[G] No Matter What Happens
You were preparing for a party and you had put a couple of the boys in charge of the decorations, while the rest of the boys took care of the food. It was for Kangin. He was leaving for the army tomorrow and you wanted to make it memorable for him.
And just as soon as you smiled, it was gone.
A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts. You replace your frown with a smile when you saw that it was Heechul.
“Ya! Will you stopping playing around already?” he suddenly yells at the five boys, putting his arm around your shoulder, squeezing gently. “You’re not doing anything to help! Aish, these kids!”
The five boys immediately stop playing around and turn to look at you. The smiles on their faces disappear and they hurriedly go back to work.
“You okay?” Heechul asks you with a knowing look.
You untangle yourself from him and smile back. “Of course I’m okay. Let me just check on the food.”
“I already did that,” he tells you. “You should get some rest. You can sleep in my room.”
You shake your head. The thought of being alone with your thoughts frighten you. “No, I’m fine. Really,” you insist when he opens his mouth to retort. Giving another smile, you walk away from him and to the kitchen anyway, where Ryeowook was with Yesung, preparing the food.
“We’re almost done,” Ryeowook says at once when he sees you.
You smile. “Everything looks great.” Indeed, it did. Ryeowook never fails to amaze you with his cooking skills. Even when he had to cook for a lot of people, he never seemed stressed about it and always kept his cool. It was beyond obvious how much he loved cooking, most especially cooking for his hyungs.
Kangin loves Ryeowook like a little brother. You remember the times when Kangin’s told you how Ryeowook never hesitated to make food for him even when he was tired. You also remember how Kangin mentioned that he would do anything to protect this dongsaeng of his.
As you blink back your tears, you realize that Yesung was looking at you. You instantly smile at him. “Thank you so much for helping out, Yesungie,” you tell him appreciatively. You know how busy he is with his musical.
“It’s not a problem. Anything for Kangin,” he responds. You tear up at this, but take a deep breath to forbid it from coming out. “You should get some rest, you know,” he then tells you. “He won’t be here ‘til later. You have time.”
You pat his cheek. “I’m fine. I’ll be back and just check when the other members will be back.”
You were just about to call Leeteuk when your mobile phone rang. It’s him. You leave the dorm at once and answer the call outside. Taking a deep breath you say hello.
“Are you okay?” is the first thing he asks. You lean you back against the wall and shake your head slightly. He knows you too well.
“What time will you be here?” you ask, ignoring his question. He tells you that he’ll be arriving in an hour and you realize that you’re running out of time.
After you hang up, you go back inside and find the living room almost decorated.
“What do you think?” Donghae asks happily, raising his arms to showcase their décor. Suddenly, the streamers hanging on the wall fall off and land on their heads.
“We’ll fix it,” Eunhyuk fearfully promises at once, scrambling up the ladder, tape in hand.
You smile. “He’ll be here in an hour,” you tell them.
You hear the main door open and find that Leeteuk had arrived with Siwon and Kibum.
“Kibummie!” you happily greet him with a hug. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here,” he tells you, giving you a kiss on the head.
“Kangin would be so happy,” you say, closing your eyes.
You didn’t notice the sad, but knowing smiles the boys exchange.
.:::.
Kangin seems to be having fun. Of course with his members and a couple of alcoholic drinks, who wouldn’t have fun? You watch as he laughs his loud and free laugh, leaning his head back as he does so. The other members laugh along with him, Leeteuk’s “ang ang” cackle carrying above the rest.
You take a deep breath and smile contentedly as you watch him from the kitchen area. This is what you love so much about Kangin. His laughter was contagious and just lifted your spirits up. It’s what you want to remember about him for the time he would be gone. It reminds you of everything you had gone through together, starting from the time he started training and up to now, with him leaving.
The people, the fans, may think they know him. But they don’t really know. The Kangin that you know isn’t perfect. Everyone else says that they know he isn’t perfect, but they still bashed him like there’s no tomorrow. It hurt him like hell. When everyone suddenly understood him and wished him to comeback, it didn’t ease the pain. No one else was really there for him, except his members and you. No one else had to watch him cry every time he thinks about his members having a hard time because of him. No one else had to watch him withdraw from the world because he thought it was best. It was you. You, who’s had his back since you were kids. You, who’s seen him go through everything just to debut. You, who’s loved him for a long time. You have loved Kim Youngwoon the person ever since you can remember, and not just Kangin the Super Junior member.
Your breath hitches as you think about these things. Taking a couple of deep breaths, you calm yourself down or else you were going to breakdown and cry and this wasn’t the time for that. You want to be strong for him. He needs you to be strong for him.
You hear him looking for you. Putting on a smile on your face, you walk to the living room and sit on the space beside him. The other members were all sprawled in the living room in comfortable positions. It was nearly 11 in the evening and a lot of them were half-drunk.
“Where’d you go?” he asks you, taking your hand in his and kissing it.
