The Deal 14./16.
the deal 14.
Akame, (Ryoda)
R; Romance, Humor, Angst, Friendship
Jin is a singer and he desperately needs a dancer for his upcoming show. Kame is a dancer and he has some trouble with bad guys. The two meet and hate each other but they have no other choice so they make a deal.
I should just give up
“Spare me, Ryo, okay? I still fucking hate you for what you've done.”
Ryo sighed. “I know, but...”
Yamapi stopped walking and glared at Ryo sharply. “Look, we're going to discuss that later. I know I can't hate you forever, but right now I'm very pissed off. So don't talk about it and let's concentrate on the problem in hand. We are here for Jin because he needs us.”
The other man didn't reply, just bit his lips.
“Okay, guys, let's go inside.” Koki pulled both of them towards the front gate of Jin's house, wishing that the two men would finish fighting when there were far more serious problems to solve.
When Ueda called Yamapi in the morning, telling him that Kame was begging the whole night that he should call and ask the guys to go to Jin and check if he was alright, Yamapi immediately dialed Ryo and Koki and decided to put his own problems aside for the moment, more precisely, Ryo.
“Are you sure he's home?” Ryo asked after ringing the bell for at least five minutes and glancing at the others nervously.
“Tatsuya said he must be here. I hope he's alright.” Yamapi said and let out a sigh in relief when the gates spread open. “Ah, finally.”
They walked to the front door and gasped in shock when the door flung open. Yamapi jumped back in surprise.
“Dear god, Jin. Did you look into the mirror today?”, he asked with wide eyes and earned a smack on the head from Koki.
“Shut up, you idiot.” he hissed through his teeth though in his mind he couldn't help but agree. Jin looked pitiful. He was shirtless, an arm was wrapped around his torso, his messy hair framed the rim of the bandage on his head, his eyes were only half-lidded and puffy, dark circles under them and his face was white as sheet with a blank expression plastered on it.
“I didn't”, he replied to Yamapi's question, throwing a glance at his friends before leaving them at the door and strolling into the kitchen.
“Jin”, Yamapi started as he followed his friend into the kitchen, where the singer started searching frantically, throwing newspapers and letters onto the ground. “Jin!”
“Where the hell is it?” Jin muttered under his breath angrily, paying no attention to Yamapi or the other two boys, lifting and tossing the plates and glasses around. The others jumped slightly at the loud sound when the plates clashed together.
“Jin, are you okay?” Yamapi shouted, trying to suppress the noise. “What are you...? Jin, you okay?”
“I'M NOT!!!” Jin cried out, throwing a plate on the kitchen counter where it almost broke into pieces. “MY HEAD FUCKING HURTS AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL THOSE DAMN PAINKILLERS ARE.”
“Are you looking for this?” Koki lifted up a small box from the dining table.
Jin threw him a look and sighed heavily. “Yeah.”
The three friends watched as Jin swallowed two pills and slumped down, his back sliding down on the wall until he reached the floor and buried his head in his hands.
Ryo approached the singer. “Jin. I know how you're feeling now but...”
Jin shot his head up. “What? How do you know about it?”
Ryo exchanged a glance with Yamapi. “Well... Tatsuya called Pi. Kame is there with him and he asked...”
Jin didn't let Ryo to finish because suddenly, he jumped up from the floor and ran to find his shoes.
“Jin.”
“I'm going there.” Jin mumbled.
Yamapi followed his friend. “Jin, you should give him a little more time, you know.”
“Time? For what?” Jin started to become impatient and angry again. He shook his head. “No, I've had enough. We have to talk.”
Yamapi sighed. He had never seen Jin in a state like this. The singer looked insane, actually and Yamapi knew he had to calm the other down before he would do something he shouldn't so he grabbed Jin's arm tightly. “JIN!!! Listen to me.”
“No no no no.” Jin kept shaking his head, still fumbling with his shoe in his hand. “No no no. I have to talk to him.”
“JIN”, Yamapi shouted and grabbed Jin's other arm as well to keep him still. Suddenly, Jin shivered and Yamapi took a step back, surprised. “What the hell?” he put his palm on the singer's forehead. “You're burning, Jin, what the hell did you do?”
