by now you know / it's not going to stop

[ajodasso]

Saturday and yesterday were bad days. I started suffering some low-grade (in the grand scheme of things) complications that necessitated sending somebody out for various substances in hopes of rectifying the situation, and said substances just made me feel sicker. I understood this process wasn't going to be easy, but the parts of it I thought

Comments

[livejournal]

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[ajodasso]

My reaction to this is somewhere between Yeah, right and O RLY? You must be bored, LJ!Bot.

[rolypolypony]

HAH!

[ajodasso]

My habit of talking back to bots probably dates back to the time when it was cool to harass the likes of SmarterChild and some of the film-PR entities on AIM for fun.

[sovay]

*hugs*

I hope the complications subside as rapidly as possible and you get at least a poem out of this second dream, because it's a haunting image. But I am sorry you are dreaming of dying no matter what, because your body should remember that no matter what just happened to it, it's going to be all right.

[ajodasso]

It's the second dream in under a week that's caused me to wake in tears, so I'm wondering what's going on upstairs right now. I don't dream of dying very often, so clearly present body-trauma's tangled up in it somewhere. I was thinking this, too (that I hope I get a poem out of it).

[soupytwist]

I'm sorry, that sounds horrible. It makes total sense you would be having a strong emotional reaction to all this physical stuff (feeling in any way like your body has betrayed you is AWFUL and traumatic), but gah. I hope you recover as quickly and fully as possible from hereon. :(

[ajodasso]

My opinion on the matter is that my body let a vicious tentacle-monster grow inside it for like 15 years and then nobody thought to scan for the source of the pain till this summer and then it took them months and months of more tests and even an aborted first attempt at surgery back in August to get to the bottom of it *grumpy face* However, the tentacle monster and the relevant organs to which it had adhered are now G O N E, and from a calmer perspective, I'm relieved. Doesn't mean my brain isn't still harboring some strangeness over it, I guess, and over the annoying aftermath of actual successful surgery :-/

[soupytwist]

Not that our experiences will necessarily be the same in this of course, but I know the feelings of anger and betrayal I had about being diagnosed with cancer definitely reduced...not in their existence, but in their intensity, in how close to the surface they are. It is a really shitty process, though, and I wish I could magically make it easier.

[ajodasso]

Anything involving a problem that should have pinned down a long time ago and lots of incredibly unpleasant and invasive tests/procedures/solutions etc. is just bound to suck. In no way is my situation as severe as yours; extensive endometriosis, yes, but nothing came back cancerous in the labs. Your strength is admirable and inspiring <3

[fengirl88]

*hugs* I hate those dreams where you wake up in tears - I hope you have better ones soon and that your health improves.

[ajodasso]

It always feels like the end of the world, doesn't it? What's so much more intense about those emotions in that particular headspace?

[tamnonlinear]

Disruptions to the body can stir up strange things, like the bottom layers of a normally placid lake. I find a lot of medications give me odd dreams, and if I'm lucky, they'll have images I can use in some way. If I'm unlucky, they can make me resent sleeping, which is otherwise one of my most dependable pleasures in life.

[ajodasso]

I hope I can use the images I've gotten these past few nights, but I'm also starting to resent sleep a little bit. No, resent the medication. I've so rarely refused to take painkillers when I need them, but I've actually not taken any in about 48 hours because I'm of the opinion I'd rather have the incision-site discomfort right now than deal with what the pills do to my head and to my digestive system.