Fic: A Therapeutic Chain of Events 1/2
Title: A Therapeutic Chain of Events 1/2
Fandom: Bandslash - P!atD
Pairing: Spencer/Brendon, Spencer/Brendon/Haley
Words: ~14,800
Disclaimer: It's not real. I made it all up and I intend no harm whatsoever.
Summary: "I thought you were going to offer some sage, Jon Walker advice and fix everything!" Brendon said.
Jon shrugged a little, grinning. "Hey - I don't know how to fix this one. I'd say 'move on' or 'find someone else' but I'm guessing you've tried that so... " Jon shrugged again, "I've got nothing."
As ever my neverending thanks to strangecobwebs. She read this in sections that I would send her from the very beginning and was a one-woman cheerleading team. She also betaed it for me - therefore dealing with/pointing out my bizarre conjugation choices for the verb "to be" and my "creative" spelling. Any interesting typos or errors that got through are my fault - she has to put up with a lot as I seem to have invented my own language.
Also because when I said "I want to write a long-fic about Spencer/Brendon/Haley" she went "YAY!"
(If you want to read this in style=mine, click here)
Brendon fawned over Ryan. Everyone knew that he liked to touch Ryan - to hug him, to lean on him, to whisper in his ear. There were photographs everywhere and that was fine with Brendon. Everyone suspected that he had a half-formed (or full-blown) crush on Ryan. And that was okay.
Because if they were watching him around Ryan then they weren't seeing him watch Spencer. All day. Every day. It was almost a sixth sense the way Brendon always knew where Spencer was in a room. He could close his eyes and point at Spencer even through walls. He worried that it almost came close to obsession - knowing, needing to know where Spencer was at all times. But if he knew, he couldn't be shocked. He couldn't be surprised into giving something away. Because Brendon had been desperately in love with Spencer Smith almost since the day he met him and there was no way he was going to let that ruin their band.
************************************
Brendon had been convinced it would be Ryan. He'd had a moment of "Oh - shit..." when he'd seen this slender, pretty boy, mouth in a moue and holding his guitar like it was keeping him afloat. Brendon knew his usual type and Ryan was it. Pretty and self-contained and a challenge. Ryan was attention-starved and Brendon had too much attention to give. He'd been convinced from that moment that he would spend the next years of his life comparing everyone he knew to Ryan Ross. And that really sucked because Ryan Ross was so clearly straight.
He had been so wrong about it being Ryan. The crush had started (it had purred to life and started down that road to infatuation if he was honest) but somehow had been derailed. Spencer hadn't even really registered on Brendon's radar when they first met (pretty like a girl and sharp - don't piss him off) but Spencer was like that. People overlooked him until one day you woke up and he was all you could think about.
On the morning that Brendon had woken up and realised that he'd fallen in love with Spencer he called in sick - even to the band - and stayed in bed all day. To be honest, he had felt sick. He had focused on avoiding this with Ryan so much that Spencer had blind-sided him. With his drumming and his sharp, witty comments that came close to cutting but never did and that smile. Not the one that he used every day - the smile that came out when he was beyond happy. The one that was like seeing the sun rise and flood the dawn with gold. The one that made Brendon's inside curl and never failed to make him grin back. The one that made Brendon want to make sure that he was the one to make Spencer smile like that forever.
There was no chance, though. Brendon wasn't exactly an expert on relationships or seeing who liked whom, but he had at least some gaydar and the only thing about Spencer that pinged it was the way he stood, hips cocked.
Spencer was out of bounds. But Ryan wasn't any more. If he hugged and flung himself at Ryan, who cared? It didn't mean anything. If Ryan told him to fuck off, it didn't hurt because it didn't matter. He could laugh it off and laugh at Ryan and come back later to hug and bother him. And if Ryan asked one time (late at night, in Brendon's little dingy apartment when he was staying there, away from his dad) if Brendon was interested in him (voice quiet and strained and nervous), Brendon could honestly laugh and hug him and tell him no.
Because while he was hugging Ryan (and touching him and poking him and "Godammit, Brendon, will you fuck off?"), Brendon wasn't letting himself do it to Spencer. Because if Spencer told him even once to fuck off when he hugged him, or pushed him away, it would make Brendon's heart crumble. And he needed Spencer. He needed to see him. He needed to be near him.
*************************************
Brendon tried to hate Haley. He had successfully hated all of Spencer's girlfriends and he had thought Haley would be no different. But Haley was smart and funny (and witty too, like Spencer) and adored Brendon. She sought him out to hug and tell him that they should go shopping together to buy presents for Spencer because she was his girlfriend, but Brendon spent more time with him and knew what he liked. Haley loved Ryan as Spencer's best friend, but she almost put aside special hours to hang out with Brendon and do things like watch Beauty and the Beast and compare Ryan to Cogsworth and then giggle guiltily when he came into the room.
Brendon had thought that liking Haley would make it harder. It didn't. He loved Spencer and he adored Haley and they made each other happy which made Brendon happy. Mostly.
Haley made Spencer smile more and more when she would come out to see them on tour and she seemed to be the only person who figured out that Brendon like boys as much as, if not more than girls. Not even Audrey had figured that one out. Haley would start up conversations with Brendon about how hot that guy was, or look at him bending over, or man, that guy's checking you out. There was never a question, but Brendon just joined in and it was nice to have someone to talk with like that. Most of his band knew (they weren't stupid) but it wasn't talked about and seemed to be a non-issue.
************************************
When the subject finally came up, Brendon was totally off guard. He was sitting with Jon on the tour bus, lounged so far back in his seat he was almost horizontal, watching some shitty documentary that someone had left lying around. Ryan and Spencer were off somewhere doing something. Brendon hadn't exactly been listening.
"You're in love with Spencer," Jon said and Brendon panicked. He knew how to stay calm and laugh and deny in such a way that people didn't doubt his sincerity. But that was because everyone thought it was Ryan. Everyone asked about Ryan.
"No - no I'm not," Brendon stammered and knew, knew, he had done it wrong. He sat up and could feel his heart speeding up and his palms sweating. Someone knew. Jon knew. After being careful for so many years to never be in this position, someone knew.
Jon put his hand out to Brendon, as though he were a frightened deer. "Hey - dude, hey, " he said, soothingly. "It's okay - I won't tell him or anything."
Brendon looked up at him. "How can you tell?" he asked, frantically, "Am I that obvious?" If Jon knew, how many other people did? He had been so stupid and complacent, thinking his Ryan diversion would just always work, but if Jon had seen through it maybe Ryan had too? Or (his stomach reeled at the thought) Spencer?
"You're not obvious at all," Jon laughed, turning his body more to face Brendon and crossing his legs on the sofa. "I just knew that you were into someone and Ryan was the obvious one. But Ryan isn't the one who makes you go all still when he walks into a room, you know?"
Brendon nodded dejectedly. He knew. When he wasn't around Spencer, he was waiting. Until Spencer was there again. When he came back, Brendon relaxed.
"He has a girlfriend," Jon said and Brendon laughed, trying to regain at least a little composure.
"I know," he said, "and I thought that would help me get over him but I really like Haley. So now I'm happy for them, but still in love with him." Brendon could see Jon nodding as he spoke. Then he shook his head.
"Sucks to be you, dude," he said. Brendon paused for a second before he burst out laughing and hugged Jon.
"I thought you were going to offer some sage, Jon Walker advice and fix everything!" Brendon said. Jon shrugged a little, grinning.
"Hey - I don't know how to fix this one. I'd say 'move on' or 'find someone else' but I'm guessing you've tried that so... " Jon shrugged again, "I've got nothing." He paused. "Or - well, you could tell him?"
Brendon nearly choked. "What the hell good would that do?" He said. "Apart from freak him out and make him avoid me and maybe piss off Ryan for pissing off Spencer..." He shook his head, "No. Bad idea."
"But he'd get over being pissed off," Jon said, "and he can't avoid you forever in the band. Then maybe you'd finally get through it and fall for someone else. I hear that Patrick's pretty hot?" He nudged Brendon, grinning suggestively.
Brendon laughed and shoved at Jon with a foot. "Patrick's pretty straight, dude," he said.
"Really? So you can just tell?" Jon asked. "How about me? Am I straight?" Brendon knew that Jon was trying to make him laugh and calm him back down. And it was working. God bless Jon Walker.
"I have some gaydar," Brendon told him, "and you're totally straight too."
Jon grinned. "Mostly straight," he amended. "There's nothing Ewan McGregor could force me into that I wouldn't do willingly."
Brendon laughed. "You've been watching Moulin Rouge too much," he told Jon. They both paused and looked at each other.
When Ryan and Spencer returned Jon and Brendon were curled up together watching all of the musical numbers in Moulin Rouge and skipping the parts in between.
************************************
Jon knew. Jon know and that was okay. Brendon could cope with that. But he now felt a little like he was on display when just and Spencer were hanging out and Jon walked into the room. Was he sitting too close? Was his body language too clear? Why was his leg touching Spencer's? How had he ended up with Spencer's head on his shoulder?
All the slight, semi-innocent touches that Brendon had allowed himself to indulge in before (because no one noticed him sitting with his feet on Spencer's lap if he was draped over Ryan) now seemed like beacons that broadcast his feelings everywhere. If Jon had noticed then he wasn't being careful enough. No more casual touches. No more hugs at all. No more letting Spencer mooch into his space when they watched bad sci fi together. He couldn't let anyone else (Spencer) find out.
**************************************
When Haley was able to come out on tour again with them Brendon was really looking forward to it. When Spencer had told him she was coming they shared grins that were frighteningly seconds away from them clutching hands and bouncing. Spencer knew how much Brendon loved Haley and always told Brendon she was coming first. Someone to share the excitement with.
As they grinned at each other dopily, Ryan slouched out of the bunk area and into the lounge. Brendon guiltily looked away from Spencer as Ryan flopped onto the sofa, immediately curling up with his eyes closed. Spencer turned towards Ryan as Brendon retreated over to sit at the table.
"Why even get out of bed if you're just going to go to sleep on the sofa?" Spencer asked, poking at Ryan with a toe. Ryan didn't even bother swatting at it.
"It's a process," he said, "If I'm out here, I'm waking up. If I'm in my bunk I'm sleeping." Spencer turned and raised an amused eyebrow at Brendon who grinned. Brendon tried not to watch Spencer as he walked over to the coffee machine and started it up.
"So hey - " Spencer said, looking back over at Ryan, " - Haley's definitely coming out from tomorrow. For about a week."
"I guessed," Ryan said, voice muffled from where his mouth was pressed into the arm of the sofa, "It was kind of obvious from the way you two were grinning at each other like excited girls."
Brendon pushed out from behind the table. "I'm - " he paused, "I'm going out for a walk." He grabbed a hoodie and ignored Spencer's protest that he was making coffee as he bounded down the bus steps.