Jin looked at him, confused. “Well... I fell asleep on the sofa last night.”
“Like this?” Yamapi asked, pointing at the singer's bare chest.
Jin nodded faintly and leaned on the wall, resting his aching head on it and he looked like he would collapse any time soon.
“Jin, go to bed please. I'll look for some medicine”, Yamapi tried to drag the singer towards the bedroom.
Meanwhile, Ryo found Jin's shirt in the living room and handed it to Jin, who wearily put it on, already shivering from cold. “I don't want to. I want to go and talk to him.” he repeated, his voice hushed and hoarse, his teeth were chattering.
“Jin, please, just have a good rest. Give Kame some time, okay?” Koki said in a soft tone and Jin let out a sigh, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes as the pain became stronger.
He wanted to protest but could feel that he had no strength to do so and he threw his shoes down with angry frown, stomping his feet on the stairs as he walked up to his room.
Yamapi's phone started to ring and he shot a last worried glance at his friend's back before he answered. “Yes? Tatsuya... What? What do you mean he's gone?”
Jin stopped in the middle of his way, standing on the stairs, frozen. The others looked at Yamapi with wide eyes.
“I see. Okay, don't worry, I will”, he gulped and lowered the phone, not daring to look at Jin directly.
Closing his eyes, the singer slowly turned back and looked at Yamapi. “If you don't tell me already what's happened, I swear I'll punch you, Yamapi”, he said in a low voice.
Yamapi gulped again. “Kame disappeared. He said he would stay at Tatsuya's apartment but then he just...”
“Did he leave something there?”, Jin asked quietly.
“No.”
The expression on Jin's face was totally blank and that was more than scary. The others just watched as Jin slowly sat down on the stairs, staring in front of him and bending his head into his hands.
Ryo took a deep breath. “Jin, do you think...”
“I have to find out where she lives.”, Jin cut him off, apparently deep in thought.
“Who?”, Koki asked, frowning.
Jin didn't react, just continued mumbling to himself. “But I can't call her, she's going to deny it, anyway. I have to find out where she lives.”
Looking at the other two nervously, Yamapi finally walked upstairs until he reached Jin and sitting next to him, gently removed the singer's hands from his head. “Who are you talking about, Jin?”
Jin sighed. It looked as if it took too much effort for him to even speak. His face was already flushed by the fever. “Kame's cousin, Miyako. I think she might know something”, he replied slowly.
Koki rubbed his palms together. “Okay, then I will ask around...”
“I need to find her.” Jin muttered to himself.
“Actually”, Yamapi started a bit hesitantly. “I know where she lives”, he blurted out and all of them snapped their heads into his direction, surprised.
“You do?” Ryo asked slowly.
Nodding, Yamapi turned back to Jin. “I'm going to talk to her, okay?”
The calmness disappeared from Jin's face in a split second and he jumped up. “Give me the address.”
“Jin, you can't go like this...”
“GIVE ME THAT FUCKING ADDRESS, YAMAPI!”, the singer shouted and ran down to find his shoes again.
Knowing that Jin was dead serious, Yamapi quickly wrote the informations on a piece of paper but hesitated. “I'm going to bring you there. Let's go together.”
“No.” Jin said firmly and his voice gave no room for any argument. He picked the paper out of Yamapi's hands and stormed out of the door.
“Are you insane? You're letting him go like that?” Ryo asked, staring at Yamapi with wide eyes.
“As if you don't know you can't hold him back.” Yamapi snapped at him and ran down to the other two men. “Come on, let's go after him.”
They all nodded and left the house.
-
Kame was standing on the street, one arm over his eyes to shield them from the blinding rays of the sun. He was staring at the poster across the road, in a daze, a small smile playing on his lips.
Jin looked gorgeous on the poster. He was wearing a long black coat, the sleeves were folded up, revealing a small bracelet that he was always wearing at concerts. His fingers were wrapped around his mic lazily, his other hand was raised to his collar, pulling the coat aside a bit. Under the coat he was wearing a white shirt with some patterns on it, the V-neck left his skin exposed. His black jeans were hanging on him leisurely, his weight was shifted to one leg, his hips were moved to one side. On his face there was a faint smile, head tilted backwards, his eyes half-lidded. He looked extremely hot and Kame had to smile.
