'I'm sorry' Drabble Series - #6
i'm sorry
akame
pg-15, angst, fluff
How to deal with bad news? (haha, I don't know what kind of summary I should write this time..)
Masterpost
#6 No One Else Would Say It
There was silence in the car. Not that kind of cheerful, relaxing, comfortable silence; it was full of tension and unspoken questions, emotions that wanted to burst - it was that kind of silence when there is so much to say that no one dares to speak, not being able to decide where to start, not being able to choose who to blame and whom to be angry at. That silence where even the sound of clearing throat sounds weird, loud and out of place.
The calm before the storm, that kind of silence.
So they didn't speak. They both were drained, slightly shocked and incredibly furious. The questions, with all the doubts and fears that were bottled up inside them, were hanging in the air, heavy and suffocating but none of them spoke.
Jin stopped at a red sign and waited uncomfortably. After a few moments of struggling with his thoughts, he shot a glance at Kame in the passanger seat. The younger man was sitting completely still, staring out of the window, his face was expressionless. The only visible thing that revealed his mood was the tightly pursed lips and the color of his face which was one shade whiter than it usually was.
Kame didn't say a word since then. After the initial shock, his expression became blank and didn't look at Jin anymore. It was unbearable for Jin because he didn't give a damn about what everyone was saying but if Kame didn't talk to him, it felt like the end of the world.
Yet, Jin didn't know what to do, he wanted to kiss his boyfriend, hug him but he didn't even dare to touch his hand. He supposed Kame needed time, just as much as he needed time, too. The difference was, however, that while Jin could never deal with these situations alone and always needed someone to lean on, Kame liked to be left alone and sort things out himself. Jin was even surprised that Kame hadn't sent him home or protested when Jin dragged him with himself and gently pushed him in the car to drive them to the younger one's place.
As they stopped in front of the apartment, Kame opened the door and jumped out even before Jin turned off the engine. The younger one seemed to literally escape from the suffocating atmosphere. Jin sighed, his gaze following his boyfriend, who was rushing up the stairs, then followed him.
He managed to catch up with Kame at the elevator and the silence between them felt even more awkward now that Jin couldn't pretend to be busy with watching the road.
“I'm going to change,” Jin said quietly as they stepped in and kicked off their shoes.
Kame didn't answer, didn't nod and Jin stayed in one spot for a fleeting moment, hoping some kind of reaction from the younger man, but the other just strolled in the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water then grabbing a glass from the shelf.
Jin sighed again and disappeared into the bedroom, lazily taking his clothes off and throwing them on the bed. He grabbed his sweetpants to put them on when a loud sound of breaking glass was heard from the kitchen. Jin frowned. Kame rarely broke anything, not to mention anything in the kitchen.
“What happened? You're not hurt, are you?” he yelled but no answer came.
The silence was there again, stretching over the whole apartment, even now that they weren't in the same room.
Jin tugged on his pants and pulled it up completely before leaving the bedroom. “Kame?”
He walked slowly into the kitchen and gasped at the sight in front of him. Kame was leaning on the counter with both hands as if his legs weren't able to hold him up. He was panting and trembling, with head hung low, the strands of his hair covering his face but Jin could see how the brown locks were moving in sync with his whole shaking body. Beside him on the floor, the broken glass, shattered into millions of tiny pieces, water slowly dripping down the wall.
Jin needed a minute to process what had happened and his eyes widened. Kame actually threw that glass against the wall. That was the first time Jin had seen something like this from Kame. The composed, calm, professional Kamenashi Kazuya, who never lost his patience, never raised his voice, never showed any weakness. Kamenashi Kazuya, who, if ever angry, went to run a few laps to vent his frustration or barked out some annoyed remarks and then calmed down. No, this definitely was not that Kamenashi Kazuya, who was standing now in his kitchen and broke glasses because he couldn't control his emotions.
Jin shifted and slowly approached the other. There was something so broken in Kame's figure as he was steadying himself on the counter that it was almost scary to Jin. Even the pants Kame let out were heart-wrenching.