There was hardly anyone about outside. It wasn't early, but a number of people couldn't sleep when the buses were actually on the road so they slept later when they arrived at a venue. Brendon wandered past the roped-off bus area and out of the parking lot their convoy had commandeered. He did want coffee, but it was so hard now being around Spencer. He was always so paranoid that he would give himself away. He knew he was being weird. Spencer and Ryan would probably end up thinking he was angry or upset with Spencer and then ask him why and...it was a nightmare. Damn Jon Walker and his amazing insightfulness. And why had he felt the need to bring it up? Couldn't he just have kept his stunning insights into Brendon's brain to himself?
Brendon wandered down the street and found a Starbucks-wannabe coffee shop. He bought himself a latte (signing a few autographs) and was about to leave when he turned back and bought muffins for Ryan, Spencer and Jon too. Maybe that would stave off the inevitable conversation about why he was being weird.
*********************************
"You're a moron," Haley told Brendon as they sat on the edge of the stage, dangling their legs and drinking smoothies. The buses were leaving in about an hour, once the last check of the venue was done. Leaving behind amps and artists had happened too many times.
"What?" Brendon asked, "Why?" He was coveting Haley's strawberry smoothie. He'd gone for kiwi which had seemed great in principle, but the strawberry smelled amazing.
"You're ignoring Spencer," Haley said. Brendon put his smoothie down and tried to pluck up the courage to look up at her rather than the floor.
"I'm..." he started, but Haley cut him off.
"Don't even try to deny it," she said. "Even I can see that you're being weird around him. You have to stop it." Haley paused and put her own smoothie down on the stage next to her. "He doesn't have a problem with you liking guys, Bren." Brendon's head snapped round.
"He knows?" He said harshly. "Did you tell him?" Brendon couldn't help it. It was one thing to know academically that his bandmates knew he liked guys, but a whole new ball game to know for certain that they did. And if Spencer knew that for sure, then it made it more likely that he could figure out that Brendon liked him specifically.
Haley held up her hands in a defensive gesture. "No way! I wouldn't. But honey," she rested a hand on his shoulder, "they've known for a while and haven't been different with you. Why are you freaking out now?"
Brendon opened his mouth to explain but nothing would come out. He tried to think of an excuse - any excuse - that would explain why he had started freaking out, but his mind stayed blank. He gaped at Haley uselessly. "I like someone," he finally stammered out, feeling a blush begin to spread across his chest and up his neck. He hadn't blushed in forever - not since taking on the frontman duties on stage.
Haley laughed. "Oh god!" she exclaimed, "Of course you do!" She seemed delighted at the news and hugged him with one arm across his shoulders. "And you're freaking out that seeing you with a guy will be different and they'll be weird."
Brendon was impressed that he'd somehow managed to arrange for Haley to come up with his excuse for him. A pretty perfect excuse, actually, as long as he was able to not tell her who this mystery guy was. And as long as she didn't try to help him "get" the guy either.
"Uh - " Brendon started, " - he, the guy, doesn't - uh - like guys though?" It was true, really. Haley's face contorted into an almost comical expression of sorrow.
"Oh - oh Brendon," she said, jumping down off the high stage to wrap her arms round him, head barely coming up past his waist. He reached down and hugged at her shoulders (as low as he could reach) and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
"I'm okay," he told her, "I'll get over it eventually." Haley's hair smelled great and he spread his legs slightly further apart so that she was pressed more snugly to him. Spencer was a lucky guy and Haley was a lucky girl. He, however, would just have to settle for the pity-hugs.
**********************************
Haley's visit was over far too soon. With her there it was easier to be around Spencer and not let himself get too freaked out. Haley would grab him and drag him down to sit on the sofa with her and Spencer, snuggling them all up close and laughing when they both squirmed. He felt like Haley's stay had healed a breach between him and Spencer, even if Spencer had never known it was there. Maybe he could tell Jon that he wasn't in love with Spencer any more? Tell him he was seeing one of the roadies (any one; pick one)? Maybe even tell the others that too. It would add an extra layer of diversion over and above his obvious flirtation with Ryan.
But when Spencer came back from dropping Haley off at the airport he didn't even look Brendon in the eye. And all the next day Spencer seemed to be avoiding him. He was being weird and the heavy lump in Brendon's stomach told him why. Haley must have told him that Brendon was interested in someone. And unlike Haley, Spencer had immediately realised that it was him.
*********************************
Brendon was miserable and moping in the back lounge when Ryan came to ask if he was joining them for dinner. Someone knew a great restaurant about an hour away and although it was kind of far, it was worth it. Brendon backed out, relishing the idea of at least three hours on the bus by himself. Without Spencer continuing to avoid him. Ryan gave him a speculative look but didn't comment. He left, closing the door to the lounge behind him.
After about five minutes, Brendon got up to look for a DVD to put on. He pulled out Jon's first season of The O.C. and peered at the box. Too dramatic. He needed something light-hearted and fun. He put the box back and rooted around until he found a random Friends DVD. It was weird how no one ever claimed to buy the show, and yet there were always random episodes lying around. He didn't even check what season it was or what episodes were on it. No one died in Friends and even the drama was funny.
The menu system was just coming up on the screen when Brendon heard the bus door open and someone come on. He'd heard Ryan close it after him when he left so someone must have come back. Just as he swung his legs down to check, Spencer walked into the back lounge. He paused, looking at Brendon who felt suddenly tense. Was this it? Had Spencer come back to ask him about everything?
Spencer glanced over at the tv and then back at Brendon. "Um - can I watch with you?" He said. He sounded unsure - like he was actually asking a huge favour rather than something they all did together every day. Brendon nodded and tried to settle back down and appear relaxed. Spencer was clearly not just here to watch DVDs. He almost perched on the sofa, the opposite end from Brendon's untidy sprawl.
Through the first episode Spencer relaxed more. He stopped perching and moved into a more Spencer-like watching position, legs all askew and slouching. As Brendon brought the menu back up to select the next episode he glanced over at Spencer who was watching him.
"So why didn't you go to dinner?" Brendon asked. As hard as it was to consider going through Spencer having a freak-out on him, the waiting was worse.
"I just didn't really feel hungry," Spencer said with a wooden shrug. "Hey - do you want a beer?" He pointed through towards the kitchen. Brendon nodded.
Spencer pushed up off the sofa and came back a few moments later with two beers. He handed one to Brendon and kept the other for himself. Brendon sat up and put his beer down on the small, cluttered table. Spencer hardly ever drank outside of parties.
"What's going on, Spence," he asked. "What's wrong?" Spencer took a swig from the neck of the beer and grimaced. Needing a drink was definitely not a good sign.
"I just thought we could have a talk," Spencer said, fiddling with the beer, but turning to face Brendon with his legs up on the sofa. Brendon turned and mirrored the action. His heart was beating too fast and his stomach felt uneasy. He grasped his beer and drank some, hoping it might settle him a little.
"Okay, " he said.
Spencer nodded and put his own beer down on the table. "I spoke to Haley," he said. Brendon swallowed and nodded. "She said that - " Spencer stopped. "Um, she said that you're into a guy who doesn't like guys and that you want to get over that."
Brendon waited. Whatever Spencer was saying it was clearly going to take him a while to get to the point.
"Haley trusts me," Spencer continued and Brendon frowned, confused at the change of subject. "She knows I won't do anything with any of the groupies or anything like that. And I trust her too. But we don't see each for other weeks at a time and that's really hard. There's a girl at her school who she's really close with and we talked about making an exception, you know?" Spencer looked up at Brendon.
Did Spencer just want to talk about Haley sleeping with a girl at her school? Or the idea of her potentially sleeping with another girl? Did Spencer want advice from him? It would make sense considering Brendon's friendship with Haley, but it was far from what he had been expecting. He felt flooded with relief.
"Okay, so Haley would get to do stuff with this girl and it would be okay with you because it's a girl?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah," Spencer said. "Exactly." Brendon nodded.
"I guess that sounds fair if you guys are both cool with it. I mean, you're not going to get jealous of a girl, right?" Brendon felt like he was getting into the swing of the conversation. Advice giving. He could do that. Spencer didn't seem any less anxious though.
"No - we talked about that," he said. "And so if her exception is a girl, mine would have to be - " Spencer trailed off and Brendon wondered how he could have missed the point to begin with.
"A guy," he said, finishing Spencer's sentence. The nausea was back but in a different way. Spencer was looking at him hard now. Straight in the eyes.
"We talked about it," Spencer said, in a rush now. "And Haley said you wanted to get over a guy and I know that you like guys and I know it's a fucked up thing to even talk about but I could help with that and with the exception and all..."
"You want to sleep with me?" Brendon asked, just trying to make sure that he was on the same page as Spencer. "You want, like, an agreement where we have sex even though you're still with Haley?"
Spencer seemed to square up, back into the Spencer that Brendon knew and away from the nervous, fidgeting person who had come into the back lounge half an hour ago. "Yes," he said, simply.
Brendon stared for a moment. His first instinct was to launch himself across the sofa and take what he had been wanting for years now, but although he was fine with the pity hugs, would he really want to be on the receiving end of pity sex?
As he stared Spencer shifted his weight and moved his hands to rest palm down on his knees. Brendon's eyes tracked the movement and knew that there was no way he would ever be able to deny himself the opportunity to have sex with Spencer. Even if it was only sex.
"Okay," he said.
Spencer's smile seemed relieved and he nodded. Brendon wondered if he meant right now or if they should go back to watching Friends. The menu music had been playing on loop while they talked. Spencer shifted and moved closer to Brendon and he realised that this was why Spencer had chosen to stay back. Because if Brendon said yes then they would have time to...do stuff. Suddenly it felt like Brendon's stomach was trying to claw its way up his throat and he swallowed, feeling himself harden at just the idea of kissing Spencer. But would Spencer want to kiss? If it was just sex then he might just want to keep it at that with nothing extra. Nothing too gay.
Brendon watched Spencer watching him as he moved in and the kissing question was answered by the press of Spencer lips to his own. Emboldened, Brendon kissed back, bringing one arm up to touch Spencer's shoulder. The kiss was firm but almost chaste for a few seconds before one or both pushed further and they were kissing sloppily and open-mouthed.
Brendon couldn't get enough. He wanted to touch Spencer everywhere and press into him and kiss his neck and lick anywhere. But it was Spencer's show and what if he realised that it was more than just a convenient fuck for Brendon? He would stop and never do it again. He really couldn't afford that now that he had this. Now that he knew what Spencer felt like kissing him. To know that Spencer was hard and that he was going to get to touch him. Knowing what he smelled and tasted like this close.
