CHAPTERED | Kiss the Baby Sky Chapter 8
Kiss the Baby Sky
pg-13 | au, angst, fluff | 7/??
aitakutemo beta-ed by the_ladder
"all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes..." -jung yunho, a 12-year-old boy who's only living with his 8-year-old little brother, jung jaejoong. after their parents died, they lived in the big mansion with all the riches they inherited, and learning to accept the truth and face their upcoming life on their own. they managed to survive of course, having each other by their side. but the problem doesn’t stop there. first, they had to face the fact that they would get kicked out their house and get adopted. and if that's not enough, one of them finally realizes there's something more than just brotherly love between them.
warning: incest
Chapter 8
His lips feel so soft against mine; so plump, so wet, and they taste so sweet… so sweet that I’m sure I’d never get enough of them.
I nibble on his lower lip, grazing softly on the pink flesh while my hand finds its way to his cheek to caress the soft skin there, before moving down to hold his neck as his arms move up and circle my neck.
“Mmmm… hyung…” he grumbles against my mouth while pulling my face closer to his. I smile a bit before obliging his wish. My boo is so impatient. Another deep breath before I dive yet again to ravish his teasing lips, swallowing every single moan that’s slipping from his throat.
God, if I had known heaven is this close…
I should have done this a long time ago…
I brush my thumb near the corner of his lips and he opens his mouth for me, for my tongue, and I, being the greedy one, don’t waste any more time and dip my tongue to explore his wet cavern for the first time. He feels so warm… no, he feels so hot that it makes me wonder how good it would feel to have it wrapped tightly around something else I have down there.
“Yuhno-ah…” he tugs on my shirt.
“Mmmm, Jae?”
“Yunho-ah…” another tug, making a smirk grow on my face.
“So... impatient, huh?”
“Yunho-hyung…”
I open my eyes and realize he has pulled back from my lips. I narrow my eyebrows and try as hard as I can not to pout on him. Feeling a little bit annoyed that he didn’t budge; I tighten my grip on his waist while pulling him closer toward my body.
“Why, boo?” Damn, I hope I don’t sound too desperate.
He looks back at me, finally placing his eyes on mine, “hyung,” he mumbles.
“Hmmm?”
“Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…!”
“Bwah!?”
“Yunho-hyung, that tickles!”
“Huh?”
As my senses come back to me, I find myself lying on top of my little brother who is wriggling, trying to free himself from my hold.
“Hyung…” he whines again, and I finally realize that I’m still breathing on his neck; my nose is currently positioned just below his ear. Before all the blood starts rising to my cheeks, I quickly move off him and roll to face another side. I hope that he didn’t notice my weird attention. Ugh.
I don’t know since when, but for some reason, I keep finding myself waking up in such weird positions- either having my arms wrapped tightly around Jae’s body, or lying on top of him like what I just found myself doing. Sigh, this is not right, this is so not right. I know it isn’t. Argh, what’s wrong with me!? And these stupid, stupid cheeks that would always burn every time I wake up, haven’t they gotten used to this kind of situation already?
Wait, no, not used to. -ARGH!
“Hyung…? Are you okay?”
“Huh?” I turn around and meet my brother’s curious and confused stare, “why?”
“You keep slapping your cheeks…” he points at me, “why are you slapping your cheeks like that?”
“Uh, nothing, Joongie… nothing… this is just… my way of getting myself up, see?” I slap my cheeks again in a playful manner before puffing them and shaking my head at him, “aaah, now I’m fully awake!”
My little angel chuckles and I’d be damned if that smile is not contagious. All of the sudden I feel like smiling as well, and before I know it, the corner of my lips move upwards to form a small smile.
“Hyung is so funny…!” Ah, sometimes I wish he can stay naïve like this forever. Not that I don’t want him to grow up, but it just makes things easier, either to hide or to explain. Every time we find ourselves sleeping in awkward position, Jaejoong would always think that I was having a weird dream or I was treating him as a pillow, or simply just showing my love for him. He even went so far in guessing that it’s my special way to wake him up. And he also thinks that it’s normal, because we are brothers.
But I know it’s not. I never see any of my friends doing these kinds of things with their siblings. Yes, they might hug and sorts, but that was long ago in their childhood times, and even though Jaejoong and I were separated during those times, I don’t think it’s normal.
