Tunnel Vision [Baekhyun/Kai] (2/2)
Tunnel Vision
EXO | Baekhyun/Kai | PG-13 | 12,787w
Angst, Friendship, Romance
Baekhyun knows that friendship is all Jongin can give him. And so he spares himself the disappointment and heartache and never asks for anything more.
Written for nekkajitge for SNCJ's Secret Santa for 2012
Tunnel Vision Part 2
Part 1
-
One of the reasons Baekhyun thinks he’s fallen in love with Jongin is because they’re complete opposites. While Baekhyun is organized and is one who likes to plan things, Jongin is spontaneous and always like going with the flow. While Baekhyun is cautious and is slightly on the more serious side, Jongin is a bit more reckless and on the happy-go-lucky side.
So when Jongin decided that he’d do all the planning for their stay in Germany, Baekhyun was somewhat afraid that it would involve things like bungee jumping or skydiving. When it didn’t involve anything remotely dangerous (although eating at Unsicht-Bar could be categorized as such), Baekhyun felt relieved.
But then Baekhyun suddenly finds himself stepping out of their hotel in North Frankfurt to Jongin in the driver’s seat of one of the most expensive sports cars he’s ever seen and he thinks he should have seen this coming.
“Where are we going?” Baekhyun asks as he gets in, figuring that it’s fruitless to ask when he rented this car and how he could afford it.
“You’re in for a treat,” Jongin tells him with a wink. “We’re going for a drive.”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he looks out of the window, trees and grass moving past, as they move onto the highway. He’s not exactly sure what’s so special about driving around in Germany, but he supposes he should just let Jongin do what he wants since he’s the one who wanted to go there.
There was a time when he tried to influence Jongin to do something he wouldn’t normally do. Jongin was supposed to take up dance as a major for college. But, somehow, Baekhyun managed to make him see reason that maybe he should capitalize on his love and talent on drawing more for his future’s sake.
In hindsight, it really was Baekhyun who pushed Jongin and Kyungsoo together. When all he really wanted was to have Jongin near.
Baekhyun takes a deep breath and shakes himself out of his reverie. No point in feeling regret over something that’s already happened. He glances at Jongin, who’s expertly maneuvering them down the A45 of the autobahn with a big grin on his face. He looks back at Baekhyun and his smile just grows bigger.
“Having fun?” Jongin teases. “I’m surprised you’re so cool about this whole thing. Normally, you’d be scratching my face already.”
“Why, what should I be-“ He happens a glance at the speedometer and immediately stiffens in his seat because 180kph is way beyond normal speed. He looks out of the window, his eyes widening because everything’s just green blur at this point.
“What are you doing!” he screeches, reaching out to grip Jongin’s thigh. “Are you trying to fast track our death?!”
Jongin chuckles, much to Baekhyun panic and annoyance, and effortlessly pries Baekhyun’s hand on his thigh. “I’m trying to get you to loosen up,” he admits, smiling a little. He noticeably slows down, 120kph, and Baekhyun relaxes a bit.
“I think that this is the wrong way to do that,” Baekhyun manages to speak through his distress.
“Hey,” Jongin squeezes his hand. “I’m-“
“No,” Baekhyun immediately shakes his head and squeezes back. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Jongin gives him a gentle smile. “I was actually going to say that I’m glad you’re here,” he chuckles shyly.
And despite everything, Baekhyun smiles back at him. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”
-
If London was all about long walks and shopping, and Germany, the nightlife and a certain amount of recklessness, Italy is all about the wine.
Tuscany was the best place for wine tasting and so that’s where they went. Hopping from winery to winery, getting drunk not just on the wine, but also on the sheer beauty of the Tuscan countryside.
Baekhyun answers his phone without even looking at the caller ID, still laughing at Jongin, who just choked on the wine he’s just tasted. “Hello,” he greets, tossing Jongin a napkin so that he could wipe the wine off his chin. “Hello?” he repeats when no one responds. He frowns and glances at the caller ID and sees that it’s an unknown number. “Hello,” he patiently repeats, pressing the phone back to his ear, thinking that maybe there’s a connection problem.
“How is Italy?” comes the response without so much as a hello or any form of greeting.
Baekhyun swallows and slowly lifts his eyes to Jongin, who’s giving him a curious look. He merely shakes his head and turns away, slowing his walk down so that he’s lagging behind the others.
“Kyungsoo,” he quietly breathes out. His heart is pounding heavily in his chest because he’s always known that Kyungsoo will come forward in his own time. He just wasn’t expecting it to be now.
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo blurts out and Baekhyun flinches from the sheer sincerity of it. He stumbles backwards and allows himself to fall back from the crowd even more.
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun starts to reply, but Kyungsoo cuts him off.
“I’m not getting back together with him,” Kyungsoo tells him. “I just… I wanted to know how he’s doing and-“
“If you don’t have any intention of even giving an explanation as to why you did what you did, then you don’t really have any right to know how he’s doing,” Baekhyun snaps, clenching his fist. “You broke him, Kyungsoo!” he continues before Kyungsoo can get a word out. “You said you loved him and then you leave him like he’s meant nothing to you. You’ve been together for years. Years, Kyungsoo. And this is how you show how much that time with him has meant to you. You just-“
“You’re wrong,” Kyungsoo interrupts harshly. “He means everything to me. I just can’t marry him.”
“Why?” Baekhyun demands. “Because let me tell you something, Kyungsoo, you don’t just dump your fiancé at the altar.”
“There are things that you don’t understand, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo desperately tries to make him understand. “Jongin and I, we weren’t always-“
“You’re talking to Kyungsoo?”
Baekhyun whips around. Jongin is standing there, wide eyes traveling from his face to the phone pressed on his ear.
“Jongin, I-,” Baekhyun tries to explain, but the phone is out of his grasp in an instant.
Baekhyun wraps his arms around himself as he watches Jongin walk away.
-
Baekhyun stands up with a start as the door of their hotel room slams open. Jongin trudges in, swaying slightly as he closes the door behind him. He can immediately tell that Jongin’s drunk, just judging by the smell of wine reeking off of him.
An hour after Jongin left to talk to Kyungsoo by himself, Baekhyun tried looking for Jongin everywhere in the winery. When he couldn’t find him, he decided that it was probably best that he let Jongin by himself for a while to deal with whatever he and Kyungsoo talked about. So he went back to the hotel to wait for him. Glancing at the clock, he realizes it’s taken Jongin four hours to get back.
