Fic: Five Reasons you never saw the Foyer of the Canadian Consulate in seasons 1 and 2
Title: Five Reasons you never saw the Foyer of the Canadian Consulate in seasons 1 and 2 (as observed by Detective Ray Vecchio of the Chicago PD)
Author: Aingeal
Pairing: None. Gen (F&V)
Rating: G
Summary: So why was it we never saw the consulate foyer in S1&2?
Notes: Big thanks to leda_speaks for beta and to miss_zedem for beta and feeding the bunny.
Five Reasons you never saw the Foyer of the Canadian Consulate in seasons 1 and 2 (as observed by Detective Ray Vecchio of the Chicago PD)
Reason 1 - How did a moose get to Chicago anyway?
Some things, Ray reflected, some things you just had to ask about even if the answer was as absurd as the question. “Benny?”
“Yes, Ray?”
Ray tried not to make the question sound stupid. “Why is there a moose downstairs?”
“He lives here, Ray,” Fraser answered in his honest Canadian way.
“He lives here?” Ray asked, echoing the answer.
“Yes, Ray. He is here as a permanent guest of the government of Canada.”
“Is it legal to keep a moose in Chicago?” Not that he was going to arrest an entire consulate of Canadians but still, he'd like to know.
“Technically, Ray, the consulate is Canadian soil and therefore American laws aren't applicable.”
“Is it legal to keep a moose in a Consulate in Canada?” Maybe every home had one.
“If there was a consulate in Canada it would be of a different nation and therefore it would depend on the country in question.”
“Who cleans up after that thing anyway?” Ray asked, joking.
“He cleans up after himself, Ray.”
“You're kidding me, right?”
“Well he is a Canadian moose,” Fraser pointed out, seriously.
Ray wouldn't have believed it had he not seen the moose's skill with a shovel as he was leaving.
Reason 2 - Why indoor skating should be banned.
Ray rubbed his butt as he made it to the top of the stairs. It still hurt.
“Are you all right, Ray?” Fraser asked.
“I nearly broke something, Fraser. I slipped on the ice. Why is there an ice rink downstairs?” Ray asked. He hadn't been expecting that when he'd walked through the door.
“We're hosting an ice skating competition, Ray. “
In that tiny space? “There's barely enough to walk around down there, how do you expect someone to ice skate?”
"The skaters are beavers, Ray."
“You're holding an ice skating competition for beavers?”
“Yes, Ray. It's an annual tradition.”
“And is the moose officiating?” Ray asked, wondering how said moose was getting around the consulate when the lower level was an ice rink.
“That's just silly, Ray.”
It turned out the moose was in charge of refreshments.
Reason 3 - Canadian Contraband
“Benny, what are in the crates downstairs?” Ray asked, after he had squeezed his way past them and up the stairs.
“Maple syrup, Ray.”
“What, all of them?”
Fraser nodded. “Yes, we had a fresh shipment this morning.”
“What are you going to do with that much maple syrup? There must be fifty crates.” Maybe they were making a giant maple syrup swimming pool, Ray thought.
“We distribute them to any Canadians living in and around the Chicago area,” Fraser explained.
“What, like contraband?”
“It's perfectly legal, Ray,” Fraser replied, defensively.
“How many of those crates are yours?”
“Half a crate, Ray.”
Those were big crates. Ray's eyes widened. “Half a crate?”
“Fifty bottles. As a member of the RCMP my allowance is actually one hundred bottles but the last time Diefenbaker over indulged so I limit myself.”
By the time they got downstairs Dief had already broken into a crate and had had more than his allowance.
Reason 4 - At least they have fire extinguishers in Canada
Ray sniffed as he stood at the top of the stairs. “Is something on fire down there?”
“It was, Ray, but fortunately we managed to contain the flames. Unfortunately the walls are a little singed.”
“You had a fire?” It hadn't been a big one, obviously, because there were no fire trucks outside.
“It was an accident, Ray. I'm sure the dragon didn't mean to actually set anything alight.”
“You had a dragon down there?”
“It was a brief visit, Ray. He just wanted directions to the nearest butcher.”
“There's a dragon wandering around Chicago?” Ray was sure he would have seen one.
“I think he was flying, Ray.”
“Was he Canadian?” Ray asked.
“Yes. Well, he had a Canadian passport. I should make sure the carpet is all right, Ray. When the sprinklers came on there wasn't time to protect the furniture.”
As it turned out the carpet was ruined but thanks to quick thinking by Turnbull the vases were all saved. Until they suffered an unfortunate accident as he was taking them back down the stairs.
Reason 5 - Mounties don't wear pink
“Hello, Ray,” Fraser greeted as Ray came up the stairs.
“Benny, why is downstairs painted pink?” Ray was still blinking after being subjected to wall to wall pink.
“Ah, it was an unfortunate error, Ray. It was meant to have been painted red and white in celebration of Canada day, and to cover up the slight blackening caused by the dragon. Unfortunately, the decorator Inspector Thatcher hired wasn't told and he mixed the two cans of paint together.”
"It's really bright,” Ray noted.
“Yes. It is...striking.”
Ray's eyes felt better but pink was not his colour. “It looks like Frannie was in charge of the paintbrush.”
“Inspector Thatcher is currently trying to get another decorator in to paint it back to the original white.”
“Turnbull likes it,” Ray said.
“How do you know, Ray?”
“He's painting the ceiling pink to match.”
“Oh dear. “
By the time Fraser reached Turnbull it was too late. Thanks to the moose, no decorator was willing to take on the job. From then on guests to the consulate had to use the back entrance and wear blindfolds. Turnbull, on the other hand, relocated to the foyer. This pleased Inspector Thatcher.