His eyes moved to the left side of the poster where Koki was posing with his hands raised up high, probably after doing some kind of acrobatic move. Then he looked at the other side, where he saw his own figure, with legs spread and one arm up in the air. He was smiling. He seemed so happy on that photo. And he was.
Kame's smile faded and he lowered his head, shaking it slightly. Walking away, he looked at Jin's figure for one last time.
When he arrived where he was heading to, he stopped and closed his eyes. He was scared and he felt tired. Tired of all of this shit. He wondered if he had made the right decision. Maybe. Maybe not. He didn't know anymore. But if there was more hope like this that Jin wouldn't be hurt then it was okay.
“Kamenashi?”
Kame looked up at the man standing in front of him. He was one of Johnny's guards.
The man smirked at him and stepped closer. “You don't know what mess you've put yourself into. I must say I admire you for having the guts to come back.”
Kame didn't answer. He didn't even look at the man. He didn't care. Just to go inside and take what would come; that was all he wanted. He felt almost nothing now. No fear, no uncertainty, no regrets. The only thing he could still feel somehow was emptiness.
“Come on, let's go inside”, the man said and opened the big gates. Kame followed him.
Looking around, he wondered how Johnny found that mansion. It was even bigger than Jin's. A weird way of hiding, but maybe effective. Everyone would think Johnny was hiding somewhere in a dirty and abandoned house not in a big mansion with a huge flower garden and a swimming pool.
He stepped in and stopped at the door. There was freezing cold inside, making him shiver.
“Kazuya.”
Kame gulped and raised his gaze to look at the old man in front of him.
“It's good to see you again” the man smirked and stepped closer. Kame didn't flinch when the rough fingers sneaked around his nape and Johnny leaned closer to whisper into his ears. “I missed you.”
Kame couldn't bring himself to answer anything and just let himself be dragged inside. As Johnny's hand took his own in a firm grip, a thought crossed his mind for a fleeting moment. Jin's touch felt so different.
-
Jin leaned on the door while he continued knocking. He was steadying himself on the doorframe and tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his head.
After, what it seemed like an hour, the door finally opened. Miyako's eyes widened when she saw who her visitor was.
“Akanishi-san?”
“Hello.” Jin greeted her in a hoarse voice.
Miyako ran his eyes over the singer's figure, then shot his face a worried look. “Oh, come in please”, she stepped away and let Jin in, who looked as if every move he made would be a stab in his back.
Jin made his way into the living room and looked around. “He's not here.”, he breathed out with a sigh.
“Eh? Kazuya?”, she gave him a confused look. “No, he's not here. Why would he? What happened?”
Jin swayed a bit in his feet. “Do you... do you have any idea where he went? Did he call you? Did you meet?”
“No.. But, Akanishi-san, don't you want to sit down? You don't look too well.”
Jin shook his head weakly. “I need to find him. You must know something. You're his cousin after all”, the man insisted and looked at the girl with a serious expression.
Miyako stared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. “Okay...I'm going to explain this, but would you please sit down first?”
Jin raised an eyebrow at hearing the question. This didn't sound too well. He nodded and slumped down in a chair, looking at the girl expectantly.
“Okay... well...”Miyako stuttered nervously. “The truth is that.. that I'm not his cousin.”
Jin held his breath for a moment. “What?”
“We are not related. But there is nothing between us, not like you probably think now”, she added quickly.
Jin let out a painful sigh and buried his face in his hand. “Then what?”, he whispered. Another lie. Why did Kame lie again? Jin felt as if he lost the ground from under his feet. Everything, every single thing or person that had connection to Kame, everything around the boy was wrapped in lies. Jin didn't know what he could believe in anymore.
“We met some time ago when he came to Tokyo. We were very close but nothing happened between us. I just helped him when he arrived without a single yen and no one to turn to”, Miyako said. “He had problems back then, at home and his parents refused to help. His family practically abandoned him.”
“What problems?”, Jin asked, raising his head a bit.
Miyako hesitated. “Well... Kazuya was always very attractive and as far as I remember a rumour spread in the school that he was having affair with a teacher. His parents didn't like the idea that Kazuya liked men, and what was more awful, he was rumoured to date a teacher.”