Baekhyun slowly makes his way towards him. “Hey,” he carefully says. “Are you okay?”
Jongin’s eyes find him. They slightly widen before Jongin practically throws himself on him, arms wrapped tightly around his smaller frame. “Baekhyun,” he slurs through his speech, his nose buried in his neck. “Baekhyun.”
“I’m here,” Baekhyun tells him, wrapping his arms around him as well. “I’m here,” he repeats just for good measure, even though he’s always been there for Jongin, something he probably has never really noticed.
Jongin pulls away and takes a good look at Baekhyun, his hands on his shoulders. “It’s you, you know,” Jongin says. “It’s you. Always you.”
Baekhyun stares at him in confusion. “What are you saying?” he asks. “How did your talk with Kyungsoo go? What did you guys talk about?” Jongin’s hold on him merely tightens as he blinks, gaze unfocused.
“Always you, Baekhyun,” Jongin just repeats as he buries his face back in Baekhyun’s neck.
Baekhyun stands there and holds Jongin in his arms. This isn’t anything new. Jongin has always come to him and whined about grades, family problems, relationship issues, all ending with his face in Baekhyun’s neck until Baekhyun successfully makes him laugh and subsequently makes him feel better.
If he was honest with himself, Baekhyun likes it when Jongin comes to him because he believes that, as his best friend, it’s his responsibility and right to be the one to make him feel better. Although, this is the first time that Jongin’s come to him while drunk and he’s not quite sure how to handle a drunken and clingy Jongin.
“Hey, Jongin, maybe you should get a shower and--” Baekhyun cuts himself off because did Jongin just... He gently pushes Jongin away and takes in his intoxicated state and thinks that maybe he’s just imagining things. “I’m going to draw you a bath,” he continues, turning away from him to go to the bathroom.
But Jongin grabs him and pushes him to the door. Baekhyun’s eyes widen as Jongin keeps him there, arms pinned to his sides.
“Jongin, what--”
Jongin kisses him.
-
It would be a lie to say that Baekhyun’s never imagined what it would be like to be kissed by his best friend. He’d always thought it would be some romantic and magical thing, kissing under the stars, or during the first snow; just during some big event after they’d realized that they’d both been in love with each other all this time and Baekhyun was just too stupid to even see it.
He imagined that Jongin would be gentle, lips soft on his, coaxing him to carefully open up for him. There’d be no rush because they’d have all the time in the world to explore what kind of kisses they like, how they want to be kissed. Jongin would put an arm around his waist, while his other hand would gently caress his cheek. He’d be pliant underneath his touch because that moment would be something he’s been waiting for a long time.
This isn’t how he thought being kissed by Jongin would be like; his back pressing against the hard wood of a hotel door, Jongin’s fingers hard on the back of his neck, lips sliding roughly with his.
Baekhyun tries to push him away, digging his nails into Jongin’s arms. But Jongin just pushes back harder than before. Jongin tilts his head slightly to gain more access to Baekhyun’s mouth and Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut because Jongin is drunk and doesn’t know what he’s doing.
When Jongin pulls away for a second, Baekhyun rushes to speak. “Jongin, stop, what are you-“
The words die in his throat because Jongin’s lips have moved from his lips to his jaw and down to his neck. He clenches his fists stringently, forcing back any desire he’s starting to feel because he can’t, won’t, take advantage of Jongin being inebriated. So he continues to push him away because as much as he wants this, as much as he wants Jongin to keep on kissing him like this, it just doesn’t seem fair.
“Jongin, please,” Baekhyun begs as tears starts to prickle beneath his eyelids.
“Let me,” Jongin whispers through his skin, his hands traveling underneath Baekhyun’s shirt. “Just this once.”
And when Jongin captures his lips again, Baekhyun yields to him and kisses back.
-
Baekhyun is on fire. Jongin’s touches burn his skin, while his kisses just make him ache for more. Things may have started on the rough side, but Jongin’s grown gentler as they moved across the room towards the bed. He’s touching Baekhyun like he’s made of glass and Baekhyun just can’t help but arch towards every contact of their skins.
Baekhyun reaches up, his fingertips tracing the lines on Jongin’s face, making him look at him. Their eyes meet. Jongin’s eyes are surging with something that’s unfamiliar yet familiar to Baekhyun at the same time. It makes him want to lift himself up to meet their lips together. So he does and Jongin kisses back, more passionately, more lovingly than Baekhyun would have expected from him.
“Jongin. Jongin,” Baekhyun groans in increasing volume. His climax is nearing with each push of Jongin in him.
Jongin clutches at him and Baekhyun knows that he’s nearing his peak as well.
They come at the same time.
And, while Baekhyun screams Jongin’s name, it’s not his that Jongin cries out with.
-
Baekhyun falls to the floor and curls into himself as soon he closes the bathroom door shut. Burying his face into his knees, he bites his lip to stop himself from sobbing out loud. He’s not exactly sure what he’s feeling at the moment, if he’s more hurt or angry; at himself or at Jongin, he isn’t sure either.
He’s not new to one-night stands or to casual sex or to fuck buddies. He’s had his fair share of such unfortunate relationships, but with each person he’s been with, he’s made sure that he was with them one at a time and that he really was with them. It didn’t matter whether it meant nothing, if he was with someone, he made sure that he was faithful to them at that moment.
Being with Jongin is a whole different story. Simply because he’s Jongin, the person he’s been in love with his whole life. It’s never even crossed his mind that Jongin could ever feel the same way about him because, well, they’ve been friends for almost two decades and Jongin’s never shown any form of interest towards him. And with each year that passed, he’s learned to let his hopes whither little by little because waiting for something that’s never going to happen is completely pointless.
But when Jongin kissed him, such hopes suddenly bloomed back and he began to wonder that maybe, just maybe, there’s a possibility that Jongin is even the tiniest bit attracted to him as well. He allowed himself to open up to such likelihood and let himself be taken because such a chance may never come again. It was a selfish thought.
Apparently, it was a stupid one, too. For how could he ever think that Jongin would actually make love to him? Who is he anyway? He’s just Baekhyun. He’s Jongin’s best friend and that’s all he ever will be. He’s not Kyungsoo and never will be the Kyungsoo, whom Jongin is so in love with.
Choking back a sob, he reaches for the phone and absently dials Chanyeol’s number.
“Hello--”
“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun starts breaking down, covering his mouth with his other hand as he gives in to his tears.
“Baekhyun?”
