English Thesis

[akailblauewolf]

alright all you English peoples who read my journal, and everyone else lol. the time has come for me to start posting my college essay bullshit. This is the thesis paragraph (rough copy) to the essay i'm writing for English. just wanted to get some feedback. feel free to rip it to shreds (so long as you tell me how to fix it :P ) also any other

Comments

[kinetikatrue]

What sort of essay is this supposed to be?

Oh, and 'peaked' ought to be 'piqued'. More thoughts on this later.

[akailblauewolf]

a simple 10 page essay for english about Bush's faith and his presidency. thanks for the correction

suggested edits

[snikanor]

...abortion are all recent developments in national policy.
...state that was uppermost in the minds of the Founding Fathers.
...morals are based on a particular narrow interpretation of a particular book of a particular religion/faith, belittling the moral values of other religion/faiths.

Part of the problem with the Democratic message, I think, is that we allowed the religious right to hijack the phrase "moral values", as if we had none. We do, and I think that point needs to be made. Just an expression of my bias.

[ciaan]

The next step is to show how all these are actually specifically based in the bible, and to show quotes from him where he admits that they are.