CHAPTERED | Kiss the Baby Sky Chapter 6
Kiss the Baby Sky
pg-13 | au, angst, fluff | 6/??
aitakutemo beta-ed by the_ladder
"all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes..." -jung yunho, a 12-year-old boy who's only living with his 8-year-old little brother, jung jaejoong. after their parents died, they lived in the big mansion with all the riches they inherited, and learning to accept the truth and face their upcoming life on their own. they managed to survive of course, having each other by their side. but the problem doesn’t stop there. first, they had to face the fact that they would get kicked out their house and get adopted. and if that's not enough, one of them finally realizes there's something more than just brotherly love between them.
warning: incest
Chapter 6
I don’t like Ji Hye.
This is only the fourth day I’m staying in this house. Four days ago, Yunho-hyung brought me here. He said that this is where he had been staying all these years. Although he had mentioned about the little sister he has, I never expected her to act like this.
She is so clingy. I hate her for that. Doesn’t she know Yunho-hyung is my hyung? I’m his only sibling, so he is mine and I’m his! Ugh, I can’t stand her at all! I know she has something with hyung. I can see it from the way she always tries to be near hyung or how she keeps using that overly sweet tone.
I hate her, I hate her!
And that Mr. and Mrs. Kim are no better than her either. They keep trying to separate me from hyung. I know they asked hyung to let me stay in the guest room upstairs. And I also know they keep staring at me like I’m something different from their child.
Then again, I am different…
I didn’t go to school, my skin is so pale that I look like someone who is dying, my face is too girly, the way I talk is weird, and there’s so much more things that’s wrong with me.
“Gee, Bambi…” I say as I put my hand on her cheeks. Bambi is my one and only friend. She knows all my secrets and she listens to all the rants I throw at her. She is the only one who knows how many tears I spent or how many times I called for Yunho-hyung when I couldn’t take it anymore.
Bambi…
“I wonder if some day hyung will leave me again… I know I’m weird and not perfect. And those people keep asking him to leave me…”
“Bambi, if Yunho-hyung leaves me again, will you stay with me? I know you like Yunho-hyung more than you like me, but…” my view of Bambi is starting to blur and I feel my hands sweating more, “but… if you leave me too…”
“Jae…?”
I quickly wipe my eyes with my shirt. No, Yunho-hyung must not see me cry. I’ve promised that I would only cry in front of Bambi. I bite my lips before tilting my head to him.
“Umm… yeah, hyung?”
“What are you doing?” hyung moves to the bed and sits beside me. The bed shifts as his weight drops in. I shake my head and only look down, afraid that my eyes might still be sparkling with tears and hyung would realize it.
I know hyung really cares about me and he told me once that I could tell him anything so there won’t be any secrets between us, but I don’t know… we haven’t talked for more than 3 years, and I’m sure he has changed during that times. I look to his hands, the nearest body part he has to me, before gradually moving up to his arm, shoulder, neck, and finally his face…
My Yunho-hyung has changed. He is getting more and more handsome than before, while I’m getting uglier with these wounds and scratches all over my body.
Why would he want me instead of this beautiful family?
I blink as I realize Yunho-hyung is waving his hands in front of me.
“Jaejoongie?”
“Mmm?” I mumble in return. Hyung smiles after he knows he got my attention. Hyung, if only you knew how that smile could easily lighten my heart…
Suddenly hyung’s expression is changing. He curls his eyebrows and gives me an interrogating look. “Have you been crying again?” he asks.
I shake my head before curling my lips into a pout. Hyung’s expression softens before he pokes my cheek.
“It’s okay to cry once in a while, you don’t have to be shy…” his voice is so calming, but I won’t say anything. I close my mouth and shake my head again.
“Boo…-“
“Oppa!”
I clench my hand. What’s with her? Yunho-hyung looks to the closed door and answers back, “yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
Hyung glances at me, like he’s asking me for permission. I just shrug before turning my head back to the headboard, biting my lips as I do so. I hear Yunho-hyung sigh before standing up and opening the door to reveal Ji Hye.
“What’s wrong?” he asks nonchalantly.
“I need help on my math homework; I’m still confused on some parts…” she’s using that kind of tone again. “help me, please?”
In the next second, I can hear the door click shut. Sigh…
There’s something wrong with Jaejoong.
I just know it from the way he eyes mother, father, and Ji Hye. Those are not just ordinary stares, those are silent glares. I really want to know what’s bothering him, but he just won’t talk to me. I’ve tried to ask him, but he just won’t say anything. Sigh, what should I do?
Does he feel left out?
