillil@gmx.net
ART: There is now art by Remeciel to accompany this, it appears at the appropriate scenes in the story. See Remeciel's site here. *is sooooo proud*
Scene 1 - The Proposition
Sirius walked along the small corridor in the Gryffindor tower that housed the seventh year study rooms. He opened the door labelled 'Remus Lupin' and slipped inside. Remus did not look up from his book, but he said:
"Yes, Pads, what is it?"
"How do you always know it's me?" asked Sirius somewhat startled.
"I hear you, I smell you... There must be some good things about being a werewolf, mustn't there?"
The study rooms were very small, each equipped with a desk, a chair and a shelf, with one wall almost entirely covered by a window. The desk was huge in comparison to the rest of the room, but the whole affair was very comfortable and great for reading. All the seventh year students were assigned such rooms inside their houses in preparation for their N.E.W.T.s, so they would not be disturbed by the younger students while studying either in their Common Rooms or in the library. Naturally, Remus spent a lot of time in his study room and, to the amazement of most of the Gryffindors, even outgoing Sirius had been more than enthusiastic about the idea. Although it meant separation for the Marauders in terms of homework - a time of day at which some of their best prank plans had been hatched -, he had gladly packed his things and moved them to his new room; in fact, he had virtually pounced on the chance to get away from Peter and his questions during homework. His patience with the smaller boy's questions had long since evaporated, and his snappishness had earned him more than one highly critical look from Remus.
Sirius dropped to his knees next to Remus and, leaning against the desk, he looked up to him. Not unwilling to be separated from his work, Remus slid lower in his chair, actually drawing his legs up and propping his feet against the desk. He yawned and returned Sirius' relaxed gaze.
"So?" he asked after a while. "What's the matter?"
Sirius closed his eyes, leaning his head against the desk.
"I'm bored, Moony. Bored out of my mind."
Remus smiled at him.
"Well, go on a kitchen raid then..." No reaction. "Or go and chase some squealing third years around the Common Room. I won't stop you." Ever the prefect. Still no reaction. "Go and find someone to snog."
They sat in silence for some moments. Then Sirius answered:
"I don't feel like eating. Or chasing third years. Or snogging someone whose name won't mean a thing to me."
"Then go and find someone to shag."
"Don't want to - same reason."
Remus laughed softly.
"What do you feel like doing then?"
Sirius shrugged, opening his eyes again.
"Don't know. Maybe distracting you from your work?"
He grinned slyly at Remus, who smiled back at him, but then tipped his head back and yawned again, more widely this time.
"I could use a break..."
"A break? You must be kidding. It's half nine already, you workaholic."
Remus' heightened senses warned him, when Sirius was about to touch, so that he did not even flinch at the feeling of warm fingers against his throat. The throat! Gods, hadn't the git read enough books on werewolves and proper wolves to know that this area was even more sensitive than it was with humans? Then again, he probably knew perfectly well what he was doing.
Sirius lightly ran one finger down from his chin over his exposed throat to the beginning of his breastbone. And up again. Then he traced the outline of his jaw, the side of his neck and the path of the sinews under his skin. By now, there were three fingers, then four, slowly and lightly running over his larynx. Remus just sat, motionless, his eyes still closed, letting it happen. After several minutes of the tender and comforting, yet somewhat exciting ministrations to his throat, he asked:
"What exactly are you doing, Pads?"
"Keeping you away from your work, obviously," answered Sirius in a bemused tone of voice. "And I appear to be rather successful."
His whole hand was now playing lightly over Remus' throat.
"You're very trusting, Moony, you know that?"
Remus chuckled, but his amusement was cut short by the door bursting open and James practically falling into the room.
"Sorry..." muttered James.
"Never mind, Prongs. What is it?" asked Remus without moving. Sirius, completely unfazed, continued his caress.
"Padfoot, what exactly are you doing there?" inquired James, clearly torn between confusion and amusement.
"Distracting our dear Moony from work. And don't you think he is a very trusting soul to let me touch him like this?"
James' eyebrows shot up.
"Well, Padfoot," he said with a tinge of sarcasm, "as Moony could break your neck in a matter of seconds..."