“Chanyeol, I want to come home,” Baekhyun tells him. “You’re right. This was a stupid idea. I should never have agreed to go on this trip with him. I should have known that--” He cuts himself off as his words dissolve into his sobs.
“Baekhyun, what happened?”
“It hurts so much,” Baekhyun cries. “It hurts so much.”
Baekhyun falls apart. His heart, which has been cracking inch by inch, is now into pieces. It’s something he’s not quite sure how to put back together because his heart has always belonged to Jongin, and he’s someone who doesn’t even want it.
“Baekhyun, I--please stop crying. Just...” There’s a pause. “I’ll, uh, go get Chanyeol.”
Baekhyun lifts his head up. “Who is this?” His eyes widen in sudden horrible realization. “Junmyeon?”
“I--yeah,” Junmyeon confirms with a nervous chuckle. “Sorry. Chanyeol went out to buy something for a bit and I... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--”
“I’m the one who should be sorry, Junmyeon,” Baekhyun quietly tells him, his sobs having quieted down. He shifts in his position on the tiled bathroom floor and leans his head back on the door.
“It’s not your fault,” Junmyeon softly says. “We don’t get to choose these things and how they pan out.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes because he can almost hear Junmyeon’s heart breaking. It eerily sounds just like his own and he just hates that he’s doing the same thing he’s experiencing to someone else.
“It’s so unfair,” Baekhyun whispers. “Why couldn’t I have been in love with you instead?”
Junmyeon chuckles uncharacteristically. “I think what would make things fair for you is for Jongin to have fallen in love with you as well,” he states.
Baekhyun lets out a shuddery breath.
-
Baekhyun nervously knocks on the door, his eyes trained on his sneakers. He’s done a lot of stupid and irrational things in his life, but he thinks this one takes the cake. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision. He thinks it’s about time that he stand up for himself and what he believes is best for him.
“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol chokes out when he opens the door and sees him standing there. He steps out of his apartment and glances around. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you,” Baekhyun tells him as Chanyeol ushers him inside the apartment.
“About what? Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to Paris?” Chanyeol asks him, confused.
“Yeah, about that. I left,” Baekhyun hastily explains. “I decided to go home early.” He blows his cheeks out and plays with the hem of his shirt.
“And Jongin?” Chanyeol presses.
“He’s... there,” Baekhyun lamely elaborates. He meets Chanyeol’s eyes and when Chanyeol blinks, he knows that his friend understands what happened and what he’s done.
“Are you saying you left Jongin in Europe by himself?”
Baekhyun jumps at the new voice, one that he didn’t expect to even hear in person anymore. Turning around, he sees Kyungsoo standing by the kitchen doorway, expression something akin to surprise and anger. But, for someone who’s just stood someone up at the altar, Baekhyun can see that Kyungsoo is doing okay.
“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun demands, raising an eyebrow at Chanyeol, who merely gives him an apologetic smile.
“You left Jongin?” Kyungsoo repeats, eyes flashing.
“What’s it to you?” Baekhyun snaps, crossing his arms across his chest. He doesn’t need anyone, much less Kyungsoo, questioning a decision he’s been trying to do for himself all his life. “He doesn’t need me there. He can handle himself. He’s a grown man.”
“Baekhyun, he asked you to go with him,” Kyungsoo emphasizes. “Out of all the things he could have done with that trip, cancelled it, given it away, he asked you to go with him instead.”
“I never wanted to go in the first place,” Baekhyun retorts. “He knows that.” He glances at Chanyeol as if to ask for back up, but Chanyeol merely shakes his head and steps out to leave them to talk.
“But you did go,” Kyungsoo reminds him. “And he trusted that you’d be there for him the whole trip.”
“You don’t even know what happened!” Baekhyun practically growls at him. “You don’t know anything so I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself.” He turns to leave the apartment.
“He’s just been left at the altar, so he trusts his best friend to go on this trip with him and then you leave him, too,” Kyungsoo calls after him. “How do you think that feels?”
Baekhyun whirls around, anger surging in his chest, because how dare Kyungsoo accuse him of doing the same thing he did during their wedding. Baekhyun would never do what Kyungsoo did. And, even if it seemed like he did the same thing, the circumstances are different and it’s unfair to compare them.
“You have no right to be mad at me for anything! You have no right to be mad at anyone for anything!” Baekhyun yells. “This is your fault. You left him at the altar. You broke his heart. Not me. So you’re responsible for all of this!”
Kyungsoo takes a step back and Baekhyun couldn’t care less about how his words had sounded. He means every single thing he said because if Kyungsoo hadn’t left Jongin, they would be married and Baekhyun would be dealing with living his life by himself, and not nursing Jongin’s broken heart along with his. Two broken hearts do not go well together. It just spells out disaster, as what clearly has already happened.
“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo quietly speaks after a short silence. “You’re the one who doesn’t know anything. I...” He lets out a breath. “I left Jongin because of you.”
Baekhyun opens his mouth to retort but stops himself as Kyungsoo’s words sink in. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how Jongin and I only became close because he needed to talk to someone about you,” Kyungsoo shares, chuckling a little at the thought. “You’re all we talked about. Even when we became a couple. You’re all we fought about, too.”
Baekhyun feels uncomfortable at this sudden revelation. Something is prickling through his skin as he remembers Jongin drunk, saying It’s you, always you. He slowly lifts his eyes to meet Kyungsoo’s and he knows that the other male can see how confused he is.
“I didn’t marry him because of you,” Kyungsoo reiterates and Baekhyun almost flinches back.
“That’s... that’s impossible,” Baekhyun softly chokes out. “He doesn’t--he’s never--”
Kyungsoo snickers to himself as he shakes his head. “Do you know how it feels to watch your fiancé look to his best friend for every wedding decision? Even for the smallest thing as the tablecloth color, he asks for your opinion.”
“He knew you were busy and he didn’t want to--”
“You planned our honeymoon with him, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo cuts him off fiercely. He bites his lip, breathing deeply to calm himself down. “I’ve always known it would come to this. I shouldn’t have let things go too far.”
“He loves you, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun insists. His mind is reeling, caught off-guard because no, Jongin isn’t in love with him. “You don’t know how in love he is with you. You should’ve seen him when we were in Europe, he--”
“It doesn’t matter how in love he is with me,” Kyungsoo maintains. “I will always be second best to you. Because you’re his best friend. Because you’re Baekhyun.” A small mocking smile forms on his lips. “He does, Baekhyun,” he finally answers his earlier queries. “He always has.”