I take a small glance before fully staring at my brother’s half-lidded, dreamy eyes. This might sound like I’m trying to defend myself, but I just can’t resist his charms. Heck, I think nobody can resist his charms, especially his sweet, honey-like scent that’s so addictive. I swear if I can bottle his scent up, I would, and then I’d put it around myself so I can always smell the heavenly smell that is him.
And don’t forget his lips. God, his lips! I have never seen such soft and kissable lips! His lips are those kinds of lips that would definitely feel so good when you kiss them. And thinking about his habit of biting, licking, or pouting them… I can seriously go crazy just because of my own little brother!
I lower my gaze to his lips and can’t help but wonder; how big is my chance to feel it? I-I mean, before you’re going to kiss your special someone, you must want to learn how to do it somehow, right? So that you would know what to do and not look stupid in front of your special person. And the most suitable person to help you can only be your friend… Wait, friends? Don’t tell me… Has he tried it with one of his friends…?
No, I’m sure he hasn’t… Jaejoong would never; he’s not that kind of kid who would ask people to kiss him, and heck, I don’t think he even has a crush now. My little brother is just too shy and innocent to know those stuff. Yeah, I remember the last time I asked him if he had a crush, he said that he didn’t pay much attention to girls around him nor take interest in getting to know them.
Good then… I mean, good for him, I think… because it’s not like I can handle any more new friends after the last ones he got.
I still remember the last time they came to our home. I was so tired from work and was shocked to see so many people, okay, it wasn’t that many, but having three more people inside our apartment can really make a difference.
There’s this smart looking one who’s the tallest amongst them all, what was his name again? Oh, Changmin! And then the squeaky toy guy; why do I choose the term squeaky toy? It’s because of his… weird voice, a bit high-pitched for a guy. But I guess that’s just some puberty problem. His face kept flushing for some reason, and I guess it’s because of Changmin, who seems to always pick on him.
Junsu… Kim Junsu… speaking of him, when Jaejoong first mentioned his name, I got this weird, uneasy feeling in my stomach. I don’t know, maybe I just haven’t gotten used to him adding suffixes to other people’s names.
I thought it was the worst, but then I saw how close the third guy is to my brother.
His name is Park Yoochun, and he and Jaejoong seem so close to each other. When I entered the living room, he was sitting so closely with my brother on the sofa, talking about something interesting for them while Changmin and squeaky toy sat in the kitchen, eating the meal that I’m sure was one of Jaejoong’s homemade dishes. I don’t have to be a genius to know that Park Yoochun is a playboy type, which was so obvious from his gestures and body language. And I know those people would only bring no good to my boo.
Sigh, what’s with me? They are Jaejoong’s friends! And the last thing I need to do is meddle with his life.
“Hyung, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing…” I yawn and stretch my arms. I look at the alarm beside my bed, it’s getting late. “don’t you have school? You better get up and start getting ready or you’ll be late!” Those eyes narrow and I know he’s going to whine, but I shake my head, signaling that I’ll not have any excuse. With that and a pout, he gets up and walks as slow as he can to the door. I can only chuckle at his childish behavior; my little brother is so cute!
Ah, I guess I better get up as well, so I can prepare some breakfast for both of us.
“Hey, Jae, what are you thinking?”
“Eh?” I raise my gaze from my meal to look at my friends’ faces, “what… I mean, why?”
Yoochun sighs, “You’ve been staring at your meal for like five minutes, which is so not like you.” he pauses, and adds after taking a small glance at Changmin, “careful, Changmin might snag it away if you didn’t eat them soon!”
“Wha’? Am not-“
“Min, swallow first, then talk,” Junsu throws him a disgusted look.
“Uh…” Changmin gulps down his food before continuing, “I mean, why would I? That’s Yunho-hyung’s special made dishes!”
I tilt my head, asking for an explanation, and I wait for him to swallow another spoonful of rice before he speaks again. “If you didn’t realize yet, you always have this particular expression on your face every time you eat the meal hyung makes, and you would eat them extra carefully and slow, as if you want to feel every bite, and to top it off, you’d always smile after you finish eating!”
Really? Did I really do that?
“And I have a feeling if I dare to steal any of it; you’re going to kill me! Hahaha!”
“Well, that’s just how he is and apparently everybody else, unlike you, who wouldn’t care about anything but stuffing them into your stomach!” Yoochun retorts, making Changmin pout and Junsu let out his infamous laugh. The tallest of us three only scoffs and stuffs another spoonful into his mouth and chew noisily.