"Aww..." Sirius grinned at him. "Don't be so pragmatic, you spoilsport."
James rolled his eyes at him.
"Right," he said then, "what I actually came here for... Moony, could I borrow that book on fire charms from you?"
"Certainly. Top shelf, left. I think."
James pulled the book out.
"Thanks, mate."
When the door had closed behind him, Sirius stopped his caress. Remus turned to look at him.
"What's the matter? Why did you stop? That felt good."
Sirius was sitting on his heels, looking very modest with his hands splayed on his thighs, back very straight, face accented by the black hair flowing freely over his shoulders, meeting his eyes squarely. His devious grin ruined the effect, of course.
"Moony, would you kiss me?"
Remus blinked.
"Why would you want me to kiss you?"
"I'm curious."
"What's there to be curious about? It's you who has the reputation for snogging, not me."
Then, with a voice wavering between dangerous and mischievous, he added:
"Or do you plan on adding me to your list of conquests, Sirius?"
Sirius' grin fell from his face.
"No, I don't," he said earnestly. "But I've been wondering about what it would be like to kiss someone I actually cared about. Someone equal, someone who... Merlin, that sounds stupid! Someone who isn't besotted with my looks..." His grin returned. "Besides, it's always good to practise, isn't it?"
Remus fixed him with a stare.
"'Practise'?" he echoed. "Serious - ly charming, Padfoot. Really."
"Well, that's just a lame excuse, actually. What about my curiosity?"
Remus flashed him a smirk.
"Much better. So, curiosity, not convenience, huh?"
"Convenience!" Sirius threw him an incredulous look. "You must be joking..."
Remus looked at him, his head cocked and eyes sparkling with mischief.
"All right then. Curiosity."
He put his feet back on the ground and leant forward, pulling Sirius up to his knees and between his own legs. Sirius reacted by taking his face in his hands, and Remus could not resist the temptation to bury his hands in his friend's luxurious hair. After several tentative brushes of their lips and some dry kisses, they quickly became bolder, and soon enough their hesitant intimacy had turned into a fully-fledged tongue affair.
Sirius tasted wonderful, like orange-crisp chocolate, and Remus could both feel and hear him moan, as he pushed his tongue in deeper. He also felt his own body respond to their kissing, and there was no denying his erection, though for the moment he was rather grateful that only a small portion of their bodies was touching. He did not fancy sharing his obvious arousal with Sirius quite… yet. When Sirius made to pull him off his chair then, he broke the kiss off and let go of him. For a moment, disappointment flashed across Sirius' face, but then he licked his lips and said:
"That was... amazing. Where did you learn to kiss so well?"
Remus chuckled.
"I'm glad to hear you liked it." A wicked smirk. "Tell me, Pads. Just how much orange-crisp chocolate have you had tonight?"
Sirius laughed quietly.
"A lot. Why?"
"It tasted rather good, to be honest. So... is your curiosity satisfied?"
Sirius' expression became decidedly wicked.
"For the moment, yes. That was very educational, thank you."
He got to his feet in his usual swift and graceful manner and held out a hand for Remus.
"Come on, you're done studying for today. It's almost half ten now."
Remus extinguished the candles with a flick of his wand, and they left his study room together.
Scene 2 - Comfort
When they entered their dormitory, the hangings around Peter's bed were pulled shut; he had obviously decided to have an early night. There was no trace of James, either, but no-one had expected to see him at any rate, since it was his regular study night with the fair Miss Evans. 'Study night', indeed. When James, with a sombre voice, had announced the instalment of this particular event for every Wednesday evening of the school year, the other three Marauders had fixed him with disbelieving stares and then collapsed in heaps of giggles. James had been rather annoyed with them, but his friends had been right, of course, for it did not take more than two meetings before he returned with his hair sticking up every which way even worse than usual. Knowing smirks had been the only comments from all of his friends. Sirius and Remus looked at each other and shared another grin, both remembering the scene of three months ago.
