home is where the heart is
home is where the heart is
EXO | Baekhyun/Lay | PG-13 | 7,208w
Romance
The key to the home Yixing has built with Baekhyun, it seems, is acceptance.
Written for justgetlayd.
The apartment smells like home. Not that Seoul isn’t; it has been for the past 10 years or so, most especially for the past year, but this smells more likes Changsha than Seoul, with the fresh air, the cool wind, the smell of the trees and the river combined. Yixing is reminded of a similar morning like this back in Changsha, when the household had still been asleep and he’d woken up to an empty bed. He’d tiptoed his way out of the room, in between a sleep talking Joonmyun, a giggling Chanyeol, and a snoring Jongdae.
Baekhyun had been standing by the glass doors leading to the small vegetable garden, watching the light drizzle, his plum-colored hair sticking up in several directions. The wind tousled his hair everytime the wind blew through one of the open windows in the living room, and Chanyeol’s black shirt was too big on him; then again, everyone’s clothes are too big for Baekhyun, even if he and his presence are larger than life. Baekhyun had straightened up and turned around when he heard a noise, and then a beautiful smile had bloomed on his face when he saw that it was Yixing. It’s the kind of smile that showed all of his teeth, his pink lips stretched wide, and turned his eyes into crescents, making him even more handsome, more lovely. Baekhyun had easily fallen into Yixing’s embrace, the fear of being seen forgotten for a second with the knowledge that the whole house was still in slumber. That moment really felt like home.
Now, Baekhyun is standing in the kitchen, busy by the stove, in a shirt that is Yixing’s this time, but is still too big for him. He’s humming one of those Chinese folk songs that Yixing used to sing to him back when things between them weren’t really official yet. Yixing smiles as Baekhyun tastes the food, dipping the ladle into the pot and then swiping his finger on the ladle to taste, just like how Yixing’s mother had taught him. Baekhyun lets out a satisfied gurgle so the taste must be good, and Yixing can’t help himself anymore and approaches him. He wraps Baekhyun in a hug from the back, making Baekhyun squeal.
“What’s the occasion?” Yixing asks, pressing a kiss to the back of Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun shudders and elbows him.
“Like you don’t know,” Baekhyun snorts. He then dips his finger into the sauce and turns to Yixing to slip his finger between his lips. “Does this taste okay, Xing?” he asks, watching Yixing with bright but wary eyes.
“You already know it does,” Yixing answers truthfully as he lets his tongue slide over Baekhyun’s finger. He pulls away with a pop. “Or you wouldn’t have asked me to taste it.” He smiles in amusement as Baekhyun snickers, turning back to the stove, which he turns off. “What are your plans today?” His tone is casual, too casual, with the way Baekhyun moves further away from Yixing so that they’re not touching.
“I thought we were spending the day together?” Yixing asks, eyebrows scrunching. “Did you have any other plans?”
“No,” Baekhyun says, turning around to face him as he shakes his head. “I just thought you had work today.”
Yixing smiles and pulls Baekhyun in a hug. He rests his cheek on the crown of Baekhyun’s head and sighs. “Yes, I do,” he confirms. He plays the piano in one of the restaurants at a hotel downtown every afternoon and sings at the hotel bar in the evenings. Baekhyun knows that he tried to bail out of working today, of all days, but hadn’t had any luck with it. “I was thinking you come with me, though,” he suggests.
“What will I do while you work?” Baekhyun asks, lips quirking up on one side as he rolls his eyes. “I don’t mind that you’re working,” he then assures him as he pushes Yixing to take a seat and serves him breakfast. “We have the whole morning together.”
Yixing watches Baekhyun as he moves around the kitchen. “Don’t I get a morning kiss?”
Baekhyun freezes from where he’s pouring orange juice in one of the glasses and looks at Yixing. There’s warmth and affection in Baekhyun’s eyes, something that Yixing hasn’t always seen because he’s never thought that Baekhyun would ever look at him that way.
He’s always been attracted to Baekhyun, he thinks, right from the moment they’d slammed into each other on their way to composition class and both their belongings had scattered on the marble-tiled floor. Yixing had looked up and he was met with this boy with sun-kissed hair, porcelain skin, cute droopy eyes and uneven pink lips. Baekhyun had cursed under his breath in his husky but pleasant-sounding voice, and Yixing had forgotten which things were his and had just gathered everything in his arms. Baekhyun had to ask for them back, a small smirk on his lips, before going back to his seat.
They hadn’t really gotten the chance to be introduced to each other for weeks. Yixing went to class regularly, taking down notes, listening attentively, not paying attention to Baekhyun or the way he would suck his lower lip into his mouth or how he would flex his pretty fingers when he got antsy for class to end. Yixing had better things to do than watch Baekhyun’s every move - like pass his classes for instance.
It was only when Jongdae caught Yixing (not-so-secretly) staring at Baekhyun when Baekhyun was performing his piano composition in class that they finally got introduced. Jongdae had pulled Yixing aside after class and asked him to go to lunch with him. When they got to the cafeteria, Baekhyun was sitting at the same table Jongdae brought him to, much to Yixing’s surprise (and delight). Yixing had never been particularly expressive about his feelings or affections for people he liked before he really got to know them. It had been different with Baekhyun, somehow - there just seemed to be this pull that tugged him in Baekhyun’s general direction.
That hasn’t really changed throughout the years. Baekhyun still has this stronghold on Yixing no matter what he does. Not that he really wants to do anything about it.
Yixing gets a lapful of Baekhyun after his question. He straddles Yixing and circles his arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together.
“I was preparing an extra special morning kiss after breakfast since it is a special day,” Baekhyun says, wiggling a little on Yixing’s lap. Yixing grips Baekhyun’s hips to steady him because the repercussions of Baekhyun squirming on his lap this early isn’t something he’s ready to deal with at the moment. “But I suppose now will do,” he finishes before leaning closer to kiss Yixing.
The slide of their lips against each other is familiar and new at the same time. Every time they kiss, Yixing always feels like he’s kissing Baekhyun for the first time. Because even until now, Yixing can’t believe that Baekhyun is his. Baekhyun was one of those people who Yixing thought was too good for him. Baekhyun is very attractive, smart, hardworking and is so vibrant that Yixing still gets blinded sometimes.
“I love you,” Baekhyun whispers in between kisses. And there it is, the three words that remind Yixing that Baekhyun chose him. “Happy anniversary.”
Yixing smiles and kisses him harder, returning the words with equal affection. A year with Baekhyun is more than he could have asked for. When they started hanging out, after Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s prodding, Yixing had always felt unsure as to what he was doing there. Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have been friends since high school and knew how to play well with each other. Yixing had never been talkative or adventurous. He kept more to himself and that was how he found music, playing the guitar and the piano and getting into writing songs. That never seemed to bother the three guys, though. Jongdae and Kyungsoo made sure to include him in everything and, eventually, Baekhyun did, too.
It was mostly an interesting friendship because Yixing felt he had nothing new to offer to Baekhyun, who seemed so filled with knowledge because he’s always had this thirst for it. Baekhyun read a lot about his classes and almost always tried out what he’d learned. He was always writing lyrics and creating melodies to accompany them. It seemed fitting that this was how they got closer.
Yixing had gotten to the meeting place earlier than the rest, save for Baekhyun who was already in their table. Baekhyun had his fingers tangled in his hair as he huffed in annoyance about his notes. Yixing had politely asked him if everything was okay and Baekhyun told him that everything would be better if he could figure out the bridge of the song he was writing. Yixing had offered his opinion and Baekhyun had smiled at him like he was his savior.
“I like this,” Yixing speaks up halfway through their breakfast. Baekhyun’s wearing boxer shorts underneath Yixing’s shirt and Yixing’s only wearing the wife beater that Baekhyun gave him for Christmas and some gray track pants. It’s always how he’s imagined his life with Baekhyun to be: simple, relaxed, and happy. “You making breakfast for me, for us,” he continues as he feeds Baekhyun a piece of kimchi. “It’s like home.”
“I didn’t know you were this cheesy,” Baekhyun teases, leaning his head on Yixing’s shoulder.
Baekhyun was the one who had asked him to watch a movie, just the two of them. They were having so much fun as friends, hanging out in each other’s dorm rooms, writing songs together, where Yixing played the guitar and Baekhyun filled the melody with lyrics. They went dancing, drinking, having breakfasts, lunches and dinners, with others and by themselves. But, that time, Baekhyun had said that Jongdae and Kyungsoo were busy with schoolwork and that they should just watch the newest romantic comedy by themselves. Yixing hadn’t known what to think of it, but went anyway because he wasn’t going to deny himself of Baekhyun’s company when he constantly craved for it. This started a trend of going out by themselves once a week, until it progressed to twice, thrice, four times and, eventually, everyday. Their friends teased them about it but Yixing remained tight-lipped because he didn’t want to ruin whatever this thing he had with Baekhyun was.
So they carried on like that, Yixing waiting for Baekhyun outside his classes, Baekhyun always dragging him out to places, Yixing writing songs for Baekhyun, Baekhyun singing Yixing’s songs, and everything else that people who are just friends didn’t normally do. Yixing wasn’t sure what to do because Baekhyun was everything that he wanted, but Baekhyun was naturally friendly and clingy with everyone. So Yixing kept quiet and never said anything.