“What kind of parents would refuse to help their son when he had to go through those things anyway?” Jin asked in disbelief.
Miyako nodded. “Yes... so Kazuya had to leave.” she paused, looking at Jin curiously. “You don't want to know if those rumours were true or not?”
Jin slowly shook his head. “I don't care. It doesn't matter.”
The girl observed him silently before sitting down on a chair next to his. “You know... Kazuya is very smart and strong. But if someone whom he loves is hurting, he can do stupid things and make wrong decisions.”
Jin looked at him, blinking. “What do you mean?”
“Back then... when he got involved in that business with that man.. Johnny, they even threatened him to hurt his family if he wanted to leave. And even if his family betrayed him, he'd never wanted to see them hurt, he loved them. He still does.” Miyako gulped and her voice became quiet. “Johnny was very cruel to him and in order to protect his family he had to hurt others and himself. I...” she paused and took a deep breath. “I'm not sure if he can ever get over it. He would never let someone be hurt because of him if that person is close to him. He would never forgive to himself.”
“I wouldn't forgive myself for the same reason, either.” Jin said and stood up. He had heard enough. He was looking at Miyako with sad eyes, apparently fighting back the emotions that wanted to break out of him but then he just bowed slightly. “Thank you.”
With a nod, Miyako stood up and opened the door for Jin. The singer walked out with unsteady steps and didn't look back. His head felt heavy and dizzy, but his heart was heavier. He didn't know Kame at all. It was a mistake to think he had gotten closer to the younger man during that time.
Jin tried to find his car but he couldn't remember where he had left it. His legs were leading him to the park nearby, where he slumped down on a bench and just stared in front of him blankly.
Perhaps history really wanted to repeat itself and didn't let him to save someone who didn't want to be saved. Was it too late for Kame? If the boy really didn't want to get close to Jin, it was just easier for him to go away.
Jin shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. He barely could keep his eyes open. It was so cold that maybe he would freeze to death if he fell asleep.
A bitter smile appeared on his face at the thought and he realized that he finally understood what Johnny had said to him that day. There was something special between Kame and that man. Not in the romantic meaning of the word, something different. Something Jin couldn't compete. Johnny was a person who cared for Kame in his own perverted way, yet the younger boy didn't need to be afraid of hurting the man. And Jin couldn't promise Kame the same. If the boy stayed with him, he would live in constant fear forever. Jin didn't even realize how scared Kame could have been all the time. And this was what Jin didn't want.
Maybe he should just let Kame go.
Jin's eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep on the bench, exhausted from his thoughts and the fever.
This was how Yamapi, Ryo and Koki found him a half an hour later.
-
There was something in those dark brown eyes of Johnny that always left Kame with mixed feelings. Fear and somehow safety was that Kame felt. The magic of the familiarity, certainty. He knew what to expect.
“Take it.” Johnny reached out for his hand, placing a small white pill on the boy's palm.
Kame took it between his fingers and gave it a brief glance before he put it into his mouth and swallowed it.
~Flashback~
“Kame, don't make the same mistake as I did.”
“Tat-chan. The mistake was to ever let him get close to me. I will hurt him anyway. And what do you mean the same mistake?”
Ueda cleared his throat. “I wasn't honest with my feelings. And I caused Yamapi so much trouble. He didn't deserve it. He just wanted to help.”
“How?” Kame asked curiously.
“That he pretended to be my boyfriend to make Ryo jealous.” Ueda sighed. “I'm serious, Kame. Be honest with him.”
“I was.”
“Are you sure?”
“It doesn't matter. What I care for now is not to hurt him.”
“You're hurting him, Kame.”
“You know what I mean.” Kame threw his arms up in the air in desperation. “It's just too much trouble to be with me. I cause only pain.”
“You have no right to decide how much trouble it is for him to be with you. You're not giving him any chance to decide if he wants to be with you or not. With this, you're hurting him more than with anything else.”
With this, you're hurting him more than with anything else.
You're hurting him.
~End of flashback~
Kame held his breath as the shirt slipped down on his shoulders. The rough fingers were trailing down on his bare skin and he felt goosebumps on his arms. His face was emotionless, even when he was gently pushed down to lie on the bed.