-
There was this day back in their freshman year where Baekhyun and Jongin attended a party that one of their seniors invited them to. Baekhyun was buzzing with excitement because something major had just happened to his normally stagnant love life, because despite being always in love with Jongin, he has always tried to veer away from his feelings for him in an effort to get over him.
Baekhyun had just been asked out by the really hot music major, Lu Han, and he’d been waiting all day to tell Jongin about it. When they finally got to the party, he blurted out the details. He remembers Jongin staring at him and then disappearing into the crowd.
Jongin got badly drunk then. He had sashayed towards Baekhyun, wrapping his arms around him and saying nonsensical things like “You’re my best friend, but I love you.”
Now that Baekhyun thinks about it, he thinks it’s not so nonsensical anymore.
“Baek.”
Baekhyun is startled out of the memory and takes a step back when he sees Jongin standing in the middle of his apartment.
“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun stammers, taking another step back.
“When you left, your note... I couldn’t just stay anymore so I went home,” Jongin explains. “Baekhyun, about what happened, I--”
“No,” Baekhyun stops him before he can speak any further. “There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing--what happened, it happens and we can’t...” He breathes in frustration because he can’t seem to get his thoughts straight. “Let’s just leave it at that.”
They fall into silence after that. Baekhyun’s mind is filled with thoughts of what Kyungsoo’s just revealed to him. How possible is it that Kyungsoo is telling the truth and that Jongin’s actually had feelings for him all those years ago? How is it that he’s never seen it even though he’s always been looking at just Jongin?
But even if it was true, nothing changed the fact that Baekhyun’s already in over his head. Leaving Jongin in Europe was just the first step of his plans for himself. He plans to leave Jongin in Seoul, too.
“I have to go,” Baekhyun speaks up. He takes his keys from his pocket and places it on the nearest table. “I... I’m moving out. You can stay here or you can...” He shrugs.
“Baekhyun, please don’t do this,” Jongin practically begs, the frown on his face marring his handsome features. “If this is about what happened in Italy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”
“Stop apologizing,” Baekhyun snaps at him. “This isn’t just about that.”
“Then what is it about?” Jongin asks. “Tell me so I can fix it.”
“This isn’t simple,” Baekhyun tells him irately. “It’s not easy.”
“Nothing is so hard that it can’t be--”
“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Baekhyun screams out. “I’m not sure how or when it began, but I think I always have been and it’s come to a point where I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. You’ve never noticed it; you’ve never seen me that way.” His voice wavers as his emotions overtake him. “And what happened in Italy just made things worse. I can’t,” he chokes on his sobs. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s just too much.” He wraps his arms around himself and tears start streaming down his face.
Suddenly, Jongin is right in front of him, centimeters away, thumbing Baekhyun’s tears. Baekhyun just wants to shrink far from his touch because he’s just reminded of that intimate night they’d spent together and how Jongin handled him with such care. He pushes him away.
“Baek,” Jongin starts.
“Don’t,” Baekhyun warns him. “Just...don’t.” He wipes his tears away by himself.
“I...I was a coward,” Jongin whispers. Baekhyun looks at him, surprised at this. “I should have done something, but I never... I didn’t think you’d ever feel that way because we’re so close, we grew up together and just the thought of losing that scares me. So I didn’t do anything about it and I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for then and I’m sorry for now.” He runs a hand through his hair and breathes deeply.
Baekhyun allows his tears to burst out of him. He buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking as his sobs echo in the room. Jongin pulls him into his arms and buries his face in his hair, whispering apologies that shot straight to Baekhyun’s heart, apologies that only seem to do more harm than good because they’re worthless.
As he cries into his best friend’s arms, he can’t help but think about how he will miss this, him. Jongin has been such an integral part of his life, that just the thought of leaving him and putting a pause to their friendship, shakes the very core of his being. He isn’t sure he even knows how it is to live without Jongin by his side. And maybe that’s the problem. They’d been too attached that he’s sort of always expected for things to take a turn romantically. Maybe Jongin had, too, but their hearts had never crossed in this matter, and it makes Baekhyun wonder whether this realization is a sign that he should start living life without expecting Jongin to always be there. He believes Jongin will benefit from this, too, because he can’t do everything for him, and he shouldn’t.
Baekhyun pulls away from Jongin, his best friend of almost two decades, the person he’s shared everything in his life with, and steps back.
He continues to cry as he walks away, but he knows it’s about time he starts focusing on something other than Jongin.
-
-
-
There’s a spring in his step as he takes sight of the establishment before him. He looks through the invitation in his hands and chuckles as he reads through it for the nth time. He steps into the restaurant and smiles as one of the servers takes his coat for him.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol almost bludgeons into him as he’s wrapped in a tight hugged. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here, you idiot,” Baekhyun says, rolling his eyes at him. “You wouldn’t have let me live it down if I didn’t go to your engagement party.”
“Well what do you expect?” Chanyeol lightly shoves him. “You’ve been away for a year. I practically didn’t know how to reach you. He hugs Baekhyun again. “How have you been? You look good.”
Baekhyun smiles because he feels good. He had left Seoul altogether and decided to pursue some architectural studies in Japan. It was refreshing, being by himself. It was like learning to see things again.
“So where is this poor human being who’s been forced to marry you?” Baekhyun glances around the room in search of the said person. Chanyeol shoves him again and as he does so someone familiar walks in.
He’s still exactly as Baekhyun’s always pictured him; tall, beautifully tanned, chiseled facial features, with a perfect smile. And yet, as he approaches Baekhyun, such smile on his face, Baekhyun can immediately tell that this isn’t the same man from a year ago.
“Hello Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun can’t help but beam at him. “Hi Jongin.”
Baekhyun’s always known that their paths would intersect once more, has always believed that their lives are so intertwined that it’s impossible that they not see each other again. And, after seeing so many other things, going through new experiences by himself for the past year, he feels he’s ready to come back to looking at Jongin again. He knows that this time around it’ll be different. Because, while there is Jongin, there is also himself and the world.
This time he thinks that maybe, just maybe, their hearts are in the right place and that they’re both ready to jump. Together.
November 10, 2012
December 27, 2012, 3am
Author's Notes:
Thank you to Kendra, Vee, Mara, Hyun, Chrys, Flora and for my tlist for putting up with my whining and stress-screaming over this. Lol. Special thanks to Maia, Gee, and Swee for reading through this and really pushing me to finish. Really, the hand-holding and everything. I love you guys. ♥
Thank you for all who read this and to those who said they liked it!!!
