Chapter 16, part three
The first thing to relax was Atsushi’s jaw as he released his bottom lip. Then he opened his eyes to look up at Makino, who wore the same expression as before. Atsushi blinked a few times, trying to clear his wavering vision. His arm was trembling where he had it held out towards Makino and he was breathing like he’d run a mile. “Is it done?” he asked after a moment; his voice was surprisingly hoarse to his own ears.
Makino nodded. “Yes.” He released Atsushi then and, with some trepidation Atsushi attempted to move his hand free. He was surprised to notice that despite the burning sensation his finger came away as if he had been touching merely room-temperature metal. Atsushi flexed his fingers a few times, making sure they were actually real before rubbing his finger and thumb together. The skin felt all right…
“Fujiwara has the other component. You’re done now Sakurai-san,” Makino told him. Atsushi nodded numbly, looking down at his hand and wondered what the hell had just happened.
“That was it?” U-ta asked. “You just had to touch it?”
Atsushi frowned, glancing over at the others. No one seemed particularly upset. In fact most of them looked as confused as U-ta sounded. Imai was the only one who looked vaguely troubled, but his expression was more of annoyance than anything else. That was most likely because of the restraining hand that Toll had on his arm-that must have been what had stopped him talking before…had it really been a few seconds ago? It felt like ages…
He was the first one to notice something about Atsushi however. Even Atsushi hadn’t been aware of it until Imai raised his unrestrained hand to point at him. “Your lip is bleeding Acchan. When did that happen?”
Atsushi’s tongue darted out automatically and, sure enough, he tasted blood. That was too much for him. Out of everything that morning…that was too much.
Atsushi’s hand flew up to his mouth. For a moment he was almost sick all over poor Imai’s lap, but he managed to hold himself steady with a few deep breaths. But his distress was blatantly obvious to everyone else.
Imai moved as a blur in the corner of Atsushi’s vision. Instead of scrambling to get away from him, however, Imai moved even closer, wrapping his arm around Atsushi’s rounded shoulders in a purely protective gesture. He reached across Atsushi’s chest and pushed him to sit upright with a slight pressure on his shoulder. He ended up using this arm as support however when Atsushi leaned forward even more as the wave of nausea passed.
“It’s all right, it’s okay…” he murmured in Atsushi’s ear. Atsushi nodded jerkily even as he clenched his jaw. He felt like such a stupid child. He didn’t need someone to jump to his defense just because he felt slightly queasy. He didn’t…
He didn’t need Imai to treat him like he was made out of fucking glass. He wasn’t. It…it felt like it sometimes but he knew he wasn’t. He had to know it…someone did at any rate. Because he couldn’t really be just on the edge of shattering over such a stupid little thing…
“Here, Acchan,” U-ta’s voice reached through Atsushi’s jumbled, whirling thoughts. He looked up and saw U-ta holding out a towel. “Kinda smells like coffee, but it’ll work for your lip.”
With a mumbled ‘thank you’ Atsushi took the cloth and touched it to his mouth. It wasn’t all that cold or wet anymore, but at least he didn’t taste blood. That was a small blessing.
Someone’s hand touched his back. Before Atsushi could tense up though Hide spoke and Atsushi realized it had to be him. “When did you manage to bite yourself like that?”
Atsushi closed his eyes, remembering the moment that, apparently, hadn’t really existed for anyone else. “Just now. It was an accident. No big deal…”
“No big deal?” Imai asked, incredulous. “You looked like you’re about to be sick Acchan. Something must have-”
That was it. He couldn’t take it anymore. “Yeah, I just don’t want to drink blood, that’s all,” Atsushi snapped, darting a sidelong glance at Imai’s face. He saw the other man flinch and he didn’t like it, but he was just so sick of this. “Can’t we just drop it?”
Imai looked appropriately startled by Atsushi’s reaction. Atsushi felt the first needling of guilt but he pushed it back down. If Imai babied him anymore…if he continued like this…
Well, Atsushi was going to just fall apart. He’d done that last night and he didn’t want to do it again.
So, although it was necessary, it was with a pang in his heart that Atsushi shrugged free of Imai’s hold on his shoulders and turned to face the Shinigami again. The hand the held the bloody towel trembled as he lowered the cloth and crumpled it in his fist, but he forced himself to ignore it.