Spencer pushed and Brendon gave, shifting until they were both lying on the sofa, Spencer pressing down on top and Brendon pushing up from underneath. They hadn't even removed any clothes and Brendon was so close. Frottage. The word drifted through Brendon's mind. He hated the word but it felt amazing. And if he stopped for even a second he and Spencer would have to look each other in the eye and Brendon didn't know what might happen then. If Spencer backed out...but then Spencer was a guy and so clearly getting close as well. The odds of any guy stopping at this point were so low as to be non-existent.
Almost like he was reading Brendon's mind, Spencer stopped and pulled away slightly. He was panting and Brendon wanted to grab his hips and press against him again. But Spencer had stopped. He watched as Spencer laughed slightly, grinning at Brendon like they were sharing some fantastic joke. Brendon couldn't stop himself grinning back and allowed himself to reach up and kiss Spencer. Spencer kissed back but more slowly. One hand snaked down between the two of them and started fumbling with Brendon's belt. Brendon froze, mind frantically trying to find anything to think about that would stop him from coming in his pants at the thought of Spencer, Spencer Smith's hand, touching him.
Spencer managed to get Brendon's pants undone, kissing him slow and dirty. Brendon's breath hitched as he felt Spencer's fingers ghosting him over his boxers and then god, under the elastic and on his skin. He reached between them and tried to undo Spencer's pants one-handed but he clearly wasn't as dexterous. He brought his other hand down from where it had been pushing at Spencer's shirt, sliding underneath and up his back. He felt Spencer huff a laugh and grinned into the kiss even as he gasped with Spencer's hand pushing further into his boxers.
Brendon finally got Spencer's pants part-way open, open enough to slip a hand inside and he felt rather than heard Spencer's low moan. He wrapped his other arm back around Spencer's back, pulling him close. Slow and dirty began to speed up again and Spencer was in his hand. He was in Spencer's. And they were moving together, rubbing and pressing and Brendon couldn't even find enough presence to kiss any more. His face was buried in Spencer's neck and he could feel Spencer's mouth, teeth and tongue on his shoulder. Spencer turned his head towards him, nose behind Brendon's ear as they moved desperately together and it was Spencer's harsh, hitched panting in his ear that final sent Brendon over the edge. He came, hard and fast and felt Spencer shudder above him as though his orgasm had been triggered by Brendon's.
Brendon finally lay back with a rush of breath, wet hand slipping out of Spencer's pants. Spencer felt boneless on top of him and he thought he heard a muttered "Oh god,". His mind was fuzzy and he didn't know what to do now. I was nice having Spencer there on top of him, but it was probably against the fuck-buddy etiquette to nuzzle at his neck or kiss him again post-orgasm. There really should have been rules posted on the internet for general use.
Finally Spencer moved, wincing as he lifted their hips apart and standing up. He looked down at himself and Brendon lay on the sofa, watching. "Uh - I should probably clean up," Spencer said, moving off to the back bathroom without looking directly at Brendon.
Brendon sighed deeply. If Spencer was never going to talk to him again, at least he had received some amazing sex out of the deal. He pushed himself to his feet and walked through to the tiny front bathroom - little more than a toilet and sink. He grabbed a fresh pair of boxers on the way past his bunk and closed the door. He looked at himself in the mirror for a second. His hair wasn't particularly a mess apart from at the nape where Spencer had grabbed it while they kissed. His face, however, was a text-book representation of I-just-got-laid. His lips were red and swollen with what was clearly stubble-burn around his mouth and chin. His eyes were half-lidded.
Brendon smiled at his reflection and mentally congratulated the Brendon in the mirror for getting laid by Spencer Smith. That Brendon wouldn't have to go and deal with the repercussions. Or maybe he had a mirror-Spencer who was just now also getting out of the mirror-bathroom and he was also in here, avoiding.
Brendon looked away and took off his pants and boxers, pulling on the fresh ones once he was clean. He pulled his pants back on and buttoned them, re-fastening his belt. Finally he took a deep breath and walked back through to the back lounge, ditching his dirty boxers in his bunk on the way. Spencer was sprawled out on the sofa and looked up at him as he came in.
"I changed the DVD," he said. "I've seen that episode, like, 12 times recently. Mind if we watch something else?"
Brendon looked over at the TV where The O.C.'s opening menu was on display. It really had been a bad idea to agree to Jon introducing them all to the show. Brendon wasn't at all bothered by the drama of the show any more. He'd just got laid. By Spencer Smith.
"It's fine," he said, moving over to the sofa. Spencer lifted his legs to let Brendon sit before placing them down in his lap. It was a typical Spencer sitting position. They all got used to Spencer's feet or didn't sit near him.
Brendon rested one hand on Spencer's ankle and and pushed back into a lounging position. "Okay - hopefully it's a Seth-heavy episode," Brendon said and Spencer smiled.
**********************************
The problem was, Brendon mused over breakfast the next morning, that he didn't know how to act around Spencer now. They were friends who had sex. So when they weren't having sex, he should act like a friend. But somehow he couldn't remember exactly how he had treated Spencer before. He had been at least vaguely touchy with him, though nothing compared to how he was with Ryan, or even Jon. But then over the last few weeks he hadn't been touching Spencer at all - terrified that he might clue in someone else in addition to Jon. If he suddenly started being different again it would seem obvious.
Spencer wandered out of the bunk area and looked over at Brendon sitting at the table. Brendon froze.
"There's coffee?" Spencer asked, eyeing the mug in Brendon's hand. Brendon tipped his head towards the pot he'd made. Spencer made a needy sound and grabbed another mug out of one of the overhead cupboards.
Brendon purposefully didn't watch Spencer and instead stared out of the window, through the slats of the blind. Now was an example of not knowing how to act. No one else was here which made observation not so much of a worry, but that didn't help him worrying about Spencer himself. Was he allowed to openly admire him now? Check him out when he was all sleep-befuddled and had bedding creases across his cheek? Or was he supposed to act like he didn't want to rip Spencer's stupid pinstripe pyjama bottoms off and fuck him right on the table, smell of coffee all around them? He made a frustrated sound at his own whirling mind.
"What?" Spencer asked, dropping down heavily onto the opposite seat, cradling his mug close to his face. His expression was sleepy but open. That at least reassured Brendon.
"Just - coffee isn't hitting the spot quick enough," Brendon said, turning his attention fully back to inside the bus. As thrilling as the view of the next bus over was, he wouldn't be able to get away with not being civil.
Spencer was nodding along with Brendon's explanation. "Intravenous," he said, sagely. Brendon grinned.
"Set on an timer to begin pumping ten minutes before you get up," Brendon added. Spencer smiled.
"I'll drink to that," he said, offering up his mug for a toast. Brendon clinked against it with his own and took a sip. Spencer winced slightly as his own coffee burned his lip. Brendon laughed. He really hoped that somehow his brain's over-analysation of everything would stop soon.
*****************************************
Backstage at the venue was like every other one that they'd been to - magnolia walls and just clean and looked-after enough to pass cursory inspection. Over-lit and crappy furniture.
And Brendon didn't care. He had been bouncy and unsure all day, until Spencer had grabbed him and dragged him into an empty, forgotten room backstage with a lock on the door. He had pushed Brendon back until he thudded heavily against the wall and dropped to his knees, unbuttoning Brendon's pants while Brendon still tried to process that this was happening to him. Spencer Smith was on his knees for Brendon. The day after he had had sex with Spencer in his bunk while Jon and Ryan were hanging out on a different bus. Which had been the day after he had first had sex with Spencer on the sofa in the back lounge.
Brendon still had no idea how to act around Spencer when they weren't fucking and had yet to initiate anything himself, but at that moment he really couldn't bring himself to care.
*******************************************
Brendon lay in his bunk, on his side, and listened to the cacophony of breathing, snoring and grunting that signified a normal night on their bus. Ryan snored like a freight train (except when Keltie stayed when he was forced to sleep on his side) and Jon sounded like he was protesting into his pillow every time he moved. It was Spencer that Brendon was listening for though. Spencer didn't snore, but would occasionally sigh as though someone had just told him something sad. No sighing meant that Spencer was most likely awake.
Brendon wondered if he made his own sleeping sounds. If he did it would also be obvious to anyone paying attention that he wasn't asleep. He wondered if Spencer was listening to him not sleeping. It had been a two weeks since he and Spencer had started having sex. Things had progressed to the point where it was so much less awkward than it had any right to be and far hotter than he had ever imagined. And he had imagined quite a lot.
The buzz of his sidekick pulled Brendon's thoughts back into his own bunk.
Spencer's awake too
It was from Haley. Brendon was convinced that she was psychic.
How did you know that I was? he asked, phone screen over-bright in the closed-off darkness of the bunk.
Spence can hear you moving around. He says you're thinking too loudly and he can't sleep
Brendon laughed quietly, huffing into his arm. He knew Spencer knew he was awake now but still didn't want to wake Ryan or Jon.
My thoughts are too powerful and strong to be contained, sorry. Tell him I'll try and think quieter Brendon sent back. All thought of sleep was gone now and he flipped onto his back, sidekick resting on his chest, waiting for the response from Haley. He could have texted Spencer directly even if he didn't want to speak across the divide (Spencer's bunk was directly opposite and one below his own) but somehow talking through Haley reassured him that she was fine about him sleeping with her boyfriend.
I don't know about too powerful - maybe too caffeine-fuelled? Or sugar? Spence wants to know how you're lying - he heard you moving around. Are you comfortable?
Brendon rolled his eyes. It wasn't caffeine or sugar that made him hyper - he managed that all by himself. Once, when he was about eight, his parents had cut out all food that contained processed sugar or flavourings. It hadn't helped.
I can't help it if I'm naturally exuberant! Brendon typed back, Maybe I just have more stamina than other men. More manly. And I'm on my back. I moved from on my side. He has super-hearing. And you're psychic. You two should fight crime.
Brendon listened really hard and was almost positive that he heard a low laugh from Spencer. He wondered how much of his own text was getting through to Spencer and how much of what Spencer was replying with got passed on to him. He grinned in the dark.
He has super hearing, I'm psychic and you have super-stamina. I'm sure I can find more exciting things to do with those skills than fight crime Haley said. Brendon was about to reply when his sidekick buzzed again.
You don't have super hearing but is your hearing good enough to hear him touching himself? Brendon's breath caught and he immediately strained to listen. Haley's words had bypassed his brain and he felt a flush move down his body, making him hard. There was no sound he could make out that gave Spencer away. All rustling or heavy breathing was drowned out by the sound of two other men sleeping and the bus engine.
I can't hear him, Brendon said. But I can imagine it. He hesitated a moment before adding, Can he hear me? He hit send, holding the sidekick on his chest with his left hand and sliding his right down. He pushed under the waist of the sweatpants he usually slept in and his boxers. He exhaled as slowly and quietly as he could as he pushed up, hard against his palm.
Brendon thought about Spencer lying less than four feet away from him, boxers maybe pushed down around his hips and cock in his hand. Texting Haley and thinking about him lying here. He forced himself to not let his breathing get too heavy.