“Kame,” Jin started in almost a whisper and stepped forward to touch the younger one's shoulder but never managed since Kame suddenly reached out and grabbed another glass, raising it behind his head and turning to the wall with still trembling hands with the obvious intention of smashing it into pieces just like he had done with the other one. And he would have done it this time, too, if it wasn't for Jin to jump behind him and get a hold on his wrist, slightly twisting his arm backwards as he snatched the glass away from him.
Kame let out a groan in annoyance, without turning around and freeing himself from Jin's grip he slammed his hands into the counter with such a force that Jin jumped in surprise.
“FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL! THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT! FUCK JOHNNY AND ALL THAT SHIT!!!”
Jin stood there for a moment, frozen at hearing the harsh words coming from Kame, and the volume of his voice. Jin wondered for a fleeting moment if the neighbors could hear Kame yelling. But Kame apparently didn't worry about the same thing as he continued shouting and hitting the kitchen counter with his fists.
“FUCKING IDIOTS!! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?”
“Kame, stop it,” Jin said softly and tried to grab the younger man's wrists and prevent him from hurting himself but Kame jerked his hand away and continued fuming.
“BUT REALLY, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?”
Jin took a breath and trapped Kame, pressing him to the counter roughly, circling his fingers around the slim wrists, then pulling them to his chest firmly, holding Kame in one spot. The younger man tried to free himself, looking hysterical and annoyed. Jin tightened his grip and couldn't see any other way to calm his lover down than to raise his voice.
“STOP IT ALREADY!!! KAME!!!”
Kame stopped but dug his nails into his palms as he curled his fingers into a fist and let out a whimper angrily, head hanging low and eyes shutting tightly.
“Don't do this,” Jin softened his voice, loosening his grip a bit, not wanting to hurt his boyfriend. “They think it's the best thing to do for now.”
Kame looked up, eyes filled with anger. He twisted his hands to get free and pushed Jin away, hitting him on the chest hard.
“FOR WHO? TO WHO THE HELL IT WOULD DO ANY GOOD? I HATE IT, I HATE THEM ALL!!”
Kame turned around and slumped on the counter, it seemed like he had no energy left for yelling, breaking glass or simply being angry. He was drained.
Jin stared at his back, waiting for another possible outburst, then, when it didn't happen, he stepped behind Kame and put his arms around him slowly, leaning on the other's back, feeling his sweaty shirt under his chest and the heaving movements as the younger one was breathing heavily.
“I'm sorry,” Jin said softly into his back, and stroked down his arms until he reached Kame's hand and entwined their fingers. “I'm sorry, Kazu.”
“Fuck you, too, Jin. Why the hell are you apologizing?” Kame breathed out, still annoyed but there was no anger in his voice anymore. Jin could feel the slender body trembling beneath him, more from exhaustion than anything else.
“Because no one else would say it. No one else will say it to you.”
Kame exhaled loudly and bent his head, resting it on their entwined fingers. “Six months,” he groaned out those words which scared both of them the most.
Jin raised his hand and brushed the long brown locks away from Kame's neck, then placed a soft kiss on the other's nape. “We're going to make this. We're going through this together, Kazu.”
Kame shifted, gently pushing Jin's weight away from him, to be able to turn around. Jin stepped back and straightened but he left his hands on the counter, still trapping Kame in between his arms.
The younger one looked at him, he wasn't expressionless anymore. His eyes showed everything he felt and Jin's breath hitched. There was anger, tiredness, fear and sadness in his shiny dark orbs and Jin wanted to do everything to wipe all these emotions away from his lover's face. But he couldn't because he felt exactly the same.
Sighing deeply, Jin tilted his head, looking away and fixing his gaze on the ceiling, blinking. “Come on, don't look at me like that. You want me to cry or what?”
Jin could feel how Kame's arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm hug, fingers digging into his hair, soothing it gently.
“No. Never.” Kame whispered as Jin returned the hug, rocking their bodies comfortingly.
There was silence between them again. But this time it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. It was that kind of silence when there is too much to say but there is no need for words. It was enough to let their bodies talk; their arms around each other, their breaths into each other's ears, the affectionate, soothing movements said it all. The silence filled with hope, strength and determination. It was not that easy to tear them apart. More precisely, it was impossible.
akame
pg-15, angst, fluff
How to deal with bad news? (haha, I don't know what kind of summary I should write this time..)