Why doesn’t he say so? He should know that he’s my first priority now, and always will be. If he asks me to leave this place with him, I’d surely follow his wish.
I look to my side, where my little brother is sleeping peacefully.
I wish I could turn back time… I wish I was still the one he runs to whenever he got problems. I wish I was still the one he puts his arms around when he sees me in the hallway after I’m finally home after school. I wish we could just play the day away, complete with cookies and candies, before we finally get tired and just sleep it off.
And I would put my arms around him and tell him I will never leave him alone-
A realization struck my head.
… only to leave him alone the next morning for school.
My head feels heavy. The memory of him crying in my bed when I got home years ago starts to fill my mind.
“Hyung… you said you wouldn’t leave me alone… I’m scared…”
I snap back. I shouldn’t think about it. I’m supposed to think about Jaejoong’s feelings right now. I take another glimpse at his sleeping form; he looks so calm when he’s sleeping, totally different than the plain expression he always uses during the day.
“Jaejoong, would you please… tell me what’s been bothering you…”
I know hyung is still staring at my face.
I’ve peeked before and saw his eyes are still fixed on my face. He looks like he’s thinking about something. Sometimes he would gaze back to his front, probably lost in his own world, but he’d still steal some glances at me.
I let out a breath. I wish I can tell him what’s bothering me, but I just can’t. Something in my heart tells me that he might disagree with me, that he might think I’m such a spoiled kid who only wants him for myself. Yes, I won’t lie; I do want him for myself only…
I wish I can just tell him what I want like I used to. But things have changed, and I’m sure he has too. I don’t need to examine his expression that much; I just know how much he cares about this family from the way he would look at them with a soft expression- Mrs. Kim, Mr. Kim, and…
My chest hurts.
I chew the inside of my cheek as I try not to show any emotion on my face or else Yunho-hyung will know that I’m still awake. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts knowing I’m not the only one in his life now. It hurts realizing that he’s not only my hyung now; that he has another person that he has to think about now.
It hurts, hyung…
I wish you never took me back, so I can still be living in my own world of imagination, where there are is only you and me, all alone, where I’m the only person in matters in your life.
“Jaejoong, would you please… tell me what’s been bothering you…”
I let go of my inner cheek. What was that Yunho-hyung said?
Something pokes my cheek, and I know it’s hyung’s finger.
“If you can hear this, then please… tell me, okay? I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings somehow, I really am sorry. And I’m sorry if I hurt the trust you gave me before, but I just want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter what…”
“You can tell me anything, and I promise I’ll take it seriously….”
He stops and pulls his finger back from my cheek. I gulp down my saliva. The room is silent now and I really want to take another peek at what hyung’s doing now. I want to tell him. I have a feeling that it’s going to be now or never. I brace myself and open my eyes, only to find hyung is looking down at his hands.
“Yunho-hyung…” I start. Hyung looks surprised, well of course he is, he thought I was sleeping the whole time.
“You’re awake?” he replies with a smile. I nod before using my hands to push myself up. I straighten my body and pull the pillow to me, hugging it in front of my chest. I need something to hold on to, I always have since I was abused in that house; I learned to always have something to hold on to so I won’t fall down when they hurt me.
“Hyung… I…” I seem to have lost my voice. Yunho-hyung still looks at me with an unreadable expression. I bite my lower lip before starting once more, “Hyung, I…”
“I have something… to tell you…” suddenly I don’t feel so sure. The one thing that I am scared of is hyung hating me. And what I’m going to ask might make him to do so. I suck my upper lip and grab the pillows tighter.
“Jae… does this have something to do with the people in this house?” Hyung knows… I have no option left so I just nod slowly. Is he going to be mad?
But suddenly hyung lets out a heavy breath before leaning his body against the headboard. I look at him, confused. What’s wrong with him? Isn’t he going to be mad?
“Boo, why didn’t you say so earlier? I thought it was me you’re having problems with!” I just look at him, still confused. Me? Having problems with him? How come? But hyung doesn’t let me think about it, because he’s already staring at me with that expression again, a sign that he’s giving me his full attention.
“So? What’s wrong?”
“Hyung… can we… go from this place?” my voice sounds shaky. I twirl my fingers, a habit I’ve picked up a year ago. I don’t want to look up, I’m afraid hyung might glare at me. But the next thing that happens really makes me shocked. Hyung’s hand touches my shoulder before he lowers his head below mine, so now he’s bending his head up to see my eyes.