Waiting for Haley to reply Brendon suddenly wondered if he'd gone too far. Had Haley been joking? What if he'd texted Spencer's girlfriend, his friend, totally inappropriately? But then his sidekick buzzed on his chest, vibrating but silent in the dark, and Brendon felt a giddy rush of want again.
He can hear you a little - you think you're quieter than you are. He says he tries not to make noise when you breathe hard but it's difficult because you sound so hot.
Brendon could barely contain a moan as Haley's words and the image they gave him made his hips buck up into his hand. There was no mistaking the answering rush of breath from Spencer's bunk now that he was listening for it and the sound almost made him spill out all over his hand. He released the pressure for a second to try and calm a little. Had this been Spencer's idea? Or was this Haley - helping them both from hundreds of miles away. Was she getting off on this too? Was she just passing messages or was she touching herself too?
I can hear him now, Brendon said. Listening is one of the hottest things I've ever done. Are you picturing this? Somehow Brendon wanted to make sure that Haley was enjoying this too - it wasn't enough to know that Spencer was there touching himself from only the sound of him breathing and Haley's texts. He had to know that Haley wanted them to be doing this. That she was getting something from it.
He can tell every time you get too close and pull back. I wish I could hear you both trying to be quiet but loud enough for each other, but I can see it all so clearly. One day I might listen too. Would you like that?
Brendon thought about Haley listening to them too. Maybe on the phone next time rather than by text. Or with her lying in one of the bunks. Brendon panted and fisted himself, breath coming sharply as he heard Spencer almost grunt. The sound was loud compared to the hushed breathing from before and Brendon froze for a second before relaxing again. No one had even stirred.
Spencer's really close. Haley's message arrived before Brendon had even considered what to text back. He wants to hear you come.
That was enough for Brendon. The heady mixture of Haley's texts combined with knowing that Spencer was there, stroking himself and listening to Brendon, pushed him over the edge. He came, pulsing into his fist, breath ragged and gasping. Even as he did Brendon could hear Spencer's breathing beating out a panting cadence of barely suppressed moans. The sound ripped through him, dragging out his orgasm until he could barely even breathe any more. Finally he collapsed loose-limbed and boneless, breathing long and deeply. He couldn't hear Spencer any more.
That was AMAZING, Brendon managed to type back, his arms heavy and eyes half-lidded.
It was. Spencer says he's going to die of exhaustion now.
Brendon smiled and texted back. Me too. Thank you. Really - thank you. It felt weird to be thanking Haley for helping him and her boyfriend get off on their tour bus but he didn't know any other way of telling her how awesome and cool she was. He turned on to his side and placed his sidekick on the pillow next to him.
Just as he was drifting into sleep Brendon's sidekick buzzed again. It was from Spencer.
Night Brendon.
Brendon texted back before letting his eyes finally close again.
Night Spencer.
***************************************
Brendon woke up slowly the next morning. For a moment, still half asleep, he was confused that Spencer and Haley weren't lying next to him before coming fully awake and remembering. A slow grin spread across his face as he pressed his head into the pillow and pulled his blankets up round his head. Possibly the hottest thing he'd ever done and it had involved no one but himself touching his dick. Haley was a genius.
Brendon could hear people moving around in the lounge of the bus and only Ryan's Wagnerian snoring was still audible from the bunks. He pulled back the curtain of his bunk slightly to peek down at Spencer's. The curtain was half open and Brendon could see the dent in the pillow where Spencer's head had been.
He put his head out further and looked over the edge of his own bunk and down to see that Jon's curtain was also open. He quickly pulled back inside. He didn't want to be caught peering out, grinning like some kid on Christmas morning.
Spencer and Jon were both up. Brendon wanted to bound out of bed and go and join them. To see Spencer for the first time since last night. But that meant seeing Spencer for the first time since last night. It was strange - it wasn't like they hadn't had sex a number of times already, but somehow with the inclusion of Haley it felt deeper. More personal and less like two people just getting off.
Brendon's sidekick buzzed and he felt a flutter through his stomach. Would he be able to hear or feel that again without flashing back to the night before?
There's coffee if you actually get up.
Spencer. He could probably hear him shifting around. Sometimes, with the various partitions and doors that gave parts of the bus an illusion of privacy, you could forget that the "walls" were paper-thin. Brendon grinned at his sidekick.
Pour me one and I'll be there in 2 minutes, he sent back. He scissored his legs until the blankets were no longer tangled through them and pushed his curtain far enough back to swing his legs out. Habit made getting down from the high bunk easy so his sleep-fuzzed brain didn't have to think about it. He even automatically put his left foot on Jon's bunk as far away from the top end as possible because whenever Jon was in there and awake, he would jab at Brendon's Achilles tendon to make him fall.
Brendon padded barefoot quickly through to use bathroom in the back of the bus and even brushed his teeth. When he finally emerged through into the lounge a coffee was sat at the table, opposite Spencer who was sat cradling his own. It was Jon's turn to cook breakfast and he was sipping from a mug in between animatedly telling Spencer about why the fourth Alien movie sucked, as though they didn't all share the opinion already.
Brendon slid into the bench at the table, back to the bunks, and picked up his coffee.
"Mmmmmm....coffee..." he mumbled, sipping gently to not burn his mouth. Jon turned and grinned at him.
"Took you a while to get up," he said, glancing to check on the eggs cooking before leaning back, hips against the side. Brendon and Jon were usually the first up - something both of them would complain meant that they had to cook the most unless they wanted to starve for hours.
"Yeah," Brendon said. "I was pretty tired. Slept like a log."
Jon turned back to the eggs cooking. "Well you weren't tossing and turning all night either so whatever made you that tired I'm fucking thankful," he said.
Brendon couldn't help glancing at Spencer who also looked up at him from his coffee. They both broke into identical grins and Brendon could feel himself going as red as Spencer was. Jon was still talking - complaining - about Brendon's sleeping habits as he turned back round. Spencer looked down at his coffee again and Brendon tried to look like he'd been listening to Jon all along. Jon paused for a second, clearly noticing that something had happened while he was turned away. Brendon knew his give away had been not defending himself or attacking Jon's own sleep noises.
"What?" Jon asked, looking between Brendon and Spencer. Spencer looked up at Jon from his coffee.
"What?" He said in return. Brendon had to give Spencer his dues - he was far better at lying than Brendon had ever been. Brendon had a tendency to grin and laugh when he needed to keep a straight face.
"I asked first," Jon said, crossing his arms.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. "We were just wondering how long you would complain about Brendon and his tossing and turning before the hypocrisy of your grunting became too much for you." Brendon laughed.
"I don't grunt," Jon said, the same response he always gave.
"Oh you do!" Brendon exclaimed, forgetting totally the awkwardness from moments before. "Dude - I swear I'm going to record you one night."
Jon turned back to the stove again. "Yeah, well, you keep saying you're going to do that and you haven't yet so I think you're making it up."
Brendon shook his head. "Fine. Tonight I'm going to record you grunting in your sleep. Then you'll finally accept that you're wrong and we're right." He paused and frowned at Spencer. "So, like, we work in the music industry. Someone will have a tape-recorder or something, right?"
"No way," Jon said, finally serving out breakfast and making Spencer move up to let him sit. "Any recording equipment here is all for, like, sound stage stuff." He looked inordinately please with himself. "Ha."
"Fine," Brendon said. "I'll just have to go and buy one then." He rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms above his head. He noticed Spencer's eyes flicker to the stretch of skin exposed between his stretch pants and t-shirt and grinned. "And I'm taking Spencer with me." He said the last with a tone that implied Spencer's assistance in tape-recorder-buying was a secret weapon rather than his own excuse to spend time with him.
"Fine!" Jon laughed. "You'll spend most of the time looking at shoes then anyway."
"Hey!" Spencer objected, scowling at Jon. "I don't buy that many shoes."
Brendon put his hand mock-comfortingly on Spencer arm. "Dude - sorry," he said, trying not to laugh, "but you totally do."
Spencer pulled his arm away making Jon and Brendon both laugh. "Fine," he said to Brendon. "See if I buy you chocolate ice cream now."
"Anyway," Jon said to Brendon, "you probably buy more than he does! You just try and hide it more."
Brendon tried to look offended and they were all laughing when Ryan emerged from the bunks, blinking blearily. "Did someone say ice cream?" He said, looking puzzled.
"Spencer's totally going to buy me ice cream when we go and buy a tape-recorder to record Jon's weird sleep noises," Brendon said.
"Actually Spencer's not buying him ice cream, which was the whole point of the conversation," Spencer said. Ryan was nodding as though the whole thing made a kind of sense that Brendon knew he himself would not have understood that soon after getting up.
"Hey," Ryan said. "You can buy me ice cream too. Strawberry." He grinned at Spencer.
"No way," Spencer said. "Sorry, but we're leaving, like, now." He paused. "Um, once we're dressed. And it'll take you about another two hours just to remember what way your pants go on." Jon gave a snort-laugh where his coffee almost went up his nose. Brendon grabbed Spencer's empty plate with his own and slipped out from behind the table, letting Ryan slide in with his food. He dumped the plates in the sink.
"So I'm going to get dressed then," he said, bouncing on his toes.
Jon looked at Spencer. "You probably want me to let you out, right?" he asked.
"Please," Spencer said, waiting.
Jon crossed his arms and leaned back with an exaggerated sigh. "Nope. Too comfortable." Ryan laughed. Spencer looked up at Brendon who raised his eyebrows.
"Fine," Spencer said. He pushed up until he was standing awkwardly on the padded bench and tried to climb over Jon. Jon reached up and grabbed his legs, wrapping them into a clinging-hug. Spencer toppled slightly and bent over, grabbing the counter by the sink to stop himself from falling. Then he gripped and tried to pull himself out of Jon's grasp. Ryan was wheezing with laughter and Brendon could barely stand up, watching Spencer try to drag himself away from Jon.
Spencer was laughing so hard himself that his grip on the counter kept slipping and he finally yelled at Brendon. "Fucking help me!"
Brendon staggered over and grabbed Spencer under both arms. Spencer wrapped his arms around Brendon's shoulders and Brendon started backing away, twisting Spencer's body at the hips, but also twisting Spencer's legs out of Jon's grasp. Just as Brendon had managed to get them as far as the open door to the bunks - Spencer twisted unnaturally - Jon suddenly let go. Brendon flew backwards trying to keep his feet under him, but Spencer's weight knocked them both down onto the floor where they lay, laughing and fighting to breathe.
"I fucking hate you Jon Walker," Spencer said, voice muffled by Brendon's shoulder and still gasping. Brendon saw Ryan lean across the table and high-five Jon.
Finally Spencer pushed up to his feet and offered a hand to pull Brendon up.
"You," Brendon said, pointing at Jon, "are fucking toast."