Masterpost
#6 No One Else Would Say It
There was silence in the car. Not that kind of cheerful, relaxing, comfortable silence; it was full of tension and unspoken questions, emotions that wanted to burst - it was that kind of silence when there is so much to say that no one dares to speak, not being able to decide where to start, not being able to choose who to blame and whom to be angry at. That silence where even the sound of clearing throat sounds weird, loud and out of place.
The calm before the storm, that kind of silence.
So they didn't speak. They both were drained, slightly shocked and incredibly furious. The questions, with all the doubts and fears that were bottled up inside them, were hanging in the air, heavy and suffocating but none of them spoke.
Jin stopped at a red sign and waited uncomfortably. After a few moments of struggling with his thoughts, he shot a glance at Kame in the passanger seat. The younger man was sitting completely still, staring out of the window, his face was expressionless. The only visible thing that revealed his mood was the tightly pursed lips and the color of his face which was one shade whiter than it usually was.
Kame didn't say a word since then. After the initial shock, his expression became blank and didn't look at Jin anymore. It was unbearable for Jin because he didn't give a damn about what everyone was saying but if Kame didn't talk to him, it felt like the end of the world.
Yet, Jin didn't know what to do, he wanted to kiss his boyfriend, hug him but he didn't even dare to touch his hand. He supposed Kame needed time, just as much as he needed time, too. The difference was, however, that while Jin could never deal with these situations alone and always needed someone to lean on, Kame liked to be left alone and sort things out himself. Jin was even surprised that Kame hadn't sent him home or protested when Jin dragged him with himself and gently pushed him in the car to drive them to the younger one's place.
As they stopped in front of the apartment, Kame opened the door and jumped out even before Jin turned off the engine. The younger one seemed to literally escape from the suffocating atmosphere. Jin sighed, his gaze following his boyfriend, who was rushing up the stairs, then followed him.
He managed to catch up with Kame at the elevator and the silence between them felt even more awkward now that Jin couldn't pretend to be busy with watching the road.
“I'm going to change,” Jin said quietly as they stepped in and kicked off their shoes.
Kame didn't answer, didn't nod and Jin stayed in one spot for a fleeting moment, hoping some kind of reaction from the younger man, but the other just strolled in the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water then grabbing a glass from the shelf.
Jin sighed again and disappeared into the bedroom, lazily taking his clothes off and throwing them on the bed. He grabbed his sweetpants to put them on when a loud sound of breaking glass was heard from the kitchen. Jin frowned. Kame rarely broke anything, not to mention anything in the kitchen.
“What happened? You're not hurt, are you?” he yelled but no answer came.
The silence was there again, stretching over the whole apartment, even now that they weren't in the same room.
Jin tugged on his pants and pulled it up completely before leaving the bedroom. “Kame?”
He walked slowly into the kitchen and gasped at the sight in front of him. Kame was leaning on the counter with both hands as if his legs weren't able to hold him up. He was panting and trembling, with head hung low, the strands of his hair covering his face but Jin could see how the brown locks were moving in sync with his whole shaking body. Beside him on the floor, the broken glass, shattered into millions of tiny pieces, water slowly dripping down the wall.
Jin needed a minute to process what had happened and his eyes widened. Kame actually threw that glass against the wall. That was the first time Jin had seen something like this from Kame. The composed, calm, professional Kamenashi Kazuya, who never lost his patience, never raised his voice, never showed any weakness. Kamenashi Kazuya, who, if ever angry, went to run a few laps to vent his frustration or barked out some annoyed remarks and then calmed down. No, this definitely was not that Kamenashi Kazuya, who was standing now in his kitchen and broke glasses because he couldn't control his emotions.
Jin shifted and slowly approached the other. There was something so broken in Kame's figure as he was steadying himself on the counter that it was almost scary to Jin. Even the pants Kame let out were heart-wrenching.