EXO | Baekhyun/Kai | PG-13 | 12,787w
Angst, Friendship, Romance
Baekhyun knows that friendship is all Jongin can give him. And so he spares himself the disappointment and heartache and never asks for anything more.
Written for nekkajitge for SNCJ's Secret Santa for 2012
Tunnel Vision Part 2
Part 1
-
One of the reasons Baekhyun thinks he’s fallen in love with Jongin is because they’re complete opposites. While Baekhyun is organized and is one who likes to plan things, Jongin is spontaneous and always like going with the flow. While Baekhyun is cautious and is slightly on the more serious side, Jongin is a bit more reckless and on the happy-go-lucky side.
So when Jongin decided that he’d do all the planning for their stay in Germany, Baekhyun was somewhat afraid that it would involve things like bungee jumping or skydiving. When it didn’t involve anything remotely dangerous (although eating at Unsicht-Bar could be categorized as such), Baekhyun felt relieved.
But then Baekhyun suddenly finds himself stepping out of their hotel in North Frankfurt to Jongin in the driver’s seat of one of the most expensive sports cars he’s ever seen and he thinks he should have seen this coming.
“Where are we going?” Baekhyun asks as he gets in, figuring that it’s fruitless to ask when he rented this car and how he could afford it.
“You’re in for a treat,” Jongin tells him with a wink. “We’re going for a drive.”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes as he looks out of the window, trees and grass moving past, as they move onto the highway. He’s not exactly sure what’s so special about driving around in Germany, but he supposes he should just let Jongin do what he wants since he’s the one who wanted to go there.
There was a time when he tried to influence Jongin to do something he wouldn’t normally do. Jongin was supposed to take up dance as a major for college. But, somehow, Baekhyun managed to make him see reason that maybe he should capitalize on his love and talent on drawing more for his future’s sake.
In hindsight, it really was Baekhyun who pushed Jongin and Kyungsoo together. When all he really wanted was to have Jongin near.
Baekhyun takes a deep breath and shakes himself out of his reverie. No point in feeling regret over something that’s already happened. He glances at Jongin, who’s expertly maneuvering them down the A45 of the autobahn with a big grin on his face. He looks back at Baekhyun and his smile just grows bigger.
“Having fun?” Jongin teases. “I’m surprised you’re so cool about this whole thing. Normally, you’d be scratching my face already.”
“Why, what should I be-“ He happens a glance at the speedometer and immediately stiffens in his seat because 180kph is way beyond normal speed. He looks out of the window, his eyes widening because everything’s just green blur at this point.
“What are you doing!” he screeches, reaching out to grip Jongin’s thigh. “Are you trying to fast track our death?!”
Jongin chuckles, much to Baekhyun panic and annoyance, and effortlessly pries Baekhyun’s hand on his thigh. “I’m trying to get you to loosen up,” he admits, smiling a little. He noticeably slows down, 120kph, and Baekhyun relaxes a bit.
“I think that this is the wrong way to do that,” Baekhyun manages to speak through his distress.
“Hey,” Jongin squeezes his hand. “I’m-“
“No,” Baekhyun immediately shakes his head and squeezes back. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Jongin gives him a gentle smile. “I was actually going to say that I’m glad you’re here,” he chuckles shyly.
And despite everything, Baekhyun smiles back at him. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”
-
If London was all about long walks and shopping, and Germany, the nightlife and a certain amount of recklessness, Italy is all about the wine.
Tuscany was the best place for wine tasting and so that’s where they went. Hopping from winery to winery, getting drunk not just on the wine, but also on the sheer beauty of the Tuscan countryside.
Baekhyun answers his phone without even looking at the caller ID, still laughing at Jongin, who just choked on the wine he’s just tasted. “Hello,” he greets, tossing Jongin a napkin so that he could wipe the wine off his chin. “Hello?” he repeats when no one responds. He frowns and glances at the caller ID and sees that it’s an unknown number. “Hello,” he patiently repeats, pressing the phone back to his ear, thinking that maybe there’s a connection problem.
“How is Italy?” comes the response without so much as a hello or any form of greeting.
Baekhyun swallows and slowly lifts his eyes to Jongin, who’s giving him a curious look. He merely shakes his head and turns away, slowing his walk down so that he’s lagging behind the others.
“Kyungsoo,” he quietly breathes out. His heart is pounding heavily in his chest because he’s always known that Kyungsoo will come forward in his own time. He just wasn’t expecting it to be now.
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo blurts out and Baekhyun flinches from the sheer sincerity of it. He stumbles backwards and allows himself to fall back from the crowd even more.
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun starts to reply, but Kyungsoo cuts him off.
“I’m not getting back together with him,” Kyungsoo tells him. “I just… I wanted to know how he’s doing and-“
“If you don’t have any intention of even giving an explanation as to why you did what you did, then you don’t really have any right to know how he’s doing,” Baekhyun snaps, clenching his fist. “You broke him, Kyungsoo!” he continues before Kyungsoo can get a word out. “You said you loved him and then you leave him like he’s meant nothing to you. You’ve been together for years. Years, Kyungsoo. And this is how you show how much that time with him has meant to you. You just-“
“You’re wrong,” Kyungsoo interrupts harshly. “He means everything to me. I just can’t marry him.”
“Why?” Baekhyun demands. “Because let me tell you something, Kyungsoo, you don’t just dump your fiancé at the altar.”
“There are things that you don’t understand, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo desperately tries to make him understand. “Jongin and I, we weren’t always-“
“You’re talking to Kyungsoo?”
Baekhyun whips around. Jongin is standing there, wide eyes traveling from his face to the phone pressed on his ear.
“Jongin, I-,” Baekhyun tries to explain, but the phone is out of his grasp in an instant.
Baekhyun wraps his arms around himself as he watches Jongin walk away.
-
Baekhyun stands up with a start as the door of their hotel room slams open. Jongin trudges in, swaying slightly as he closes the door behind him. He can immediately tell that Jongin’s drunk, just judging by the smell of wine reeking off of him.
An hour after Jongin left to talk to Kyungsoo by himself, Baekhyun tried looking for Jongin everywhere in the winery. When he couldn’t find him, he decided that it was probably best that he let Jongin by himself for a while to deal with whatever he and Kyungsoo talked about. So he went back to the hotel to wait for him. Glancing at the clock, he realizes it’s taken Jongin four hours to get back.
Baekhyun slowly makes his way towards him. “Hey,” he carefully says. “Are you okay?”