“Is that what you want? Then we’ll leave this place. I’ll find a job and rent a house, no, an apartment, so we can live together just like before. I’m going to graduate after all, so I’m sure mother and father won’t disagree with it.”
I can’t believe my ears, did hyung just easily say yes to my request? I give him a confused expression and he just chuckles before ruffling my hair a little bit.
“Yes, Boo, you’re not hearing things, I promise we’ll move out soon. Just give me some time to find a job and a nice place for us to live, okay?”
I’m so shocked that I just nod robotically. Yunho-hyung smiles before pushing my shoulder down, “now it’s late, you have to go to sleep…” he pulls the blanket to cover my body before reaching to the night stand to turn the lamp off. Even in the dark room, I can still see his features shining under the moonlight that is peeking from behind the curtain.
He didn’t change; he is still my Yunho-hyung.
I hug my pillow tighter. For the first time since I came here, I am really going to have a good night’s sleep.
Since that night, hyung has been coming home late. I feel bad for making him do those things, looking for job and an apartment at the same time. I really want to help, but hyung said no.
So, since I got nothing to do, I just spend my days in hyung’s room. I don’t even bother to try starting some kind of conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I know they blame me for hyung’s decision to leave the house. Well, I am hyung’s reason, but I just don’t want to listen to their ramblings about the son who isn’t even theirs.
I am just starting to draw some random things on my paper when I hear someone’s knock on the door.
“Jaejoong?” Oh, that’s Mrs. Kim, what does she want now?
I stand up lazily from the bed and open the door for her. She’s wearing a smile on her face, huh, what does that mean? I move aside and gesture her to come inside. That smile never leaves her face as she looks around, examining the room. Don’t worry, Mrs. Kim, I didn’t do anything to ruin your son’s room.
“So… how are you doing?” she asks after a moment. My eyes follow her movement as she walks around the room, doing more examining. Sigh, what does she want? But I don’t say anything other than a short ‘fine’. She must have noticed the tone in my answer because suddenly she stops and turns around, facing me.
“I have something to ask you-“
“If this is about Yunho-hyung’s decision to move out-“
“No… it’s not that…”
I stop; something tells me I should give her a chance to talk, so I just wait for her to continue.
“Actually, it is about that…”
“Are you going to blame me?” I ask coldly.
She sighs before walking to the bed and sits there. I watch her carefully before she finally continues, “listen, I know we had a rough start and you might not feel comfortable with me, but I just want to let you know that I love Yunho just like he’s my own son.
“And he loves you so much, he cares for you, I know he does. You’re his top priority, and I know he’d do anything for you, seeing how he decided to move out after you asked for that.
“No, I’m not going to do anything, but I just want to ask you, since he really cares about you, don’t ask too much from him, okay? I’ve watched him for these past years, how he shows that you are the most important person in his life, and knowing him, he won’t hesitate to do anything for the one who matters the most to him…”
Something’s changed. There’s something else I see in her. Her tone is different than the ones she used to talk to me before, her tone sounds… sincere, and for the first time, I finally understand why Yunho-hyung cares for this lady so much.
She… almost feels like Umma…
I can feel the corner of my lips curves upwards. “don’t worry, I promise I won’t ask him anything more than this. I love Yunho-hyung just as much as he does me.” And the next thing I know, I’m telling her all the things about how our childhood only consisted the both of us, so we could only lean on each other. I tell her how much Yunho-hyung means to me, and how I completely trust him to take care of me.
It feels so weird. Talking to her is like talking to someone I knew, someone I’ve known. There is some sort of aura around her that makes me feel comfortable talking with her. Does every mother have it?
We keep talking until Yunho-hyung comes home a couple of hours later. He says that he finally found a small apartment near the university he’ll be attending later. He seems so tired that Mrs. Kim urges him sleep and is already walking to the door when hyung goes to the bathroom to take a bath.
“Mrs. Kim…”
She stops and slowly turns around to face me, “yes?”
I take a deep breath before letting it out slowly, “thank you for the talk, I feel like I know you better.”
And she smiles in return before nodding and closing the door behind her. After the door’s fully closed, I throw my body to the bed, reaching for Bambi and pulling her to my side before burying my nose on her back.
“Things are weird huh, Bambi?” I curl my lips into a pout before leaning my head to her smaller one. “talking with her feels like talking with Umma… she seems nice, but I don’t know if I can trust her…”
I continue hugging her, pulling her closer to my chest, “they were the same too… nice at first, treating me like their own son… but then they changed…”
“Bambi… I don’t know…”
“Boo? Who are you talking to?”
