First off, “My Name is Earl” was a hell of a lot funnier than I expected. The reason I wanted to watch it is because I”ve liked Jason Lee ever since “Chasing Amy.” F*ckin tracer ( Read more... )

Last night my five-year old niece called me when I wasn’t at home. Actually, that shouldn’t matter because I have a cell phone, but I had left my cell phone at home. It was storming like crazy in Indy, and my mom let her call me to see if I was ok. When I didn’t answer she apparently hung up the phone, told my mom I was probably killed in the storm ( Read more... )

Sorry Allison, but WHAT THE HELL was up with the f**king cow in pajamas standing out on 82nd this morning in front of the Chick-Fil-A? Seriously, some people ARE TRYING TO GET TO WORK AND A COW IN PAJAMAS ONLY SLOWS THINGS DOWN. I cannot believe how long I sat in my car on that one little mile of road. I also cannot believe how many people were ( Read more... )

God Almighty.

There’s no way to start this story so I’m just gonna jump right in...

( Read more... )

My mom was mowing the yard a few Saturdays ago. She’s mown the lawn for years because she doesn’t trust anyone else will do it “right.” My parents’ house sits up against a gorgeous ravine that has a stream at the bottom. It’s very scenic, and also freaking steep. I’d say at least 60 feet. Anyway, my mom was mowing the back of the house while my ( Read more... )

...go to the bathroom, glance in the mirror and notice a zit that needed to be popped...and then noticed another one...and then a few blackheads...and then remembered you were at work...and then had to walk around the office with red spots all over your face?

I’ve decided that the above subject line is going to be the title of my autobiography. This came to me a few minutes ago, when I went to scratch my eye and ended up getting toothpaste in it ( Read more... )

From: Heather
Sent: Wednesday, August 10, 2005
To: Aimee
Subject: Your purpose

I've figured it out. Your life is meant to be a cautionary tale for the rest of us. I reapplied some deodorant while I was at lunch, and remembering your faux pas, promptly remembered to button up when I was finished. You are an inspiration to the masses.

After lunch I put some deodorant on at my desk/cube ( Read more... )

Props to Heather for both.

"That paragraph is officially gayer than two men kissing at a Cher concert."

"The trouble starts with you having the coordination of a two-year-old. Sorry, dude. It's time to face facts."