Until Baekhyun kissed him under the rain.
It was as cliché as first kisses got.
They were stranded outside of the library because Yixing had insisted on staying with Baekhyun until he finished his assignments, even when Baekhyun had told him to go ahead because it was going to rain soon and he didn’t want Yixing to waste time not doing anything. Yixing had gone, anyway, sneaked in some food for Baekhyun and did his own homework as he waited for him.
Yixing had suggested that they make a run for it and Baekhyun had agreed, because they both had no umbrellas and because there was no sign of the rain stopping any time soon. Right in the middle of their run, when Yixing had (weirdly) told Baekhyun a Chinese saying about rain, Baekhyun had grabbed his jacket and pulled him close and kissed him. It was sloppy and wet, but Yixing enjoyed it because it was Baekhyun. Later on, when they were in the warmth of Baekhyun’s dorm, Baekhyun complained that Yixing was probably never going to make a move. Yixing kissed him this time. They spent the night making out on Baekhyun’s bed (much to Jongdae’s dismay).
“It is home,” Baekhyun then confirms, dropping his chopsticks to his plate and snuggling closer to Yixing, who wraps his arm around him. “Because it’s with you.”
“Who’s cheesy now?” Yixing chuckles when Baekhyun pouts. He leans down and kisses it away. “I love you.” He laughs when Baekhyun blushes.
Yixing was the one who said it first: I love you. They’d only been dating for six months then, although Yixing had felt like it was longer. Somehow, he figured he’d always been a little in love with Baekhyun since the first time they met. It wasn’t an earth-shattering moment. Baekhyun was in Yixing’s dorm, changing the sheets of Yixing’s bed because Yixing could be as lazy as Joonmyun when he was swamped with schoolwork, and Yixing couldn’t help but think about how wonderful Baekhyun was. He’d blurted it out before his brain could catch up with him. God, I love you. Yixing was never that expressive, always too shy to say what he really felt. It had made sense, then, for Baekhyun to freeze and snap up straight to look at him, Yixing’s pillowcases in his hands. But before Yixing could come out with some copout excuse, Baekhyun had smiled, so brightly and so beautifully, and said them back. I love you, too, dork. Then he went back to fixing Yixing’s bed like it was natural for them to just say those words to each other.
“Speaking of home,” Baekhyun says as he’s in the middle of doing dishes. Yixing finishes putting their little leftovers in the fridge and waits for Baekhyun to continue. He’s puts the plate that he’s washing down and lets the water run and Yixing immediately knows that this is something serious, probably something he’s wanted to bring up for a while now. “Halmeoni’s birthday is coming up.”
“That’s right,” Yixing says, nodding as he sits back down. Baekhyun has always been close to his grandmother. He always talks about her, even back when they were still just friends. Baekhyun hasn’t really talked about her in a while, though. “How is halmeoni?”
Baekhyun hesitates only for a second before answering but Yixing sees it and wonders what’s going on. “She’s doing well,” he replies. The way he’s soaping the plate in his hands is slow and deliberate, like he’s thinking a lot about what he’s going to say next. “I was thinking of visiting her. Since it’s her birthday and all.”
Family is a touchy subject between them. Love doesn’t always mean acceptance and Baekhyun’s had too much rejection from his parents when he came out to them the moment he and Yixing became official.
“I think it would be good for you to give her a visit,” Yixing agrees. He knows Baekhyun misses his grandmother even if Baekhyun hasn’t said anything. “She must miss you a lot.”
Baekhyun turns the water off and dries his hands. He rests his hands against the sink, the lines of his back stiff and tense, before turning around to face him. Baekhyun’s face is humorless, which is a strange look on Baekhyun’s face; there’s always a hint of amusement in Baekhyun’s features, after all.
“I was thinking that we should go visit her,” Baekhyun clarifies. Yixing straightens up in his seat in surprise. “I mean, my grandma knows who you are and, I mean,” he pauses and takes a deep breath, looking straight at Yixing. “I was thinking we should tell her. About us.” He barrels on when Yixing stares back at him, unspeaking, because he’s not quite sure how to react to the fact that Baekhyun is telling him he’s ready to face whatever consequences of this confession might be. Yixing knows how much his grandmother’s opinion means to Baekhyun. “It’s time, don’t you think?” he continues. “We’ve been together for a year. We’ve been living together all this time and I just think that we should. That I should. Tell her, I mean, about us.”
“Baekhyun,” Yixing begins, and his voice trails off after a while. He knows that Baekhyun has always been afraid of telling anyone else in his family, especially his grandmother, about his preferences and about Yixing after he came out to his parents. They had heartbrokenly turned him away. Yixing doesn’t think Baekhyun can handle that a second time. It would especially break his heart if his grandmother rejected him.
“I know that we’ve talked about this,” Baekhyun continues. “I know that we said we’d wait because this is important and we should think about this clearly. I mean after what happened…” He takes a deep breath and crosses his arms over his chest. “If I was doing this again, I want you to be with me. And I’d want to be with you when you finally tell your parents.”
Yixing clenches his fists and he opens them again. He hides them under his thighs. Baekhyun’s eyes follow the movement, eyebrows rising a little. They have always been honest and open with each other, because that’s how couples should be and Yixing always wants to do things right by Baekhyun. Baekhyun deserves this at the very least. But there’s something that Yixing had done that he didn’t tell Baekhyun about.
“Yixing, you didn’t…” Baekhyun trails off when Yixing looks down and doesn’t meet his eyes. “When?” he then demands. Yixing can hear the hurt in his tone. Yixing closes his eyes and breathes deeply. This is the last thing Yixing wants to happen on their anniversary. “When did you tell your parents that you’re into boys?”
Yixing opens his eyes and meets Baekhyun’s sharp ones. There has only ever been one other time that Baekhyun had gotten angry with Yixing. It was when Yixing had fallen a couple of steps down the stairs when he’d been hurrying to meet up with Baekhyun and Yixing never told him for several days that his back was hurting.
“I… my mom has always kind of known…” Yixing tries, but it’s hard to explain when every word that comes out of his mouth looks like it’s sending daggers through Baekhyun’s heart. He never ever wants to hurt Baekhyun. He promises himself everyday that he will do everything to make Baekhyun happy because he loves him, because he wants to keep him. “I just told her that I was seeing this amazing boy in my class and-“
“Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, Yixing,” Baekhyun snaps. Yixing flinches because Baekhyun only ever calls Yixing Yixing anymore when he’s upset with him. Baekhyun hasn’t really been this upset with him in a long time. Today is such a bad time for this to happen. It’s sad that Yixing had to make Baekhyun so on a day that’s supposed to be happy.
“You’re right,” Yixing says, even though he’s telling the truth. “Of course, you’re right.” He clasps his hands together and breathes deeply, feeling truly apologetic. “When you’d told your parents, I figured I should do the same.”
Yixing had thought it wasn’t fair that Baekhyun was the only one who was going to take the risk of changing his relationship with his family forever. So he did it. When he was on the phone with his mother during their weekly chat, he just went out and did it. Yixing told his mother that there was this amazing boy in his class and that he felt that he was in love with him. Yixing’s mother had been quiet for several seconds until he heard her release a breath, as if she’d been holding it the whole time Yixing had been telling her about Baekhyun. He’d prepared himself for all scenarios, including the one where his mother would never talk to him again. Instead, though, she had laughed and told him that she loved him and that she would like to meet Baekhyun as his boyfriend. It was Yixing’s turn to let out all the breath he’d kept in.
Baekhyun pushes himself off the sink and brushes past Yixing. Yixing reaches out to grab him. They shouldn’t ever fight, especially not today. Baekhyun presses on, though, but he turns around when he reaches the living room, facing Yixing.
“I wish you’d told me,” Baekhyun tells him. The anger is concurrent with his words, despite his calm façade. “I can’t believe that you would even think of telling someone as important as your parents about our relationship without consulting me. We talked about it a couple of times before I went ahead with telling my parents-several times, Yixing, because we know how much of a big deal it was, and you just-“
“Baek, I didn’t tell you not because your opinion isn’t important,” Yixing explains. “It’s not that, please believe me. I just thought-“ He means to say more, but Baekhyun has already turned his back on him, walking to the spare bedroom and slamming the door behind him.
Yixing keeps his eyes on the door, waiting for it to hopefully open. It’s a place they’ve only ever used for when one of them needs some silence to study or work for a bit. Yixing never thought Baekhyun would ever use it to get some space and hide from Yixing.
Yixing tries to get ready for work as slowly as he can just in case Baekhyun comes in and decides to talk to him before he leaves. Looks like his plan of having Baekhyun coming to work with him has been foiled. Shrugging, he finishes buttoning up his shirt, and he runs his hand a couple of times over his hair before grabbing his bag and walking out of the room. He and Baekhyun will talk tonight. Maybe Yixing can just bring some food over and… everything will be okay.
He’s already put on his jacket and shoes, one hand gripping the door now, when Baekhyun comes hurrying down the hall. Baekhyun grabs Yixing and wraps his arms around his waist with such force that Yixing almost stumbles towards the door.
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says, his voice muffled through Yixing’s back. “I’m sorry. Please don’t go to work mad at me.”