But I don’t pay any attention to that, instead, I look back to the meal before me and think that Changmin’s right… I do feel special and appreciate each and every thing hyung does for me. Not only him cooking meals, but also doing laundry, bed, everything!
I’m sure it’s because I know hyung puts in a lot of effort in doing those things for me. I know he does, because we take turns doing the house chores, so the least I can do is appreciate them, right?
But, I think as I smile to myself, I can’t deny that I do feel special because this is what hyung only does for me. Only for me, and me only. Not anyone else, but me.
Ah, I’m feeling warm all over suddenly. Hyung’s special meal… I have to make something special for tonight’s dinner to repay what he did for me. Taking mental notes of what ingredients I should buy before I go home, I scoop my meal and start eating happily.
“Yunho-sshi…?”
I turn around and see one of my classmates, Lee Ji Ya standing behind me.
“Yes? What is it?”
She smiles before shaking her head, “nothing… I was just wondering; do you want to have some lunch with me?”
I give her a questioning look. Why would she want to have lunch with me? But I have nothing else to do and I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt. I smile hesitantly before nodding, “sure, why not. Where do you want to eat?”
She leads us to a café near the university. We choose a table near the window so we can see people walking outside. Not too long after, a waitress comes and asks us for our orders. We order one of the lunch sets and let her write our orders before watching her walk back to the counter. I let out a deep breath; I guess I should try to initiate a conversation.
I was just going to open my mouth, but she beats me to it.
“So,” she says, “how’s your life?”
“Fine…” I try to sound as relaxed as I can. “everything’s just great, thankfully all of it went smoothly; my grades are well, my work is getting better, Jaejoong studies more…”
“Jaejoong? Oh, your little brother?”
“Yes,” I can’t hold my smile. For some reason, I just like to talk about him, with a smile too, “I think he finally realized the importance of studying. Phew, am I glad or what! I don’t know if I could keep coaxing him to study every day,” my smile grows into a chuckle. Then I see her staring at me.
“..what?”
She shakes her head, still with a smile on her face, “nothing… you must love your little brother very much, hmm?”
I curl my eyebrows, “Huh? Why do you think that?”
“You always talk about him, and not just that,” I continue giving her a confused expression, “You always have an… unusual smile on your face.”
“You must love him so much,” she says again, but this time, her smile fades into a sad one, “He’s so lucky to have you as his brother…”
“Really? Well, what can I say…? I mean, he’s the only family I have… and we’ve been so close, so I think we’re more than just brothers, so yeah…”
I pause, examining her expression. Did I say something wrong again?
“…how about you?”
Soon our meal comes and thankfully I have an excuse to keep silent. I don’t know why, Ji Ya-sshi is pretty, and I know she’s a nice girl as well, but somehow I don’t think my quiet attitude has anything to do with it.
She keeps talking occasionally, and I only answer or talk back in response to about 40% of it, if not only responding by nodding my head or some ‘mmhmm’. From our small talk, which is slowly growing into something bigger, I learn that she’s everything that my friends told me; talkative, pretty, nice to be with, interesting, and smart as well. She knows how to choose the topics and soon I find myself talking back equally to her. She also knows the limits of our conversation, and would stop when she feels that I’m not comfortable enough to talk about something.
After that, we decide to hang out more; since it’s only afternoon, we start walking in the street with no exact destination. Sometimes we would stop in random shops that looks interesting to us, lurk around, and continue walking.
I’m glad I agreed to her invitation for lunch, because I am seriously having fun with her, she’s really comfortable to be with, and even though we’ve just been getting closer for a couple of hours, I find myself able to put her into my close persons list.
Time flies just like that and suddenly it’s time for dinner. She says that she knows a good restaurant near the place we are. Without a second thought, I agree with her offer and spend another hour having dinner in a Japanese restaurant she claims she used to dine in with her parents. Then she catches my faint smile and she quickly apologizes. I just shake it off and say it’s alright, because I don’t feel that sad about my parents anymore. She still feels sorry, so I decide to cheer her up a bit by telling her some jokes. Soon, her sad face turns into a happy expression, and we finish our dinner with laughs.
It was by the time I offer to walk her home that I realize what time it is, how late it is. God, I forgot about Jaejoongie! After a couple of times bowing, saying how sorry I am that I have to take back my offer to walk her home and promise to meet her again tomorrow for lunch, which she accepts with a forced smile, I bid her goodbye and run towards my house.