Time certainly hadn’t stopped for the Shinigami. Both of them had moved on to the next part of...well, whatever had happened with professional vigor. Adam was kneeling on the floor by the table now, the cross resting on one of the closed flat pastry boxes. He had a slim test tube in one hand and a small scoop like instrument in the other. As Atsushi watched Adam started to gently scrape what looked like a chunky white mineral onto one of the points of the cross pendant. His focus was completely on that chore and he was oblivious to all of them watching him.
Meanwhile, Makino had stepped back and was surveying the entire process with a critical eye. He didn’t even seem to notice when Atsushi looked at him. Apparently the two of them were so engrossed in whatever Adam was doing to see Atsushi’s little episode. That didn’t make Atsushi feel any better.
No one said a word as Adam worked, but Atsushi could feel the words just bubbling under the surface. So many of his band mates dearly wanted to say something, but no one did. He highly suspected it wasn’t because of Adam’s delicate work. It was more because of Atsushi’s snippy reaction. For one thing it felt like Imai’s eyes were drilling a hole in Atsushi’s spine and he had to fight against the urge to curl in on himself. No, he could do something as simple as sit on a couch without being a whimpering little boy…
Although he sort of wished---No. He wasn’t going to even touch that thought. He was just going to sit there calmly…it was just Hide’s living room after all…
Atsushi nearly screamed when the phone rang. As it was he barely managed to strangle it back to a pathetic squeak of fear. He jerked back instantly and he felt his shoulder collide with Imai, but Imai made no attempt to hold onto him that time. He simply grunted from the unexpected force and shifted to make more room for Atsushi to cower next to him. It took Atsushi longer than he’d like to realize what he was doing, but he immediately moved over once he did so.
Hide had risen to get the phone so there was a lot of open space for Atsushi to retreat to. He didn’t get too far though because Adam’s quiet cursing caught his attention.
“Damn it, I almost dropped some of this. Ground vampire fang isn’t fucking cheap!” Adam was most likely speaking to Makino but they all heard him as the last peal of the phone was cut off by Hide picking it up.
“Ground…ground what?” Atsushi had to have heard wrong…
Adam looked up from his task just long enough to give Atsushi an apologetic look before going back to work. Makino was the one to fill them in. His tone was purely scientific. “Vampire fang. It’s telling the artifact what to warn against. There are other ways to go about it, but this is the most secure method.”
Atsushi’s stomach decided to roil again. Lovely. “You’re putting va…vampire fangs on-?”
“Sort of,” Adam said, cutting him off. He looked up and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “There, all done.” He reached down and lifted the necklace up by the chain. Glimmering at each point were specks of white that almost looked like opals…except Atsushi now knew differently. “We have to get this on you quickly, so if you could lean forward-”
Atsushi didn’t move. He stared at Adam as a feeling of blind panic swelled up inside him. Here he’d been thinking that he could handle this, that he didn’t need someone to protect him… but right now…right now he couldn’t even think past the concept of “Hell no.”
“Sakurai-san,” Makino barked. “This is a limited window spell. Please lean forward.”
Still he didn’t move. Atsushi’s eyes and mind were locked on those shimmering white jewels-teeth-that were fixed on what had once been such an innocent thing… even if it had almost burned him to death. He could handle that, but not…not…
Someone sighed. It had to have been Adam because he was suddenly moving closer and all Atsushi could think to do was retreat, get away… don’t touch it… But he couldn’t because there was the back of the couch behind him and it was just like before and why was his life repeating…
“Stop it.” Imai’s voice cut through everything, making both Adam’s movement and Atsushi’s hectic thoughts stop. Imai had stood up at some point and he held out his hands to Adam. “This won’t hurt him.” It was more a statement than a question.
“No,” Adam said. “It won’t.”
Imai’s lips were a harsh line across his face. Atsushi stared up at him, wondering sluggishly when he’d gotten so stern… “Give it to me.”
Atsushi didn’t see the nonverbal exchange between the Shinigami, but he was certain there had to have been one because Adam paused before doing what was requested of him. Imai held the chain of the necklace awkwardly as if he was afraid it would bite. When it did not he adjusted his grip a bit more before kneeling back on the couch next to Atsushi.