Yixing untangles Baekhyun’s arms around his waist and turns around to face him. Baekhyun’s hair is standing in all directions like he’s run his hand through it several times. He cups Baekhyun’s cheeks and presses a kiss to his little nose. “Hey,” he responds, voice soft andfaint. Every time they fight, where it’s usually Baekhyun who gets upset, Baekhyun always thinks Yixing is mad at him when Yixing never really gets mad at Baekhyun. “I’m sorry. I should have-“
“It’s okay,” Baekhyun interrupts, shaking his head. He tiptoes, craning his neck to kiss Yixing. Yixing bends forward to meet him halfway. “It’s okay,” he repeats when they’ve pulled away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He kisses him again. “You’re going to be late for work.”
“It’s fine,” Yixing tells him. “We have to talk about this.”
Baekhyun opens the door for him. “I’ll come by later, at the bar,” he promises, then fixed the collar of Yixing’s polo shirt. “Let’s have dinner after your shift. Here,” he adds, thrusting a small brown paper bag in his hand. “I made you lunch. It’s not much but-just take it.“ Yixing grips the paper bag and grins at him. “We leave for Gangwon early on Saturday morning.” He turns to go back in the apartment.
Yixing pulls Baekhyun back and kisses him, thinking better than to mention anything at all about them pushing through with the visit to his grandmother. “Thank you,” he says, instead, a smile now on his lips. He kisses him again. “I love you.”
There is nothing more than Yixing loves seeing than the adoring smile on Baekhyun’s face.
Gangwon is as Baekhyun had told him about - mountainous, lots of greenery, with fresh air. He looks up at the sky as they stand outside and breathes in deeply. Baekhyun laughs at him, pressing the doorbell to his grandmother’s house.
“It’s just Gangwon,” Baekhyun teases him.
Yixing shakes his head, fighting the urge to grab Baekhyun and kiss the smirk off his face. “It’s your grandmother’s house,” he corrects him. It’s everything to Yixing that he’s getting to meet someone important in Baekhyun’s life, that Baekhyun is trusting fate to take care of both of them and their relationship, that Baekhyun is trusting that his grandmother loves him so unconditionally that she will still accept Baekhyun even after he comes out to her. Yixing never got that chance with Baekhyun’s parents.
The gate opens before Baekhyun can tell Yixing that he’s being too cheesy again and out steps a chubby lady, an inch or two shorter than Baekhyun, with gray-white hair, the same droopy eyes and a wide smile.
Baekhyun’s grandmother is so much better than Yixing’s imagined her to be. He’s gotten the impression that she’s exceedingly patient and that she’s kind and sweet. What Yixing’s seeing now is like an older, more portly, much like a female version of Baekhyun. She and Baekhyun have been throwing jabs at each other ever since they’ve gone inside the house, and it doesn’t seem like they’re stopping soon. Her eyes sparkle the way Baekhyun’s does when he’s being mischievous, which always softens when she lays her eyes on Yixing.
“Baekhyun’s told me all about you,” she says when they’re congregated in the kitchen after they’ve put their bags in guest bedroom. “He calls more seldom now,” she continues, to which Baekhyun bows his head. “But he never fails to mention you every single time he does. I must imagine that Chanyeol is incredibly jealous of how fast your friendship status shot up with Baekhyunnie.”
“Halmeoni,” Baekhyun whines. Yixing forces to keep his lips together and not smile too much at how cute Baekhyun is being. Baekhyun has his head hung low as he takes over chopping the carrots. “Don’t give all my secrets away. Yixing doesn’t know that he’s my favorite.”
Baekhyun’s grandmother actually snorts, which surprises a laugh out of Yixing. Baekhyun meets his eyes across the counter, eyes twinkling. “I doubt that he doesn’t know how much you favor him,” Baekhyun’s grandmother states. “Don’t you make Chanyeol feel bad now.”
“No worries, halmeoni,” Yixing pipes in. “Chanyeol is still very much Baekhyun’s best friend.” Baekhyun laughs, nodding. “I wouldn’t dream of taking that position away from him.” He winks at Baekhyun, who laughs harder.
“I wouldn’t let you, either,” Baekhyun mutters, his laughter dying down. “I don’t need any more best friends.” Yixing raises an eyebrow at him, feeling the warmth spreading over his chest, while Baekhyun gives him an almost shy smile. It’s always in the little things, these little instances where Baekhyun shows him how important Yixing is to him.
“You two must be tired,” Baekhyun’s grandmother interrupts them, easing the knife out of Baekhyun’s hand. “Why don’t you two go freshen up and rest or take Yixing out back? It’s been a long trip from Seoul.”
“But halmeoni,” Baekhyun protests, trying to get back to chopping the carrots. “We want to help you prepare lunch. Yixing’s really good at cooking and he can help you-“
But Baekhyun’s grandmother just waves them off. “You’re guests,” she insists. “And you’ve just arrived. Why don’t you let Yixing rest and then you can help me with dinner later?”
Baekhyun hesitates but then he kisses his grandmother on the cheek and leads Yixing to the backyard. Neither of them notices the soft smile that she gives them as they leave.
“So…” Yixing starts as Baekhyun makes himself comfortable on the bench overseeing a beautiful view of the mountains around them. He sits stiffly beside Baekhyun, unsure as to how close they could be. Baekhyun’s grandmother could be watching through the windows and he doesn’t want to preempt the reason why they’re there.
“Relax,” Baekhyun softly says. His hand flinches for a second before he’s reaching over and intertwining their fingers together. “No matter what happens, no matter what my grandmother says, it’ll be okay.” He takes a deep breath as if to assure himself further.
Yixing squeezes Baekhyun’s hand. “When are we going to do it?” he asks. Baekhyun’s grandmother is so wonderful, even if he’s only met her, that he can’t imagine not accepting Baekhyun either way. Still, they can’t know what will happen and he wants to be prepared.
“Maybe later, maybe tomorrow,” Baekhyun answers. He shifts in his seat and leans his head on Yixing’s shoulder. “She can’t see us from the kitchen,” he assures him without him even asking. He sighs and takes Yixing’s hand to his lap so he can play with it. “This is so tiring, isn’t it? I don’t know why it has to be so hard and so scary to be happy.”
“Only if you think of it that way,” Yixing tells him, pressing a very quick kiss on the crown of Baekhyun’s head. “You have a good life. There are people who love you, and the people who act like they don’t, but still probably do. They just don’t know how to show it anymore.” He squeezes Baekhyun’s hand again, feeling his slender fingers tightening around his. “Like you said, no matter what happens, it’ll be okay.”
Baekhyun doesn’t say anything and Yixing thinks about all those times that they’ve talked about their fears about coming out to their families and friends. They never really got the chance to come out properly to their friends since Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had walked in on them kissing in the kitchen of the dorm that Baekhyun shared with Jongdae. Before Yixing could even say anything, Chanyeol yelled and covered Kyungsoo’s eyes. Kyungsoo had punched Chanyeol really hard in the gut after that, saying that he’s not a child. It was easy probably because Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had an inkling about Baekhyun’s preference even though he never said anything. Jongdae had just laughed when Chanyeol recounted the incident to him over dinner. Yixing remembers feeling mortified, but then Baekhyun had slipped his fingers with his and smiled brightly at him.
“I didn’t mean to react so dramatically,” Baekhyun suddenly speaks up.
Yixing leans his head on Baekhyun’s. “To what?”
“I was afraid,” Baekhyun continues with a sigh. He stops, pressing and pinching each of Yixing’s fingertips. “When you said that you’d come out to your mom and told her about us. I know your mom is really nice, but I remembered what it was like for me and I didn’t…” He lets out a breath and he holds onto Yixing’s hand with both of his. “I didn’t want you to ever experience that. I thought my parents would love me for all of me, but then they didn’t and I didn’t think it was fair if that happened to you.”
Yixing smiles and closes his eyes, kissing Baekhyun’s forehead much longer than he hadearlier. “I didn’t want you to be the only one doing sacrifices for us, taking risks for us,” he says. “It wasn’t fair that you’d told your parents while I did nothing. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want me to. Not so soon after you did it.” He pulls his hand from Baekhyun’s grasp so he could wrap his arm around Baekhyun.
“Tell me again how you told your mom,” Baekhyun says, sighing in contentment and moving closer to him. “What did you say about the amazing boy in your class?”
Yixing laughs. “I told him that I’ve been in love with this boy in my class right at the moment I laid eyes on him,” he recalls.
“That’s so cheesy,” Baekhyun says, pulling away and slapping his chest. “You didn’t-“ His eyes widen at the earnestness in Yixing’s gaze, which is something Yixing has never been unable to hide. It doesn’t matter to him that Baekhyun can see it clearly. He has no reason to hide his feelings from Baekhyun. “How could you be? We were introduced by Jongdae and that’s always a bad impression.”
“You bumped into me outside of composition class and you cursed when your books fell,” Yixing corrects him, reaching out to pinch Baekhyun’s cheek.
Baekhyun is gaping at him. He swats Yixing’s hand away. “How could you have been in love with that?”
“How could I not be?” Yixing chuckles, pinching both of Baekhyun’s cheeks this time. “When you were so cute?”
Baekhyun makes a growling face, one of Yixing’s favorites that he has always adored. There is never a moment when Baekhyun doesn’t look cute to him - no matter what he’s doing, whether he’s happy or upset. It’s just the way Baekhyun is. It’s one of the things Yixing loves most about him.