As I run, I feel something in my chest, an uneasy feeling; I feel scared. I’m so scared that I can feel goose bumps rising on my arms. If there’s anyone in this world that I’m afraid to upset, it would be my one and only little brother. He must be worried sick by now. Fuck, how can I forget to at least let him know I would go and have dinner outside?
Suddenly, just like my mind is conspiring with my fear against me, a view of Jaejoong - all red eyed, with a puffy nose, shaking with Bambi in his arms, sitting in the corner of our bed curling himself into a ball - comes to my head.
I can just kill myself right there.
“Jaejoongie, wait for me…” I whisper under my breath as I keep running. Five minutes and a few curses later, I finally manage to reach our apartment. Without stopping, I keep running to the stairs and run up, ignoring my heaving breath. At least the painful feeling can lessen the guilt and fear I have inside my chest.
“305… 305…” I keep mumbling our room number as I run through the hall. At times like this, I wish we didn’t choose a place in the corner. At last, here I am, in front of our apartment door. I lean my ear to the door, trying to catch any sound of the TV or maybe faint sound of crying, but nothing comes up, that I can catch. I feel nervous as I plug my key and turn it right, earning a soft click sound from the door.
But then I pause.
What am I going to say to him?
Jaejoongie, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I went out, I was with this girl…
No way, I know Jaejoong couldn’t… wouldn’t take it well if it’s concerning girls. Heck, I’m sure he already won’t take it well with any reason I’m going to use.
I scratch my head in frustration. Well, first I need to make sure that he’s okay. Yes, I need to do that. He can do anything - whine, shout, complaint, anything -later, but I have to make sure that he’s okay.
With that thought, I grip the door handle and pull it down and push the door open, revealing the dark living room and a glimpse of light that I’m sure is coming from our bedroom. I can’t deny that I’m feeling a little bit relaxed, because I was anticipating him jumping at me and screaming and throwing tantrums and what other sorts of things. Slowly I make my way to the sofa to put my bag down, before feeling the wall to find the switch to turn the light on.
But I soon regret my action, because with the lights on, I can see the dinner that my brother had prepared for me. From the way he arranged the things, I can tell that he must have planned a special dinner for us, for me. Shakily I walk to the table and my eyes catch onto a card that’s lying beside the plate that I’m sure would have been mine if only I were here hours ago.
I reach for the folded card and flip it open:
For the best hyung in the world
I love you, Yunho-hyung! ♥
-Jaejoongie ^^
P.S. You know where to find me!
If I said that I could kill myself before, I take it back, now is the time that I seriously can kill myself. I try as hard as I can to gulp down my saliva as I put the note back to its place. My chest is flooded with so much guilt that I think I might fall down if I didn’t grip the chair after I put the note down.
“Ja… Jae…”
Slowly I turn back and start walking to our bedroom, the only room that had its light turned on earlier. Then it hit me how special Jaejoong had tried to make this thing, because I know he’s afraid of the dark, yet he still turned the lights off. I bite my lower lip and reach for the doorknob.
“J-Jaejoongie…?” I call and receive no answer.
“Jaejoongie…? I-I’m home…”
Still no answer.
I take one deep breath and hold it as I turn the doorknob and walk to the room. The first thing that catches my attention is the big lump on my side of the bed in the corner. That must be him…
I try to swallow and take another deep breath before moving to the bed to touch him, just wanting to make sure that he’s alright. I know this is still early, even for him, so there’s no way that he’s already asleep unless…
I spot a big, wet blob on the pillow where his face is lying. Then I see how red his nose is, and notice a dry trail on his flawless cheeks. Right then I remember the smile he put in the note earlier, and my chest feels like it’s being crushed. My God…
“Ja… Boo… I’m so… sorry…” I whisper as I stroke his cheek with my finger, “I… I’ll make it up to you… I promise… I’m sorry…”
“How does it sound if we go tomorrow? We’ll go to the amusement park… Yeah, you’ve never been there, right? We’ll go there tomorrow… How’s that sound? Haha…” I know he’s not listening, yet I still keep talking. I don’t know, it just feels good thinking of how happy I’m going to make him tomorrow.
“Yeah… tomorrow, after school finishes, I’m going to pick you up, okay? Wait for me, Jae!” I push out a smile, before standing up and heading out the room. I know what I’m going to do next, taste what Jaejoong had made for me.