Part 2
Fandom: Bandslash - P!atD
Pairing: Spencer/Brendon, Spencer/Brendon/Haley
Words: ~14,800
Disclaimer: It's not real. I made it all up and I intend no harm whatsoever.
Summary: "I thought you were going to offer some sage, Jon Walker advice and fix everything!" Brendon said.
Jon shrugged a little, grinning. "Hey - I don't know how to fix this one. I'd say 'move on' or 'find someone else' but I'm guessing you've tried that so... " Jon shrugged again, "I've got nothing."
As ever my neverending thanks to strangecobwebs. She read this in sections that I would send her from the very beginning and was a one-woman cheerleading team. She also betaed it for me - therefore dealing with/pointing out my bizarre conjugation choices for the verb "to be" and my "creative" spelling. Any interesting typos or errors that got through are my fault - she has to put up with a lot as I seem to have invented my own language.
Also because when I said "I want to write a long-fic about Spencer/Brendon/Haley" she went "YAY!"
(If you want to read this in style=mine, click here)
Brendon fawned over Ryan. Everyone knew that he liked to touch Ryan - to hug him, to lean on him, to whisper in his ear. There were photographs everywhere and that was fine with Brendon. Everyone suspected that he had a half-formed (or full-blown) crush on Ryan. And that was okay.
Because if they were watching him around Ryan then they weren't seeing him watch Spencer. All day. Every day. It was almost a sixth sense the way Brendon always knew where Spencer was in a room. He could close his eyes and point at Spencer even through walls. He worried that it almost came close to obsession - knowing, needing to know where Spencer was at all times. But if he knew, he couldn't be shocked. He couldn't be surprised into giving something away. Because Brendon had been desperately in love with Spencer Smith almost since the day he met him and there was no way he was going to let that ruin their band.
************************************
Brendon had been convinced it would be Ryan. He'd had a moment of "Oh - shit..." when he'd seen this slender, pretty boy, mouth in a moue and holding his guitar like it was keeping him afloat. Brendon knew his usual type and Ryan was it. Pretty and self-contained and a challenge. Ryan was attention-starved and Brendon had too much attention to give. He'd been convinced from that moment that he would spend the next years of his life comparing everyone he knew to Ryan Ross. And that really sucked because Ryan Ross was so clearly straight.
He had been so wrong about it being Ryan. The crush had started (it had purred to life and started down that road to infatuation if he was honest) but somehow had been derailed. Spencer hadn't even really registered on Brendon's radar when they first met (pretty like a girl and sharp - don't piss him off) but Spencer was like that. People overlooked him until one day you woke up and he was all you could think about.
On the morning that Brendon had woken up and realised that he'd fallen in love with Spencer he called in sick - even to the band - and stayed in bed all day. To be honest, he had felt sick. He had focused on avoiding this with Ryan so much that Spencer had blind-sided him. With his drumming and his sharp, witty comments that came close to cutting but never did and that smile. Not the one that he used every day - the smile that came out when he was beyond happy. The one that was like seeing the sun rise and flood the dawn with gold. The one that made Brendon's inside curl and never failed to make him grin back. The one that made Brendon want to make sure that he was the one to make Spencer smile like that forever.
There was no chance, though. Brendon wasn't exactly an expert on relationships or seeing who liked whom, but he had at least some gaydar and the only thing about Spencer that pinged it was the way he stood, hips cocked.
Spencer was out of bounds. But Ryan wasn't any more. If he hugged and flung himself at Ryan, who cared? It didn't mean anything. If Ryan told him to fuck off, it didn't hurt because it didn't matter. He could laugh it off and laugh at Ryan and come back later to hug and bother him. And if Ryan asked one time (late at night, in Brendon's little dingy apartment when he was staying there, away from his dad) if Brendon was interested in him (voice quiet and strained and nervous), Brendon could honestly laugh and hug him and tell him no.
Because while he was hugging Ryan (and touching him and poking him and "Godammit, Brendon, will you fuck off?"), Brendon wasn't letting himself do it to Spencer. Because if Spencer told him even once to fuck off when he hugged him, or pushed him away, it would make Brendon's heart crumble. And he needed Spencer. He needed to see him. He needed to be near him.
*************************************
Brendon tried to hate Haley. He had successfully hated all of Spencer's girlfriends and he had thought Haley would be no different. But Haley was smart and funny (and witty too, like Spencer) and adored Brendon. She sought him out to hug and tell him that they should go shopping together to buy presents for Spencer because she was his girlfriend, but Brendon spent more time with him and knew what he liked. Haley loved Ryan as Spencer's best friend, but she almost put aside special hours to hang out with Brendon and do things like watch Beauty and the Beast and compare Ryan to Cogsworth and then giggle guiltily when he came into the room.
Brendon had thought that liking Haley would make it harder. It didn't. He loved Spencer and he adored Haley and they made each other happy which made Brendon happy. Mostly.
Haley made Spencer smile more and more when she would come out to see them on tour and she seemed to be the only person who figured out that Brendon like boys as much as, if not more than girls. Not even Audrey had figured that one out. Haley would start up conversations with Brendon about how hot that guy was, or look at him bending over, or man, that guy's checking you out. There was never a question, but Brendon just joined in and it was nice to have someone to talk with like that. Most of his band knew (they weren't stupid) but it wasn't talked about and seemed to be a non-issue.
************************************
When the subject finally came up, Brendon was totally off guard. He was sitting with Jon on the tour bus, lounged so far back in his seat he was almost horizontal, watching some shitty documentary that someone had left lying around. Ryan and Spencer were off somewhere doing something. Brendon hadn't exactly been listening.
"You're in love with Spencer," Jon said and Brendon panicked. He knew how to stay calm and laugh and deny in such a way that people didn't doubt his sincerity. But that was because everyone thought it was Ryan. Everyone asked about Ryan.
"No - no I'm not," Brendon stammered and knew, knew, he had done it wrong. He sat up and could feel his heart speeding up and his palms sweating. Someone knew. Jon knew. After being careful for so many years to never be in this position, someone knew.
Jon put his hand out to Brendon, as though he were a frightened deer. "Hey - dude, hey, " he said, soothingly. "It's okay - I won't tell him or anything."
Brendon looked up at him. "How can you tell?" he asked, frantically, "Am I that obvious?" If Jon knew, how many other people did? He had been so stupid and complacent, thinking his Ryan diversion would just always work, but if Jon had seen through it maybe Ryan had too? Or (his stomach reeled at the thought) Spencer?
"You're not obvious at all," Jon laughed, turning his body more to face Brendon and crossing his legs on the sofa. "I just knew that you were into someone and Ryan was the obvious one. But Ryan isn't the one who makes you go all still when he walks into a room, you know?"
Brendon nodded dejectedly. He knew. When he wasn't around Spencer, he was waiting. Until Spencer was there again. When he came back, Brendon relaxed.
"He has a girlfriend," Jon said and Brendon laughed, trying to regain at least a little composure.
"I know," he said, "and I thought that would help me get over him but I really like Haley. So now I'm happy for them, but still in love with him." Brendon could see Jon nodding as he spoke. Then he shook his head.
"Sucks to be you, dude," he said. Brendon paused for a second before he burst out laughing and hugged Jon.
"I thought you were going to offer some sage, Jon Walker advice and fix everything!" Brendon said. Jon shrugged a little, grinning.
"Hey - I don't know how to fix this one. I'd say 'move on' or 'find someone else' but I'm guessing you've tried that so... " Jon shrugged again, "I've got nothing." He paused. "Or - well, you could tell him?"
Brendon nearly choked. "What the hell good would that do?" He said. "Apart from freak him out and make him avoid me and maybe piss off Ryan for pissing off Spencer..." He shook his head, "No. Bad idea."
"But he'd get over being pissed off," Jon said, "and he can't avoid you forever in the band. Then maybe you'd finally get through it and fall for someone else. I hear that Patrick's pretty hot?" He nudged Brendon, grinning suggestively.
Brendon laughed and shoved at Jon with a foot. "Patrick's pretty straight, dude," he said.
"Really? So you can just tell?" Jon asked. "How about me? Am I straight?" Brendon knew that Jon was trying to make him laugh and calm him back down. And it was working. God bless Jon Walker.
"I have some gaydar," Brendon told him, "and you're totally straight too."
Jon grinned. "Mostly straight," he amended. "There's nothing Ewan McGregor could force me into that I wouldn't do willingly."
Brendon laughed. "You've been watching Moulin Rouge too much," he told Jon. They both paused and looked at each other.
When Ryan and Spencer returned Jon and Brendon were curled up together watching all of the musical numbers in Moulin Rouge and skipping the parts in between.
************************************
Jon knew. Jon know and that was okay. Brendon could cope with that. But he now felt a little like he was on display when just and Spencer were hanging out and Jon walked into the room. Was he sitting too close? Was his body language too clear? Why was his leg touching Spencer's? How had he ended up with Spencer's head on his shoulder?
All the slight, semi-innocent touches that Brendon had allowed himself to indulge in before (because no one noticed him sitting with his feet on Spencer's lap if he was draped over Ryan) now seemed like beacons that broadcast his feelings everywhere. If Jon had noticed then he wasn't being careful enough. No more casual touches. No more hugs at all. No more letting Spencer mooch into his space when they watched bad sci fi together. He couldn't let anyone else (Spencer) find out.
**************************************
When Haley was able to come out on tour again with them Brendon was really looking forward to it. When Spencer had told him she was coming they shared grins that were frighteningly seconds away from them clutching hands and bouncing. Spencer knew how much Brendon loved Haley and always told Brendon she was coming first. Someone to share the excitement with.
As they grinned at each other dopily, Ryan slouched out of the bunk area and into the lounge. Brendon guiltily looked away from Spencer as Ryan flopped onto the sofa, immediately curling up with his eyes closed. Spencer turned towards Ryan as Brendon retreated over to sit at the table.
"Why even get out of bed if you're just going to go to sleep on the sofa?" Spencer asked, poking at Ryan with a toe. Ryan didn't even bother swatting at it.
"It's a process," he said, "If I'm out here, I'm waking up. If I'm in my bunk I'm sleeping." Spencer turned and raised an amused eyebrow at Brendon who grinned. Brendon tried not to watch Spencer as he walked over to the coffee machine and started it up.
"So hey - " Spencer said, looking back over at Ryan, " - Haley's definitely coming out from tomorrow. For about a week."
"I guessed," Ryan said, voice muffled from where his mouth was pressed into the arm of the sofa, "It was kind of obvious from the way you two were grinning at each other like excited girls."
Brendon pushed out from behind the table. "I'm - " he paused, "I'm going out for a walk." He grabbed a hoodie and ignored Spencer's protest that he was making coffee as he bounded down the bus steps.