“I just returned some of the plates in the kitchen,” you lie, smiling and looking away. Accidentally, you met Leeteuk’s eyes. You avert your gaze because you can tell that he’s close to bursting out in tears. Remembering the time, you turn to Kangin and say, “Shouldn’t you get going?” He was leaving early the next day.
“Are you getting rid of me?” he jokes.
You laugh. But it comes out forced. It was getting harder and harder to pretend, especially when he was leaving so soon. Soon, meaning in a couple of hours. If it were up to you, he would never leave.
“C’mon,” you say, standing up and pulling him up with you.
The members stand up as well; some going to their rooms to fix themselves up, while the younger ones carried the beer bottles to the kitchen. Before you know it, you two were alone in the living room.
You face him and fix the collar of his shirt, brushing away the imaginary dirt and lint. Your Youngwoon was so handsome. What were you going to do without seeing his cheeky smile everyday? He suddenly grabs your hands, stopping you from distracting yourself from the inevitable.
“Look at me,” he tells you. When you continue staring at one of the buttons of his shirt, he repeats it, more insistently. “Look at me.” He touches your chin and lifts your face up so you could meet his eyes.
In that one look, your eyes begin to water. You turn to look away to stop the tears, but he traps your head in his hands and rests his forehead on yours. “Cry,” he whispers. “If that’s what you need. Cry.” His hands travel down to your waist.
You shake your head. “I’m okay.” You smile at him. “C’mon. You have to wake up early tomorrow. You need to rest.”
Before you could turn away, he wraps his arms tightly around you. You close your eyes, forcing all the tears back in. You didn’t want him to see you cry. You didn’t want him to be sad because of you.
All of a sudden you realize that you were shaking.
He’s crying.
Leaning back, you look closely at him and cup his face with your hands, thumbing the tears away. “Why are you crying?”
“I know I don’t often keep my promises,” he begins, looking into your eyes, reminding you of all the times he’s promised you things but couldn’t keep them because of his job. “But this time I’m going to keep it.”
“Sshh,” you whisper.
“I will be back,” he promises.
“Of course you’ll be back,” you assure him. “Everyone knows it. No one doubts it.”
“No, you’re not listening,” he continues, shaking his head. “I’ll be back. And when I do, we’ll continue where we left off. Like this.”
Before you could ask what he means, he captures your lip in a searing kiss.
And just like that, the tears start to fall. All the fears you’ve been suppressing come rushing out along with the teardrops. Two years without him… what were you going to do? A sob escapes your lips and he pulls away.
“No matter what happens,” he reiterates. “I’ll be back. Do you hear me?” He searches your eyes for that trust that he always knows he could find in you.
You nod. “No matter what happens.” I’ll wait for you.
And just as soon as you smiled, it was gone.
A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts. You replace your frown with a smile when you saw that it was Heechul.
“Ya! Will you stopping playing around already?” he suddenly yells at the five boys, putting his arm around your shoulder, squeezing gently. “You’re not doing anything to help! Aish, these kids!”
The five boys immediately stop playing around and turn to look at you. The smiles on their faces disappear and they hurriedly go back to work.
“You okay?” Heechul asks you with a knowing look.
You untangle yourself from him and smile back. “Of course I’m okay. Let me just check on the food.”
“I already did that,” he tells you. “You should get some rest. You can sleep in my room.”
You shake your head. The thought of being alone with your thoughts frighten you. “No, I’m fine. Really,” you insist when he opens his mouth to retort. Giving another smile, you walk away from him and to the kitchen anyway, where Ryeowook was with Yesung, preparing the food.
“We’re almost done,” Ryeowook says at once when he sees you.
You smile. “Everything looks great.” Indeed, it did. Ryeowook never fails to amaze you with his cooking skills. Even when he had to cook for a lot of people, he never seemed stressed about it and always kept his cool. It was beyond obvious how much he loved cooking, most especially cooking for his hyungs.
Kangin loves Ryeowook like a little brother. You remember the times when Kangin’s told you how Ryeowook never hesitated to make food for him even when he was tired. You also remember how Kangin mentioned that he would do anything to protect this dongsaeng of his.
As you blink back your tears, you realize that Yesung was looking at you. You instantly smile at him. “Thank you so much for helping out, Yesungie,” you tell him appreciatively. You know how busy he is with his musical.
“It’s not a problem. Anything for Kangin,” he responds. You tear up at this, but take a deep breath to forbid it from coming out. “You should get some rest, you know,” he then tells you. “He won’t be here ‘til later. You have time.”
You pat his cheek. “I’m fine. I’ll be back and just check when the other members will be back.”
You were just about to call Leeteuk when your mobile phone rang. It’s him. You leave the dorm at once and answer the call outside. Taking a deep breath you say hello.
“Are you okay?” is the first thing he asks. You lean you back against the wall and shake your head slightly. He knows you too well.
“What time will you be here?” you ask, ignoring his question. He tells you that he’ll be arriving in an hour and you realize that you’re running out of time.
After you hang up, you go back inside and find the living room almost decorated.