“You are the worst,” Baekhyun says, breathless as he leans towards Yixing to give him a quick kiss. He glances back at the house as he pulls away. “Why do I love you?”
Yixing laughs at that. “Why, indeed?”
Baekhyun wraps Yixing’s arm around him again as he snuggles to him. “Let’s do it tonight,” he says without warning.
“Are you sure?” Yixing asks, reaching for Baekhyun’s hand once more and squeezing it. “It’s your grandmother’s birthday. Wouldn’t it be better if-“
“She’ll think my honesty’s a gift, don’t you think?” Baekhyun responds, pulling away to look at him. He’s smiling so wide that almost all his teeth show. Yixing knows that Baekhyun is trying to lighten up the situation. He’s always been good at that. “We’ll warn her beforehand, of course. Then maybe we can assess it from there. What do you think?”
“Okay,” Yixing agrees. He tightens his hold on Baekhyun. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.
Dinner is mostly uneventful, save for the surprise cake that Baekhyun brought out. Baekhyun’s grandmother claps her hands as she blows out the candles, and Yixing does the honor of slicing the cake and serving the two with them.
Yixing is anxious. He can’t stop fidgeting in his seat the moment they started helping out with dinner preparations. Even when Baekhyun’s grandmother had continuously praised him for his skills in the kitchen, he couldn’t really feel the joy in it because he was too worried about the news that they’re going to spring on her. He hopes she didn’t notice it with the way he kept on fumbling with the knife and chopped the vegetables unevenly. Yixing really hopes that it wouldn’t end up being bad news in her eyes and that her birthday wouldn’t be ruined.
Baekhyun keeps on talking, making jokes, even the same ones over and over again. This is how Baekhyun is when he’s trying to get over his nervousness, trying to stall, but it’s impossible that his grandmother doesn’t know this about him. She keeps on laughing at everything, humoring him almost, but Yixing can tell that there’s a question in her mind.
Yixing kicks Baekhyun’s foot, keeping the laughter on his face as Baekhyun continues to tell another one of his funny stories. Baekhyun pauses for a second before carrying on. Baekhyun’s grandmother listens to him in amusement.
“Well then,” Baekhyun’s grandmother finally speaks up. “It’s good to know you’ve been doing well all these months that you haven’t been visiting.”
“About that,” Baekhyun responds, taking a deep breath, and Yixing braces himself. “Although it’s inexcusable, there is a reason why I haven’t been in contact as much.” He shifts uncomfortable in his seat. Yixing stares at his plate as he slices the chicken on it in smaller pieces.
Baekhyun stops talking altogether. Yixing looks up to find Baekhyun frozen, one hand gripping his chopsticks, white-knuckled, the other hand resting on his lap. He’s staring at his plate like it holds the secrets of the world. Yixing straightens up to kick Baekhyun’s foot again when Baekhyun’s grandmother breaks the silence.
“Are you finally going to tell me you and Yixing are dating?” she asks and her voice is so gentle and soothing that Yixing is immediately put at ease even as he inhales incorrectly and chokes. Baekhyun whips his head up to look at her as she smiles at Yixing. “Because I’ve been waiting for you to tell me for several months now. I’m quite sad that I wasn’t the first person you shared this news to.” Baekhyun’s grandmother actually pouts, displays aegyo, much to Yixing’s and Baekhyun’s surprise.
“Halmeoni?” is all Baekhyun can say. He has dropped his chopsticks and is staring in disbelief at his grandmother now. Yixing just sits there, unsure how to take in the fact that she’s known all along that they’ve been together. This is definitely the last thing he expected to happen. “How…?”
“I’ve just been waiting for you to come to me,” Baekhyun’s grandmother admits. “You don’t know how pleased I was to find that you brought Yixing along. I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about him.”
“From whom?” Baekhyun blurts out. He looks at Yixing, who shrugs as he smiles at him. His grandmother has this fond look on her face when he meets her gaze.
“Chanyeol calls more often that you do, Baekhyunnie,” she tells him, eyes softening further at the frown on Baekhyun’s face. “I understand why so I don’t want you to feel bad about that. Although I do wish that you were the one who had told me first.”
“So Chanyeol told you?” Baekhyun asks. “When? How?”
“Your mother told me,” she tells them. Yixing slides his feet closer to Baekhyun’s and nudges his foot lightly. Baekhyun looks at him and smiles gratefully. “She worries about you, Baekhyun,” she continues when Baekhyun looks away. “She does love you no matter what you might think. You should visit your parents some time. They miss you.”
“I’m sorry for not telling you, halmeoni,” Baekhyun says instead for a lack of response to her words about his parents. It really hasn’t been easy for Baekhyun, accepting the rejection of the people he thought loved him through and through. To find out that they still care about him is definitely a relief, but is also confusing. They did ask him to leave, after all.
She gets up from her seat and walks over to Baekhyun so she can hug him. “Our Baekhyunnie,” she practically coos. “I’m glad you’re telling me now and that you brought Yixing so I could meet him personally.” She straightens up and beckons for Yixing to come to her.
Yixing gets up, pushing the chair back, not caring whether the scraping sound is loud in the kitchen. He rushes into her arms and she wraps them around him. He shuts his eyes, scrunching them, because there’s a sudden prickling of emotion behind his eyelids. There is no reason for Yixing to feel so moved. Baekhyun isn’t even crying and this is his grandmother.
“Thank you, halmeoni,” Yixing whispers, hugging her back just as tightly.
“Thank you, Yixing,” Baekhyun’s grandmother responds, then continues, “for taking care of Baekhyun and for loving him the way you do. I’ve heard of only good things.”
Acceptance, Yixing thinks as he closes eyes. There’s a smile fighting its way to his lips, but he can feel his eyes betray him. Baekhyun is shaking, but Yixing sees his smile when he peeks at him.
Her words are warm. He takes a deep breath and lets the tears fall.
Home sweet home.
Yixing laughs as Baekhyun lies face down on the couch as soon as they arrive. He leaves their bags on the floor beside the couch so he can join his boyfriend. Baekhyun easily makes room for him, moving to his side so Yixing can do the same. They smile at each other as Baekhyun wraps his arms around Yixing’s waist and snuggles to his chest.
“I’m so happy,” Baekhyun says, pulling away so he can look at Yixing properly. “So, so, so happy.” His grandmother had requested that the visit at least twice a month. They already have plans to do so two weeks from now. They’re going to invite Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongdae to come with them.
“I’m happy, too,” Yixing tells him, pressing a kiss to Baekhyun’s nose, which Baekhyun scrunches. There aren’t words to describe just how happy he is that this particular thorn is gone from Baekhyun’s side. His boyfriend has definitely been much happier after that night. Of all the things they’ve expected to happen, getting received so easily is the last one. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Baekhyun whimpers and pushes Yixing onto his back so he can straddle him and kiss him properly. Yixing keeps his hands to Baekhyun’s hips, occasionally sliding them up to Baekhyun’s waist or down to his thighs as their lips move against each other’s. Baekhyun likes expressing himself in touches, hugs and kisses. Yixing can’t say that he minds.
“I want to go with you,” Baekhyun says in between heated kisses.
“Where?” Yixing asks, fingers finding their way underneath Baekhyun’s shirt.
“To Changsha,” Baekhyun answers. He pulls on Yixing’s lower lip and Yixing just slides his hands up Baekhyun’s shirt, skating them across his back. “The next time you go.”
Yixing pulls away, taking his hands out of Baekhyun’s shirt and placing them back on Baekhyun’s hips. “What?” he asks, looking at Baekhyun, whose lips look bruised, so red that Yixing wants to kiss him again.
“I want to go with you when you decide to go home,” Baekhyun clarifies, cheeks pinking as a slow smile forms on Yixing’s face. “I mean, you already said you told your mom about us. I figured I should meet her properly. As your boyfriend. If you wanted.”
Yixing just looks at Baekhyun, really looks at him, in an effort to hide just how much he feels for him. There isn’t a day that passes that he isn’t grateful that he has Baekhyun in his life. Where before he’d lived day-to-day just thinking about his goals and his future, meeting Baekhyun has changed all that. Baekhyun has added color and laughter to his life. There aren’t enough words to describe just how much he loves the way his life has changed because of the way Baekhyun loves him.
“Say something!” Baekhyun slaps his chest, pouting in embarrassment.
Yixing pulls him down so that they’re face-to-face, laughter bubbling up his throat. “I love you,” is what he says before he kisses him, chaste and sweet. “Of course I want that. I want to bring you to Changsha and introduce you to my mom as the amazing boy in my class whom I love.”
“Cheesy,” Baekhyun giggles as he rests his head on Yixing’s chest.
Yixing is glad that they have both found that acceptance from the homes they grew up in. Even though they have their own, it’s still nice to know that they have their families to go back to, to lean on and get support from no matter what happens. Maybe, one day, he and Baekhyun would have the courage to visit Baekhyun’s parents.
Yixing sighs, contented and blissful, as Baekhyun sleepily hums some Chinese folk song, his voice vibrating through his chest. This is what home feels like, warm, full of affection and acceptance.