Jongin’s eyes find him. They slightly widen before Jongin practically throws himself on him, arms wrapped tightly around his smaller frame. “Baekhyun,” he slurs through his speech, his nose buried in his neck. “Baekhyun.”
“I’m here,” Baekhyun tells him, wrapping his arms around him as well. “I’m here,” he repeats just for good measure, even though he’s always been there for Jongin, something he probably has never really noticed.
Jongin pulls away and takes a good look at Baekhyun, his hands on his shoulders. “It’s you, you know,” Jongin says. “It’s you. Always you.”
Baekhyun stares at him in confusion. “What are you saying?” he asks. “How did your talk with Kyungsoo go? What did you guys talk about?” Jongin’s hold on him merely tightens as he blinks, gaze unfocused.
“Always you, Baekhyun,” Jongin just repeats as he buries his face back in Baekhyun’s neck.
Baekhyun stands there and holds Jongin in his arms. This isn’t anything new. Jongin has always come to him and whined about grades, family problems, relationship issues, all ending with his face in Baekhyun’s neck until Baekhyun successfully makes him laugh and subsequently makes him feel better.
If he was honest with himself, Baekhyun likes it when Jongin comes to him because he believes that, as his best friend, it’s his responsibility and right to be the one to make him feel better. Although, this is the first time that Jongin’s come to him while drunk and he’s not quite sure how to handle a drunken and clingy Jongin.
“Hey, Jongin, maybe you should get a shower and--” Baekhyun cuts himself off because did Jongin just... He gently pushes Jongin away and takes in his intoxicated state and thinks that maybe he’s just imagining things. “I’m going to draw you a bath,” he continues, turning away from him to go to the bathroom.
But Jongin grabs him and pushes him to the door. Baekhyun’s eyes widen as Jongin keeps him there, arms pinned to his sides.
“Jongin, what--”
Jongin kisses him.
-
It would be a lie to say that Baekhyun’s never imagined what it would be like to be kissed by his best friend. He’d always thought it would be some romantic and magical thing, kissing under the stars, or during the first snow; just during some big event after they’d realized that they’d both been in love with each other all this time and Baekhyun was just too stupid to even see it.
He imagined that Jongin would be gentle, lips soft on his, coaxing him to carefully open up for him. There’d be no rush because they’d have all the time in the world to explore what kind of kisses they like, how they want to be kissed. Jongin would put an arm around his waist, while his other hand would gently caress his cheek. He’d be pliant underneath his touch because that moment would be something he’s been waiting for a long time.
This isn’t how he thought being kissed by Jongin would be like; his back pressing against the hard wood of a hotel door, Jongin’s fingers hard on the back of his neck, lips sliding roughly with his.
Baekhyun tries to push him away, digging his nails into Jongin’s arms. But Jongin just pushes back harder than before. Jongin tilts his head slightly to gain more access to Baekhyun’s mouth and Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut because Jongin is drunk and doesn’t know what he’s doing.
When Jongin pulls away for a second, Baekhyun rushes to speak. “Jongin, stop, what are you-“
The words die in his throat because Jongin’s lips have moved from his lips to his jaw and down to his neck. He clenches his fists stringently, forcing back any desire he’s starting to feel because he can’t, won’t, take advantage of Jongin being inebriated. So he continues to push him away because as much as he wants this, as much as he wants Jongin to keep on kissing him like this, it just doesn’t seem fair.
“Jongin, please,” Baekhyun begs as tears starts to prickle beneath his eyelids.
“Let me,” Jongin whispers through his skin, his hands traveling underneath Baekhyun’s shirt. “Just this once.”
And when Jongin captures his lips again, Baekhyun yields to him and kisses back.
-
Baekhyun is on fire. Jongin’s touches burn his skin, while his kisses just make him ache for more. Things may have started on the rough side, but Jongin’s grown gentler as they moved across the room towards the bed. He’s touching Baekhyun like he’s made of glass and Baekhyun just can’t help but arch towards every contact of their skins.
Baekhyun reaches up, his fingertips tracing the lines on Jongin’s face, making him look at him. Their eyes meet. Jongin’s eyes are surging with something that’s unfamiliar yet familiar to Baekhyun at the same time. It makes him want to lift himself up to meet their lips together. So he does and Jongin kisses back, more passionately, more lovingly than Baekhyun would have expected from him.
“Jongin. Jongin,” Baekhyun groans in increasing volume. His climax is nearing with each push of Jongin in him.
Jongin clutches at him and Baekhyun knows that he’s nearing his peak as well.
They come at the same time.
And, while Baekhyun screams Jongin’s name, it’s not his that Jongin cries out with.
-
Baekhyun falls to the floor and curls into himself as soon he closes the bathroom door shut. Burying his face into his knees, he bites his lip to stop himself from sobbing out loud. He’s not exactly sure what he’s feeling at the moment, if he’s more hurt or angry; at himself or at Jongin, he isn’t sure either.
He’s not new to one-night stands or to casual sex or to fuck buddies. He’s had his fair share of such unfortunate relationships, but with each person he’s been with, he’s made sure that he was with them one at a time and that he really was with them. It didn’t matter whether it meant nothing, if he was with someone, he made sure that he was faithful to them at that moment.
Being with Jongin is a whole different story. Simply because he’s Jongin, the person he’s been in love with his whole life. It’s never even crossed his mind that Jongin could ever feel the same way about him because, well, they’ve been friends for almost two decades and Jongin’s never shown any form of interest towards him. And with each year that passed, he’s learned to let his hopes whither little by little because waiting for something that’s never going to happen is completely pointless.
But when Jongin kissed him, such hopes suddenly bloomed back and he began to wonder that maybe, just maybe, there’s a possibility that Jongin is even the tiniest bit attracted to him as well. He allowed himself to open up to such likelihood and let himself be taken because such a chance may never come again. It was a selfish thought.
Apparently, it was a stupid one, too. For how could he ever think that Jongin would actually make love to him? Who is he anyway? He’s just Baekhyun. He’s Jongin’s best friend and that’s all he ever will be. He’s not Kyungsoo and never will be the Kyungsoo, whom Jongin is so in love with.
Choking back a sob, he reaches for the phone and absently dials Chanyeol’s number.
“Hello--”
“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun starts breaking down, covering his mouth with his other hand as he gives in to his tears.
“Baekhyun?”
“Chanyeol, I want to come home,” Baekhyun tells him. “You’re right. This was a stupid idea. I should never have agreed to go on this trip with him. I should have known that--” He cuts himself off as his words dissolve into his sobs.