With that, I close the door behind me silently.
originally posted here.
pg-13 | au, angst, fluff | 7/??
aitakutemo beta-ed by the_ladder
"all the dreams and hopes made of your eyes..." -jung yunho, a 12-year-old boy who's only living with his 8-year-old little brother, jung jaejoong. after their parents died, they lived in the big mansion with all the riches they inherited, and learning to accept the truth and face their upcoming life on their own. they managed to survive of course, having each other by their side. but the problem doesn’t stop there. first, they had to face the fact that they would get kicked out their house and get adopted. and if that's not enough, one of them finally realizes there's something more than just brotherly love between them.
warning: incest
Chapter 8
His lips feel so soft against mine; so plump, so wet, and they taste so sweet… so sweet that I’m sure I’d never get enough of them.
I nibble on his lower lip, grazing softly on the pink flesh while my hand finds its way to his cheek to caress the soft skin there, before moving down to hold his neck as his arms move up and circle my neck.
“Mmmm… hyung…” he grumbles against my mouth while pulling my face closer to his. I smile a bit before obliging his wish. My boo is so impatient. Another deep breath before I dive yet again to ravish his teasing lips, swallowing every single moan that’s slipping from his throat.
God, if I had known heaven is this close…
I should have done this a long time ago…
I brush my thumb near the corner of his lips and he opens his mouth for me, for my tongue, and I, being the greedy one, don’t waste any more time and dip my tongue to explore his wet cavern for the first time. He feels so warm… no, he feels so hot that it makes me wonder how good it would feel to have it wrapped tightly around something else I have down there.
“Yuhno-ah…” he tugs on my shirt.
“Mmmm, Jae?”
“Yunho-ah…” another tug, making a smirk grow on my face.
“So... impatient, huh?”
“Yunho-hyung…”
I open my eyes and realize he has pulled back from my lips. I narrow my eyebrows and try as hard as I can not to pout on him. Feeling a little bit annoyed that he didn’t budge; I tighten my grip on his waist while pulling him closer toward my body.
“Why, boo?” Damn, I hope I don’t sound too desperate.
He looks back at me, finally placing his eyes on mine, “hyung,” he mumbles.
“Hmmm?”
“Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…
Hyung…!”
“Bwah!?”
“Yunho-hyung, that tickles!”
“Huh?”
As my senses come back to me, I find myself lying on top of my little brother who is wriggling, trying to free himself from my hold.
“Hyung…” he whines again, and I finally realize that I’m still breathing on his neck; my nose is currently positioned just below his ear. Before all the blood starts rising to my cheeks, I quickly move off him and roll to face another side. I hope that he didn’t notice my weird attention. Ugh.
I don’t know since when, but for some reason, I keep finding myself waking up in such weird positions- either having my arms wrapped tightly around Jae’s body, or lying on top of him like what I just found myself doing. Sigh, this is not right, this is so not right. I know it isn’t. Argh, what’s wrong with me!? And these stupid, stupid cheeks that would always burn every time I wake up, haven’t they gotten used to this kind of situation already?
Wait, no, not used to. -ARGH!
“Hyung…? Are you okay?”
“Huh?” I turn around and meet my brother’s curious and confused stare, “why?”
“You keep slapping your cheeks…” he points at me, “why are you slapping your cheeks like that?”
“Uh, nothing, Joongie… nothing… this is just… my way of getting myself up, see?” I slap my cheeks again in a playful manner before puffing them and shaking my head at him, “aaah, now I’m fully awake!”
My little angel chuckles and I’d be damned if that smile is not contagious. All of the sudden I feel like smiling as well, and before I know it, the corner of my lips move upwards to form a small smile.
“Hyung is so funny…!” Ah, sometimes I wish he can stay naïve like this forever. Not that I don’t want him to grow up, but it just makes things easier, either to hide or to explain. Every time we find ourselves sleeping in awkward position, Jaejoong would always think that I was having a weird dream or I was treating him as a pillow, or simply just showing my love for him. He even went so far in guessing that it’s my special way to wake him up. And he also thinks that it’s normal, because we are brothers.
But I know it’s not. I never see any of my friends doing these kinds of things with their siblings. Yes, they might hug and sorts, but that was long ago in their childhood times, and even though Jaejoong and I were separated during those times, I don’t think it’s normal.