I don’t need to turn to know that Yunho-hyung just finished his bath. I can smell the soap he used, fresh and mint-like, combined with that sweet fresh-scented shampoo. The room fills with hyung’s smell and I like it. I close my eyes and inhale the sweet smell. Hmm…
“BooJae?” When I open my eyes, hyung is already at my side. I gaze dumbly at his face and his semi-wet hair.
“Are you sleepy?” he pokes my cheek, bringing me back to reality. I curl another pout before rolling to my left, giving him more space to sit. Hyung shifts on his place before finally settling his back to the piled up pillows, still drying his hair with the towel, while I stare at him.
“We’re going to move soon, Jae… just like what you wanted. Have I told you how the place looks? It’s not that big nor fancy, just a small apartment with two bedrooms. The place is not so far from the university, it only takes about 5 minutes walking. And-”
But none of hyung’s words really get into my head. I’m lost in my own thoughts about what Mrs. Kim said to me this evening.
I eye Yunho-hyung, he’s too caught up in talking that he doesn’t realize I’m not paying attention to his words.
Yunho-hyung loves me, that was what Mrs. Kim said. And I said that I love him too. How can I not, he’s the only one I got left, the only one who understands me better than anyone else in this whole world. Someone I know I can count on when everyone else leaves me behind.
I care for him as much as he cares for me.
And I don’t ever want to be separated from him, not now, not later, not ever. My chest hurts whenever I think of him leaving me, and on the contrary, I can feel my heart jump when I remember his smile or his laugh. My Yunho-hyung is so special to me; so, so special that I don’t want to share him with anyone else. Sometimes I get scared thinking of how possessive I can be just for him, but a side of me just can’t accept the image of him prioritizing someone other than me.
Yunho-hyung… I’m afraid… of this feeling…
Will you help me…?
“Joongie? Joongie, what’s wrong?” A worried Yunho-hyung comes to my focus. I blink a couple of times, trying to regain my composure. I hate the fact that I always get lost easily so around hyung… come to think of it, I usually space out whenever I’m around hyung. I don’t remember spacing when I was in that nasty place. I might have, a couple of times, but not as frequent as when hyung is near me.
“Hyung…” I start, “is it really okay for you to leave this place? You like the family here, right? They even treat you like their own son…”
Hyung only smirks at me before answering in a calm tone, “but they are not my family, you are. Even if they give me everything they have, I would still choose you, because you are my little brother and I promised to take care of you.
“I know I’ve left you behind, and I’m still regretting it even as I speak now, so don’t make me feel worse about this, okay?”
I feel my throat go dry, “so this is just because hyung is taking pity on me?”
“No! Not like that… I just want to give you the years we’ve missed. We’ve been away from each other for too long, and I hope I’m not too late to give you back the years we’ve lost. It might not be the same like when we were little, but I just want to prove to you that I will always be there for you from now on.
“So, no more hard feelings, okay, Boo?”
I search Yunho-hyung’s eyes for anything, anything that can help me to say something against his words, but I find nothing. Instead, I find his eyes are soft and honest.
I am lost in them. Again.
“Okay, I’m going to sleep now, I’m so tired! Don’t sleep too late, I don’t want you to have panda eyes,” he adds with another smirk before putting the now wet towel on the nightstand and lowering the pillows and finally laying his head down, ready to sleep.
“Good night, Boo…”
It doesn’t take long for hyung to fall asleep, he must be really tired. But not for me, I keep staring at him for a long time before finally realizing it’s getting late. I slip myself under the warm comforter and put Bambi on my side, still eyeing hyung, who is sleeping soundly.
“Yunho-hyung, thank you,” and with that, I close my eyes, drifting to oblivion.
“Take care of yourself, okay?”
“Don’t forget to drop by whenever you have time!”
“Call us when you arrive!”
Yunho-hyung gives another reassuring smile and pushes my back, towards the front door. I myself quickly bow down and say my thank you for taking good care of us. Mrs. Kim strokes my left cheek before giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze, mouthing to take care of ourselves. I nod once again and grab my belongings, ready to go.
This is the day when hyung and I will move to the apartment that he found that day. I am getting more and more excited each minute. Not only because I’ll finally get out from here, but also because Ji Hye is not here. She had school to attend and no matter what she said, her parents insisted she go to school. I heard how she kept whining to her parents, but it was too bad for her, they couldn’t be convinced.
I do feel sorry for her… but she deserves it.
Yunho-hyung opens the door for me and lets me walk past him first before catching up and throwing his arm around my shoulder.
“Ready?”
I shyly let out a smile as a reply, “yes.”