There was hardly anyone about outside. It wasn't early, but a number of people couldn't sleep when the buses were actually on the road so they slept later when they arrived at a venue. Brendon wandered past the roped-off bus area and out of the parking lot their convoy had commandeered. He did want coffee, but it was so hard now being around Spencer. He was always so paranoid that he would give himself away. He knew he was being weird. Spencer and Ryan would probably end up thinking he was angry or upset with Spencer and then ask him why and...it was a nightmare. Damn Jon Walker and his amazing insightfulness. And why had he felt the need to bring it up? Couldn't he just have kept his stunning insights into Brendon's brain to himself?
Brendon wandered down the street and found a Starbucks-wannabe coffee shop. He bought himself a latte (signing a few autographs) and was about to leave when he turned back and bought muffins for Ryan, Spencer and Jon too. Maybe that would stave off the inevitable conversation about why he was being weird.
*********************************
"You're a moron," Haley told Brendon as they sat on the edge of the stage, dangling their legs and drinking smoothies. The buses were leaving in about an hour, once the last check of the venue was done. Leaving behind amps and artists had happened too many times.
"What?" Brendon asked, "Why?" He was coveting Haley's strawberry smoothie. He'd gone for kiwi which had seemed great in principle, but the strawberry smelled amazing.
"You're ignoring Spencer," Haley said. Brendon put his smoothie down and tried to pluck up the courage to look up at her rather than the floor.
"I'm..." he started, but Haley cut him off.
"Don't even try to deny it," she said. "Even I can see that you're being weird around him. You have to stop it." Haley paused and put her own smoothie down on the stage next to her. "He doesn't have a problem with you liking guys, Bren." Brendon's head snapped round.
"He knows?" He said harshly. "Did you tell him?" Brendon couldn't help it. It was one thing to know academically that his bandmates knew he liked guys, but a whole new ball game to know for certain that they did. And if Spencer knew that for sure, then it made it more likely that he could figure out that Brendon liked him specifically.
Haley held up her hands in a defensive gesture. "No way! I wouldn't. But honey," she rested a hand on his shoulder, "they've known for a while and haven't been different with you. Why are you freaking out now?"
Brendon opened his mouth to explain but nothing would come out. He tried to think of an excuse - any excuse - that would explain why he had started freaking out, but his mind stayed blank. He gaped at Haley uselessly. "I like someone," he finally stammered out, feeling a blush begin to spread across his chest and up his neck. He hadn't blushed in forever - not since taking on the frontman duties on stage.
Haley laughed. "Oh god!" she exclaimed, "Of course you do!" She seemed delighted at the news and hugged him with one arm across his shoulders. "And you're freaking out that seeing you with a guy will be different and they'll be weird."
Brendon was impressed that he'd somehow managed to arrange for Haley to come up with his excuse for him. A pretty perfect excuse, actually, as long as he was able to not tell her who this mystery guy was. And as long as she didn't try to help him "get" the guy either.
"Uh - " Brendon started, " - he, the guy, doesn't - uh - like guys though?" It was true, really. Haley's face contorted into an almost comical expression of sorrow.
"Oh - oh Brendon," she said, jumping down off the high stage to wrap her arms round him, head barely coming up past his waist. He reached down and hugged at her shoulders (as low as he could reach) and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
"I'm okay," he told her, "I'll get over it eventually." Haley's hair smelled great and he spread his legs slightly further apart so that she was pressed more snugly to him. Spencer was a lucky guy and Haley was a lucky girl. He, however, would just have to settle for the pity-hugs.
**********************************
Haley's visit was over far too soon. With her there it was easier to be around Spencer and not let himself get too freaked out. Haley would grab him and drag him down to sit on the sofa with her and Spencer, snuggling them all up close and laughing when they both squirmed. He felt like Haley's stay had healed a breach between him and Spencer, even if Spencer had never known it was there. Maybe he could tell Jon that he wasn't in love with Spencer any more? Tell him he was seeing one of the roadies (any one; pick one)? Maybe even tell the others that too. It would add an extra layer of diversion over and above his obvious flirtation with Ryan.
But when Spencer came back from dropping Haley off at the airport he didn't even look Brendon in the eye. And all the next day Spencer seemed to be avoiding him. He was being weird and the heavy lump in Brendon's stomach told him why. Haley must have told him that Brendon was interested in someone. And unlike Haley, Spencer had immediately realised that it was him.
*********************************
Brendon was miserable and moping in the back lounge when Ryan came to ask if he was joining them for dinner. Someone knew a great restaurant about an hour away and although it was kind of far, it was worth it. Brendon backed out, relishing the idea of at least three hours on the bus by himself. Without Spencer continuing to avoid him. Ryan gave him a speculative look but didn't comment. He left, closing the door to the lounge behind him.
After about five minutes, Brendon got up to look for a DVD to put on. He pulled out Jon's first season of The O.C. and peered at the box. Too dramatic. He needed something light-hearted and fun. He put the box back and rooted around until he found a random Friends DVD. It was weird how no one ever claimed to buy the show, and yet there were always random episodes lying around. He didn't even check what season it was or what episodes were on it. No one died in Friends and even the drama was funny.
The menu system was just coming up on the screen when Brendon heard the bus door open and someone come on. He'd heard Ryan close it after him when he left so someone must have come back. Just as he swung his legs down to check, Spencer walked into the back lounge. He paused, looking at Brendon who felt suddenly tense. Was this it? Had Spencer come back to ask him about everything?
Spencer glanced over at the tv and then back at Brendon. "Um - can I watch with you?" He said. He sounded unsure - like he was actually asking a huge favour rather than something they all did together every day. Brendon nodded and tried to settle back down and appear relaxed. Spencer was clearly not just here to watch DVDs. He almost perched on the sofa, the opposite end from Brendon's untidy sprawl.
Through the first episode Spencer relaxed more. He stopped perching and moved into a more Spencer-like watching position, legs all askew and slouching. As Brendon brought the menu back up to select the next episode he glanced over at Spencer who was watching him.
"So why didn't you go to dinner?" Brendon asked. As hard as it was to consider going through Spencer having a freak-out on him, the waiting was worse.
"I just didn't really feel hungry," Spencer said with a wooden shrug. "Hey - do you want a beer?" He pointed through towards the kitchen. Brendon nodded.
Spencer pushed up off the sofa and came back a few moments later with two beers. He handed one to Brendon and kept the other for himself. Brendon sat up and put his beer down on the small, cluttered table. Spencer hardly ever drank outside of parties.
"What's going on, Spence," he asked. "What's wrong?" Spencer took a swig from the neck of the beer and grimaced. Needing a drink was definitely not a good sign.
"I just thought we could have a talk," Spencer said, fiddling with the beer, but turning to face Brendon with his legs up on the sofa. Brendon turned and mirrored the action. His heart was beating too fast and his stomach felt uneasy. He grasped his beer and drank some, hoping it might settle him a little.
"Okay, " he said.
Spencer nodded and put his own beer down on the table. "I spoke to Haley," he said. Brendon swallowed and nodded. "She said that - " Spencer stopped. "Um, she said that you're into a guy who doesn't like guys and that you want to get over that."
Brendon waited. Whatever Spencer was saying it was clearly going to take him a while to get to the point.
"Haley trusts me," Spencer continued and Brendon frowned, confused at the change of subject. "She knows I won't do anything with any of the groupies or anything like that. And I trust her too. But we don't see each for other weeks at a time and that's really hard. There's a girl at her school who she's really close with and we talked about making an exception, you know?" Spencer looked up at Brendon.
Did Spencer just want to talk about Haley sleeping with a girl at her school? Or the idea of her potentially sleeping with another girl? Did Spencer want advice from him? It would make sense considering Brendon's friendship with Haley, but it was far from what he had been expecting. He felt flooded with relief.
"Okay, so Haley would get to do stuff with this girl and it would be okay with you because it's a girl?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah," Spencer said. "Exactly." Brendon nodded.
"I guess that sounds fair if you guys are both cool with it. I mean, you're not going to get jealous of a girl, right?" Brendon felt like he was getting into the swing of the conversation. Advice giving. He could do that. Spencer didn't seem any less anxious though.
"No - we talked about that," he said. "And so if her exception is a girl, mine would have to be - " Spencer trailed off and Brendon wondered how he could have missed the point to begin with.
"A guy," he said, finishing Spencer's sentence. The nausea was back but in a different way. Spencer was looking at him hard now. Straight in the eyes.
"We talked about it," Spencer said, in a rush now. "And Haley said you wanted to get over a guy and I know that you like guys and I know it's a fucked up thing to even talk about but I could help with that and with the exception and all..."
"You want to sleep with me?" Brendon asked, just trying to make sure that he was on the same page as Spencer. "You want, like, an agreement where we have sex even though you're still with Haley?"
Spencer seemed to square up, back into the Spencer that Brendon knew and away from the nervous, fidgeting person who had come into the back lounge half an hour ago. "Yes," he said, simply.
Brendon stared for a moment. His first instinct was to launch himself across the sofa and take what he had been wanting for years now, but although he was fine with the pity hugs, would he really want to be on the receiving end of pity sex?
As he stared Spencer shifted his weight and moved his hands to rest palm down on his knees. Brendon's eyes tracked the movement and knew that there was no way he would ever be able to deny himself the opportunity to have sex with Spencer. Even if it was only sex.
"Okay," he said.
Spencer's smile seemed relieved and he nodded. Brendon wondered if he meant right now or if they should go back to watching Friends. The menu music had been playing on loop while they talked. Spencer shifted and moved closer to Brendon and he realised that this was why Spencer had chosen to stay back. Because if Brendon said yes then they would have time to...do stuff. Suddenly it felt like Brendon's stomach was trying to claw its way up his throat and he swallowed, feeling himself harden at just the idea of kissing Spencer. But would Spencer want to kiss? If it was just sex then he might just want to keep it at that with nothing extra. Nothing too gay.
Brendon watched Spencer watching him as he moved in and the kissing question was answered by the press of Spencer lips to his own. Emboldened, Brendon kissed back, bringing one arm up to touch Spencer's shoulder. The kiss was firm but almost chaste for a few seconds before one or both pushed further and they were kissing sloppily and open-mouthed.
Brendon couldn't get enough. He wanted to touch Spencer everywhere and press into him and kiss his neck and lick anywhere. But it was Spencer's show and what if he realised that it was more than just a convenient fuck for Brendon? He would stop and never do it again. He really couldn't afford that now that he had this. Now that he knew what Spencer felt like kissing him. To know that Spencer was hard and that he was going to get to touch him. Knowing what he smelled and tasted like this close.
Spencer pushed and Brendon gave, shifting until they were both lying on the sofa, Spencer pressing down on top and Brendon pushing up from underneath. They hadn't even removed any clothes and Brendon was so close. Frottage. The word drifted through Brendon's mind. He hated the word but it felt amazing. And if he stopped for even a second he and Spencer would have to look each other in the eye and Brendon didn't know what might happen then. If Spencer backed out...but then Spencer was a guy and so clearly getting close as well. The odds of any guy stopping at this point were so low as to be non-existent.