“What do you think?” Donghae asks happily, raising his arms to showcase their décor. Suddenly, the streamers hanging on the wall fall off and land on their heads.
“We’ll fix it,” Eunhyuk fearfully promises at once, scrambling up the ladder, tape in hand.
You smile. “He’ll be here in an hour,” you tell them.
You hear the main door open and find that Leeteuk had arrived with Siwon and Kibum.
“Kibummie!” you happily greet him with a hug. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here,” he tells you, giving you a kiss on the head.
“Kangin would be so happy,” you say, closing your eyes.
You didn’t notice the sad, but knowing smiles the boys exchange.
.:::.
Kangin seems to be having fun. Of course with his members and a couple of alcoholic drinks, who wouldn’t have fun? You watch as he laughs his loud and free laugh, leaning his head back as he does so. The other members laugh along with him, Leeteuk’s “ang ang” cackle carrying above the rest.
You take a deep breath and smile contentedly as you watch him from the kitchen area. This is what you love so much about Kangin. His laughter was contagious and just lifted your spirits up. It’s what you want to remember about him for the time he would be gone. It reminds you of everything you had gone through together, starting from the time he started training and up to now, with him leaving.
The people, the fans, may think they know him. But they don’t really know. The Kangin that you know isn’t perfect. Everyone else says that they know he isn’t perfect, but they still bashed him like there’s no tomorrow. It hurt him like hell. When everyone suddenly understood him and wished him to comeback, it didn’t ease the pain. No one else was really there for him, except his members and you. No one else had to watch him cry every time he thinks about his members having a hard time because of him. No one else had to watch him withdraw from the world because he thought it was best. It was you. You, who’s had his back since you were kids. You, who’s seen him go through everything just to debut. You, who’s loved him for a long time. You have loved Kim Youngwoon the person ever since you can remember, and not just Kangin the Super Junior member.
Your breath hitches as you think about these things. Taking a couple of deep breaths, you calm yourself down or else you were going to breakdown and cry and this wasn’t the time for that. You want to be strong for him. He needs you to be strong for him.
You hear him looking for you. Putting on a smile on your face, you walk to the living room and sit on the space beside him. The other members were all sprawled in the living room in comfortable positions. It was nearly 11 in the evening and a lot of them were half-drunk.
“Where’d you go?” he asks you, taking your hand in his and kissing it.
“I just returned some of the plates in the kitchen,” you lie, smiling and looking away. Accidentally, you met Leeteuk’s eyes. You avert your gaze because you can tell that he’s close to bursting out in tears. Remembering the time, you turn to Kangin and say, “Shouldn’t you get going?” He was leaving early the next day.
“Are you getting rid of me?” he jokes.
You laugh. But it comes out forced. It was getting harder and harder to pretend, especially when he was leaving so soon. Soon, meaning in a couple of hours. If it were up to you, he would never leave.
“C’mon,” you say, standing up and pulling him up with you.
The members stand up as well; some going to their rooms to fix themselves up, while the younger ones carried the beer bottles to the kitchen. Before you know it, you two were alone in the living room.
You face him and fix the collar of his shirt, brushing away the imaginary dirt and lint. Your Youngwoon was so handsome. What were you going to do without seeing his cheeky smile everyday? He suddenly grabs your hands, stopping you from distracting yourself from the inevitable.
“Look at me,” he tells you. When you continue staring at one of the buttons of his shirt, he repeats it, more insistently. “Look at me.” He touches your chin and lifts your face up so you could meet his eyes.
In that one look, your eyes begin to water. You turn to look away to stop the tears, but he traps your head in his hands and rests his forehead on yours. “Cry,” he whispers. “If that’s what you need. Cry.” His hands travel down to your waist.
You shake your head. “I’m okay.” You smile at him. “C’mon. You have to wake up early tomorrow. You need to rest.”
Before you could turn away, he wraps his arms tightly around you. You close your eyes, forcing all the tears back in. You didn’t want him to see you cry. You didn’t want him to be sad because of you.
All of a sudden you realize that you were shaking.
He’s crying.
Leaning back, you look closely at him and cup his face with your hands, thumbing the tears away. “Why are you crying?”
“I know I don’t often keep my promises,” he begins, looking into your eyes, reminding you of all the times he’s promised you things but couldn’t keep them because of his job. “But this time I’m going to keep it.”
“Sshh,” you whisper.
“I will be back,” he promises.
“Of course you’ll be back,” you assure him. “Everyone knows it. No one doubts it.”
“No, you’re not listening,” he continues, shaking his head. “I’ll be back. And when I do, we’ll continue where we left off. Like this.”
Before you could ask what he means, he captures your lip in a searing kiss.
And just like that, the tears start to fall. All the fears you’ve been suppressing come rushing out along with the teardrops. Two years without him… what were you going to do? A sob escapes your lips and he pulls away.
“No matter what happens,” he reiterates. “I’ll be back. Do you hear me?” He searches your eyes for that trust that he always knows he could find in you.
You nod. “No matter what happens.” I’ll wait for you.