Things are going to get interesting from now on, right, Bambi?
originally posted here.
pg-13 | au, angst, fluff | 6/??
aitakutemo beta-ed by the_ladder
"all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes..." -jung yunho, a 12-year-old boy who's only living with his 8-year-old little brother, jung jaejoong. after their parents died, they lived in the big mansion with all the riches they inherited, and learning to accept the truth and face their upcoming life on their own. they managed to survive of course, having each other by their side. but the problem doesn’t stop there. first, they had to face the fact that they would get kicked out their house and get adopted. and if that's not enough, one of them finally realizes there's something more than just brotherly love between them.
warning: incest
Chapter 6
I don’t like Ji Hye.
This is only the fourth day I’m staying in this house. Four days ago, Yunho-hyung brought me here. He said that this is where he had been staying all these years. Although he had mentioned about the little sister he has, I never expected her to act like this.
She is so clingy. I hate her for that. Doesn’t she know Yunho-hyung is my hyung? I’m his only sibling, so he is mine and I’m his! Ugh, I can’t stand her at all! I know she has something with hyung. I can see it from the way she always tries to be near hyung or how she keeps using that overly sweet tone.
I hate her, I hate her!
And that Mr. and Mrs. Kim are no better than her either. They keep trying to separate me from hyung. I know they asked hyung to let me stay in the guest room upstairs. And I also know they keep staring at me like I’m something different from their child.
Then again, I am different…
I didn’t go to school, my skin is so pale that I look like someone who is dying, my face is too girly, the way I talk is weird, and there’s so much more things that’s wrong with me.
“Gee, Bambi…” I say as I put my hand on her cheeks. Bambi is my one and only friend. She knows all my secrets and she listens to all the rants I throw at her. She is the only one who knows how many tears I spent or how many times I called for Yunho-hyung when I couldn’t take it anymore.
Bambi…
“I wonder if some day hyung will leave me again… I know I’m weird and not perfect. And those people keep asking him to leave me…”
“Bambi, if Yunho-hyung leaves me again, will you stay with me? I know you like Yunho-hyung more than you like me, but…” my view of Bambi is starting to blur and I feel my hands sweating more, “but… if you leave me too…”
“Jae…?”
I quickly wipe my eyes with my shirt. No, Yunho-hyung must not see me cry. I’ve promised that I would only cry in front of Bambi. I bite my lips before tilting my head to him.
“Umm… yeah, hyung?”
“What are you doing?” hyung moves to the bed and sits beside me. The bed shifts as his weight drops in. I shake my head and only look down, afraid that my eyes might still be sparkling with tears and hyung would realize it.
I know hyung really cares about me and he told me once that I could tell him anything so there won’t be any secrets between us, but I don’t know… we haven’t talked for more than 3 years, and I’m sure he has changed during that times. I look to his hands, the nearest body part he has to me, before gradually moving up to his arm, shoulder, neck, and finally his face…
My Yunho-hyung has changed. He is getting more and more handsome than before, while I’m getting uglier with these wounds and scratches all over my body.
Why would he want me instead of this beautiful family?
I blink as I realize Yunho-hyung is waving his hands in front of me.
“Jaejoongie?”
“Mmm?” I mumble in return. Hyung smiles after he knows he got my attention. Hyung, if only you knew how that smile could easily lighten my heart…
Suddenly hyung’s expression is changing. He curls his eyebrows and gives me an interrogating look. “Have you been crying again?” he asks.
I shake my head before curling my lips into a pout. Hyung’s expression softens before he pokes my cheek.
“It’s okay to cry once in a while, you don’t have to be shy…” his voice is so calming, but I won’t say anything. I close my mouth and shake my head again.
“Boo…-“
“Oppa!”
I clench my hand. What’s with her? Yunho-hyung looks to the closed door and answers back, “yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
Hyung glances at me, like he’s asking me for permission. I just shrug before turning my head back to the headboard, biting my lips as I do so. I hear Yunho-hyung sigh before standing up and opening the door to reveal Ji Hye.
“What’s wrong?” he asks nonchalantly.
“I need help on my math homework; I’m still confused on some parts…” she’s using that kind of tone again. “help me, please?”
In the next second, I can hear the door click shut. Sigh…
There’s something wrong with Jaejoong.
I just know it from the way he eyes mother, father, and Ji Hye. Those are not just ordinary stares, those are silent glares. I really want to know what’s bothering him, but he just won’t talk to me. I’ve tried to ask him, but he just won’t say anything. Sigh, what should I do?
Does he feel left out?