Almost like he was reading Brendon's mind, Spencer stopped and pulled away slightly. He was panting and Brendon wanted to grab his hips and press against him again. But Spencer had stopped. He watched as Spencer laughed slightly, grinning at Brendon like they were sharing some fantastic joke. Brendon couldn't stop himself grinning back and allowed himself to reach up and kiss Spencer. Spencer kissed back but more slowly. One hand snaked down between the two of them and started fumbling with Brendon's belt. Brendon froze, mind frantically trying to find anything to think about that would stop him from coming in his pants at the thought of Spencer, Spencer Smith's hand, touching him.
Spencer managed to get Brendon's pants undone, kissing him slow and dirty. Brendon's breath hitched as he felt Spencer's fingers ghosting him over his boxers and then god, under the elastic and on his skin. He reached between them and tried to undo Spencer's pants one-handed but he clearly wasn't as dexterous. He brought his other hand down from where it had been pushing at Spencer's shirt, sliding underneath and up his back. He felt Spencer huff a laugh and grinned into the kiss even as he gasped with Spencer's hand pushing further into his boxers.
Brendon finally got Spencer's pants part-way open, open enough to slip a hand inside and he felt rather than heard Spencer's low moan. He wrapped his other arm back around Spencer's back, pulling him close. Slow and dirty began to speed up again and Spencer was in his hand. He was in Spencer's. And they were moving together, rubbing and pressing and Brendon couldn't even find enough presence to kiss any more. His face was buried in Spencer's neck and he could feel Spencer's mouth, teeth and tongue on his shoulder. Spencer turned his head towards him, nose behind Brendon's ear as they moved desperately together and it was Spencer's harsh, hitched panting in his ear that final sent Brendon over the edge. He came, hard and fast and felt Spencer shudder above him as though his orgasm had been triggered by Brendon's.
Brendon finally lay back with a rush of breath, wet hand slipping out of Spencer's pants. Spencer felt boneless on top of him and he thought he heard a muttered "Oh god,". His mind was fuzzy and he didn't know what to do now. I was nice having Spencer there on top of him, but it was probably against the fuck-buddy etiquette to nuzzle at his neck or kiss him again post-orgasm. There really should have been rules posted on the internet for general use.
Finally Spencer moved, wincing as he lifted their hips apart and standing up. He looked down at himself and Brendon lay on the sofa, watching. "Uh - I should probably clean up," Spencer said, moving off to the back bathroom without looking directly at Brendon.
Brendon sighed deeply. If Spencer was never going to talk to him again, at least he had received some amazing sex out of the deal. He pushed himself to his feet and walked through to the tiny front bathroom - little more than a toilet and sink. He grabbed a fresh pair of boxers on the way past his bunk and closed the door. He looked at himself in the mirror for a second. His hair wasn't particularly a mess apart from at the nape where Spencer had grabbed it while they kissed. His face, however, was a text-book representation of I-just-got-laid. His lips were red and swollen with what was clearly stubble-burn around his mouth and chin. His eyes were half-lidded.
Brendon smiled at his reflection and mentally congratulated the Brendon in the mirror for getting laid by Spencer Smith. That Brendon wouldn't have to go and deal with the repercussions. Or maybe he had a mirror-Spencer who was just now also getting out of the mirror-bathroom and he was also in here, avoiding.
Brendon looked away and took off his pants and boxers, pulling on the fresh ones once he was clean. He pulled his pants back on and buttoned them, re-fastening his belt. Finally he took a deep breath and walked back through to the back lounge, ditching his dirty boxers in his bunk on the way. Spencer was sprawled out on the sofa and looked up at him as he came in.
"I changed the DVD," he said. "I've seen that episode, like, 12 times recently. Mind if we watch something else?"
Brendon looked over at the TV where The O.C.'s opening menu was on display. It really had been a bad idea to agree to Jon introducing them all to the show. Brendon wasn't at all bothered by the drama of the show any more. He'd just got laid. By Spencer Smith.
"It's fine," he said, moving over to the sofa. Spencer lifted his legs to let Brendon sit before placing them down in his lap. It was a typical Spencer sitting position. They all got used to Spencer's feet or didn't sit near him.
Brendon rested one hand on Spencer's ankle and and pushed back into a lounging position. "Okay - hopefully it's a Seth-heavy episode," Brendon said and Spencer smiled.
**********************************
The problem was, Brendon mused over breakfast the next morning, that he didn't know how to act around Spencer now. They were friends who had sex. So when they weren't having sex, he should act like a friend. But somehow he couldn't remember exactly how he had treated Spencer before. He had been at least vaguely touchy with him, though nothing compared to how he was with Ryan, or even Jon. But then over the last few weeks he hadn't been touching Spencer at all - terrified that he might clue in someone else in addition to Jon. If he suddenly started being different again it would seem obvious.
Spencer wandered out of the bunk area and looked over at Brendon sitting at the table. Brendon froze.
"There's coffee?" Spencer asked, eyeing the mug in Brendon's hand. Brendon tipped his head towards the pot he'd made. Spencer made a needy sound and grabbed another mug out of one of the overhead cupboards.
Brendon purposefully didn't watch Spencer and instead stared out of the window, through the slats of the blind. Now was an example of not knowing how to act. No one else was here which made observation not so much of a worry, but that didn't help him worrying about Spencer himself. Was he allowed to openly admire him now? Check him out when he was all sleep-befuddled and had bedding creases across his cheek? Or was he supposed to act like he didn't want to rip Spencer's stupid pinstripe pyjama bottoms off and fuck him right on the table, smell of coffee all around them? He made a frustrated sound at his own whirling mind.
"What?" Spencer asked, dropping down heavily onto the opposite seat, cradling his mug close to his face. His expression was sleepy but open. That at least reassured Brendon.
"Just - coffee isn't hitting the spot quick enough," Brendon said, turning his attention fully back to inside the bus. As thrilling as the view of the next bus over was, he wouldn't be able to get away with not being civil.
Spencer was nodding along with Brendon's explanation. "Intravenous," he said, sagely. Brendon grinned.
"Set on an timer to begin pumping ten minutes before you get up," Brendon added. Spencer smiled.
"I'll drink to that," he said, offering up his mug for a toast. Brendon clinked against it with his own and took a sip. Spencer winced slightly as his own coffee burned his lip. Brendon laughed. He really hoped that somehow his brain's over-analysation of everything would stop soon.
*****************************************
Backstage at the venue was like every other one that they'd been to - magnolia walls and just clean and looked-after enough to pass cursory inspection. Over-lit and crappy furniture.
And Brendon didn't care. He had been bouncy and unsure all day, until Spencer had grabbed him and dragged him into an empty, forgotten room backstage with a lock on the door. He had pushed Brendon back until he thudded heavily against the wall and dropped to his knees, unbuttoning Brendon's pants while Brendon still tried to process that this was happening to him. Spencer Smith was on his knees for Brendon. The day after he had had sex with Spencer in his bunk while Jon and Ryan were hanging out on a different bus. Which had been the day after he had first had sex with Spencer on the sofa in the back lounge.
Brendon still had no idea how to act around Spencer when they weren't fucking and had yet to initiate anything himself, but at that moment he really couldn't bring himself to care.
*******************************************
Brendon lay in his bunk, on his side, and listened to the cacophony of breathing, snoring and grunting that signified a normal night on their bus. Ryan snored like a freight train (except when Keltie stayed when he was forced to sleep on his side) and Jon sounded like he was protesting into his pillow every time he moved. It was Spencer that Brendon was listening for though. Spencer didn't snore, but would occasionally sigh as though someone had just told him something sad. No sighing meant that Spencer was most likely awake.
Brendon wondered if he made his own sleeping sounds. If he did it would also be obvious to anyone paying attention that he wasn't asleep. He wondered if Spencer was listening to him not sleeping. It had been a two weeks since he and Spencer had started having sex. Things had progressed to the point where it was so much less awkward than it had any right to be and far hotter than he had ever imagined. And he had imagined quite a lot.
The buzz of his sidekick pulled Brendon's thoughts back into his own bunk.
Spencer's awake too
It was from Haley. Brendon was convinced that she was psychic.
How did you know that I was? he asked, phone screen over-bright in the closed-off darkness of the bunk.
Spence can hear you moving around. He says you're thinking too loudly and he can't sleep
Brendon laughed quietly, huffing into his arm. He knew Spencer knew he was awake now but still didn't want to wake Ryan or Jon.
My thoughts are too powerful and strong to be contained, sorry. Tell him I'll try and think quieter Brendon sent back. All thought of sleep was gone now and he flipped onto his back, sidekick resting on his chest, waiting for the response from Haley. He could have texted Spencer directly even if he didn't want to speak across the divide (Spencer's bunk was directly opposite and one below his own) but somehow talking through Haley reassured him that she was fine about him sleeping with her boyfriend.
I don't know about too powerful - maybe too caffeine-fuelled? Or sugar? Spence wants to know how you're lying - he heard you moving around. Are you comfortable?
Brendon rolled his eyes. It wasn't caffeine or sugar that made him hyper - he managed that all by himself. Once, when he was about eight, his parents had cut out all food that contained processed sugar or flavourings. It hadn't helped.
I can't help it if I'm naturally exuberant! Brendon typed back, Maybe I just have more stamina than other men. More manly. And I'm on my back. I moved from on my side. He has super-hearing. And you're psychic. You two should fight crime.
Brendon listened really hard and was almost positive that he heard a low laugh from Spencer. He wondered how much of his own text was getting through to Spencer and how much of what Spencer was replying with got passed on to him. He grinned in the dark.
He has super hearing, I'm psychic and you have super-stamina. I'm sure I can find more exciting things to do with those skills than fight crime Haley said. Brendon was about to reply when his sidekick buzzed again.
You don't have super hearing but is your hearing good enough to hear him touching himself? Brendon's breath caught and he immediately strained to listen. Haley's words had bypassed his brain and he felt a flush move down his body, making him hard. There was no sound he could make out that gave Spencer away. All rustling or heavy breathing was drowned out by the sound of two other men sleeping and the bus engine.
I can't hear him, Brendon said. But I can imagine it. He hesitated a moment before adding, Can he hear me? He hit send, holding the sidekick on his chest with his left hand and sliding his right down. He pushed under the waist of the sweatpants he usually slept in and his boxers. He exhaled as slowly and quietly as he could as he pushed up, hard against his palm.
Brendon thought about Spencer lying less than four feet away from him, boxers maybe pushed down around his hips and cock in his hand. Texting Haley and thinking about him lying here. He forced himself to not let his breathing get too heavy.
