Wow it sucks that you saw some what seems to be spousal abuse :( I wish people wouldn't do things like that. I see that you still have some grammar problems but I actually think it improved from the other story of yours I read! You have a lot of good ideas and there's just a few problems like that here and there. You have a lot of good dialogue too, but I am going to challenge you to use less dialogue and more description in your next story to switch it up a bit! I really liked your first three opening paragraphs. They were a good entrance into the story and then I got a bit bogged down by all the talking at the climax, so I think it would be cool to write a bit more action behind the scenes to liven it up!
Yeah i was actually being 4D when it happen and i was kinda wondering why that person's car was moving like some mad radio gone wild then I realized what was going on after my siblings said it. They drove off so I don't know what happened after that.... hopefully she's okay.
I rechecked the grammar for this and kept my eyes open for anything wrong so I hope it sounded better~ Problems? Do tell!! >< Criticism is fine by me
( ... )
you may call me whatever I don't really care~ I think I remember seeing some misspelled words here and there but if you go back and do spell check on the english in your word processor (if you can do that) it should clean all of that up.
take your time and have fun when you write and always read everything over a bunch of times before you post and that may also help catch any errors.
missing??? OHHH!! I GET IT!!! THE COMMENT THING IS ACTUALLY :STEAL BAP'S CLOTHES (idk what i was thinking when I made that up but it sounded cute /shrugs)
if that's what you mean.... OTL
ANYWAYS THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING!! AND IT'S TOTALLY FINE BY ME THAT YOU'RE RANDOM SWEETHEART :DDDD I still love ya for it!! ^^
"Hyung, you should had kicked his guts out. He fucking broke my wine bottle!" ~ i died laughing at that line.
man, if i witnessed that, i would've probably gone over to the car. i would've asked if there was anything wrong (wouldn't want to jump into conclusions and just straight up deck the guy myself) and then warn that i'd call the police. no, wait~ i'd probably just kick the guy's car in.
XDDDDDD it made you laugh? seriously?? I thought i was the only one who would get my joke~ /high 5!!!
and car?? sweety it was actually in Yongguk's club~ but it doesn't matter~ police? good point... i should had added someone was part of the police force... aishhh completely forgot bout that... OTL anyways, i would gladly let you kick it~ 8DDDDD
oh, no. the latter half of my comment was about what you witnessed. if i saw what you saw, i would've called for police or security, or i'd kick the guy's car in myself.
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I see that you still have some grammar problems but I actually think it improved from the other story of yours I read! You have a lot of good ideas and there's just a few problems like that here and there.
You have a lot of good dialogue too, but I am going to challenge you to use less dialogue and more description in your next story to switch it up a bit! I really liked your first three opening paragraphs. They were a good entrance into the story and then I got a bit bogged down by all the talking at the climax, so I think it would be cool to write a bit more action behind the scenes to liven it up!
otherwise, keep up the good work~~^^
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Yeah i was actually being 4D when it happen and i was kinda wondering why that person's car was moving like some mad radio gone wild then I realized what was going on after my siblings said it. They drove off so I don't know what happened after that.... hopefully she's okay.
I rechecked the grammar for this and kept my eyes open for anything wrong so I hope it sounded better~ Problems? Do tell!! >< Criticism is fine by me ( ... )
Reply
I think I remember seeing some misspelled words here and there but if you go back and do spell check on the english in your word processor (if you can do that) it should clean all of that up.
take your time and have fun when you write and always read everything over a bunch of times before you post and that may also help catch any errors.
^_^
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<3
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(sorry lame comment is lame)
[hope you find a beta soon]
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aniiii comment is still a comment~ <3
and mhmm hopefully!!!
<333 thanks again for reading and commenting sweetheart!!!
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BUT OMG LOLOLOLSORANDOMBAHAHA
I enjoyed reading this. :'D
<3
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if that's what you mean.... OTL
ANYWAYS THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING!! AND IT'S TOTALLY FINE BY ME THAT YOU'RE RANDOM SWEETHEART :DDDD I still love ya for it!! ^^
<333 back to you~ ^^
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man, if i witnessed that, i would've probably gone over to the car. i would've asked if there was anything wrong (wouldn't want to jump into conclusions and just straight up deck the guy myself) and then warn that i'd call the police. no, wait~ i'd probably just kick the guy's car in.
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and car?? sweety it was actually in Yongguk's club~ but it doesn't matter~ police? good point... i should had added someone was part of the police force... aishhh completely forgot bout that... OTL anyways, i would gladly let you kick it~ 8DDDDD
what should i call you bb? ^_^
AND THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTING!!! <3
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/buried self 30 meters underground!
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