“Baekhyun, what happened?”
“It hurts so much,” Baekhyun cries. “It hurts so much.”
Baekhyun falls apart. His heart, which has been cracking inch by inch, is now into pieces. It’s something he’s not quite sure how to put back together because his heart has always belonged to Jongin, and he’s someone who doesn’t even want it.
“Baekhyun, I--please stop crying. Just...” There’s a pause. “I’ll, uh, go get Chanyeol.”
Baekhyun lifts his head up. “Who is this?” His eyes widen in sudden horrible realization. “Junmyeon?”
“I--yeah,” Junmyeon confirms with a nervous chuckle. “Sorry. Chanyeol went out to buy something for a bit and I... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--”
“I’m the one who should be sorry, Junmyeon,” Baekhyun quietly tells him, his sobs having quieted down. He shifts in his position on the tiled bathroom floor and leans his head back on the door.
“It’s not your fault,” Junmyeon softly says. “We don’t get to choose these things and how they pan out.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes because he can almost hear Junmyeon’s heart breaking. It eerily sounds just like his own and he just hates that he’s doing the same thing he’s experiencing to someone else.
“It’s so unfair,” Baekhyun whispers. “Why couldn’t I have been in love with you instead?”
Junmyeon chuckles uncharacteristically. “I think what would make things fair for you is for Jongin to have fallen in love with you as well,” he states.
Baekhyun lets out a shuddery breath.
-
Baekhyun nervously knocks on the door, his eyes trained on his sneakers. He’s done a lot of stupid and irrational things in his life, but he thinks this one takes the cake. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision. He thinks it’s about time that he stand up for himself and what he believes is best for him.
“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol chokes out when he opens the door and sees him standing there. He steps out of his apartment and glances around. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you,” Baekhyun tells him as Chanyeol ushers him inside the apartment.
“About what? Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to Paris?” Chanyeol asks him, confused.
“Yeah, about that. I left,” Baekhyun hastily explains. “I decided to go home early.” He blows his cheeks out and plays with the hem of his shirt.
“And Jongin?” Chanyeol presses.
“He’s... there,” Baekhyun lamely elaborates. He meets Chanyeol’s eyes and when Chanyeol blinks, he knows that his friend understands what happened and what he’s done.
“Are you saying you left Jongin in Europe by himself?”
Baekhyun jumps at the new voice, one that he didn’t expect to even hear in person anymore. Turning around, he sees Kyungsoo standing by the kitchen doorway, expression something akin to surprise and anger. But, for someone who’s just stood someone up at the altar, Baekhyun can see that Kyungsoo is doing okay.
“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun demands, raising an eyebrow at Chanyeol, who merely gives him an apologetic smile.
“You left Jongin?” Kyungsoo repeats, eyes flashing.
“What’s it to you?” Baekhyun snaps, crossing his arms across his chest. He doesn’t need anyone, much less Kyungsoo, questioning a decision he’s been trying to do for himself all his life. “He doesn’t need me there. He can handle himself. He’s a grown man.”
“Baekhyun, he asked you to go with him,” Kyungsoo emphasizes. “Out of all the things he could have done with that trip, cancelled it, given it away, he asked you to go with him instead.”
“I never wanted to go in the first place,” Baekhyun retorts. “He knows that.” He glances at Chanyeol as if to ask for back up, but Chanyeol merely shakes his head and steps out to leave them to talk.
“But you did go,” Kyungsoo reminds him. “And he trusted that you’d be there for him the whole trip.”
“You don’t even know what happened!” Baekhyun practically growls at him. “You don’t know anything so I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself.” He turns to leave the apartment.
“He’s just been left at the altar, so he trusts his best friend to go on this trip with him and then you leave him, too,” Kyungsoo calls after him. “How do you think that feels?”
Baekhyun whirls around, anger surging in his chest, because how dare Kyungsoo accuse him of doing the same thing he did during their wedding. Baekhyun would never do what Kyungsoo did. And, even if it seemed like he did the same thing, the circumstances are different and it’s unfair to compare them.
“You have no right to be mad at me for anything! You have no right to be mad at anyone for anything!” Baekhyun yells. “This is your fault. You left him at the altar. You broke his heart. Not me. So you’re responsible for all of this!”
Kyungsoo takes a step back and Baekhyun couldn’t care less about how his words had sounded. He means every single thing he said because if Kyungsoo hadn’t left Jongin, they would be married and Baekhyun would be dealing with living his life by himself, and not nursing Jongin’s broken heart along with his. Two broken hearts do not go well together. It just spells out disaster, as what clearly has already happened.
“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo quietly speaks after a short silence. “You’re the one who doesn’t know anything. I...” He lets out a breath. “I left Jongin because of you.”
Baekhyun opens his mouth to retort but stops himself as Kyungsoo’s words sink in. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how Jongin and I only became close because he needed to talk to someone about you,” Kyungsoo shares, chuckling a little at the thought. “You’re all we talked about. Even when we became a couple. You’re all we fought about, too.”
Baekhyun feels uncomfortable at this sudden revelation. Something is prickling through his skin as he remembers Jongin drunk, saying It’s you, always you. He slowly lifts his eyes to meet Kyungsoo’s and he knows that the other male can see how confused he is.
“I didn’t marry him because of you,” Kyungsoo reiterates and Baekhyun almost flinches back.
“That’s... that’s impossible,” Baekhyun softly chokes out. “He doesn’t--he’s never--”
Kyungsoo snickers to himself as he shakes his head. “Do you know how it feels to watch your fiancé look to his best friend for every wedding decision? Even for the smallest thing as the tablecloth color, he asks for your opinion.”
“He knew you were busy and he didn’t want to--”
“You planned our honeymoon with him, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo cuts him off fiercely. He bites his lip, breathing deeply to calm himself down. “I’ve always known it would come to this. I shouldn’t have let things go too far.”
“He loves you, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun insists. His mind is reeling, caught off-guard because no, Jongin isn’t in love with him. “You don’t know how in love he is with you. You should’ve seen him when we were in Europe, he--”
“It doesn’t matter how in love he is with me,” Kyungsoo maintains. “I will always be second best to you. Because you’re his best friend. Because you’re Baekhyun.” A small mocking smile forms on his lips. “He does, Baekhyun,” he finally answers his earlier queries. “He always has.”