This entry was originally posted at http://airplanewishes.dreamwidth.org/61094.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
EXO | Baekhyun/Lay | PG-13 | 7,208w
Romance
The key to the home Yixing has built with Baekhyun, it seems, is acceptance.
Written for justgetlayd.
The apartment smells like home. Not that Seoul isn’t; it has been for the past 10 years or so, most especially for the past year, but this smells more likes Changsha than Seoul, with the fresh air, the cool wind, the smell of the trees and the river combined. Yixing is reminded of a similar morning like this back in Changsha, when the household had still been asleep and he’d woken up to an empty bed. He’d tiptoed his way out of the room, in between a sleep talking Joonmyun, a giggling Chanyeol, and a snoring Jongdae.
Baekhyun had been standing by the glass doors leading to the small vegetable garden, watching the light drizzle, his plum-colored hair sticking up in several directions. The wind tousled his hair everytime the wind blew through one of the open windows in the living room, and Chanyeol’s black shirt was too big on him; then again, everyone’s clothes are too big for Baekhyun, even if he and his presence are larger than life. Baekhyun had straightened up and turned around when he heard a noise, and then a beautiful smile had bloomed on his face when he saw that it was Yixing. It’s the kind of smile that showed all of his teeth, his pink lips stretched wide, and turned his eyes into crescents, making him even more handsome, more lovely. Baekhyun had easily fallen into Yixing’s embrace, the fear of being seen forgotten for a second with the knowledge that the whole house was still in slumber. That moment really felt like home.
Now, Baekhyun is standing in the kitchen, busy by the stove, in a shirt that is Yixing’s this time, but is still too big for him. He’s humming one of those Chinese folk songs that Yixing used to sing to him back when things between them weren’t really official yet. Yixing smiles as Baekhyun tastes the food, dipping the ladle into the pot and then swiping his finger on the ladle to taste, just like how Yixing’s mother had taught him. Baekhyun lets out a satisfied gurgle so the taste must be good, and Yixing can’t help himself anymore and approaches him. He wraps Baekhyun in a hug from the back, making Baekhyun squeal.
“What’s the occasion?” Yixing asks, pressing a kiss to the back of Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun shudders and elbows him.
“Like you don’t know,” Baekhyun snorts. He then dips his finger into the sauce and turns to Yixing to slip his finger between his lips. “Does this taste okay, Xing?” he asks, watching Yixing with bright but wary eyes.
“You already know it does,” Yixing answers truthfully as he lets his tongue slide over Baekhyun’s finger. He pulls away with a pop. “Or you wouldn’t have asked me to taste it.” He smiles in amusement as Baekhyun snickers, turning back to the stove, which he turns off. “What are your plans today?” His tone is casual, too casual, with the way Baekhyun moves further away from Yixing so that they’re not touching.
“I thought we were spending the day together?” Yixing asks, eyebrows scrunching. “Did you have any other plans?”
“No,” Baekhyun says, turning around to face him as he shakes his head. “I just thought you had work today.”
Yixing smiles and pulls Baekhyun in a hug. He rests his cheek on the crown of Baekhyun’s head and sighs. “Yes, I do,” he confirms. He plays the piano in one of the restaurants at a hotel downtown every afternoon and sings at the hotel bar in the evenings. Baekhyun knows that he tried to bail out of working today, of all days, but hadn’t had any luck with it. “I was thinking you come with me, though,” he suggests.
“What will I do while you work?” Baekhyun asks, lips quirking up on one side as he rolls his eyes. “I don’t mind that you’re working,” he then assures him as he pushes Yixing to take a seat and serves him breakfast. “We have the whole morning together.”
Yixing watches Baekhyun as he moves around the kitchen. “Don’t I get a morning kiss?”
Baekhyun freezes from where he’s pouring orange juice in one of the glasses and looks at Yixing. There’s warmth and affection in Baekhyun’s eyes, something that Yixing hasn’t always seen because he’s never thought that Baekhyun would ever look at him that way.
He’s always been attracted to Baekhyun, he thinks, right from the moment they’d slammed into each other on their way to composition class and both their belongings had scattered on the marble-tiled floor. Yixing had looked up and he was met with this boy with sun-kissed hair, porcelain skin, cute droopy eyes and uneven pink lips. Baekhyun had cursed under his breath in his husky but pleasant-sounding voice, and Yixing had forgotten which things were his and had just gathered everything in his arms. Baekhyun had to ask for them back, a small smirk on his lips, before going back to his seat.
They hadn’t really gotten the chance to be introduced to each other for weeks. Yixing went to class regularly, taking down notes, listening attentively, not paying attention to Baekhyun or the way he would suck his lower lip into his mouth or how he would flex his pretty fingers when he got antsy for class to end. Yixing had better things to do than watch Baekhyun’s every move - like pass his classes for instance.
It was only when Jongdae caught Yixing (not-so-secretly) staring at Baekhyun when Baekhyun was performing his piano composition in class that they finally got introduced. Jongdae had pulled Yixing aside after class and asked him to go to lunch with him. When they got to the cafeteria, Baekhyun was sitting at the same table Jongdae brought him to, much to Yixing’s surprise (and delight). Yixing had never been particularly expressive about his feelings or affections for people he liked before he really got to know them. It had been different with Baekhyun, somehow - there just seemed to be this pull that tugged him in Baekhyun’s general direction.
That hasn’t really changed throughout the years. Baekhyun still has this stronghold on Yixing no matter what he does. Not that he really wants to do anything about it.
Yixing gets a lapful of Baekhyun after his question. He straddles Yixing and circles his arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together.
“I was preparing an extra special morning kiss after breakfast since it is a special day,” Baekhyun says, wiggling a little on Yixing’s lap. Yixing grips Baekhyun’s hips to steady him because the repercussions of Baekhyun squirming on his lap this early isn’t something he’s ready to deal with at the moment. “But I suppose now will do,” he finishes before leaning closer to kiss Yixing.
The slide of their lips against each other is familiar and new at the same time. Every time they kiss, Yixing always feels like he’s kissing Baekhyun for the first time. Because even until now, Yixing can’t believe that Baekhyun is his. Baekhyun was one of those people who Yixing thought was too good for him. Baekhyun is very attractive, smart, hardworking and is so vibrant that Yixing still gets blinded sometimes.
“I love you,” Baekhyun whispers in between kisses. And there it is, the three words that remind Yixing that Baekhyun chose him. “Happy anniversary.”
Yixing smiles and kisses him harder, returning the words with equal affection. A year with Baekhyun is more than he could have asked for. When they started hanging out, after Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s prodding, Yixing had always felt unsure as to what he was doing there. Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun have been friends since high school and knew how to play well with each other. Yixing had never been talkative or adventurous. He kept more to himself and that was how he found music, playing the guitar and the piano and getting into writing songs. That never seemed to bother the three guys, though. Jongdae and Kyungsoo made sure to include him in everything and, eventually, Baekhyun did, too.
It was mostly an interesting friendship because Yixing felt he had nothing new to offer to Baekhyun, who seemed so filled with knowledge because he’s always had this thirst for it. Baekhyun read a lot about his classes and almost always tried out what he’d learned. He was always writing lyrics and creating melodies to accompany them. It seemed fitting that this was how they got closer.
Yixing had gotten to the meeting place earlier than the rest, save for Baekhyun who was already in their table. Baekhyun had his fingers tangled in his hair as he huffed in annoyance about his notes. Yixing had politely asked him if everything was okay and Baekhyun told him that everything would be better if he could figure out the bridge of the song he was writing. Yixing had offered his opinion and Baekhyun had smiled at him like he was his savior.
“I like this,” Yixing speaks up halfway through their breakfast. Baekhyun’s wearing boxer shorts underneath Yixing’s shirt and Yixing’s only wearing the wife beater that Baekhyun gave him for Christmas and some gray track pants. It’s always how he’s imagined his life with Baekhyun to be: simple, relaxed, and happy. “You making breakfast for me, for us,” he continues as he feeds Baekhyun a piece of kimchi. “It’s like home.”
“I didn’t know you were this cheesy,” Baekhyun teases, leaning his head on Yixing’s shoulder.
Baekhyun was the one who had asked him to watch a movie, just the two of them. They were having so much fun as friends, hanging out in each other’s dorm rooms, writing songs together, where Yixing played the guitar and Baekhyun filled the melody with lyrics. They went dancing, drinking, having breakfasts, lunches and dinners, with others and by themselves. But, that time, Baekhyun had said that Jongdae and Kyungsoo were busy with schoolwork and that they should just watch the newest romantic comedy by themselves. Yixing hadn’t known what to think of it, but went anyway because he wasn’t going to deny himself of Baekhyun’s company when he constantly craved for it. This started a trend of going out by themselves once a week, until it progressed to twice, thrice, four times and, eventually, everyday. Their friends teased them about it but Yixing remained tight-lipped because he didn’t want to ruin whatever this thing he had with Baekhyun was.
So they carried on like that, Yixing waiting for Baekhyun outside his classes, Baekhyun always dragging him out to places, Yixing writing songs for Baekhyun, Baekhyun singing Yixing’s songs, and everything else that people who are just friends didn’t normally do. Yixing wasn’t sure what to do because Baekhyun was everything that he wanted, but Baekhyun was naturally friendly and clingy with everyone. So Yixing kept quiet and never said anything.