I take a small glance before fully staring at my brother’s half-lidded, dreamy eyes. This might sound like I’m trying to defend myself, but I just can’t resist his charms. Heck, I think nobody can resist his charms, especially his sweet, honey-like scent that’s so addictive. I swear if I can bottle his scent up, I would, and then I’d put it around myself so I can always smell the heavenly smell that is him.
And don’t forget his lips. God, his lips! I have never seen such soft and kissable lips! His lips are those kinds of lips that would definitely feel so good when you kiss them. And thinking about his habit of biting, licking, or pouting them… I can seriously go crazy just because of my own little brother!
I lower my gaze to his lips and can’t help but wonder; how big is my chance to feel it? I-I mean, before you’re going to kiss your special someone, you must want to learn how to do it somehow, right? So that you would know what to do and not look stupid in front of your special person. And the most suitable person to help you can only be your friend… Wait, friends? Don’t tell me… Has he tried it with one of his friends…?
No, I’m sure he hasn’t… Jaejoong would never; he’s not that kind of kid who would ask people to kiss him, and heck, I don’t think he even has a crush now. My little brother is just too shy and innocent to know those stuff. Yeah, I remember the last time I asked him if he had a crush, he said that he didn’t pay much attention to girls around him nor take interest in getting to know them.
Good then… I mean, good for him, I think… because it’s not like I can handle any more new friends after the last ones he got.
I still remember the last time they came to our home. I was so tired from work and was shocked to see so many people, okay, it wasn’t that many, but having three more people inside our apartment can really make a difference.
There’s this smart looking one who’s the tallest amongst them all, what was his name again? Oh, Changmin! And then the squeaky toy guy; why do I choose the term squeaky toy? It’s because of his… weird voice, a bit high-pitched for a guy. But I guess that’s just some puberty problem. His face kept flushing for some reason, and I guess it’s because of Changmin, who seems to always pick on him.
Junsu… Kim Junsu… speaking of him, when Jaejoong first mentioned his name, I got this weird, uneasy feeling in my stomach. I don’t know, maybe I just haven’t gotten used to him adding suffixes to other people’s names.
I thought it was the worst, but then I saw how close the third guy is to my brother.
His name is Park Yoochun, and he and Jaejoong seem so close to each other. When I entered the living room, he was sitting so closely with my brother on the sofa, talking about something interesting for them while Changmin and squeaky toy sat in the kitchen, eating the meal that I’m sure was one of Jaejoong’s homemade dishes. I don’t have to be a genius to know that Park Yoochun is a playboy type, which was so obvious from his gestures and body language. And I know those people would only bring no good to my boo.
Sigh, what’s with me? They are Jaejoong’s friends! And the last thing I need to do is meddle with his life.
“Hyung, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing…” I yawn and stretch my arms. I look at the alarm beside my bed, it’s getting late. “don’t you have school? You better get up and start getting ready or you’ll be late!” Those eyes narrow and I know he’s going to whine, but I shake my head, signaling that I’ll not have any excuse. With that and a pout, he gets up and walks as slow as he can to the door. I can only chuckle at his childish behavior; my little brother is so cute!
Ah, I guess I better get up as well, so I can prepare some breakfast for both of us.
“Hey, Jae, what are you thinking?”
“Eh?” I raise my gaze from my meal to look at my friends’ faces, “what… I mean, why?”
Yoochun sighs, “You’ve been staring at your meal for like five minutes, which is so not like you.” he pauses, and adds after taking a small glance at Changmin, “careful, Changmin might snag it away if you didn’t eat them soon!”
“Wha’? Am not-“
“Min, swallow first, then talk,” Junsu throws him a disgusted look.
“Uh…” Changmin gulps down his food before continuing, “I mean, why would I? That’s Yunho-hyung’s special made dishes!”
I tilt my head, asking for an explanation, and I wait for him to swallow another spoonful of rice before he speaks again. “If you didn’t realize yet, you always have this particular expression on your face every time you eat the meal hyung makes, and you would eat them extra carefully and slow, as if you want to feel every bite, and to top it off, you’d always smile after you finish eating!”
Really? Did I really do that?
“And I have a feeling if I dare to steal any of it; you’re going to kill me! Hahaha!”
“Well, that’s just how he is and apparently everybody else, unlike you, who wouldn’t care about anything but stuffing them into your stomach!” Yoochun retorts, making Changmin pout and Junsu let out his infamous laugh. The tallest of us three only scoffs and stuffs another spoonful into his mouth and chew noisily.