-
There was this day back in their freshman year where Baekhyun and Jongin attended a party that one of their seniors invited them to. Baekhyun was buzzing with excitement because something major had just happened to his normally stagnant love life, because despite being always in love with Jongin, he has always tried to veer away from his feelings for him in an effort to get over him.
Baekhyun had just been asked out by the really hot music major, Lu Han, and he’d been waiting all day to tell Jongin about it. When they finally got to the party, he blurted out the details. He remembers Jongin staring at him and then disappearing into the crowd.
Jongin got badly drunk then. He had sashayed towards Baekhyun, wrapping his arms around him and saying nonsensical things like “You’re my best friend, but I love you.”
Now that Baekhyun thinks about it, he thinks it’s not so nonsensical anymore.
“Baek.”
Baekhyun is startled out of the memory and takes a step back when he sees Jongin standing in the middle of his apartment.
“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun stammers, taking another step back.
“When you left, your note... I couldn’t just stay anymore so I went home,” Jongin explains. “Baekhyun, about what happened, I--”
“No,” Baekhyun stops him before he can speak any further. “There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing--what happened, it happens and we can’t...” He breathes in frustration because he can’t seem to get his thoughts straight. “Let’s just leave it at that.”
They fall into silence after that. Baekhyun’s mind is filled with thoughts of what Kyungsoo’s just revealed to him. How possible is it that Kyungsoo is telling the truth and that Jongin’s actually had feelings for him all those years ago? How is it that he’s never seen it even though he’s always been looking at just Jongin?
But even if it was true, nothing changed the fact that Baekhyun’s already in over his head. Leaving Jongin in Europe was just the first step of his plans for himself. He plans to leave Jongin in Seoul, too.
“I have to go,” Baekhyun speaks up. He takes his keys from his pocket and places it on the nearest table. “I... I’m moving out. You can stay here or you can...” He shrugs.
“Baekhyun, please don’t do this,” Jongin practically begs, the frown on his face marring his handsome features. “If this is about what happened in Italy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”
“Stop apologizing,” Baekhyun snaps at him. “This isn’t just about that.”
“Then what is it about?” Jongin asks. “Tell me so I can fix it.”
“This isn’t simple,” Baekhyun tells him irately. “It’s not easy.”
“Nothing is so hard that it can’t be--”
“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Baekhyun screams out. “I’m not sure how or when it began, but I think I always have been and it’s come to a point where I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. You’ve never noticed it; you’ve never seen me that way.” His voice wavers as his emotions overtake him. “And what happened in Italy just made things worse. I can’t,” he chokes on his sobs. “I can’t do this anymore. It’s just too much.” He wraps his arms around himself and tears start streaming down his face.
Suddenly, Jongin is right in front of him, centimeters away, thumbing Baekhyun’s tears. Baekhyun just wants to shrink far from his touch because he’s just reminded of that intimate night they’d spent together and how Jongin handled him with such care. He pushes him away.
“Baek,” Jongin starts.
“Don’t,” Baekhyun warns him. “Just...don’t.” He wipes his tears away by himself.
“I...I was a coward,” Jongin whispers. Baekhyun looks at him, surprised at this. “I should have done something, but I never... I didn’t think you’d ever feel that way because we’re so close, we grew up together and just the thought of losing that scares me. So I didn’t do anything about it and I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for then and I’m sorry for now.” He runs a hand through his hair and breathes deeply.
Baekhyun allows his tears to burst out of him. He buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking as his sobs echo in the room. Jongin pulls him into his arms and buries his face in his hair, whispering apologies that shot straight to Baekhyun’s heart, apologies that only seem to do more harm than good because they’re worthless.
As he cries into his best friend’s arms, he can’t help but think about how he will miss this, him. Jongin has been such an integral part of his life, that just the thought of leaving him and putting a pause to their friendship, shakes the very core of his being. He isn’t sure he even knows how it is to live without Jongin by his side. And maybe that’s the problem. They’d been too attached that he’s sort of always expected for things to take a turn romantically. Maybe Jongin had, too, but their hearts had never crossed in this matter, and it makes Baekhyun wonder whether this realization is a sign that he should start living life without expecting Jongin to always be there. He believes Jongin will benefit from this, too, because he can’t do everything for him, and he shouldn’t.
Baekhyun pulls away from Jongin, his best friend of almost two decades, the person he’s shared everything in his life with, and steps back.
He continues to cry as he walks away, but he knows it’s about time he starts focusing on something other than Jongin.
-
-
-
There’s a spring in his step as he takes sight of the establishment before him. He looks through the invitation in his hands and chuckles as he reads through it for the nth time. He steps into the restaurant and smiles as one of the servers takes his coat for him.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol almost bludgeons into him as he’s wrapped in a tight hugged. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here, you idiot,” Baekhyun says, rolling his eyes at him. “You wouldn’t have let me live it down if I didn’t go to your engagement party.”
“Well what do you expect?” Chanyeol lightly shoves him. “You’ve been away for a year. I practically didn’t know how to reach you. He hugs Baekhyun again. “How have you been? You look good.”
Baekhyun smiles because he feels good. He had left Seoul altogether and decided to pursue some architectural studies in Japan. It was refreshing, being by himself. It was like learning to see things again.
“So where is this poor human being who’s been forced to marry you?” Baekhyun glances around the room in search of the said person. Chanyeol shoves him again and as he does so someone familiar walks in.
He’s still exactly as Baekhyun’s always pictured him; tall, beautifully tanned, chiseled facial features, with a perfect smile. And yet, as he approaches Baekhyun, such smile on his face, Baekhyun can immediately tell that this isn’t the same man from a year ago.
“Hello Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun can’t help but beam at him. “Hi Jongin.”
Baekhyun’s always known that their paths would intersect once more, has always believed that their lives are so intertwined that it’s impossible that they not see each other again. And, after seeing so many other things, going through new experiences by himself for the past year, he feels he’s ready to come back to looking at Jongin again. He knows that this time around it’ll be different. Because, while there is Jongin, there is also himself and the world.
This time he thinks that maybe, just maybe, their hearts are in the right place and that they’re both ready to jump. Together.
November 10, 2012
December 27, 2012, 3am
Author's Notes:
Thank you to Kendra, Vee, Mara, Hyun, Chrys, Flora and for my tlist for putting up with my whining and stress-screaming over this. Lol. Special thanks to Maia, Gee, and Swee for reading through this and really pushing me to finish. Really, the hand-holding and everything. I love you guys. ♥
Thank you for all who read this and to those who said they liked it!!!