Brené Brown "The Gifts of Imperfection"
"We can talk about courage and love and compassion until we sound like a greeting card store, but unless we're willing to have an honest conversation about what gets in the way of putting these into practice in our daily lives, we will never change. Never, ever."
"I don't believe that compassion is our default response. I think our first response to pain - ours or someone else's - is to self-protect. We protect ourselves by looking for someone or something to blame. Or sometimes we shield ourselves by turning to judgment or by immediately going into fix-it mode."
"The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become."
performing perfecting pleasing and proving
"Given how difficult it is to cultivate sef-acceptance in our perfectionist society and how our need for belonging is hardwired, it's no wonder that we spend our lives trying to fit in and gain approval."
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."
"In fact, in my research I found that shame corrodes the part of us that believes that we can change and do better."
"Using shame to parent teaches children that they are not inherently worthy of love."
"Sometimes choosing being real over being liked is all about playing it unsafe."
"It's terrifying to risk when you're a perfectionist; your self-worth is on the line."
"Over the past two years I've become increasingly concerned that we're raising children who have little tolerance for diasappointment and have a strong sense of entitlement, which is very different than agency. Entitlement is "I deserve this just because I want it" and agency is "I know I can do this". The combination of fear of disappointment, entitlement, and performance pressure is a recipe for hopelessness and self-doubt."