Why doesn’t he say so? He should know that he’s my first priority now, and always will be. If he asks me to leave this place with him, I’d surely follow his wish.
I look to my side, where my little brother is sleeping peacefully.
I wish I could turn back time… I wish I was still the one he runs to whenever he got problems. I wish I was still the one he puts his arms around when he sees me in the hallway after I’m finally home after school. I wish we could just play the day away, complete with cookies and candies, before we finally get tired and just sleep it off.
And I would put my arms around him and tell him I will never leave him alone-
A realization struck my head.
… only to leave him alone the next morning for school.
My head feels heavy. The memory of him crying in my bed when I got home years ago starts to fill my mind.
“Hyung… you said you wouldn’t leave me alone… I’m scared…”
I snap back. I shouldn’t think about it. I’m supposed to think about Jaejoong’s feelings right now. I take another glimpse at his sleeping form; he looks so calm when he’s sleeping, totally different than the plain expression he always uses during the day.
“Jaejoong, would you please… tell me what’s been bothering you…”
I know hyung is still staring at my face.
I’ve peeked before and saw his eyes are still fixed on my face. He looks like he’s thinking about something. Sometimes he would gaze back to his front, probably lost in his own world, but he’d still steal some glances at me.
I let out a breath. I wish I can tell him what’s bothering me, but I just can’t. Something in my heart tells me that he might disagree with me, that he might think I’m such a spoiled kid who only wants him for myself. Yes, I won’t lie; I do want him for myself only…
I wish I can just tell him what I want like I used to. But things have changed, and I’m sure he has too. I don’t need to examine his expression that much; I just know how much he cares about this family from the way he would look at them with a soft expression- Mrs. Kim, Mr. Kim, and…
My chest hurts.
I chew the inside of my cheek as I try not to show any emotion on my face or else Yunho-hyung will know that I’m still awake. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts knowing I’m not the only one in his life now. It hurts realizing that he’s not only my hyung now; that he has another person that he has to think about now.
It hurts, hyung…
I wish you never took me back, so I can still be living in my own world of imagination, where there are is only you and me, all alone, where I’m the only person in matters in your life.
“Jaejoong, would you please… tell me what’s been bothering you…”
I let go of my inner cheek. What was that Yunho-hyung said?
Something pokes my cheek, and I know it’s hyung’s finger.
“If you can hear this, then please… tell me, okay? I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings somehow, I really am sorry. And I’m sorry if I hurt the trust you gave me before, but I just want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter what…”
“You can tell me anything, and I promise I’ll take it seriously….”
He stops and pulls his finger back from my cheek. I gulp down my saliva. The room is silent now and I really want to take another peek at what hyung’s doing now. I want to tell him. I have a feeling that it’s going to be now or never. I brace myself and open my eyes, only to find hyung is looking down at his hands.
“Yunho-hyung…” I start. Hyung looks surprised, well of course he is, he thought I was sleeping the whole time.
“You’re awake?” he replies with a smile. I nod before using my hands to push myself up. I straighten my body and pull the pillow to me, hugging it in front of my chest. I need something to hold on to, I always have since I was abused in that house; I learned to always have something to hold on to so I won’t fall down when they hurt me.
“Hyung… I…” I seem to have lost my voice. Yunho-hyung still looks at me with an unreadable expression. I bite my lower lip before starting once more, “Hyung, I…”
“I have something… to tell you…” suddenly I don’t feel so sure. The one thing that I am scared of is hyung hating me. And what I’m going to ask might make him to do so. I suck my upper lip and grab the pillows tighter.
“Jae… does this have something to do with the people in this house?” Hyung knows… I have no option left so I just nod slowly. Is he going to be mad?
But suddenly hyung lets out a heavy breath before leaning his body against the headboard. I look at him, confused. What’s wrong with him? Isn’t he going to be mad?
“Boo, why didn’t you say so earlier? I thought it was me you’re having problems with!” I just look at him, still confused. Me? Having problems with him? How come? But hyung doesn’t let me think about it, because he’s already staring at me with that expression again, a sign that he’s giving me his full attention.
“So? What’s wrong?”
“Hyung… can we… go from this place?” my voice sounds shaky. I twirl my fingers, a habit I’ve picked up a year ago. I don’t want to look up, I’m afraid hyung might glare at me. But the next thing that happens really makes me shocked. Hyung’s hand touches my shoulder before he lowers his head below mine, so now he’s bending his head up to see my eyes.
“Is that what you want? Then we’ll leave this place. I’ll find a job and rent a house, no, an apartment, so we can live together just like before. I’m going to graduate after all, so I’m sure mother and father won’t disagree with it.”
