I have reached a wary truce with the small black spider currently residing in my living room. He spends his time spinning busily in the corner and going on safari around the ceiling. I am incapable of reaching truces with big spiders. Big spiders must be caught in tupperware containers (eurgh) and released back into the wild (eurgh eurgh: what if they jump out at me when I open the lid?). For huge ass spiders, I must call my downstairs neighbor for back-up.
I attempted to get my roommate to perform a catch and release on her, since I was not tall enough to reach her, even standing on a chair (shut up) but she is Super!Afraid! of spiders. So! I took an Entertainment Weekly (the House issue, if you care) and swatted at the ceiling until Charlotte scooted down enough to crawl onto said magazine and then I released her into the wild aka my porch.
People shouldn't mock the humanitarians. Peter (new downstairs neighbor, not to be confused with Mr. Shiny Peter) also mocked me when he came upstairs to escort my uninvited arachnid guest from the house. Behold our conversation from the other day.
Me: No no no no! Don't kill it! Peter: Don't . . . Amanda, you said you needed me to get rid of it. Me: Well, yeah, but you can just take it outside. You don't have to kill the poor thing. It's not its fault it's scary. Peter: If I take it outside, it's just going to come back in. Me: Not if you take it down the street. Peter: You want me to take the spider down the street. Me: Yes. Peter: You're crazy, do you know that? Me: Yes. Peter: OK then.
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Run away! Run away!
I have reached a wary truce with the small black spider currently residing in my living room. He spends his time spinning busily in the corner and going on safari around the ceiling. I am incapable of reaching truces with big spiders. Big spiders must be caught in tupperware containers (eurgh) and released back into the wild (eurgh eurgh: what if they jump out at me when I open the lid?). For huge ass spiders, I must call my downstairs neighbor for back-up.
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I am a HUMANITARIAN and for that I was mocked.
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Me: No no no no! Don't kill it!
Peter: Don't . . . Amanda, you said you needed me to get rid of it.
Me: Well, yeah, but you can just take it outside. You don't have to kill the poor thing. It's not its fault it's scary.
Peter: If I take it outside, it's just going to come back in.
Me: Not if you take it down the street.
Peter: You want me to take the spider down the street.
Me: Yes.
Peter: You're crazy, do you know that?
Me: Yes.
Peter: OK then.
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YES, OMG SO MUCH. Also? It's David "or-TEEEZ," not David "OAR-teez." This is not hard. Asshats.
Oh, and Macha? There is a HUGE ASS spider on my ceiling. Thought you'd like to know.
Eeeek. I would be doing the gansta lean in your apt. Or running away. Probably running away. ::nods::
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Oh, word. I have bitched about this many times. I can't believe I forgot to mention it.
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