Confessions
Title: Should
Fandom: Wheel of Time
Characters: Moiraine, Rand
Prompt: Conessions
Word Count: 493
Rating: PG
Summary: Moiraine has never payed tribute to 'should'. Sequel to Mistakes
Table: http://airelement.livejournal.com/53973.html
It’s a cold night. Even curled up catlike under a thick feather duvet, Moiraine can’t shake the chill from her toes or her feet, and she’s too exhausted to use saidar to warm herself. It’s a mark of how much energy concealing the bump of her stomach takes, because conjuring a flame is the first thing novices learn when they begin their training. Simply making herself appear flat-stomached would be simple enough, but Moiraine has to distort the space around her because in all the bustle and vigour of Cairhien someone would be sure to walk into her and realise.
Moiraine suddenly realises that she feels lonely. It’s an odd sensation, and one that she doesn’t welcome because it means she’s grown attached to Rand. She shouldn’t have done. But then again, she shouldn’t be in this situation anyway. Shouldn’t.
Moiraine has never been a loyal follower of the word ‘shouldn’t’. Enslaved instead to ‘must’, the dictations of custom and tradition and what passes for common sense have always come second best. But there was no ‘must’ about her sharing a bed with Rand al’Thor; ‘must not’ would be the closest appropriate phrase.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! She berates herself angrily, wishing against all possibility for the Wheel to turn backwards and to send another Aes Sedai to the Two Rivers instead of her… but she can’t convince herself that she truly wants that. Not out of jealousy: Moiraine isn’t an insecure teenager. She knows full well that had she and Siuan’s places been changed, had she been the Amyrlin and Siuan set out to find the Dragon Reborn, Siuan and Rand wouldn’t have become any closer than Healing required. If Moiraine hadn’t got herself into this situation, no one would have done so in her stead. She knows that, and it makes her glad.
She’s being sentimental. She tells herself she’s being ridiculous. She tells herself that her interactions with the Dragon Reborn are nobody else’s business. She tells herself that those ‘interactions’ aren’t anything special. But the word makes her wince inside, and she wishes she could put the thought out of her head that ‘relationship’ would be a better fit in the sentence.
They don’t have a relationship, Moiraine tells herself strongly. All that happened is that they slept together, and she was stupid enough to forget to use saidar to stop this from happening.
“What’s happening?” Moiraine jerks upright, the blanket falling into her lap to reveal the pronounced curve of her stomach. Rand stares. He’s shocked. For once in her life, Moiraine doesn’t know what to say. There isn’t anything to say. He knows, now, and he knows that she wasn’t planning on telling him any time soon. If she’d been going to tell him, she would have done already.
“You should have told me,” Rand says, his voice accusing. Moiraine nods. She should have. But Moiraine never has never been in the habit of paying tribute to ‘should’.
Fandom: Wheel of Time
Characters: Moiraine, Rand
Prompt: Conessions
Word Count: 493
Rating: PG
Summary: Moiraine has never payed tribute to 'should'. Sequel to Mistakes
Table: http://airelement.livejournal.com/53973.html
It’s a cold night. Even curled up catlike under a thick feather duvet, Moiraine can’t shake the chill from her toes or her feet, and she’s too exhausted to use saidar to warm herself. It’s a mark of how much energy concealing the bump of her stomach takes, because conjuring a flame is the first thing novices learn when they begin their training. Simply making herself appear flat-stomached would be simple enough, but Moiraine has to distort the space around her because in all the bustle and vigour of Cairhien someone would be sure to walk into her and realise.
Moiraine suddenly realises that she feels lonely. It’s an odd sensation, and one that she doesn’t welcome because it means she’s grown attached to Rand. She shouldn’t have done. But then again, she shouldn’t be in this situation anyway. Shouldn’t.
Moiraine has never been a loyal follower of the word ‘shouldn’t’. Enslaved instead to ‘must’, the dictations of custom and tradition and what passes for common sense have always come second best. But there was no ‘must’ about her sharing a bed with Rand al’Thor; ‘must not’ would be the closest appropriate phrase.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! She berates herself angrily, wishing against all possibility for the Wheel to turn backwards and to send another Aes Sedai to the Two Rivers instead of her… but she can’t convince herself that she truly wants that. Not out of jealousy: Moiraine isn’t an insecure teenager. She knows full well that had she and Siuan’s places been changed, had she been the Amyrlin and Siuan set out to find the Dragon Reborn, Siuan and Rand wouldn’t have become any closer than Healing required. If Moiraine hadn’t got herself into this situation, no one would have done so in her stead. She knows that, and it makes her glad.
She’s being sentimental. She tells herself she’s being ridiculous. She tells herself that her interactions with the Dragon Reborn are nobody else’s business. She tells herself that those ‘interactions’ aren’t anything special. But the word makes her wince inside, and she wishes she could put the thought out of her head that ‘relationship’ would be a better fit in the sentence.
They don’t have a relationship, Moiraine tells herself strongly. All that happened is that they slept together, and she was stupid enough to forget to use saidar to stop this from happening.
“What’s happening?” Moiraine jerks upright, the blanket falling into her lap to reveal the pronounced curve of her stomach. Rand stares. He’s shocked. For once in her life, Moiraine doesn’t know what to say. There isn’t anything to say. He knows, now, and he knows that she wasn’t planning on telling him any time soon. If she’d been going to tell him, she would have done already.
“You should have told me,” Rand says, his voice accusing. Moiraine nods. She should have. But Moiraine never has never been in the habit of paying tribute to ‘should’.