I can’t believe my ears, did hyung just easily say yes to my request? I give him a confused expression and he just chuckles before ruffling my hair a little bit.
“Yes, Boo, you’re not hearing things, I promise we’ll move out soon. Just give me some time to find a job and a nice place for us to live, okay?”
I’m so shocked that I just nod robotically. Yunho-hyung smiles before pushing my shoulder down, “now it’s late, you have to go to sleep…” he pulls the blanket to cover my body before reaching to the night stand to turn the lamp off. Even in the dark room, I can still see his features shining under the moonlight that is peeking from behind the curtain.
He didn’t change; he is still my Yunho-hyung.
I hug my pillow tighter. For the first time since I came here, I am really going to have a good night’s sleep.
Since that night, hyung has been coming home late. I feel bad for making him do those things, looking for job and an apartment at the same time. I really want to help, but hyung said no.
So, since I got nothing to do, I just spend my days in hyung’s room. I don’t even bother to try starting some kind of conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Kim. I know they blame me for hyung’s decision to leave the house. Well, I am hyung’s reason, but I just don’t want to listen to their ramblings about the son who isn’t even theirs.
I am just starting to draw some random things on my paper when I hear someone’s knock on the door.
“Jaejoong?” Oh, that’s Mrs. Kim, what does she want now?
I stand up lazily from the bed and open the door for her. She’s wearing a smile on her face, huh, what does that mean? I move aside and gesture her to come inside. That smile never leaves her face as she looks around, examining the room. Don’t worry, Mrs. Kim, I didn’t do anything to ruin your son’s room.
“So… how are you doing?” she asks after a moment. My eyes follow her movement as she walks around the room, doing more examining. Sigh, what does she want? But I don’t say anything other than a short ‘fine’. She must have noticed the tone in my answer because suddenly she stops and turns around, facing me.
“I have something to ask you-“
“If this is about Yunho-hyung’s decision to move out-“
“No… it’s not that…”
I stop; something tells me I should give her a chance to talk, so I just wait for her to continue.
“Actually, it is about that…”
“Are you going to blame me?” I ask coldly.
She sighs before walking to the bed and sits there. I watch her carefully before she finally continues, “listen, I know we had a rough start and you might not feel comfortable with me, but I just want to let you know that I love Yunho just like he’s my own son.
“And he loves you so much, he cares for you, I know he does. You’re his top priority, and I know he’d do anything for you, seeing how he decided to move out after you asked for that.
“No, I’m not going to do anything, but I just want to ask you, since he really cares about you, don’t ask too much from him, okay? I’ve watched him for these past years, how he shows that you are the most important person in his life, and knowing him, he won’t hesitate to do anything for the one who matters the most to him…”
Something’s changed. There’s something else I see in her. Her tone is different than the ones she used to talk to me before, her tone sounds… sincere, and for the first time, I finally understand why Yunho-hyung cares for this lady so much.
She… almost feels like Umma…
I can feel the corner of my lips curves upwards. “don’t worry, I promise I won’t ask him anything more than this. I love Yunho-hyung just as much as he does me.” And the next thing I know, I’m telling her all the things about how our childhood only consisted the both of us, so we could only lean on each other. I tell her how much Yunho-hyung means to me, and how I completely trust him to take care of me.
It feels so weird. Talking to her is like talking to someone I knew, someone I’ve known. There is some sort of aura around her that makes me feel comfortable talking with her. Does every mother have it?
We keep talking until Yunho-hyung comes home a couple of hours later. He says that he finally found a small apartment near the university he’ll be attending later. He seems so tired that Mrs. Kim urges him sleep and is already walking to the door when hyung goes to the bathroom to take a bath.
“Mrs. Kim…”
She stops and slowly turns around to face me, “yes?”
I take a deep breath before letting it out slowly, “thank you for the talk, I feel like I know you better.”
And she smiles in return before nodding and closing the door behind her. After the door’s fully closed, I throw my body to the bed, reaching for Bambi and pulling her to my side before burying my nose on her back.
“Things are weird huh, Bambi?” I curl my lips into a pout before leaning my head to her smaller one. “talking with her feels like talking with Umma… she seems nice, but I don’t know if I can trust her…”
I continue hugging her, pulling her closer to my chest, “they were the same too… nice at first, treating me like their own son… but then they changed…”
“Bambi… I don’t know…”
“Boo? Who are you talking to?”
