Write about disappointment or disillusion.
ooc: Since he had already written about disappointments once, this is a fic version on the subject.
Backdated to early January, 2007.
Digging his free hand into the pocket of his jacket so he could shield himself as much as he could from the cold breeze, Michael tried to keep himself from shivering as he took a drag from his cigarette. It was cold. Freezing, it felt like, but he didn't want to go inside just yet. He needed that cigarette, so badly that he preferred to freeze with the light jacket he had found on his way out rather than wait and go find a thicker coat to use. Besides, it would just be a few minutes. All he had to do was stay out for a few minutes.
The sun was already setting, he noticed, and he sighed as he tried to relax enough so that he could start thinking clearly. That's what the cigarette was supposed to be for - to help him relax - but his mind was so filled with things that he needed to think about that everything just felt jumbled. Right now he needed space, and he needed to be alone, but before he could start sorting out his thoughts, a voice suddenly interrupted him. "Michael?"
Turning towards the sliding door window, Michael sighed inwardly as he saw Alena walking out to the terrace so she could join him. Michael didn't move closer to her, he just watched her from where he was standing before turning towards the city's skyline. Deep down he was already bracing himself for what was coming, but instead of asking about that, he just asked, "Got lonely in there?"
Alena didn't say anything for a moment; she just turned to look at the skyline as well. "It's negative."
"...is it?"
She nodded, but Michael didn't bother to turn to her again to find out the answer. Hearing it one time had been enough, but the question had slipped out before he had been able to stop himself.
Half an hour earlier Alena had been claiming how she might be pregnant, how she was going to do a home pregnancy test, and when she had locked herself in his room he had opted to pace around the living room for a while before stepping out onto the terrace. Ever since she had said those words, "I might be pregnant," he was thrown into a sort of internal whirlwind that didn't allow him to think straight. Even if he and Alena weren't exactly 'committed' to making the relationship work, even if the whole thing was just to have a good time, and even if he knew that Alena could be very involved with Marc Walsh and working against him, his hopes had started to rise without him even being fully aware of it. Hell, he hadn't even noticed just how much he had been hoping that she'd say it was positive until some sort of sickening feeling settled inside of him as she told him that she wasn't pregnant. That he wasn't going to be a father.
But he shouldn't be so surprised, he tried to convince himself. It was no big deal. Why bring a kid into this world that'd have parents as screwed up as Alena Vega and Michael Beck? Who knew how long the relationship would last, anyway; he had feelings for Alena, but not deep enough to be in a serious relationship with her.
"Michael?" Alena peered at him, keeping herself from shivering.
Once he took a long drag of the cigarette he had almost forgotten he was still holding, he shrugged as he exhaled the smoke. "It's fine. It's better this way."
"Did you...want it to--"
"No," Michael said, voice leveled as he stubbed out the cigarette on the ashtray he kept in the terrace. "It'd be too complicated." A smile started to spread along Alena's lips, and for a second Michael could've sworn he saw a smirk instead but he didn't think much of it; instead, he noticed that she was shivering. Sighing under his breath, he took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. "You should head back inside. I have some things I need to do."
Alena raised an eyebrow, slowly passing her hand along his chest. "Really. Because I was thinking we could head back inside...maybe give this another shot, if you wanted."
Michael just looked at her, hiding what he was really feeling behind a smile. "I have to head out, but you can stay here. I'll be back in a few hours." Before she could complain, he kissed her forehead before walking back towards his apartment. With a deep breath he grabbed his keys and the coat that he had shrugged off earlier after he had first gotten in, and headed straight for the door.
'It's better this way,' he kept repeating as he walked. 'It's fine,' 'it'd be too complicated.' Over and over he repeated the things he had said to Alena, but no matter how many times he said it he still couldn't shake off that...feeling. That disappointment that was so strong that he couldn't just ignore no matter how hard he was trying, but he needed to get over it.