They got ready for bed, changing into their night things and brushing their teeth. While Remus had donned thick warm flannel pyjamas, because the castle was absolutely freezing in winter, Sirius was clad in his usual linen pyjama bottoms. Seeing him, Remus slid further under the thick down blanket, shivering with a mixture of horror and arousal. His friend's naked skin almost made his teeth chatter in empathy, but one had to admit that Sirius looked absolutely delicious in these thin pants. They were a rather dark red and hung low on his hips, a stark contrast to his pale skin, and his hair was still down, falling onto his naked shoulders and chest. It was devastating, really. Remus still could not quite make up his mind whether he should be worried or pleased about his assessment of his friend in blatantly sexual terms, though this was definitely not the first time.
Sirius sat down by Remus' feet under the blanket, drawing his own legs up without a trace of a shiver, and cast a Silencing Sphere around the bed.
"One of these days you'll start realising how freezing cold this bloody castle is," stated Remus with a shake of his head.
"I doubt it," said Sirius dryly. "Anyway, since you're staying as well... Have you made any specific plans for the holidays so far?"
Remus shrugged.
"Nothing special. Enjoy the quiet of the school in general and of the Common Room in particular... Not hearing Peter snoring for two weeks straight... Ah, bliss..."
"You haven't told me yet why it is that you're not going home -"
"Because you hadn't asked so far."
"Will you tell me, then?"
"Certainly. My parents will be at my mother's younger sister's place, which is all Muggle, and since there is a full moon on Boxing Day, I don't see how I could possibly accompany them. And as you're staying here as well..."
"You could apparate here for the full moon and apparate back afterwards, couldn't you?"
"Are you trying to get rid of me, Padfoot?"
"Pardon me?"
Sirius was confused - not something that happened all that often.
"Do you want the dorm to yourself?" rephrased Remus his question.
Sirius looked taken aback.
"No, I don't," he responded frowning. "I just find it strange that you stay here. Your parents are always so eager to see you, and then they choose to spend the holidays in a place where you can't possibly go through a transformation. Is something the matter?"
Understanding the meaning behind all this, Remus smiled and shook his head.
"No, nothing's the matter, Pads. Actually, it was my idea to stay here, because I… don't much like transforming… alone."
Understatement of the year, that, and they both knew it.
"Well," he went on, "when I told them I'd rather stay here for the holidays, they decided to visit my aunt instead. They weren't very happy at first, but they understood. No need to worry, then. We're still on speaking terms. Amiable ones, at that."
At this, Sirius looked rather relieved.
"You know that you reasoned in a circle there, right?"
Trust Sirius to find a flaw in his logic. Remus shrugged, a smile on his lips.
"Well... Yeah, I did. But you know what? It worked, nevertheless."
Sirius had only rarely seen Remus gloat. This was one of those times.
"Right. Now, I had a look around the piano section in the library today, and I found something I'd love to play with you…"
He jumped up from the bed, rummaged through the pile of books on his own bedside table and returned to his place on Remus' bed, a thin booklet in his hands.
"It's Pictures at an Exhibition. Mussorgsky. Do you know it?"
Remus nodded, flipping through the pages of sheet music. Sirius went on:
"I know, it's actually for piano, but…"
"You're the one playing the viola, Padfoot. For my part, there's no problem."
He hesitated, the many tetrachords jumping into focus.
"Then again… I hope you remember what shelf that book on charming violin bows was on… Playing four strings at once requires a bit more than just skill."
"As if I could forget…" mumbled Sirius. "Actually, I've already borrowed it."
"Hey!" James burst into their Silencing Sphere. "What are you two up to? You're not molesting Moony again, are you, Padfoot?"
"As you've been molesting Lily for the past few hours, you mean?" shot Sirius back in good humour.
James had the grace to look slightly ashamed.
"Actually, we've been making plans for the holidays," Remus explained, taking pity on him.
James looked down, saw the sheet music and remarked in a bored voice:
"Oh, music plans. I'll go to bed then."
"You're such a philistine, Prongs," stated Sirius.
"Maybe I am. But unlike you I have a girlfriend who has a brain and makes use of it, philistine or not."
"True," replied Sirius with a cocky grin, "since I've got no girlfriend at all. Where would the fun be in that, with or without a brain?"
James rolled his eyes, and with a dismissive wave of his hand he stepped out of their Silencing Sphere.