Waiting for Haley to reply Brendon suddenly wondered if he'd gone too far. Had Haley been joking? What if he'd texted Spencer's girlfriend, his friend, totally inappropriately? But then his sidekick buzzed on his chest, vibrating but silent in the dark, and Brendon felt a giddy rush of want again.
He can hear you a little - you think you're quieter than you are. He says he tries not to make noise when you breathe hard but it's difficult because you sound so hot.
Brendon could barely contain a moan as Haley's words and the image they gave him made his hips buck up into his hand. There was no mistaking the answering rush of breath from Spencer's bunk now that he was listening for it and the sound almost made him spill out all over his hand. He released the pressure for a second to try and calm a little. Had this been Spencer's idea? Or was this Haley - helping them both from hundreds of miles away. Was she getting off on this too? Was she just passing messages or was she touching herself too?
I can hear him now, Brendon said. Listening is one of the hottest things I've ever done. Are you picturing this? Somehow Brendon wanted to make sure that Haley was enjoying this too - it wasn't enough to know that Spencer was there touching himself from only the sound of him breathing and Haley's texts. He had to know that Haley wanted them to be doing this. That she was getting something from it.
He can tell every time you get too close and pull back. I wish I could hear you both trying to be quiet but loud enough for each other, but I can see it all so clearly. One day I might listen too. Would you like that?
Brendon thought about Haley listening to them too. Maybe on the phone next time rather than by text. Or with her lying in one of the bunks. Brendon panted and fisted himself, breath coming sharply as he heard Spencer almost grunt. The sound was loud compared to the hushed breathing from before and Brendon froze for a second before relaxing again. No one had even stirred.
Spencer's really close. Haley's message arrived before Brendon had even considered what to text back. He wants to hear you come.
That was enough for Brendon. The heady mixture of Haley's texts combined with knowing that Spencer was there, stroking himself and listening to Brendon, pushed him over the edge. He came, pulsing into his fist, breath ragged and gasping. Even as he did Brendon could hear Spencer's breathing beating out a panting cadence of barely suppressed moans. The sound ripped through him, dragging out his orgasm until he could barely even breathe any more. Finally he collapsed loose-limbed and boneless, breathing long and deeply. He couldn't hear Spencer any more.
That was AMAZING, Brendon managed to type back, his arms heavy and eyes half-lidded.
It was. Spencer says he's going to die of exhaustion now.
Brendon smiled and texted back. Me too. Thank you. Really - thank you. It felt weird to be thanking Haley for helping him and her boyfriend get off on their tour bus but he didn't know any other way of telling her how awesome and cool she was. He turned on to his side and placed his sidekick on the pillow next to him.
Just as he was drifting into sleep Brendon's sidekick buzzed again. It was from Spencer.
Night Brendon.
Brendon texted back before letting his eyes finally close again.
Night Spencer.
***************************************
Brendon woke up slowly the next morning. For a moment, still half asleep, he was confused that Spencer and Haley weren't lying next to him before coming fully awake and remembering. A slow grin spread across his face as he pressed his head into the pillow and pulled his blankets up round his head. Possibly the hottest thing he'd ever done and it had involved no one but himself touching his dick. Haley was a genius.
Brendon could hear people moving around in the lounge of the bus and only Ryan's Wagnerian snoring was still audible from the bunks. He pulled back the curtain of his bunk slightly to peek down at Spencer's. The curtain was half open and Brendon could see the dent in the pillow where Spencer's head had been.
He put his head out further and looked over the edge of his own bunk and down to see that Jon's curtain was also open. He quickly pulled back inside. He didn't want to be caught peering out, grinning like some kid on Christmas morning.
Spencer and Jon were both up. Brendon wanted to bound out of bed and go and join them. To see Spencer for the first time since last night. But that meant seeing Spencer for the first time since last night. It was strange - it wasn't like they hadn't had sex a number of times already, but somehow with the inclusion of Haley it felt deeper. More personal and less like two people just getting off.
Brendon's sidekick buzzed and he felt a flutter through his stomach. Would he be able to hear or feel that again without flashing back to the night before?
There's coffee if you actually get up.
Spencer. He could probably hear him shifting around. Sometimes, with the various partitions and doors that gave parts of the bus an illusion of privacy, you could forget that the "walls" were paper-thin. Brendon grinned at his sidekick.
Pour me one and I'll be there in 2 minutes, he sent back. He scissored his legs until the blankets were no longer tangled through them and pushed his curtain far enough back to swing his legs out. Habit made getting down from the high bunk easy so his sleep-fuzzed brain didn't have to think about it. He even automatically put his left foot on Jon's bunk as far away from the top end as possible because whenever Jon was in there and awake, he would jab at Brendon's Achilles tendon to make him fall.
Brendon padded barefoot quickly through to use bathroom in the back of the bus and even brushed his teeth. When he finally emerged through into the lounge a coffee was sat at the table, opposite Spencer who was sat cradling his own. It was Jon's turn to cook breakfast and he was sipping from a mug in between animatedly telling Spencer about why the fourth Alien movie sucked, as though they didn't all share the opinion already.
Brendon slid into the bench at the table, back to the bunks, and picked up his coffee.
"Mmmmmm....coffee..." he mumbled, sipping gently to not burn his mouth. Jon turned and grinned at him.
"Took you a while to get up," he said, glancing to check on the eggs cooking before leaning back, hips against the side. Brendon and Jon were usually the first up - something both of them would complain meant that they had to cook the most unless they wanted to starve for hours.
"Yeah," Brendon said. "I was pretty tired. Slept like a log."
Jon turned back to the eggs cooking. "Well you weren't tossing and turning all night either so whatever made you that tired I'm fucking thankful," he said.
Brendon couldn't help glancing at Spencer who also looked up at him from his coffee. They both broke into identical grins and Brendon could feel himself going as red as Spencer was. Jon was still talking - complaining - about Brendon's sleeping habits as he turned back round. Spencer looked down at his coffee again and Brendon tried to look like he'd been listening to Jon all along. Jon paused for a second, clearly noticing that something had happened while he was turned away. Brendon knew his give away had been not defending himself or attacking Jon's own sleep noises.
"What?" Jon asked, looking between Brendon and Spencer. Spencer looked up at Jon from his coffee.
"What?" He said in return. Brendon had to give Spencer his dues - he was far better at lying than Brendon had ever been. Brendon had a tendency to grin and laugh when he needed to keep a straight face.
"I asked first," Jon said, crossing his arms.
Spencer raised an eyebrow. "We were just wondering how long you would complain about Brendon and his tossing and turning before the hypocrisy of your grunting became too much for you." Brendon laughed.
"I don't grunt," Jon said, the same response he always gave.
"Oh you do!" Brendon exclaimed, forgetting totally the awkwardness from moments before. "Dude - I swear I'm going to record you one night."
Jon turned back to the stove again. "Yeah, well, you keep saying you're going to do that and you haven't yet so I think you're making it up."
Brendon shook his head. "Fine. Tonight I'm going to record you grunting in your sleep. Then you'll finally accept that you're wrong and we're right." He paused and frowned at Spencer. "So, like, we work in the music industry. Someone will have a tape-recorder or something, right?"
"No way," Jon said, finally serving out breakfast and making Spencer move up to let him sit. "Any recording equipment here is all for, like, sound stage stuff." He looked inordinately please with himself. "Ha."
"Fine," Brendon said. "I'll just have to go and buy one then." He rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms above his head. He noticed Spencer's eyes flicker to the stretch of skin exposed between his stretch pants and t-shirt and grinned. "And I'm taking Spencer with me." He said the last with a tone that implied Spencer's assistance in tape-recorder-buying was a secret weapon rather than his own excuse to spend time with him.
"Fine!" Jon laughed. "You'll spend most of the time looking at shoes then anyway."
"Hey!" Spencer objected, scowling at Jon. "I don't buy that many shoes."
Brendon put his hand mock-comfortingly on Spencer arm. "Dude - sorry," he said, trying not to laugh, "but you totally do."
Spencer pulled his arm away making Jon and Brendon both laugh. "Fine," he said to Brendon. "See if I buy you chocolate ice cream now."
"Anyway," Jon said to Brendon, "you probably buy more than he does! You just try and hide it more."
Brendon tried to look offended and they were all laughing when Ryan emerged from the bunks, blinking blearily. "Did someone say ice cream?" He said, looking puzzled.
"Spencer's totally going to buy me ice cream when we go and buy a tape-recorder to record Jon's weird sleep noises," Brendon said.
"Actually Spencer's not buying him ice cream, which was the whole point of the conversation," Spencer said. Ryan was nodding as though the whole thing made a kind of sense that Brendon knew he himself would not have understood that soon after getting up.
"Hey," Ryan said. "You can buy me ice cream too. Strawberry." He grinned at Spencer.
"No way," Spencer said. "Sorry, but we're leaving, like, now." He paused. "Um, once we're dressed. And it'll take you about another two hours just to remember what way your pants go on." Jon gave a snort-laugh where his coffee almost went up his nose. Brendon grabbed Spencer's empty plate with his own and slipped out from behind the table, letting Ryan slide in with his food. He dumped the plates in the sink.
"So I'm going to get dressed then," he said, bouncing on his toes.
Jon looked at Spencer. "You probably want me to let you out, right?" he asked.
"Please," Spencer said, waiting.
Jon crossed his arms and leaned back with an exaggerated sigh. "Nope. Too comfortable." Ryan laughed. Spencer looked up at Brendon who raised his eyebrows.
"Fine," Spencer said. He pushed up until he was standing awkwardly on the padded bench and tried to climb over Jon. Jon reached up and grabbed his legs, wrapping them into a clinging-hug. Spencer toppled slightly and bent over, grabbing the counter by the sink to stop himself from falling. Then he gripped and tried to pull himself out of Jon's grasp. Ryan was wheezing with laughter and Brendon could barely stand up, watching Spencer try to drag himself away from Jon.
Spencer was laughing so hard himself that his grip on the counter kept slipping and he finally yelled at Brendon. "Fucking help me!"
Brendon staggered over and grabbed Spencer under both arms. Spencer wrapped his arms around Brendon's shoulders and Brendon started backing away, twisting Spencer's body at the hips, but also twisting Spencer's legs out of Jon's grasp. Just as Brendon had managed to get them as far as the open door to the bunks - Spencer twisted unnaturally - Jon suddenly let go. Brendon flew backwards trying to keep his feet under him, but Spencer's weight knocked them both down onto the floor where they lay, laughing and fighting to breathe.
"I fucking hate you Jon Walker," Spencer said, voice muffled by Brendon's shoulder and still gasping. Brendon saw Ryan lean across the table and high-five Jon.
Finally Spencer pushed up to his feet and offered a hand to pull Brendon up.
"You," Brendon said, pointing at Jon, "are fucking toast."
Part 2