Never Leave
Title: Never Leave
Author: akuarkangel
Pairings/ Characters: Kyusung, Heechul, Leeteuk
Rating: R (Just to be safe)
Genre: Angst, Angst and more Angst
Warnings: Broken!Yesung, Abusive!Kyuhyun, Violence, Cursing, Slightly graphic detail
Summary: He stared at his slightly foggy reflection and dully made note of the new set of dark ugly marks that littered his body. The little marks that spoke of just how much Kyuhyun loved him and needed him.
A/N: So yeah, I don’t even know where this big ball of sadness came from. One minute I’m listening to ‘Cleansing Cream’ By B.E.G while eating Birthday cake Ice Cream, and then Boom! The angst bunny decided to pay me a visit. ;A; I don’t know why I do this, but I did and now I just….I don’t even know. OTL I have no idea. This didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted, and I feel so bad for making Jongwoon all heartbreakingly pitiful. T_________T
Oh my life.
Word Count: 1912
For Jongwoon, love meant anything and everything to him. To be wanted and needed by someone, to know that there is someone out there who cherishes your existence. To him, it was the greatest feeling in the world. He grew up with the belief that once you find the one for you, you should never let them go-through the good and the bad.
His mother always told him that love was tough, and not for the weak. If you let everything deter you and hurt your relationship, then you didn’t deserve to have love in the first place.
That’s why it’s easy for him to ignore the bruises that litter his body, ignore the nasty words and harsh grip around his neck. He can remain oblivious to the obvious smell of sex and alcohol when Kyuhyun comes stumbling through the door of their apartment at four in the morning. He can do all of it, and still smile at the end of the day because he still loves him with all of his heart.
He knows Kyuhyun doesn’t intentionally mean to hurt him. In some way, all of it had been Jongwoon’s own fault anyway. After all, he always had a way of messing things up and causing trouble for everyone and it was a wonder that Kyuhyun was able to love him and put up with it for so long.
•―•
“You know I love you right?” Kyuhyun said harshly before thrusting into Jongwoon.
Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and it was all he could do to ignore the stinging pain coming from Kyuhyun’s lack of preparing him.
“I-I love you too.” Jongwoon whispered.
Kyuhyun crashed their lips together harshly, and Jongwoon’s head spun from the impact and the coppery metallic taste that filled his mouth.
•―•
When he woke up the next morning, he was alone in sullied white bed sheets. With a grimace, he peeled the covers away from his body and stared at the bloody, browning splotches that littered the sheets under him. When he gathered enough strength, he slid off of the bed delicately before making quick work of pulling all of the blankets and sheets from the bed. After sticking them in the washer, he made his way to the bathroom for a shower.
Turning the shower on, he grabbed a towel before slipping inside and closing the door. He let out a slight hiss as the scalding water made contact with his sore skin, before relaxing under the spray. The heat hurt, but he needed it. He needed to feel the burn, to see his skin turn a painful shade of red that would do nothing to hide his bruises.
After he deemed himself clean enough, he turned off the water before stepping out and drying off. The air was thick and humid, making each breath he drew in a bit shaky and harsh. Walking forward, he found himself in front of the floor to ceiling mirror perched just behind the bathroom door. He stared at his slightly foggy reflection and dully made note of the new set of dark ugly marks that littered his body. The little marks that spoke of just how much Kyuhyun loved him and needed him.
Even though each mark was proof of just how much he meant to Kyuhyun, he could never figure out why he felt disgusted with himself every time he looked at them.
•―•
“K-kyuhyun? It’s me. Um, I…I just wanted to call and check up on you. See how your day was going? So, yeah, just call me back when you get a chance okay? I…I love you.”
After he flipped his phone shut, Jongwoon fell back on his living room couch with a sigh. He leaned back and brought his knees to his chest before wrapping his thin, delicate arms around his knees.
All he needed to do was sit back and wait for Kyuhyun to call him back.
Maybe he actually would this time.
•―•
The sound of jingling keys made Jongwoon stir, and he sat up groggily before peering around. He noted through the foggy haze floating through his brain that he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Peering over at the clock, ‘3:35 A.M’ shone bright and red, contrasting with the dark and greyish interior of their living room.
Blinking rapidly, his ears picked up the sound of more jingling before he sprung up and shot for the door. He made it to the entryway just as Kyuhyun came stumbling in and slammed the door shut behind him. Jongwoon looked at his hunched over form before stepping forward.
“Welcome home Kyu.” He said softly.
Kyuhyun peered up at him with barely concealed disinterest before grunting back. Without so much as a second glance, he brushed past Jongwoon and made his way into the living room.
With a deep choked sigh, Jongwoon followed after him like a puppy so he could make sure Kyuhyun didn’t hurt himself.
“How was your day?” He asked simply.
When Kyuhyun made no move to answer, Jongwoon frowned slightly.
“Kyuhyun…where were you? Why were you out so late again? Why are you drunk?”
Jongwoon new very well that he had a habit of rambling when he was worried and nervous. It was a habit he’d had ever since he was little. He said the first thing that came to mind, and usually ended up embarrassing himself from the sheer stupidity of it all afterwards. In this situation however, he couldn’t help but pale and regret what he said the moment it left his mouth for a completely different reason.
Kyuhyun hated when Jongwoon doubted him or asked too many questions. He hated when Jongwoon controlled him, and hated it even more with alcohol in his system.
“Kyuhyun, I-“
Before he could try and amend what he said, Kyuhyun violently back-handed him across the face sending him tumbling to the floor. Before he could recover, he received a sharp kick to his stomach that effectively knocked the air from his lungs. He wheezed and gasped violently trying to draw oxygen into his body before he was harshly kicked once more. Kyuhyun bent down and straddled Jongwoon’s waist before gripping his neck harshly and squeezing. Instinctively, he reached up before clawing at Kyuhyun’s increasingly strong grip. His lungs contracted painfully as his neck began to throb.