Until Baekhyun kissed him under the rain.
It was as cliché as first kisses got.
They were stranded outside of the library because Yixing had insisted on staying with Baekhyun until he finished his assignments, even when Baekhyun had told him to go ahead because it was going to rain soon and he didn’t want Yixing to waste time not doing anything. Yixing had gone, anyway, sneaked in some food for Baekhyun and did his own homework as he waited for him.
Yixing had suggested that they make a run for it and Baekhyun had agreed, because they both had no umbrellas and because there was no sign of the rain stopping any time soon. Right in the middle of their run, when Yixing had (weirdly) told Baekhyun a Chinese saying about rain, Baekhyun had grabbed his jacket and pulled him close and kissed him. It was sloppy and wet, but Yixing enjoyed it because it was Baekhyun. Later on, when they were in the warmth of Baekhyun’s dorm, Baekhyun complained that Yixing was probably never going to make a move. Yixing kissed him this time. They spent the night making out on Baekhyun’s bed (much to Jongdae’s dismay).
“It is home,” Baekhyun then confirms, dropping his chopsticks to his plate and snuggling closer to Yixing, who wraps his arm around him. “Because it’s with you.”
“Who’s cheesy now?” Yixing chuckles when Baekhyun pouts. He leans down and kisses it away. “I love you.” He laughs when Baekhyun blushes.
Yixing was the one who said it first: I love you. They’d only been dating for six months then, although Yixing had felt like it was longer. Somehow, he figured he’d always been a little in love with Baekhyun since the first time they met. It wasn’t an earth-shattering moment. Baekhyun was in Yixing’s dorm, changing the sheets of Yixing’s bed because Yixing could be as lazy as Joonmyun when he was swamped with schoolwork, and Yixing couldn’t help but think about how wonderful Baekhyun was. He’d blurted it out before his brain could catch up with him. God, I love you. Yixing was never that expressive, always too shy to say what he really felt. It had made sense, then, for Baekhyun to freeze and snap up straight to look at him, Yixing’s pillowcases in his hands. But before Yixing could come out with some copout excuse, Baekhyun had smiled, so brightly and so beautifully, and said them back. I love you, too, dork. Then he went back to fixing Yixing’s bed like it was natural for them to just say those words to each other.
“Speaking of home,” Baekhyun says as he’s in the middle of doing dishes. Yixing finishes putting their little leftovers in the fridge and waits for Baekhyun to continue. He’s puts the plate that he’s washing down and lets the water run and Yixing immediately knows that this is something serious, probably something he’s wanted to bring up for a while now. “Halmeoni’s birthday is coming up.”
“That’s right,” Yixing says, nodding as he sits back down. Baekhyun has always been close to his grandmother. He always talks about her, even back when they were still just friends. Baekhyun hasn’t really talked about her in a while, though. “How is halmeoni?”
Baekhyun hesitates only for a second before answering but Yixing sees it and wonders what’s going on. “She’s doing well,” he replies. The way he’s soaping the plate in his hands is slow and deliberate, like he’s thinking a lot about what he’s going to say next. “I was thinking of visiting her. Since it’s her birthday and all.”
Family is a touchy subject between them. Love doesn’t always mean acceptance and Baekhyun’s had too much rejection from his parents when he came out to them the moment he and Yixing became official.
“I think it would be good for you to give her a visit,” Yixing agrees. He knows Baekhyun misses his grandmother even if Baekhyun hasn’t said anything. “She must miss you a lot.”
Baekhyun turns the water off and dries his hands. He rests his hands against the sink, the lines of his back stiff and tense, before turning around to face him. Baekhyun’s face is humorless, which is a strange look on Baekhyun’s face; there’s always a hint of amusement in Baekhyun’s features, after all.
“I was thinking that we should go visit her,” Baekhyun clarifies. Yixing straightens up in his seat in surprise. “I mean, my grandma knows who you are and, I mean,” he pauses and takes a deep breath, looking straight at Yixing. “I was thinking we should tell her. About us.” He barrels on when Yixing stares back at him, unspeaking, because he’s not quite sure how to react to the fact that Baekhyun is telling him he’s ready to face whatever consequences of this confession might be. Yixing knows how much his grandmother’s opinion means to Baekhyun. “It’s time, don’t you think?” he continues. “We’ve been together for a year. We’ve been living together all this time and I just think that we should. That I should. Tell her, I mean, about us.”
“Baekhyun,” Yixing begins, and his voice trails off after a while. He knows that Baekhyun has always been afraid of telling anyone else in his family, especially his grandmother, about his preferences and about Yixing after he came out to his parents. They had heartbrokenly turned him away. Yixing doesn’t think Baekhyun can handle that a second time. It would especially break his heart if his grandmother rejected him.
“I know that we’ve talked about this,” Baekhyun continues. “I know that we said we’d wait because this is important and we should think about this clearly. I mean after what happened…” He takes a deep breath and crosses his arms over his chest. “If I was doing this again, I want you to be with me. And I’d want to be with you when you finally tell your parents.”
Yixing clenches his fists and he opens them again. He hides them under his thighs. Baekhyun’s eyes follow the movement, eyebrows rising a little. They have always been honest and open with each other, because that’s how couples should be and Yixing always wants to do things right by Baekhyun. Baekhyun deserves this at the very least. But there’s something that Yixing had done that he didn’t tell Baekhyun about.
“Yixing, you didn’t…” Baekhyun trails off when Yixing looks down and doesn’t meet his eyes. “When?” he then demands. Yixing can hear the hurt in his tone. Yixing closes his eyes and breathes deeply. This is the last thing Yixing wants to happen on their anniversary. “When did you tell your parents that you’re into boys?”
Yixing opens his eyes and meets Baekhyun’s sharp ones. There has only ever been one other time that Baekhyun had gotten angry with Yixing. It was when Yixing had fallen a couple of steps down the stairs when he’d been hurrying to meet up with Baekhyun and Yixing never told him for several days that his back was hurting.
“I… my mom has always kind of known…” Yixing tries, but it’s hard to explain when every word that comes out of his mouth looks like it’s sending daggers through Baekhyun’s heart. He never ever wants to hurt Baekhyun. He promises himself everyday that he will do everything to make Baekhyun happy because he loves him, because he wants to keep him. “I just told her that I was seeing this amazing boy in my class and-“
“Flattery isn’t going to get you anywhere, Yixing,” Baekhyun snaps. Yixing flinches because Baekhyun only ever calls Yixing Yixing anymore when he’s upset with him. Baekhyun hasn’t really been this upset with him in a long time. Today is such a bad time for this to happen. It’s sad that Yixing had to make Baekhyun so on a day that’s supposed to be happy.
“You’re right,” Yixing says, even though he’s telling the truth. “Of course, you’re right.” He clasps his hands together and breathes deeply, feeling truly apologetic. “When you’d told your parents, I figured I should do the same.”
Yixing had thought it wasn’t fair that Baekhyun was the only one who was going to take the risk of changing his relationship with his family forever. So he did it. When he was on the phone with his mother during their weekly chat, he just went out and did it. Yixing told his mother that there was this amazing boy in his class and that he felt that he was in love with him. Yixing’s mother had been quiet for several seconds until he heard her release a breath, as if she’d been holding it the whole time Yixing had been telling her about Baekhyun. He’d prepared himself for all scenarios, including the one where his mother would never talk to him again. Instead, though, she had laughed and told him that she loved him and that she would like to meet Baekhyun as his boyfriend. It was Yixing’s turn to let out all the breath he’d kept in.
Baekhyun pushes himself off the sink and brushes past Yixing. Yixing reaches out to grab him. They shouldn’t ever fight, especially not today. Baekhyun presses on, though, but he turns around when he reaches the living room, facing Yixing.
“I wish you’d told me,” Baekhyun tells him. The anger is concurrent with his words, despite his calm façade. “I can’t believe that you would even think of telling someone as important as your parents about our relationship without consulting me. We talked about it a couple of times before I went ahead with telling my parents-several times, Yixing, because we know how much of a big deal it was, and you just-“
“Baek, I didn’t tell you not because your opinion isn’t important,” Yixing explains. “It’s not that, please believe me. I just thought-“ He means to say more, but Baekhyun has already turned his back on him, walking to the spare bedroom and slamming the door behind him.
Yixing keeps his eyes on the door, waiting for it to hopefully open. It’s a place they’ve only ever used for when one of them needs some silence to study or work for a bit. Yixing never thought Baekhyun would ever use it to get some space and hide from Yixing.
Yixing tries to get ready for work as slowly as he can just in case Baekhyun comes in and decides to talk to him before he leaves. Looks like his plan of having Baekhyun coming to work with him has been foiled. Shrugging, he finishes buttoning up his shirt, and he runs his hand a couple of times over his hair before grabbing his bag and walking out of the room. He and Baekhyun will talk tonight. Maybe Yixing can just bring some food over and… everything will be okay.
He’s already put on his jacket and shoes, one hand gripping the door now, when Baekhyun comes hurrying down the hall. Baekhyun grabs Yixing and wraps his arms around his waist with such force that Yixing almost stumbles towards the door.
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says, his voice muffled through Yixing’s back. “I’m sorry. Please don’t go to work mad at me.”
