Act As If Nothing Happened
This isn’t supposed to be happening. He is the superstar everyone claiming him to be. A part of the legend group Shinhwa, a successful solo singer, a successful actor, a proud producer to a group called …, the best husband that every woman in Korea love.
The best husband?
An-soebang?
Damn!
He cursed that title in his life. It’s not that he hate it but it’s more how he regret how things turns for him after that show end. He wouldn’t deny that ‘We Got Married’ give a big impact in his career but it also makes his life turned upside down because of how he feel for his other half that time.
Solbi. Solbi Kwon Ji An.
Sweet and charming girl. Who wouldn’t fall for her? She is everything that a man would love to have by their side. At first, he just treated her like his hoobae. Just a hoobae in the entertainment industry, nothing more else than that. He always kept track of his feeling towards those who is new in his life. He doesn’t want to be too attached to them.
But fate seems to play a cruel joke at him. Slowly, little by little he seems to have opened up to that girl. She is a bubbly girl and very straightforward. She always blurts out whatever her minds think of without thinking of the consequences. She is sincere and hardworking, a very hardworking girl that he admires so much. He knows how hard it is to be Solbi, she has more antis than fans especially after they became an item for ‘We Got Married’ but she seems to take that as a challenge to herself. To be a better person.
At first he tried to deny the feeling, telling or actually convincing himself that she is just a cute dongsaeng to him. But who is he trying to fool actually? It hurts him deeply when she lost the first ring he gave her. He told himself that it’s just an appreciation to her for treating him so good during the filming when he got his eyes on the beautiful diamond ring while he was in China for his fan meeting. Somehow it just hurt him too much when she told her the truth. He even cursed the bastard who stole her bag away! Damn!
Time passed by and they reached their 100 days of being together as husband and wife in the reality show. They drew closer to each other and he couldn’t even deny his feeling anymore. He was being possessive of her. He still remembered how he proudly announced her as his wife in front of his band members when Minwoo and Dong Wan keeps teasing her. There’s a guilty pleasure in him when he have her by his side as he knows some of his friends actually have a feeling towards his wife.
His wife? He smirked as he drinks another shot of whiskey. Why does he feel that words somehow fits? Because in his heart, he know damn well that it’s right! Damn right! But he’s such a paboo to accept it. Their 100th day anniversary was the best memories he ever had in his life. She looked really gorgeous in his eyes. He held her close to him, complimented her in front of his bestfriend, and even has their first kiss on the lips. It may be just a peck but still, it’s still so meaningful to him.
And he decided to give her a couple ring after that, much to his surprised, she did the same. Wasn’t that sweet? That they have a strong feeling towards each other? He knows giving her the couple ring seems to be a big step but he just couldn’t care anymore. He even said those cheesy words, ‘………………….., a match made in heaven’. He smiles remembering it. Even their fans called them a match made in heaven but why? Why couldn’t he admit to it? Damn!
But soon, things started to get out of hand. He couldn’t handle his feeling anymore. He is still in denial that he already falling hard for her. Falling too deep. And that’s when he decided that they should quit the show. He wants to stop pretending as if nothing actually happened between them. The last recording seems to bring too much tears not only to her but to him too. He knows how she feels for him. How pure her love for him is, but will he be able to handle and receive it? When people started to recognize his own potential without Shinhwa name attached to him? Would he be selfish enough to abandon everything just to have her in his life?
It’s not all about him actually. He thinks about her too. She just started to regain recognition from people surrounding her. At least, all her hard work has paid off and he knows, damn well that she is proud of herself. That she still has a long way to go in this entertainment industry. If he was selfish to take that away from her, what would that turn him to? A monster? He wasn’t selfish to tie her down just like that. So, with a heavy heart, he let her go. He let her go to fulfill her dreams of being a recognizable entertainer in Korea. He knows how she wants other to stop calling her bimbo, to take her more seriously based on her skills not her sexiness or her face. And he wishes her well in his prayer.
