[Drabble] This Crazy Love
Title: This Crazy Love
Author: aishayue
Pairing: Akame
Summary: Even broken, I’ll continue to love you, even if you hate me, I’ll will always be loving you.
~
Kazuya pouted being left alone in their dressing room. Koki, Yuichi, Junno and Tatsuya went to get something from the cafeteria that morning saying that they didn’t have their breakfast at home. He sighed, but then almost jumped when the door was opened with a bang. He gulped seeing who it was. Jin was there, eyes focused on him. There was something different in his aura that scared Kazuya if he had to be honest. He swallowed hard the lump in his throat.
“What are you doing here, Jin?” He asked, but was shocked when he found himself slammed almost painfully against the wall, with Jin hovering over him, trapping him.
“What the fuck was that for?” He snarled, trying to ignore the pain in Jin’s eyes.
“Kazu...why?”
Kazuya blinked at that faint whisper. He looked at Jin confused.
“Why did you cut me off?” Jin continued with a soft, yet pained voice.
“What are you saying?” Kazuya was confused more than ever. Why Jin was there anyway? Why he came looking for him after, what? Three months? Hardening his heart, Kazuya shoved the older man away with a hiss.
“I don’t know what you are talking about Jin...” before he could step further, he was swung around by the hand gripping his wrist and he found himself face to face with Jin again.
“What’s wrong with you?” Kazuya finally snapped. However, Jin took him by the shoulder and started shaking him.
“What’s wrong with me? No, Kazu! What’s wrong with you? What did I do to make you fall out of love with me? Why? What did I do?” Jin shouted, eyes filling with tears.
“Why?” Jin mumbled again, his hands that were shaking Kazuya fell on his sides as he looked down on the floor.
“Why? You know I love you so much, you know that....so why?” He slowly let himself sat on the floor, right in front of Kazuya, hands gripping his hair; eyes shut trying to stop the tears from falling, but failed.
“Where did I go wrong? Why Kazuya? I...” he looked up and Kazuya’s heart dropped seeing Jin’s pained expression, desperation written all over his face. He had never seen Jin like that, he looked so broken.
“I...” Kazuya couldn’t speak, as if there was a huge lump making him unable to talk.
“Kazuya...everything is falling apart around me...it’s your fault.” Jin spoke, his eyes empty and unfocused, like he had gone mad.
“I am someone who just goes with everything and without you, I have no control. You should know that. Or is it what you want?...”
“I...Jin...it’s...” Kazuya mumbled hopeless. Jin was acting insane and he didn’t know how to deal with him.
“I hate you.” Jin finally said and Kazuya almost chocked, but stayed in silent. Jin was smiling bitterly.
“I hate you for turning me into this pathetic me, I hate you... I hate you for making me love you so much I think I’d go insane...” tears had started to fall again as his body shook.
Kazuya opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“Why did you stop loving me?”
At that anguished question, Kazuya’s heart stopped beating for a moment, his eyes widening with shock.
“Who told you I did?” he almost screamed, fist clenching until his knuckles turned white.
“You left me...” Jin murmured, still unfocused, as if he was talking with a ghost.
“I didn’t!” Kazuya cried out. What was Jin saying? Wasn’t he the one who left? Wasn’t he the one who the one got married?
“You didn’t? Then maybe you never really loved me?”
Kazuya stomped his foot. Enough was enough.
“Me? You dare accuse me that? You were the one who left! You were the one who got a gunshot marriage! You were the one who fucking left me!” If Jin was acting like that, then two can play the same game.
Jin looked at him with wide eyes, finally waking up from the daze he was lost in.
“You made me!” he shouted. “When I had to leave KT you barely contacted me, whenever I call you, you were always busy, whenever I came to see you, you were always away! You told me it was okay, but I know it wasn’t! I didn’t know what to do...I missed you so damn much, I wanted... I wanted to see you...but you were not there...then I couldn’t think properly anymore...” Jin was frantic. He was shaking and crying at the same time as he spoke.
“I couldn’t think anymore...then everything went out of hand... then I thought I didn’t care... I didn’t care...I don’t care because you are not with me anymore...you...I...”
Kazuya fell of his knees. He reached out for Jin and pulled him into a hug, his heart was breaking.
“You weren’t there, so everything didn’t matter anymore. I love you so much, but you are not with me...so it doesn’t matter anymore what will happen...”
Jin continued as he hugged his Kazuya. God, it hurt, it hurt so bad he was going crazy.
Kazuya cried. Was it his fault after all? Was he the one to push Jin into his own limits? He cradled the older man.
“I am so sorry... I...I didn’t call you then because I thought, since we’d be staying away from each other often...I thought it was better to learn how to live away from each other. I thought we must learn to be independent from each other... plus I was so busy with KT. Since you left, I had to fill your part, too.... but then... when I wanted to talk with you....you left and then... shocked me with your marriage...I...” Kazuya thought his world had crashed down when he heard that news...
“Then, do you still love me?” Jin murmured.
“I never stopped loving you, Jin...”
“How much do you love me?”
“With my everything...”
Jin pulled away from the embrace and looked up at Kazuya who was kneeling in front of him.
“I am broken... will you fix me?” he asked. Kazuya nodded as a tear escaped from his eyes. The Jin in front of him now was full with sorrow and insecurities and it broke Kazuya’s heart to know that he was consciously or unconsciously the reason of it.
Jin nuzzled his face on the crook of Kazuya’s neck.
“Then fix me till eternity coz I will only feel whole and sane with you by my side...fix me until you yourself are broken.”
Kazuya nodded as he accepted the lips that was kissing him. Jin was insane, he knew that. However, he was more insane for falling in love with Jin. They were foolish for holding into this madness. Their love was insane and crazy, Kazuya knew it. He knew it. But it didn’t matter anymore.
They were both mindless
For falling
Into
This
Crazy Love.
~
*Owari
I want to thank that person who gave me a piece of truth. I am happy I am still here. Maybe, I am crazy too for being here, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
I