Yixing untangles Baekhyun’s arms around his waist and turns around to face him. Baekhyun’s hair is standing in all directions like he’s run his hand through it several times. He cups Baekhyun’s cheeks and presses a kiss to his little nose. “Hey,” he responds, voice soft andfaint. Every time they fight, where it’s usually Baekhyun who gets upset, Baekhyun always thinks Yixing is mad at him when Yixing never really gets mad at Baekhyun. “I’m sorry. I should have-“
“It’s okay,” Baekhyun interrupts, shaking his head. He tiptoes, craning his neck to kiss Yixing. Yixing bends forward to meet him halfway. “It’s okay,” he repeats when they’ve pulled away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He kisses him again. “You’re going to be late for work.”
“It’s fine,” Yixing tells him. “We have to talk about this.”
Baekhyun opens the door for him. “I’ll come by later, at the bar,” he promises, then fixed the collar of Yixing’s polo shirt. “Let’s have dinner after your shift. Here,” he adds, thrusting a small brown paper bag in his hand. “I made you lunch. It’s not much but-just take it.“ Yixing grips the paper bag and grins at him. “We leave for Gangwon early on Saturday morning.” He turns to go back in the apartment.
Yixing pulls Baekhyun back and kisses him, thinking better than to mention anything at all about them pushing through with the visit to his grandmother. “Thank you,” he says, instead, a smile now on his lips. He kisses him again. “I love you.”
There is nothing more than Yixing loves seeing than the adoring smile on Baekhyun’s face.
Gangwon is as Baekhyun had told him about - mountainous, lots of greenery, with fresh air. He looks up at the sky as they stand outside and breathes in deeply. Baekhyun laughs at him, pressing the doorbell to his grandmother’s house.
“It’s just Gangwon,” Baekhyun teases him.
Yixing shakes his head, fighting the urge to grab Baekhyun and kiss the smirk off his face. “It’s your grandmother’s house,” he corrects him. It’s everything to Yixing that he’s getting to meet someone important in Baekhyun’s life, that Baekhyun is trusting fate to take care of both of them and their relationship, that Baekhyun is trusting that his grandmother loves him so unconditionally that she will still accept Baekhyun even after he comes out to her. Yixing never got that chance with Baekhyun’s parents.
The gate opens before Baekhyun can tell Yixing that he’s being too cheesy again and out steps a chubby lady, an inch or two shorter than Baekhyun, with gray-white hair, the same droopy eyes and a wide smile.
Baekhyun’s grandmother is so much better than Yixing’s imagined her to be. He’s gotten the impression that she’s exceedingly patient and that she’s kind and sweet. What Yixing’s seeing now is like an older, more portly, much like a female version of Baekhyun. She and Baekhyun have been throwing jabs at each other ever since they’ve gone inside the house, and it doesn’t seem like they’re stopping soon. Her eyes sparkle the way Baekhyun’s does when he’s being mischievous, which always softens when she lays her eyes on Yixing.
“Baekhyun’s told me all about you,” she says when they’re congregated in the kitchen after they’ve put their bags in guest bedroom. “He calls more seldom now,” she continues, to which Baekhyun bows his head. “But he never fails to mention you every single time he does. I must imagine that Chanyeol is incredibly jealous of how fast your friendship status shot up with Baekhyunnie.”
“Halmeoni,” Baekhyun whines. Yixing forces to keep his lips together and not smile too much at how cute Baekhyun is being. Baekhyun has his head hung low as he takes over chopping the carrots. “Don’t give all my secrets away. Yixing doesn’t know that he’s my favorite.”
Baekhyun’s grandmother actually snorts, which surprises a laugh out of Yixing. Baekhyun meets his eyes across the counter, eyes twinkling. “I doubt that he doesn’t know how much you favor him,” Baekhyun’s grandmother states. “Don’t you make Chanyeol feel bad now.”
“No worries, halmeoni,” Yixing pipes in. “Chanyeol is still very much Baekhyun’s best friend.” Baekhyun laughs, nodding. “I wouldn’t dream of taking that position away from him.” He winks at Baekhyun, who laughs harder.
“I wouldn’t let you, either,” Baekhyun mutters, his laughter dying down. “I don’t need any more best friends.” Yixing raises an eyebrow at him, feeling the warmth spreading over his chest, while Baekhyun gives him an almost shy smile. It’s always in the little things, these little instances where Baekhyun shows him how important Yixing is to him.
“You two must be tired,” Baekhyun’s grandmother interrupts them, easing the knife out of Baekhyun’s hand. “Why don’t you two go freshen up and rest or take Yixing out back? It’s been a long trip from Seoul.”
“But halmeoni,” Baekhyun protests, trying to get back to chopping the carrots. “We want to help you prepare lunch. Yixing’s really good at cooking and he can help you-“
But Baekhyun’s grandmother just waves them off. “You’re guests,” she insists. “And you’ve just arrived. Why don’t you let Yixing rest and then you can help me with dinner later?”
Baekhyun hesitates but then he kisses his grandmother on the cheek and leads Yixing to the backyard. Neither of them notices the soft smile that she gives them as they leave.
“So…” Yixing starts as Baekhyun makes himself comfortable on the bench overseeing a beautiful view of the mountains around them. He sits stiffly beside Baekhyun, unsure as to how close they could be. Baekhyun’s grandmother could be watching through the windows and he doesn’t want to preempt the reason why they’re there.
“Relax,” Baekhyun softly says. His hand flinches for a second before he’s reaching over and intertwining their fingers together. “No matter what happens, no matter what my grandmother says, it’ll be okay.” He takes a deep breath as if to assure himself further.
Yixing squeezes Baekhyun’s hand. “When are we going to do it?” he asks. Baekhyun’s grandmother is so wonderful, even if he’s only met her, that he can’t imagine not accepting Baekhyun either way. Still, they can’t know what will happen and he wants to be prepared.
“Maybe later, maybe tomorrow,” Baekhyun answers. He shifts in his seat and leans his head on Yixing’s shoulder. “She can’t see us from the kitchen,” he assures him without him even asking. He sighs and takes Yixing’s hand to his lap so he can play with it. “This is so tiring, isn’t it? I don’t know why it has to be so hard and so scary to be happy.”
“Only if you think of it that way,” Yixing tells him, pressing a very quick kiss on the crown of Baekhyun’s head. “You have a good life. There are people who love you, and the people who act like they don’t, but still probably do. They just don’t know how to show it anymore.” He squeezes Baekhyun’s hand again, feeling his slender fingers tightening around his. “Like you said, no matter what happens, it’ll be okay.”
Baekhyun doesn’t say anything and Yixing thinks about all those times that they’ve talked about their fears about coming out to their families and friends. They never really got the chance to come out properly to their friends since Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had walked in on them kissing in the kitchen of the dorm that Baekhyun shared with Jongdae. Before Yixing could even say anything, Chanyeol yelled and covered Kyungsoo’s eyes. Kyungsoo had punched Chanyeol really hard in the gut after that, saying that he’s not a child. It was easy probably because Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had an inkling about Baekhyun’s preference even though he never said anything. Jongdae had just laughed when Chanyeol recounted the incident to him over dinner. Yixing remembers feeling mortified, but then Baekhyun had slipped his fingers with his and smiled brightly at him.
“I didn’t mean to react so dramatically,” Baekhyun suddenly speaks up.
Yixing leans his head on Baekhyun’s. “To what?”
“I was afraid,” Baekhyun continues with a sigh. He stops, pressing and pinching each of Yixing’s fingertips. “When you said that you’d come out to your mom and told her about us. I know your mom is really nice, but I remembered what it was like for me and I didn’t…” He lets out a breath and he holds onto Yixing’s hand with both of his. “I didn’t want you to ever experience that. I thought my parents would love me for all of me, but then they didn’t and I didn’t think it was fair if that happened to you.”
Yixing smiles and closes his eyes, kissing Baekhyun’s forehead much longer than he hadearlier. “I didn’t want you to be the only one doing sacrifices for us, taking risks for us,” he says. “It wasn’t fair that you’d told your parents while I did nothing. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want me to. Not so soon after you did it.” He pulls his hand from Baekhyun’s grasp so he could wrap his arm around Baekhyun.
“Tell me again how you told your mom,” Baekhyun says, sighing in contentment and moving closer to him. “What did you say about the amazing boy in your class?”
Yixing laughs. “I told him that I’ve been in love with this boy in my class right at the moment I laid eyes on him,” he recalls.
“That’s so cheesy,” Baekhyun says, pulling away and slapping his chest. “You didn’t-“ His eyes widen at the earnestness in Yixing’s gaze, which is something Yixing has never been unable to hide. It doesn’t matter to him that Baekhyun can see it clearly. He has no reason to hide his feelings from Baekhyun. “How could you be? We were introduced by Jongdae and that’s always a bad impression.”
“You bumped into me outside of composition class and you cursed when your books fell,” Yixing corrects him, reaching out to pinch Baekhyun’s cheek.
Baekhyun is gaping at him. He swats Yixing’s hand away. “How could you have been in love with that?”
“How could I not be?” Yixing chuckles, pinching both of Baekhyun’s cheeks this time. “When you were so cute?”