But I don’t pay any attention to that, instead, I look back to the meal before me and think that Changmin’s right… I do feel special and appreciate each and every thing hyung does for me. Not only him cooking meals, but also doing laundry, bed, everything!
I’m sure it’s because I know hyung puts in a lot of effort in doing those things for me. I know he does, because we take turns doing the house chores, so the least I can do is appreciate them, right?
But, I think as I smile to myself, I can’t deny that I do feel special because this is what hyung only does for me. Only for me, and me only. Not anyone else, but me.
Ah, I’m feeling warm all over suddenly. Hyung’s special meal… I have to make something special for tonight’s dinner to repay what he did for me. Taking mental notes of what ingredients I should buy before I go home, I scoop my meal and start eating happily.
“Yunho-sshi…?”
I turn around and see one of my classmates, Lee Ji Ya standing behind me.
“Yes? What is it?”
She smiles before shaking her head, “nothing… I was just wondering; do you want to have some lunch with me?”
I give her a questioning look. Why would she want to have lunch with me? But I have nothing else to do and I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt. I smile hesitantly before nodding, “sure, why not. Where do you want to eat?”
She leads us to a café near the university. We choose a table near the window so we can see people walking outside. Not too long after, a waitress comes and asks us for our orders. We order one of the lunch sets and let her write our orders before watching her walk back to the counter. I let out a deep breath; I guess I should try to initiate a conversation.
I was just going to open my mouth, but she beats me to it.
“So,” she says, “how’s your life?”
“Fine…” I try to sound as relaxed as I can. “everything’s just great, thankfully all of it went smoothly; my grades are well, my work is getting better, Jaejoong studies more…”
“Jaejoong? Oh, your little brother?”
“Yes,” I can’t hold my smile. For some reason, I just like to talk about him, with a smile too, “I think he finally realized the importance of studying. Phew, am I glad or what! I don’t know if I could keep coaxing him to study every day,” my smile grows into a chuckle. Then I see her staring at me.
“..what?”
She shakes her head, still with a smile on her face, “nothing… you must love your little brother very much, hmm?”
I curl my eyebrows, “Huh? Why do you think that?”
“You always talk about him, and not just that,” I continue giving her a confused expression, “You always have an… unusual smile on your face.”
“You must love him so much,” she says again, but this time, her smile fades into a sad one, “He’s so lucky to have you as his brother…”
“Really? Well, what can I say…? I mean, he’s the only family I have… and we’ve been so close, so I think we’re more than just brothers, so yeah…”
I pause, examining her expression. Did I say something wrong again?
“…how about you?”
Soon our meal comes and thankfully I have an excuse to keep silent. I don’t know why, Ji Ya-sshi is pretty, and I know she’s a nice girl as well, but somehow I don’t think my quiet attitude has anything to do with it.
She keeps talking occasionally, and I only answer or talk back in response to about 40% of it, if not only responding by nodding my head or some ‘mmhmm’. From our small talk, which is slowly growing into something bigger, I learn that she’s everything that my friends told me; talkative, pretty, nice to be with, interesting, and smart as well. She knows how to choose the topics and soon I find myself talking back equally to her. She also knows the limits of our conversation, and would stop when she feels that I’m not comfortable enough to talk about something.
After that, we decide to hang out more; since it’s only afternoon, we start walking in the street with no exact destination. Sometimes we would stop in random shops that looks interesting to us, lurk around, and continue walking.
I’m glad I agreed to her invitation for lunch, because I am seriously having fun with her, she’s really comfortable to be with, and even though we’ve just been getting closer for a couple of hours, I find myself able to put her into my close persons list.
Time flies just like that and suddenly it’s time for dinner. She says that she knows a good restaurant near the place we are. Without a second thought, I agree with her offer and spend another hour having dinner in a Japanese restaurant she claims she used to dine in with her parents. Then she catches my faint smile and she quickly apologizes. I just shake it off and say it’s alright, because I don’t feel that sad about my parents anymore. She still feels sorry, so I decide to cheer her up a bit by telling her some jokes. Soon, her sad face turns into a happy expression, and we finish our dinner with laughs.
It was by the time I offer to walk her home that I realize what time it is, how late it is. God, I forgot about Jaejoongie! After a couple of times bowing, saying how sorry I am that I have to take back my offer to walk her home and promise to meet her again tomorrow for lunch, which she accepts with a forced smile, I bid her goodbye and run towards my house.