Sirius returned his attention to Remus and the sheet music.
"So, what do you think? Manageable?"
Remus shrugged.
"I think so. I'll have to experiment with the bow charms beforehand, though."
Sirius beamed at him.
"Brilliant. So, today's Wednesday… How about starting Friday afternoon, since there are no classes after lunch?"
"All right," agreed Remus. "Now, Pads, I'm dead tired and would like to sleep. And, while you're welcome to share my bed, you're not to do so on the covers."
The last sentence had not been said in an earnest tone of voice, but it had been said, and Remus realised his mistake, as a sly grin spread over Sirius' face. He jumped from the bed and went over to his own, though not to get into it. Instead, Remus found him standing next to him with his pillow in his arms.
"Move over," commanded Sirius gently. "I'll warm you. You've been shivering all over."
Remus fixed him with a critical look.
"I could charm the blanket warm, you know…"
Sly grin turning devilish.
"Yes, you could indeed. But where'd the fun be in that?"
Rolling his eyes in mock-annoyance, Remus shifted to on side of his bed, and Sirius slipped under the covers next to him. After braiding his hair loosely to avoid suffocation and arranging his pillow, he turned to face Remus.
"I remember this to be a little more spacious…"
"No wonder," retorted Remus somewhat waspishly. "We've both grown a foot since we last slept together in my bed."
He extinguished the candle, magicked the hangings shut and finally slid down, pulling the covers up to his chin. He rolled onto his side and felt Sirius skirt closer behind him, until one warm arm snaked across his waist and held him close. It almost felt like déjà vu having Sirius spooned against him, though their bodies fitted better now that Remus was equally tall. Still, Sirius was radiating heat, and Remus slowly stopped shivering. When he heard Sirius whisper 'good night' against his ear, he was already too tired to answer him.
When he awoke the next morning, he was pleasantly surprised by the fact that he felt well-rested. As the full moon was not even a week away, relaxing sleep was not something to be expected, so he was all the more grateful for it. Sirius was still lying next to him in the bed, a comfortably warming presence and apparently not yet awake, but he opened one eye when Remus began to untangle their legs.
"Sleep well?" he asked drowsily.
"Yes. You too?"
"Mhm," came the affirmative answer. "I'd forgotten how nice this is."
Scene 3 - The Promise
Directly after lessons that day, Remus went to the library to look up bow charms, while the others returned directly to Gryffindor Tower; James, Lily and Peter to do some packing for the holidays, and Sirius to annoy them in the process. However, when Remus finally set foot in their dorm, he found it empty. He dropped off some of his things and went to his study room. Sirius, forever invading his privacy it seemed - not that he minded any more -, sat on his desk with an expectant expression on his face and his legs dangling in the air. Remus cocked his head in question.
"I was wondering about the bow charms… Seems that I might have to use them as well."
Liar. Nevertheless, Remus joined him, half sitting on the desk next to Sirius, and held out the book he had found in the library. Sirius took it, flipping to the contents list, but his eyes were not moving.
"Yes, Sirius?" prompted Remus patiently after a while.
"Why do you always bloody know what's going on in my mind?" growled Sirius, but he sounded less annoyed than somewhat found out and actually pleased about it.
Remus shrugged, a tiny smile tugging at his lips.
"Well, I do need to learn about the bow charms, but I came here to ask you something else…"
"I surmised as much."
Sirius was silent at this, and for a moment, Remus feared that his ironic remark had made him rethink his decision to come out with the real reason for his visit. But then Sirius smiled slightly, although he did not look up again.
"I… I haven't been able to… get that kiss out of my mind, Moony."
Having noticed Sirius stealing glances at him all through Charms, Ancient Runes, Transfiguration and finally Arithmancy, Remus was not surprised by this revelation. In fact, he had returned the appraising looks more often than not, until McGonagall had become rather cross with them.
Still not lifting his gaze from the floor, Sirius went on:
"Maybe I could… get a… follow up?"