“Kame,” Jin started in almost a whisper and stepped forward to touch the younger one's shoulder but never managed since Kame suddenly reached out and grabbed another glass, raising it behind his head and turning to the wall with still trembling hands with the obvious intention of smashing it into pieces just like he had done with the other one. And he would have done it this time, too, if it wasn't for Jin to jump behind him and get a hold on his wrist, slightly twisting his arm backwards as he snatched the glass away from him.
Kame let out a groan in annoyance, without turning around and freeing himself from Jin's grip he slammed his hands into the counter with such a force that Jin jumped in surprise.
“FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL! THIS WHOLE BULLSHIT! FUCK JOHNNY AND ALL THAT SHIT!!!”
Jin stood there for a moment, frozen at hearing the harsh words coming from Kame, and the volume of his voice. Jin wondered for a fleeting moment if the neighbors could hear Kame yelling. But Kame apparently didn't worry about the same thing as he continued shouting and hitting the kitchen counter with his fists.
“FUCKING IDIOTS!! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING?”
“Kame, stop it,” Jin said softly and tried to grab the younger man's wrists and prevent him from hurting himself but Kame jerked his hand away and continued fuming.
“BUT REALLY, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?”
Jin took a breath and trapped Kame, pressing him to the counter roughly, circling his fingers around the slim wrists, then pulling them to his chest firmly, holding Kame in one spot. The younger man tried to free himself, looking hysterical and annoyed. Jin tightened his grip and couldn't see any other way to calm his lover down than to raise his voice.
“STOP IT ALREADY!!! KAME!!!”
Kame stopped but dug his nails into his palms as he curled his fingers into a fist and let out a whimper angrily, head hanging low and eyes shutting tightly.
“Don't do this,” Jin softened his voice, loosening his grip a bit, not wanting to hurt his boyfriend. “They think it's the best thing to do for now.”
Kame looked up, eyes filled with anger. He twisted his hands to get free and pushed Jin away, hitting him on the chest hard.
“FOR WHO? TO WHO THE HELL IT WOULD DO ANY GOOD? I HATE IT, I HATE THEM ALL!!”
Kame turned around and slumped on the counter, it seemed like he had no energy left for yelling, breaking glass or simply being angry. He was drained.
Jin stared at his back, waiting for another possible outburst, then, when it didn't happen, he stepped behind Kame and put his arms around him slowly, leaning on the other's back, feeling his sweaty shirt under his chest and the heaving movements as the younger one was breathing heavily.
“I'm sorry,” Jin said softly into his back, and stroked down his arms until he reached Kame's hand and entwined their fingers. “I'm sorry, Kazu.”
“Fuck you, too, Jin. Why the hell are you apologizing?” Kame breathed out, still annoyed but there was no anger in his voice anymore. Jin could feel the slender body trembling beneath him, more from exhaustion than anything else.
“Because no one else would say it. No one else will say it to you.”
Kame exhaled loudly and bent his head, resting it on their entwined fingers. “Six months,” he groaned out those words which scared both of them the most.
Jin raised his hand and brushed the long brown locks away from Kame's neck, then placed a soft kiss on the other's nape. “We're going to make this. We're going through this together, Kazu.”
Kame shifted, gently pushing Jin's weight away from him, to be able to turn around. Jin stepped back and straightened but he left his hands on the counter, still trapping Kame in between his arms.
The younger one looked at him, he wasn't expressionless anymore. His eyes showed everything he felt and Jin's breath hitched. There was anger, tiredness, fear and sadness in his shiny dark orbs and Jin wanted to do everything to wipe all these emotions away from his lover's face. But he couldn't because he felt exactly the same.
Sighing deeply, Jin tilted his head, looking away and fixing his gaze on the ceiling, blinking. “Come on, don't look at me like that. You want me to cry or what?”
Jin could feel how Kame's arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm hug, fingers digging into his hair, soothing it gently.
“No. Never.” Kame whispered as Jin returned the hug, rocking their bodies comfortingly.
There was silence between them again. But this time it wasn't tense or uncomfortable. It was that kind of silence when there is too much to say but there is no need for words. It was enough to let their bodies talk; their arms around each other, their breaths into each other's ears, the affectionate, soothing movements said it all. The silence filled with hope, strength and determination. It was not that easy to tear them apart. More precisely, it was impossible.