“Sit still,” he said softly before he used one hand to brush Atsushi’s hair back and then, after a short moment of hesitation, reached around to fasten the necklace around Atsushi’s neck.
Some part of Atsushi’s mind was screaming at him to back away, to run…but the majority of him just sat and stared up at Imai as he so patiently and gently carried out this task. It seemed so simple and mundane…how could that hurt?
And it didn’t. It felt like any other piece of jewelry he’d ever worn. Atsushi dragged his gaze from Imai’s grim face to the pendant laying so innocently in the center of his chest. Adam said something then but Atsushi didn’t pay any attention.
At least he didn’t until Imai grabbed hold of the collar of Atsushi’s sweater and started to feed the pendant down against his skin.
Atsushi woke from his daze then. “Wha-no, don’t-” He tried to push Imai away but the other man was relentless. Before he knew it the necklace disappeared from view, but the cold feeling of it against his skin was like being dosed with frigid water. He tensed, trying to draw away from it but knowing it was useless. Especially when Imai pressed his own hand down firmly against the front of Atsushi’s sweater, right where the pendant was.
The burn was back. It erupted through Atsushi like wild fire and he was immediately blind from the pain. He must have made some kind of noise this time around because Imai’s hand immediately withdrew. The burn didn’t though. Not at first. But then it gradually began to seep out of him…and he could have sworn it went into the necklace. At least that’s where he last felt it, tingling just under the newly warmed metal before dissipating entirely.
Atsushi came back to reality to hear Imai shouting. “You said it wouldn’t hurt him!”
Atsushi cracked his eyes open and realized that he was laying partially on the couch, upper body on the cushions with his feet still on the floor, and that somebody was sitting next to his head, a hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t Imai though. He could see him standing in front of him, facing Adam down. It looked like Adam had started to come around the table but he’d been stopped by Imai’s rage.
Adam had both of his hands up in a warding off gesture. “It shouldn’t have hurt him. That was just the activation. A bit of light won’t-”
“Then why did he scream!” Imai was furious.
Had he? Atsushi couldn’t remember. His head was pounding so it was very hard to think…
Makino was trying to explain now. “The first connection causes some pain, but the full activation happens on a more spiritual level because the metal is already attuned to Sakurai-san from the first time he touched it. There shouldn’t have been any discomfort this time around.” The last was said with a small uncertain glance tossed Atsushi’s way.
Atsushi licked his dry lips. “It burns,” he croaked. Everyone’s attention was on him in that moment. All of the men standing turned on him, but Atsushi only looked at Makino, who was studying him with a frown.
“Can you sit up?” U-ta, who Atsushi realized was the person sitting by his head, whispered into the taut silence. Atsushi couldn’t even shake his head-he was certain that if he moved he’d be sick everywhere. So he closed his eyes again and forced himself to calm down.
The cushion shifted by his legs and that was the first time Atsushi noticed Toll sitting there, where Imai had once been. The older man’s face was worried and yet he, thankfully, didn’t say anything. As soon as he realized Atsushi was looking at him he managed a small smile and patted Atsushi’s leg in a brotherly fashion.
Knowing that both he and U-ta were there helped Atsushi relax slightly. Or at least it didn’t feel like his body was tying itself into knots anymore.
“You said it burns?” Makino mused, making Atsushi look up at him again. “That’s intriguing…”
“Intriguing!” Imai cried. For the first time since he had the necklace put on Atsushi looked at Imai. The other man was staring Makino down, shoulders tense and fist balled angrily at his side. Atsushi couldn’t see his face very well, but he had the inkling that he didn’t really want to… “There is nothing fucking intriguing-”
“What the hell is going on in here?” Hide’s voice came from the kitchen doorway and he didn’t sound happy.
Atsushi wasn’t even going to try to move. He could tell by Hide’s voice and the way Toll’s face became wary that looking weak and pathetic would be the best course of action. Granted, he was weak and pathetic at this point, so it wasn’t very difficult for him to achieve.