Sirius Black asking for sexual favours. What had the world come to? Remus suppressed a grin and slid from the desk to stand in front of his friend, who still did not dare lift his face. A flick of his wand had the door locked, and when his hands were empty again, he cupped Sirius' face and brought it to his. This time, there was no hesitation, no dry kisses, no tentative testing of the waters. This time, they went straight to rapturous snogging at the merest touch. Sirius tasted different, like Deep Dark Magic Vanilla, and Remus found his desire spurred by the decadent sweet that was at once Sirius' absolute favourite and, unsurprisingly, the most expensive chocolate Honeydukes had to offer.
Remus felt Sirius' arms wrap around his neck, one hand running deep into his hair, the other gripping his shoulder. He let his own hands wander lower over the ribs, around the waist to the buttocks, which he squeezed, making Sirius moan into the kiss. One nudge with his thigh and Sirius opened his legs further, and Remus hauled him to the edge of the desk. Their groins came into contact with almost painful force, causing Sirius to make a sound between a growl and a yelp and let his head fall back. The next thing he knew, Remus' tongue was dragging over his throat and his hands had tugged the back of his shirt out of his waistband and were running over the sensitive skin of his lower back. The sensation sparked intense desire in Sirius, a sudden surge of lust that made his head spin, and he wrapped his legs around the other's thin hips, pulling him even closer. Kissing him again, Remus had pulled his shirt free and was unbuttoning it from the bottom, hands running lightly over his skin once he had finished. The rest of Sirius' self-restraint caved in at the feeling of the slightly calloused fingertips teasing over his chest, making him even dizzier than before, and he threw all the caution to the wind.
The full reality of what was happening only occurred to Remus when Sirius finally took his hands out of his hair and slipped them inside his open robes and under both shirt and t-shirt. His hands were pleasantly warm, and Remus knew then that this was no game of curiosity anymore, but the real thing. And he also knew that he did not want it to end, either. Sirius pressing himself closer yet was an attack on his self-control, and he only just checked himself in time before he could sink his teeth in the white skin before him.
Fighting the urge to mark his territory brought Remus back to his senses. His territory? Just what was going on here? He shook his head slightly to clear it and focused his eyes on Sirius. Wet, swollen lips, mussed hair, flushed cheeks. Gods, the bloke was gorgeous! And his low, urgent voice sent a shiver down Remus' spine.
"What is it? Don't stop, Moony, please!"
Remus deliberately forced his pulse to slow down, tightening the reins on his actions so much that he had to remember to breathe. He had yet to move his hands from around Sirius' waist, but movement just now was not a good idea, so he spoke:
"Not here, and not today, Sirius."
It took Sirius a remarkably long time to catch on, but then Remus felt him pounce mentally.
"But you will?"
"Will I what?" asked Remus, years of banter having got the better of him.
Sirius fixed him with a look torn between amusement and annoyance.
"Sleep with me." Ha, sleep indeed! "Have sex with me, I mean."
"Yes, I will," promised Remus gravely, suppressing a smile and extricating himself from Sirius' arms and legs.
Sirius grinned at him happily.
"Good, because you've really got me hooked."
Once their bodies were no longer in direct contact, Remus felt much more secure about his self-control. Secure enough to remark dryly:
"Do tell."
For a split second, confusion registered on Sirius face, then he slid from the table and, standing in front of Remus, placed one hand on his neck, kissing him. The kiss was hungry, to say the least, and it left them both gasping for air. Once he had pulled back, Sirius brushed his fingertips lightly over the slight bulge in Remus' loose school trousers, victorious glee sparkling in his eyes.
"Self-control, hm?" he asked with a smirk.
"Ah, but look who's talking," retorted Remus trailing one finger down Sirius' exposed chest and abdomen and finally, with a devilish expression, dipping inside the waistband with his index finger grazing over the tip of his erection.
Sirius gasped.
"Come on, dinner's about to start," stated Remus calmly to a gaping Sirius, and straightened his clothes.
Sirius snapped his mouth shut, closed the buttons on his shirt and tucked it back inside his trousers, before he followed his friend out of the room. They met again in the bathroom off the Common Room, both obviously in dire need of some quick relief. Sirius let cold water run over the underside of his wrists and hissed:
"You're a wretched tease!"
go on to part II