“Good boy... I really missed you Kazuya.”
The kisses on his body were rough and sloppy, the bites left red marks on his skin. His stomach turned ueasily at the feeling and Kame pressed his lips together in his effort to not throw up on the white sheets under him.
The ceiling was painted pale yellow and Kame counted all the cracks on it while he was lying there.
-
It had been two days that Kame disappeared and Jin was in a very bad shape. His fever went down then, in the next moment he was burning up again, tossing and turning in his bed and mumbling incoherent words. He barely ate anything and didn't really talk.
It was scary to see Jin like this and Yamapi sighed for the nth time that evening when he was left alone with the sleeping Jin.
He was watching his friend's face and wiped the sweat away from his face every now and then, shaking his head every time he did that.
His phone started vibrating in his pocket and he answered, after looking at the unfamiliar number for a while.
“Yes.” he whispered, not wanting to wake Jin up.
“Yamapi.”
Said man's eyes widened at hearing the voice, his mouth parted in surprise.
“Don't say my name out loud, please.” There was a pause. “Are you alone?”
“Wait.” Yamapi whispered and walked out, leaving the singer alone.
He walked downstairs and stopped at the kitchen counter. “Kame, where the hell are you?”
He heard Kame taking a shuddering breath. “I heard he's sick. How is he?”
“He's not fine.” Yamapi answered, in a sharper tone than it was expected. He combed through his hair with his fingers and sighed again. “He's sleeping now but he's not fine, Kame. Where are you?”
“Right in front of the gate.”
“Huh?”
“Let me in, Yamapi. I just want to see him.”
“Then disappear again?”
There was silence before Kame answered in a hushed voice. “Please. He won't know I was here. I won't wake him up. Please Yamapi.”
Begging Kame was something even Yamapi couldn't resist for so long. When he opened the door for Kame, his heart clenched at the sight. The younger boy looked so broken and fragile that Yamapi had the urge to kick those two stupid friends of his hard in the ass for what they were doing.
Instead, he let Kame in and pointed to the stairs. “He's in his room.”
“Thanks.” Kame whispered and handed Yamapi a bowl of hot soup he had brought with him then headed to the bedrooms.
He held his breath while he was walking down the corridor, trying to muster up some courage he would really need at the moment. But before he could reach the room, he stopped and blinked a few times.
The door of the other room, opposite of Jin's, was open, faint stripe of light sneaked on the floor in front of it.
Kame inched closer and peeked in, carefully. He almost lost his composure when he spotted the older man.
Jin was sitting in a chair in front of that small table, his fingers clutching around the framed photo of his mother. The fingers of his other hand were entangled into his messy locks, his face was pale and tired. Dark circles were under his eyes, his lips were almost as pale as his face was. The photo trembled in his hand.
Kame covered his mouth with his hands when he finally realized why he sometimes couldn't find Jin in his bed when he woke up in the middle of the night. Now he knew where Jin went then.
“I think I was wrong, mom.”
Jin's voice was low and hoarse, barely above a whisper.
“I didn't know. I didn't realize how much I was wrong.”
Kame closed his eyes and let himself slump down on the floor.
“I should give up on him. Don't you think so, mom? It feels so hopeless. I want to be with him. I want him so much that it hurts. It hurts to even breathe.”
Jin's voice died and he lowered his head, his fingers clenched tighter on the frame.
“I love him. I love him so much, mom! I would do anything. Really, anything... But if he doesn't want it, then it has no sense, right? It's useless then.”
Kame dug his nails into his palms, his heart was slamming in his chest painfully.
“I should just give up... I feel so tired... I should just give up.”
Kame couldn't take it anymore, he got up and walked away as silently as he could. He practically ran out of the house, not even bothering to say goodbye to Yamapi. He just wanted to run away.
When he stepped out of the gate and started walking, a woman passed him and he stopped after the realization reached his mind. The woman was familiar.
He spun on his heels and stared at the young woman who just stepped in the same gate he had just walked out of a couple of seconds ago.
The girl they met in Rome. Jin's ex-girlfriend. Mizuki. And she passed that damn gate as if she was familiar with the whole mansion. And obviously she was.
15.>>