Author: Aingeal
Pairing: None. Gen (F&V)
Rating: G
Summary: So why was it we never saw the consulate foyer in S1&2?
Notes: Big thanks to leda_speaks for beta and to miss_zedem for beta and feeding the bunny.
Five Reasons you never saw the Foyer of the Canadian Consulate in seasons 1 and 2 (as observed by Detective Ray Vecchio of the Chicago PD)
Reason 1 - How did a moose get to Chicago anyway?
Some things, Ray reflected, some things you just had to ask about even if the answer was as absurd as the question. “Benny?”
“Yes, Ray?”
Ray tried not to make the question sound stupid. “Why is there a moose downstairs?”
“He lives here, Ray,” Fraser answered in his honest Canadian way.
“He lives here?” Ray asked, echoing the answer.
“Yes, Ray. He is here as a permanent guest of the government of Canada.”
“Is it legal to keep a moose in Chicago?” Not that he was going to arrest an entire consulate of Canadians but still, he'd like to know.
“Technically, Ray, the consulate is Canadian soil and therefore American laws aren't applicable.”
“Is it legal to keep a moose in a Consulate in Canada?” Maybe every home had one.
“If there was a consulate in Canada it would be of a different nation and therefore it would depend on the country in question.”
“Who cleans up after that thing anyway?” Ray asked, joking.
“He cleans up after himself, Ray.”
“You're kidding me, right?”
“Well he is a Canadian moose,” Fraser pointed out, seriously.
Ray wouldn't have believed it had he not seen the moose's skill with a shovel as he was leaving.
Reason 2 - Why indoor skating should be banned.
Ray rubbed his butt as he made it to the top of the stairs. It still hurt.
“Are you all right, Ray?” Fraser asked.
“I nearly broke something, Fraser. I slipped on the ice. Why is there an ice rink downstairs?” Ray asked. He hadn't been expecting that when he'd walked through the door.
“We're hosting an ice skating competition, Ray. “
In that tiny space? “There's barely enough to walk around down there, how do you expect someone to ice skate?”
"The skaters are beavers, Ray."
“You're holding an ice skating competition for beavers?”
“Yes, Ray. It's an annual tradition.”
“And is the moose officiating?” Ray asked, wondering how said moose was getting around the consulate when the lower level was an ice rink.
“That's just silly, Ray.”
It turned out the moose was in charge of refreshments.
Reason 3 - Canadian Contraband
“Benny, what are in the crates downstairs?” Ray asked, after he had squeezed his way past them and up the stairs.
“Maple syrup, Ray.”
“What, all of them?”
Fraser nodded. “Yes, we had a fresh shipment this morning.”
“What are you going to do with that much maple syrup? There must be fifty crates.” Maybe they were making a giant maple syrup swimming pool, Ray thought.
“We distribute them to any Canadians living in and around the Chicago area,” Fraser explained.
“What, like contraband?”
“It's perfectly legal, Ray,” Fraser replied, defensively.
“How many of those crates are yours?”
“Half a crate, Ray.”
Those were big crates. Ray's eyes widened. “Half a crate?”
“Fifty bottles. As a member of the RCMP my allowance is actually one hundred bottles but the last time Diefenbaker over indulged so I limit myself.”
By the time they got downstairs Dief had already broken into a crate and had had more than his allowance.
Reason 4 - At least they have fire extinguishers in Canada
Ray sniffed as he stood at the top of the stairs. “Is something on fire down there?”
“It was, Ray, but fortunately we managed to contain the flames. Unfortunately the walls are a little singed.”
“You had a fire?” It hadn't been a big one, obviously, because there were no fire trucks outside.
“It was an accident, Ray. I'm sure the dragon didn't mean to actually set anything alight.”
“You had a dragon down there?”
“It was a brief visit, Ray. He just wanted directions to the nearest butcher.”
“There's a dragon wandering around Chicago?” Ray was sure he would have seen one.
“I think he was flying, Ray.”
“Was he Canadian?” Ray asked.
“Yes. Well, he had a Canadian passport. I should make sure the carpet is all right, Ray. When the sprinklers came on there wasn't time to protect the furniture.”
As it turned out the carpet was ruined but thanks to quick thinking by Turnbull the vases were all saved. Until they suffered an unfortunate accident as he was taking them back down the stairs.
Reason 5 - Mounties don't wear pink
“Hello, Ray,” Fraser greeted as Ray came up the stairs.
“Benny, why is downstairs painted pink?” Ray was still blinking after being subjected to wall to wall pink.
“Ah, it was an unfortunate error, Ray. It was meant to have been painted red and white in celebration of Canada day, and to cover up the slight blackening caused by the dragon. Unfortunately, the decorator Inspector Thatcher hired wasn't told and he mixed the two cans of paint together.”
"It's really bright,” Ray noted.
“Yes. It is...striking.”
Ray's eyes felt better but pink was not his colour. “It looks like Frannie was in charge of the paintbrush.”
“Inspector Thatcher is currently trying to get another decorator in to paint it back to the original white.”
“Turnbull likes it,” Ray said.
“How do you know, Ray?”
“He's painting the ceiling pink to match.”
“Oh dear. “
By the time Fraser reached Turnbull it was too late. Thanks to the moose, no decorator was willing to take on the job. From then on guests to the consulate had to use the back entrance and wear blindfolds. Turnbull, on the other hand, relocated to the foyer. This pleased Inspector Thatcher.