As I run, I feel something in my chest, an uneasy feeling; I feel scared. I’m so scared that I can feel goose bumps rising on my arms. If there’s anyone in this world that I’m afraid to upset, it would be my one and only little brother. He must be worried sick by now. Fuck, how can I forget to at least let him know I would go and have dinner outside?
Suddenly, just like my mind is conspiring with my fear against me, a view of Jaejoong - all red eyed, with a puffy nose, shaking with Bambi in his arms, sitting in the corner of our bed curling himself into a ball - comes to my head.
I can just kill myself right there.
“Jaejoongie, wait for me…” I whisper under my breath as I keep running. Five minutes and a few curses later, I finally manage to reach our apartment. Without stopping, I keep running to the stairs and run up, ignoring my heaving breath. At least the painful feeling can lessen the guilt and fear I have inside my chest.
“305… 305…” I keep mumbling our room number as I run through the hall. At times like this, I wish we didn’t choose a place in the corner. At last, here I am, in front of our apartment door. I lean my ear to the door, trying to catch any sound of the TV or maybe faint sound of crying, but nothing comes up, that I can catch. I feel nervous as I plug my key and turn it right, earning a soft click sound from the door.
But then I pause.
What am I going to say to him?
Jaejoongie, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I went out, I was with this girl…
No way, I know Jaejoong couldn’t… wouldn’t take it well if it’s concerning girls. Heck, I’m sure he already won’t take it well with any reason I’m going to use.
I scratch my head in frustration. Well, first I need to make sure that he’s okay. Yes, I need to do that. He can do anything - whine, shout, complaint, anything -later, but I have to make sure that he’s okay.
With that thought, I grip the door handle and pull it down and push the door open, revealing the dark living room and a glimpse of light that I’m sure is coming from our bedroom. I can’t deny that I’m feeling a little bit relaxed, because I was anticipating him jumping at me and screaming and throwing tantrums and what other sorts of things. Slowly I make my way to the sofa to put my bag down, before feeling the wall to find the switch to turn the light on.
But I soon regret my action, because with the lights on, I can see the dinner that my brother had prepared for me. From the way he arranged the things, I can tell that he must have planned a special dinner for us, for me. Shakily I walk to the table and my eyes catch onto a card that’s lying beside the plate that I’m sure would have been mine if only I were here hours ago.
I reach for the folded card and flip it open:
For the best hyung in the world
I love you, Yunho-hyung! ♥
-Jaejoongie ^^
P.S. You know where to find me!
If I said that I could kill myself before, I take it back, now is the time that I seriously can kill myself. I try as hard as I can to gulp down my saliva as I put the note back to its place. My chest is flooded with so much guilt that I think I might fall down if I didn’t grip the chair after I put the note down.
“Ja… Jae…”
Slowly I turn back and start walking to our bedroom, the only room that had its light turned on earlier. Then it hit me how special Jaejoong had tried to make this thing, because I know he’s afraid of the dark, yet he still turned the lights off. I bite my lower lip and reach for the doorknob.
“J-Jaejoongie…?” I call and receive no answer.
“Jaejoongie…? I-I’m home…”
Still no answer.
I take one deep breath and hold it as I turn the doorknob and walk to the room. The first thing that catches my attention is the big lump on my side of the bed in the corner. That must be him…
I try to swallow and take another deep breath before moving to the bed to touch him, just wanting to make sure that he’s alright. I know this is still early, even for him, so there’s no way that he’s already asleep unless…
I spot a big, wet blob on the pillow where his face is lying. Then I see how red his nose is, and notice a dry trail on his flawless cheeks. Right then I remember the smile he put in the note earlier, and my chest feels like it’s being crushed. My God…
“Ja… Boo… I’m so… sorry…” I whisper as I stroke his cheek with my finger, “I… I’ll make it up to you… I promise… I’m sorry…”
“How does it sound if we go tomorrow? We’ll go to the amusement park… Yeah, you’ve never been there, right? We’ll go there tomorrow… How’s that sound? Haha…” I know he’s not listening, yet I still keep talking. I don’t know, it just feels good thinking of how happy I’m going to make him tomorrow.
“Yeah… tomorrow, after school finishes, I’m going to pick you up, okay? Wait for me, Jae!” I push out a smile, before standing up and heading out the room. I know what I’m going to do next, taste what Jaejoong had made for me.
With that, I close the door behind me silently.
originally posted here.