Baekhyun makes a growling face, one of Yixing’s favorites that he has always adored. There is never a moment when Baekhyun doesn’t look cute to him - no matter what he’s doing, whether he’s happy or upset. It’s just the way Baekhyun is. It’s one of the things Yixing loves most about him.
“You are the worst,” Baekhyun says, breathless as he leans towards Yixing to give him a quick kiss. He glances back at the house as he pulls away. “Why do I love you?”
Yixing laughs at that. “Why, indeed?”
Baekhyun wraps Yixing’s arm around him again as he snuggles to him. “Let’s do it tonight,” he says without warning.
“Are you sure?” Yixing asks, reaching for Baekhyun’s hand once more and squeezing it. “It’s your grandmother’s birthday. Wouldn’t it be better if-“
“She’ll think my honesty’s a gift, don’t you think?” Baekhyun responds, pulling away to look at him. He’s smiling so wide that almost all his teeth show. Yixing knows that Baekhyun is trying to lighten up the situation. He’s always been good at that. “We’ll warn her beforehand, of course. Then maybe we can assess it from there. What do you think?”
“Okay,” Yixing agrees. He tightens his hold on Baekhyun. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.
Dinner is mostly uneventful, save for the surprise cake that Baekhyun brought out. Baekhyun’s grandmother claps her hands as she blows out the candles, and Yixing does the honor of slicing the cake and serving the two with them.
Yixing is anxious. He can’t stop fidgeting in his seat the moment they started helping out with dinner preparations. Even when Baekhyun’s grandmother had continuously praised him for his skills in the kitchen, he couldn’t really feel the joy in it because he was too worried about the news that they’re going to spring on her. He hopes she didn’t notice it with the way he kept on fumbling with the knife and chopped the vegetables unevenly. Yixing really hopes that it wouldn’t end up being bad news in her eyes and that her birthday wouldn’t be ruined.
Baekhyun keeps on talking, making jokes, even the same ones over and over again. This is how Baekhyun is when he’s trying to get over his nervousness, trying to stall, but it’s impossible that his grandmother doesn’t know this about him. She keeps on laughing at everything, humoring him almost, but Yixing can tell that there’s a question in her mind.
Yixing kicks Baekhyun’s foot, keeping the laughter on his face as Baekhyun continues to tell another one of his funny stories. Baekhyun pauses for a second before carrying on. Baekhyun’s grandmother listens to him in amusement.
“Well then,” Baekhyun’s grandmother finally speaks up. “It’s good to know you’ve been doing well all these months that you haven’t been visiting.”
“About that,” Baekhyun responds, taking a deep breath, and Yixing braces himself. “Although it’s inexcusable, there is a reason why I haven’t been in contact as much.” He shifts uncomfortable in his seat. Yixing stares at his plate as he slices the chicken on it in smaller pieces.
Baekhyun stops talking altogether. Yixing looks up to find Baekhyun frozen, one hand gripping his chopsticks, white-knuckled, the other hand resting on his lap. He’s staring at his plate like it holds the secrets of the world. Yixing straightens up to kick Baekhyun’s foot again when Baekhyun’s grandmother breaks the silence.
“Are you finally going to tell me you and Yixing are dating?” she asks and her voice is so gentle and soothing that Yixing is immediately put at ease even as he inhales incorrectly and chokes. Baekhyun whips his head up to look at her as she smiles at Yixing. “Because I’ve been waiting for you to tell me for several months now. I’m quite sad that I wasn’t the first person you shared this news to.” Baekhyun’s grandmother actually pouts, displays aegyo, much to Yixing’s and Baekhyun’s surprise.
“Halmeoni?” is all Baekhyun can say. He has dropped his chopsticks and is staring in disbelief at his grandmother now. Yixing just sits there, unsure how to take in the fact that she’s known all along that they’ve been together. This is definitely the last thing he expected to happen. “How…?”
“I’ve just been waiting for you to come to me,” Baekhyun’s grandmother admits. “You don’t know how pleased I was to find that you brought Yixing along. I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about him.”
“From whom?” Baekhyun blurts out. He looks at Yixing, who shrugs as he smiles at him. His grandmother has this fond look on her face when he meets her gaze.
“Chanyeol calls more often that you do, Baekhyunnie,” she tells him, eyes softening further at the frown on Baekhyun’s face. “I understand why so I don’t want you to feel bad about that. Although I do wish that you were the one who had told me first.”
“So Chanyeol told you?” Baekhyun asks. “When? How?”
“Your mother told me,” she tells them. Yixing slides his feet closer to Baekhyun’s and nudges his foot lightly. Baekhyun looks at him and smiles gratefully. “She worries about you, Baekhyun,” she continues when Baekhyun looks away. “She does love you no matter what you might think. You should visit your parents some time. They miss you.”
“I’m sorry for not telling you, halmeoni,” Baekhyun says instead for a lack of response to her words about his parents. It really hasn’t been easy for Baekhyun, accepting the rejection of the people he thought loved him through and through. To find out that they still care about him is definitely a relief, but is also confusing. They did ask him to leave, after all.
She gets up from her seat and walks over to Baekhyun so she can hug him. “Our Baekhyunnie,” she practically coos. “I’m glad you’re telling me now and that you brought Yixing so I could meet him personally.” She straightens up and beckons for Yixing to come to her.
Yixing gets up, pushing the chair back, not caring whether the scraping sound is loud in the kitchen. He rushes into her arms and she wraps them around him. He shuts his eyes, scrunching them, because there’s a sudden prickling of emotion behind his eyelids. There is no reason for Yixing to feel so moved. Baekhyun isn’t even crying and this is his grandmother.
“Thank you, halmeoni,” Yixing whispers, hugging her back just as tightly.
“Thank you, Yixing,” Baekhyun’s grandmother responds, then continues, “for taking care of Baekhyun and for loving him the way you do. I’ve heard of only good things.”
Acceptance, Yixing thinks as he closes eyes. There’s a smile fighting its way to his lips, but he can feel his eyes betray him. Baekhyun is shaking, but Yixing sees his smile when he peeks at him.
Her words are warm. He takes a deep breath and lets the tears fall.
Home sweet home.
Yixing laughs as Baekhyun lies face down on the couch as soon as they arrive. He leaves their bags on the floor beside the couch so he can join his boyfriend. Baekhyun easily makes room for him, moving to his side so Yixing can do the same. They smile at each other as Baekhyun wraps his arms around Yixing’s waist and snuggles to his chest.
“I’m so happy,” Baekhyun says, pulling away so he can look at Yixing properly. “So, so, so happy.” His grandmother had requested that the visit at least twice a month. They already have plans to do so two weeks from now. They’re going to invite Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongdae to come with them.
“I’m happy, too,” Yixing tells him, pressing a kiss to Baekhyun’s nose, which Baekhyun scrunches. There aren’t words to describe just how happy he is that this particular thorn is gone from Baekhyun’s side. His boyfriend has definitely been much happier after that night. Of all the things they’ve expected to happen, getting received so easily is the last one. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Baekhyun whimpers and pushes Yixing onto his back so he can straddle him and kiss him properly. Yixing keeps his hands to Baekhyun’s hips, occasionally sliding them up to Baekhyun’s waist or down to his thighs as their lips move against each other’s. Baekhyun likes expressing himself in touches, hugs and kisses. Yixing can’t say that he minds.
“I want to go with you,” Baekhyun says in between heated kisses.
“Where?” Yixing asks, fingers finding their way underneath Baekhyun’s shirt.
“To Changsha,” Baekhyun answers. He pulls on Yixing’s lower lip and Yixing just slides his hands up Baekhyun’s shirt, skating them across his back. “The next time you go.”
Yixing pulls away, taking his hands out of Baekhyun’s shirt and placing them back on Baekhyun’s hips. “What?” he asks, looking at Baekhyun, whose lips look bruised, so red that Yixing wants to kiss him again.
“I want to go with you when you decide to go home,” Baekhyun clarifies, cheeks pinking as a slow smile forms on Yixing’s face. “I mean, you already said you told your mom about us. I figured I should meet her properly. As your boyfriend. If you wanted.”
Yixing just looks at Baekhyun, really looks at him, in an effort to hide just how much he feels for him. There isn’t a day that passes that he isn’t grateful that he has Baekhyun in his life. Where before he’d lived day-to-day just thinking about his goals and his future, meeting Baekhyun has changed all that. Baekhyun has added color and laughter to his life. There aren’t enough words to describe just how much he loves the way his life has changed because of the way Baekhyun loves him.
“Say something!” Baekhyun slaps his chest, pouting in embarrassment.
Yixing pulls him down so that they’re face-to-face, laughter bubbling up his throat. “I love you,” is what he says before he kisses him, chaste and sweet. “Of course I want that. I want to bring you to Changsha and introduce you to my mom as the amazing boy in my class whom I love.”
“Cheesy,” Baekhyun giggles as he rests his head on Yixing’s chest.
Yixing is glad that they have both found that acceptance from the homes they grew up in. Even though they have their own, it’s still nice to know that they have their families to go back to, to lean on and get support from no matter what happens. Maybe, one day, he and Baekhyun would have the courage to visit Baekhyun’s parents.
Yixing sighs, contented and blissful, as Baekhyun sleepily hums some Chinese folk song, his voice vibrating through his chest. This is what home feels like, warm, full of affection and acceptance.
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