He did tilt his head back slightly, trying to see Hide was he descended open the tableau in his living room. This movement caused the cross pendant to drag across Atsushi’s skin and he tensed in anticipation…but nothing happened. It was a deceptively normal piece of jewelry again. Atsushi released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
Hide was on a war path, all of his fury focusing on the men standing in the middle of the room. They must have looked like the main instigators. That was an understandable conclusion. “I was on the phone with the damn police when someone out here screamed! Do you know how hard it was to soothe that over? And then to have you all start arguing!”
Atsushi’s heart leapt up into his throat. “The police called?” he asked in an unsteady voice before anyone else could say a word. So much for staying pathetic and invisible.
Hide’s fury-filled gaze turned on Atsushi but his ire faded quickly. “What happened?” he asked with a frown. “Was that…was that you Acchan?”
Atsushi coughed to clear his throat and, taking a deep breath, he moved to sit up. U-ta was ready to aid him immediately and with his help Atsushi was sitting upright again. His head throbbed and his vision swam, but he managed to stay vertical. He felt the metal cross settle against his chest. Its presence was still so awkward… “That’s what they tell me,” he said, motioning with his hand towards Imai and the men standing before him.
Imai was watching him, and Atsushi forced himself to look up and see the man’s face. His expression was openly anxious, teeth clamped tight on his bottom lip, and his eyes glittered with guilt. Atsushi’s chest constricted at the sight. For his face to be that expressive at a time like this…he must be feeling really miserable.
“Imai,” he started, but that was all he could think to say.
His name seemed to be enough for Imai to realize what expression he was wearing because he averted his eyes and steeled his jaw. “You’re okay now?” he asked tensely.
Atsushi went to nod but his head hurt too much. Besides, Imai wasn’t even looking. It would have been a wasted effort. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
Atsushi studied Imai for a moment, ignoring everyone else in the room. It was obvious that things weren’t ‘good’ for Imai. Atsushi recognize that this was his chance to return Imai’s recent kindness. He could be the one offering support…it could be a reciprocal exchange. That was all right with Atsushi.
Reaching out Atsushi grabbed Imai’s wrist and pulled. At first Imai didn’t move, but one more obstinate tug was enough to make him sit down between Atsushi and Toll. It was a tight fit with four men on the couch, but U-ta could squeeze over, he was small.
Imai sat stiff and unrelenting, staring straight ahead. He didn’t even look at Atsushi when he reached over to touch Imai’s shoulder. “It’s all right, Imai,” he said anyway. “I’m fine.”
Imai didn’t react. Or, at least he seemed unwilling to react. He must have really been smarting from his earlier lapse in emotional control. The fact that his eyes were now fixed firmly on the Shinigami standing across the room made Atsushi suspect that they were the reason Imai was so unresponsive, so he let it go. Besides, it seemed like there was another problem…
Hide was watching all of this with a strange expression on his face that Atsushi couldn’t read easily. His expression cleared marginally when he realized Atsushi was paying attention to him again. “Yeah, the police called. They want to talk to you at the station, Acchan.”
“But we have to finish the-” Adam began, but Makino talked over him.
“We can do that without Sakurai-san, Fujiwara, you know that.” He turned to address Atsushi. “You should go then. We don’t want to interfere with the mortal police. That’s not what we’re here for.”
“But what good will it do to have them on the case?” U-ta asked the question Atsushi was sure they were all thinking.
Makino’s lips thinned as he studied U-ta. “Well, at the very least Higuchi-san, they can make sure the body is identified and given a proper funeral. That will let the poor soul rest more comfortably.”
Atsushi bit the inside of his cheek at the reminder. Yes, whoever it was deserved that much…although he really hoped it could be done without himself being part of it… but something about Hide’s face told him the answer to that.
“Did they say what they wanted?” he asked the other man, his voice weary.
Hide shook his head. “Not really, but I have this feeling…”
“Yeah…so do I.” Atsushi closed his eyes and sighed. “I suppose there’s nothing for it…”
“I’ll go with you,” Imai said immediately in hard, clipped tones.
Atsushi opened his eyes and studied Imai’s stiff posture. He decided in that moment that Imai going with him wouldn’t be a good idea. He needed time to cool down. “Could you stay here, Imai?” Imai turned then, his expression edging on surprised, and Atsushi hesitated momentarily. “And….and watch over what else these two have to do? Please?” He hated how so very close to pleading that last word sounded.
