I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore
Josh and Kelly.
Snow camo, much?
Dorks and a half.
A slayed Josh...shouldn't have tried to carry me all that way!
Amazing sky...I have found walks again, and even if they're alone, they're fantastic.
I remember sitting here that first weekend, talking 'til 4 am....
And sitting here, with entirely too much coffee yelling "cake!" for five minutes, being complete freaks and having such a bloody amazing time. Which leads me to....
These kids. I call them freaks and I beat them up and I've cried to them more this past week than I'd ever care to admit, but...I am so incredibly lucky. So, so much. For everything.
The snow war was amazing.
AMAZING.
I've been having this tremendous pre-emptive nostalgia lately...I guess because of the situational change, and I've been wondering what we're all going to be like in three and a half years. Where we'll be...if we'll all be together. I see all of these people that came together as this conglomerate at orientation, who clung together in massive bands of HC freshmen the first few weeks as we piled tables together and I threatened TB's life for it and Josh made stacks of everything imaginable...and how along that point (and I am partially at fault for it...but not completely, hardly) we splintered, and we broke into the smaller groups I wanted, that I needed.
Just fantastic. John definitely tried to tackle me from behind as I was running and went for my knees, but I jumped like the crazy bitch that I am and he fell on his face. And Ben Major ran at TB and went high instead of low and then TB stood up and Ben flipped right over him...and Josh carried TB around, which is damned impressive, but those bastards also "cornered" me and Josh carried me around all flipped over and scared the shit outta me. But afterwards there was hot chocolates in the Ad(d)ams' room, and hushed conversation for quiet-hours and all those violators....
A week ago I was an absolute mess...and then I thought I was better, and then the next day I was a mess again. But I think it's getting there, and I ate dinner with Tony and Kelly tonight and it was fun and I ATE, I really did...and I am going to miss those kids so much when I go home. I'll miss a lot of people here, but they're my core....
I went on the HC website today and looked up senior thesis info. Which is optional, but yeah...so much for planning way too far in advance, given finals I have not fucking touched. But...to see their theses, to see them in the glass cases downstairs and in the photo albums outside of our doors...all of this accomplishment, and their freshmen photos to graduation. I want to know what we'll be like soooo much. Kelly wants to get a camcorder for Christmas and this makes me unspeakably happy. I want her to bombard people in the hallway, to interview us through our time here, to document all of this, so when we're seniors we can look back and it's so ridiculous that I want this now, but I want to look back and see this complete madness of the past week and shake my head- and I want to know where we'll be. And it scares me.
And as I was reading the site they had a page showing the renovation of Whitmyre from this charred old dorm to the HC, and they said, "This philosophy rings through the freshly painted corridors and the community-decorated classrooms, but is also apparent in the bittersweet melodies of the grand piano or the emotion-laden arias drifting from the practice room, the giggles and aroma of homemade cookies wafting from the Big Kitchen, and the 3 A.M. poetry readings over instant cappuccino." And I think I've opened my eyes and felt that for the first time in a long while. I've felt so much since I've been here...but maybe we did isolate ourselves (okay, we did). And I feel a lot better about leaving for break now...maybe I can't see where anything will go, maybe I'm still so lost, but maybe I don't need to know. Maybe we'll all get there okay.
Pre-finals snow wars must now be a tradition. I am cold and full of chocolate and happy...I feel okay again. We'll get there.