Just one more thing to get over. Just another disappointment to put behind.
Backdated to early January, 2007.
Digging his free hand into the pocket of his jacket so he could shield himself as much as he could from the cold breeze, Michael tried to keep himself from shivering as he took a drag from his cigarette. It was cold. Freezing, it felt like, but he didn't want to go inside just yet. He needed that cigarette, so badly that he preferred to freeze with the light jacket he had found on his way out rather than wait and go find a thicker coat to use. Besides, it would just be a few minutes. All he had to do was stay out for a few minutes.
The sun was already setting, he noticed, and he sighed as he tried to relax enough so that he could start thinking clearly. That's what the cigarette was supposed to be for - to help him relax - but his mind was so filled with things that he needed to think about that everything just felt jumbled. Right now he needed space, and he needed to be alone, but before he could start sorting out his thoughts, a voice suddenly interrupted him. "Michael?"
Turning towards the sliding door window, Michael sighed inwardly as he saw Alena walking out to the terrace so she could join him. Michael didn't move closer to her, he just watched her from where he was standing before turning towards the city's skyline. Deep down he was already bracing himself for what was coming, but instead of asking about that, he just asked, "Got lonely in there?"
Alena didn't say anything for a moment; she just turned to look at the skyline as well. "It's negative."
"...is it?"
She nodded, but Michael didn't bother to turn to her again to find out the answer. Hearing it one time had been enough, but the question had slipped out before he had been able to stop himself.
Half an hour earlier Alena had been claiming how she might be pregnant, how she was going to do a home pregnancy test, and when she had locked herself in his room he had opted to pace around the living room for a while before stepping out onto the terrace. Ever since she had said those words, "I might be pregnant," he was thrown into a sort of internal whirlwind that didn't allow him to think straight. Even if he and Alena weren't exactly 'committed' to making the relationship work, even if the whole thing was just to have a good time, and even if he knew that Alena could be very involved with Marc Walsh and working against him, his hopes had started to rise without him even being fully aware of it. Hell, he hadn't even noticed just how much he had been hoping that she'd say it was positive until some sort of sickening feeling settled inside of him as she told him that she wasn't pregnant. That he wasn't going to be a father.
But he shouldn't be so surprised, he tried to convince himself. It was no big deal. Why bring a kid into this world that'd have parents as screwed up as Alena Vega and Michael Beck? Who knew how long the relationship would last, anyway; he had feelings for Alena, but not deep enough to be in a serious relationship with her.
"Michael?" Alena peered at him, keeping herself from shivering.
Once he took a long drag of the cigarette he had almost forgotten he was still holding, he shrugged as he exhaled the smoke. "It's fine. It's better this way."
"Did you...want it to--"
"No," Michael said, voice leveled as he stubbed out the cigarette on the ashtray he kept in the terrace. "It'd be too complicated." A smile started to spread along Alena's lips, and for a second Michael could've sworn he saw a smirk instead but he didn't think much of it; instead, he noticed that she was shivering. Sighing under his breath, he took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. "You should head back inside. I have some things I need to do."
Alena raised an eyebrow, slowly passing her hand along his chest. "Really. Because I was thinking we could head back inside...maybe give this another shot, if you wanted."
Michael just looked at her, hiding what he was really feeling behind a smile. "I have to head out, but you can stay here. I'll be back in a few hours." Before she could complain, he kissed her forehead before walking back towards his apartment. With a deep breath he grabbed his keys and the coat that he had shrugged off earlier after he had first gotten in, and headed straight for the door.
'It's better this way,' he kept repeating as he walked. 'It's fine,' 'it'd be too complicated.' Over and over he repeated the things he had said to Alena, but no matter how many times he said it he still couldn't shake off that...feeling. That disappointment that was so strong that he couldn't just ignore no matter how hard he was trying, but he needed to get over it.
Just one more thing to get over. Just another disappointment to put behind.