Imai’s lips pressed together in a firm line as he stared hard at Atsushi’s face. Atsushi refused to look away no matter how much he wanted to. At last, however, Imai’s face relaxed just the slightest bit. “All right. I’ll watch them for you. But someone else has to go with you.”
“I’ll go,” Hide spoke up. “I’m pretty sure they’re expecting me to go anyway, since as far as they know he’s staying with me and no one else is here.”
“You guys should call Chiba first,” Toll said, speaking for the first time in a while. “He’ll want to know.”
Hide nodded. “Right.”
That seemed to decide it. Hide left to go call Chiba while Adam began to collect the tools he had been using before, placing them all into a weather-beaten leather case. U-ta and Toll both stood up and started to clean up the mess on the table. This left Atsushi and Imai sitting together on the couch, while Makino hovered somewhere over Adam’s shoulder, not saying a word. Atsushi could feel him watching though and he didn’t like it.
That wasn’t going to stop him though. He would feel miserable if he left Imai the way he was. He had to try something. He touched Imai’s arm gently to draw his attention. Imai glanced at him, but only for a moment. It was obvious he didn’t want Atsushi to see his face, so he looked down into the middle distance.
Atsushi was going to talk to him anyway, if the other man was looking at him or not. “I’m really okay now, you don’t have to worry,” he reassured Imai in an undertone.
Imai’s shoulders tensed. “You weren’t.”
“No, but I am now.”
“But you weren’t. Because of what I did.” The last bit came out slightly strangled, as if Imai had to force himself to say it.
Ah. So Atsushi was right. Imai was feeling guilty. “It would have happened anyway,” he said. “I’d rather have you leaning over me instead of Adam, though.”
Imai’s head jerked up at that and he stared at Atsushi in surprise. Atsushi was confused at first…but then it dawned on him. He flushed. It really wasn’t that much innuendo, he’d heard and said worse before, but for some reason having Imai look at him like that after saying it…he felt so awkward.
“Uhh… yeah, because you see….you… Well, you’re not…” Imai just continued to stare even as Atsushi’s babbling faltered into silence.
Then Imai cleared his throat. “I’d rather have it that way too,” he whispered, staring straight into Atsushi’s face.
The Issue was back, full force. Atsushi bit his bottom lip, trying to fight back the remembrance of those words…..but he could still picture the scene in his mind of the two of them…and Imai had said that…
When Atsushi blinked he was shocked to realize that his eyes were wet. Damn it, again?
Imai was still there, watching his with trepidation. Atsushi knew he had to say something…but now? With all these people here? He…didn’t have any time to think about this…to process anything… Hell, he was still trying to catch up with what had happened just that morning…
So all he said was, “I know.”
Oddly enough, Imai’s face relaxed slightly as he said that. Apparently he hadn’t wanted to discuss it here either. “When you come back?” he asked.
“I…maybe?” Atsushi supplied, feeling so terribly out of place in that moment.
Imai nodded; the movement was jerky but his face was a lot softer. It was nowhere near as open as it could be, but at least he didn’t look ready to turn into stone.
They sat in silence for a while, watching as U-ta tried to stuff as many boxes as possible into Toll’s arms. Watching all that food disappear made Atsushi realize that he hadn’t eaten any of it, but he really wasn’t hungry. Maybe a good stiff drink would do though…
All of a sudden Imai’s hand was patting Atsushi’s knee. It was a brief, brotherly contact. “All right then,” he said in a tone that was near cheerful. “You should go get ready. You’ll at least need new socks.”
Atsushi nodded numbly, taken aback by Imai’s returned liveliness. Imai nodded once in return and then he stood up. He straightened his shoulders and then marched over to where Makino and Adam stood waiting. They started to talk quietly as Hide appeared out of the kitchen and came to usher Atsushi out of the room to get a change of close. Apparently an overlarge sweater wasn’t good for a police station.
Atsushi couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder at Imai, who was deep in conversation with the Shinigami now. That was for the best.
They would talk later. Atsushi wasn’t looking forward to it…but they would.
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