I don’t need to turn to know that Yunho-hyung just finished his bath. I can smell the soap he used, fresh and mint-like, combined with that sweet fresh-scented shampoo. The room fills with hyung’s smell and I like it. I close my eyes and inhale the sweet smell. Hmm…
“BooJae?” When I open my eyes, hyung is already at my side. I gaze dumbly at his face and his semi-wet hair.
“Are you sleepy?” he pokes my cheek, bringing me back to reality. I curl another pout before rolling to my left, giving him more space to sit. Hyung shifts on his place before finally settling his back to the piled up pillows, still drying his hair with the towel, while I stare at him.
“We’re going to move soon, Jae… just like what you wanted. Have I told you how the place looks? It’s not that big nor fancy, just a small apartment with two bedrooms. The place is not so far from the university, it only takes about 5 minutes walking. And-”
But none of hyung’s words really get into my head. I’m lost in my own thoughts about what Mrs. Kim said to me this evening.
I eye Yunho-hyung, he’s too caught up in talking that he doesn’t realize I’m not paying attention to his words.
Yunho-hyung loves me, that was what Mrs. Kim said. And I said that I love him too. How can I not, he’s the only one I got left, the only one who understands me better than anyone else in this whole world. Someone I know I can count on when everyone else leaves me behind.
I care for him as much as he cares for me.
And I don’t ever want to be separated from him, not now, not later, not ever. My chest hurts whenever I think of him leaving me, and on the contrary, I can feel my heart jump when I remember his smile or his laugh. My Yunho-hyung is so special to me; so, so special that I don’t want to share him with anyone else. Sometimes I get scared thinking of how possessive I can be just for him, but a side of me just can’t accept the image of him prioritizing someone other than me.
Yunho-hyung… I’m afraid… of this feeling…
Will you help me…?
“Joongie? Joongie, what’s wrong?” A worried Yunho-hyung comes to my focus. I blink a couple of times, trying to regain my composure. I hate the fact that I always get lost easily so around hyung… come to think of it, I usually space out whenever I’m around hyung. I don’t remember spacing when I was in that nasty place. I might have, a couple of times, but not as frequent as when hyung is near me.
“Hyung…” I start, “is it really okay for you to leave this place? You like the family here, right? They even treat you like their own son…”
Hyung only smirks at me before answering in a calm tone, “but they are not my family, you are. Even if they give me everything they have, I would still choose you, because you are my little brother and I promised to take care of you.
“I know I’ve left you behind, and I’m still regretting it even as I speak now, so don’t make me feel worse about this, okay?”
I feel my throat go dry, “so this is just because hyung is taking pity on me?”
“No! Not like that… I just want to give you the years we’ve missed. We’ve been away from each other for too long, and I hope I’m not too late to give you back the years we’ve lost. It might not be the same like when we were little, but I just want to prove to you that I will always be there for you from now on.
“So, no more hard feelings, okay, Boo?”
I search Yunho-hyung’s eyes for anything, anything that can help me to say something against his words, but I find nothing. Instead, I find his eyes are soft and honest.
I am lost in them. Again.
“Okay, I’m going to sleep now, I’m so tired! Don’t sleep too late, I don’t want you to have panda eyes,” he adds with another smirk before putting the now wet towel on the nightstand and lowering the pillows and finally laying his head down, ready to sleep.
“Good night, Boo…”
It doesn’t take long for hyung to fall asleep, he must be really tired. But not for me, I keep staring at him for a long time before finally realizing it’s getting late. I slip myself under the warm comforter and put Bambi on my side, still eyeing hyung, who is sleeping soundly.
“Yunho-hyung, thank you,” and with that, I close my eyes, drifting to oblivion.
“Take care of yourself, okay?”
“Don’t forget to drop by whenever you have time!”
“Call us when you arrive!”
Yunho-hyung gives another reassuring smile and pushes my back, towards the front door. I myself quickly bow down and say my thank you for taking good care of us. Mrs. Kim strokes my left cheek before giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze, mouthing to take care of ourselves. I nod once again and grab my belongings, ready to go.
This is the day when hyung and I will move to the apartment that he found that day. I am getting more and more excited each minute. Not only because I’ll finally get out from here, but also because Ji Hye is not here. She had school to attend and no matter what she said, her parents insisted she go to school. I heard how she kept whining to her parents, but it was too bad for her, they couldn’t be convinced.
I do feel sorry for her… but she deserves it.
Yunho-hyung opens the door for me and lets me walk past him first before catching up and throwing his arm around my shoulder.
“Ready?”
I shyly let out a smile as a reply, “yes.”
Things are going to get interesting from now on, right, Bambi?
originally posted here.