He still remembered the last day of recording. It keeps playing on his mind every time he thinks about her. Still remembers the promise they made to each other that they won’t forget that they’re once married, promised to keep in touch with each other and most of all promised to remember each other. And then, he said those words. Words that are actually meant for him, not to others but she asked him, what will he do is there is another person? He was surprised by that question. What if there really is another guy? Would he be able to accept it?
He remembered what he told her. Each and every word. It pained him to say those words but he told himself, as long as she is happy, he will do everything he could for her. She cried on his shoulder, crying her heart out and it pained him. Damn! Sometimes he wonders, if only he’s not a celebrity, he would have already asked her to marry him at the very moment. Only reality is crueler. Reality actually hurt him more than he could handle. Reality makes him lie to people he love and reality too, hurt those who he loves.
He never thought he will see her again afterwards but he did. It was at the MBC awards show, where he held her hand tighter, pulled herself closer to him and smiled the genuine smile he always has whenever she is near. That time, he just wouldn’t care what others will say, as long as she is beside her. He would like to scream out loud that she is his! She is damn his freaking possession! He took another shot of whiskey again. But, every start has its end and they parted again that night. Damn I miss her!!
He wouldn’t deny how he wants to strangle those guys who seem to be close to her. It’s a lie if he said he didn’t keep track of her schedule. He does and he does it very well. He knows she is doing the same as they do keep in touch. He is trying not to lose her anymore but it seems difficult. He watched the Ice Princess show she was in and he cursed at those guys. He wanted to burn those fingers that touched her as she is only meant to be hers. He wants to smack his hoobaes hard for being too close to her much to his liking but she always brush it off, saying they are just like a dongsaeng to her.
But a slip of mouth during the last fan meeting in Thailand seems to break her heart. She heard about it and he knows he had hurt her again. He cursed himself for hurting her too much. He cursed himself for not being able to do anything to protect her. He cursed himself for being such a weak boyfriend to her. Boyfriend? Is he really her boyfriend? He wishes he is but he knows better that their relationship has no name. All he knows that he loves her and she loves him back. Doesn’t that all that matter anyway? If that so, why the hell she hasn’t pick up the phone!?
It’s been two weeks since he last talk to her and it pain him not hearing her sweet, sweet voice. He almost went crazy but he knows too that she’s been sulking because of his words. So here he is, sitting like a drunken man at one of the best pub in Korea just to take his mind off her. But damn it fail! Because all he could think is her and how much he had failed her. He didn’t realize that he tried to call her again. All he knows that he was already drunk and he needs her by his side right at the moment. Surprisingly, his line has been connected, and he hears the sweetest voice he ever heard in his life.
“Yobosaeyo”
“Solbi-yah~”
“Why are you calling me oppa?”
Damn! He knew she is crying at the moment.
“I… I just want to know how you are.” Lame Andy, very very lame.
“I’m good. If that makes you unhappy, I’m sorry. But I am happy.”
“Solbi-yah.”
“……”
“Mianhe.”
“Are you drunk again, oppa?”
I laugh hearing those words. Am I drunk? I just don’t know anymore.
“What if I am Solbi-ya? Will you forgive me?”
“Why did I do wrong oppa? I’ve done everything that you want.”
I heard stifle sobs on the other side.
“I’m such a failure babe. I hurt you again.”
“……”
“Would you ever forgive me again?”
“……”
“Babe, I’m begging you.”
“What do you really want me to do oppa?”
“I’m asking for your forgiveness.”
“Aren’t you a bit selfish oppa? You’re just like the other guys. Your future is more important to you.”
“I’m still keeping my promises babe.”
“Don’t. You always tend to break it each time.”
“I’m just the bad guy right babe? The only that only break your heart.”
“You’re drunk oppa. I’ll pretend that I never heard anything.”
“Babe, I love you. So damn much.”
“……”
After awhile, all I could hear is the long sound, knowing she already hang up on me. Damn! But I know, deep down she still love me and she will wait for me to fulfill my promises to her. I will prove to her, someday in the future that we’re really a match made in heaven. I’m just a selfish lover anyway and I hope she will still wait for me. Someday, sometimes in the future. We will be together again.