“I think you’ve forgotten who you are, and how this relationship works, Woonie.” He purred spitefully before tightening his grip slightly.
Jongwoon choked and gasped.
“You don’t question me, you don’t argue, and you don’t call me all day leaving stupid voicemails like a whiny little bitch. You sit here and wait for me to come home like a good boy, and you do what I say. You love me right? If you love me, you’ll listen to me, right?”
His words were mocking and filled with malice, but all Jongwoon could do was nod. His vision began to swim as his lungs protested from the lack of oxygen. He began to feel light-headed before his hands fell limply to his sides.
The last thing he saw before the darkness consumed him was Kyuhyun’s blank and emotionless eyes staring at him.
•―•
“Jongwoon! Jongwoon!! Kim Jongwoon you answer this door right now, you hear me?!”
Jongwoon woke up violently, his chest contracted painfully from the shock before he blinked slowly. He could vaguely make up he was still on the floor of his living room. His throat was sore, and any sudden movements sent a jolt of pain from his side. He could make out loud banging and racked his brain trying to figure out where it was coming from. The banging stopped suddenly, and a thick silence fell around him.
The silence didn’t last long as his door flew up and voices flittered in.
“I swear if he’s still sleeping, I’m going- Oh my god!”
Jongwoon felt pressure on his cheek before shockingly red hair filled his vision.
“Jongwoon! What happened to you?” The red hair gave way to a worried, panicked face.
“H-Heechul?” His voice cracked, and was rough from the harsh treatment his throat received earlier.
“Did Kyuhyun do this to you? Did he!?” By now, Heechul was nearly hysterical.
Jungsu came flying in after he heard Heechul’s exclamation before taking in the site of Jongwoon’s pitiful, small form on the floor.
“Oh my god, Jongwoon.” He breathed out before falling to his knees. He reached out to touch his side, only to draw back quickly from Jongwoon’s pain-filled groan.
“That son of a bitch, I’m going to fucking kill him.” Heechul ground out hatefully.
Jongwoon shakily reached out and gripped the hem of Heechul’s shirt.
“D-don’t. I-It was might f-fault he got angry. He didn’t mean it. I promise. He loves me.”
Heechul stared down at Jongwoon incredulously before glaring.
“How can you say that? He has no right to put his fucking hands on you. None! A person who loves you doesn’t do this Jongwoon! Why can’t you see that?” By now, Heechul was breathing harshly as Jungsu sobbed quietly by his side.
They knew something was wrong. The fact that they’d only ever met Kyuhyun a few times, even though they were Jongwoon’s best friends. The random cancelled plans with them because Kyuhyun didn’t approve. The tons of make-up Jongwoon piled on his face in hopes of covering bruises that they all knew were there. All of it seemed to make sense now.
Somehow, some way, it all had to stop. Jongwoon had to see what Kyuhyun was doing to him wasn’t right, and eventually it would kill him.
“You just don’t understand Heech-“
“You’re damn fucking right I don’t understand! I don’t plan to either.”
“Heechul...” Jongwoon peered up at him, his eyes sullen and wary.
Heechul sighed dejectedly as he fought back his own tears.
“Why...why won’t you listen? Why do you let him do this to you? Why...why can’t you just leave?”
For all he was worth, he had no clear answer. Heechul cringed at the broken and hopeless sobs that spilled from Jongwoon’s lips.
“I can’t ever leave him Heechul.”
•―•
Jongwoon lay in bed. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him without blinking. In the back of his mind, he could make out the sounds of rustling before the bed dipped. He felt the covers lift before strong arms wrapped around his waist, and lips pressed lightly to the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kyuhyun faintly whispered before littering small kisses across his neck and back.
Jongwoon wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time. Tears trickled silently down his pale cheeks before staining the pillow below him. Kyuhyun’s soft touches and quiet murmurings caused the final strings holding Jongwoon’s sanity together to snap. He rolled over in Kyuhyun’s grip before burying his face into the broad chest in front of him.
He could never leave Kyuhyun, because he needed him. It was the moments like this that made it all worth it. Even if it left him bent and broken in the end, he knew Kyuhyun would be there to fix him right back up again. Even if it was only to break him all over again.
Even if it kills me.
Even if I’m not happy, as long as he needs me, I’ll always be here.
I can never leave him.
Even though I want to.
Part 2
Author: akuarkangel
Pairings/ Characters: Kyusung, Heechul, Leeteuk
Rating: R (Just to be safe)
Genre: Angst, Angst and more Angst
Warnings: Broken!Yesung, Abusive!Kyuhyun, Violence, Cursing, Slightly graphic detail
Summary: He stared at his slightly foggy reflection and dully made note of the new set of dark ugly marks that littered his body. The little marks that spoke of just how much Kyuhyun loved him and needed him.
A/N: So yeah, I don’t even know where this big ball of sadness came from. One minute I’m listening to ‘Cleansing Cream’ By B.E.G while eating Birthday cake Ice Cream, and then Boom! The angst bunny decided to pay me a visit. ;A; I don’t know why I do this, but I did and now I just….I don’t even know. OTL I have no idea. This didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted, and I feel so bad for making Jongwoon all heartbreakingly pitiful. T_________T
Oh my life.
Word Count: 1912
For Jongwoon, love meant anything and everything to him. To be wanted and needed by someone, to know that there is someone out there who cherishes your existence. To him, it was the greatest feeling in the world. He grew up with the belief that once you find the one for you, you should never let them go-through the good and the bad.
His mother always told him that love was tough, and not for the weak. If you let everything deter you and hurt your relationship, then you didn’t deserve to have love in the first place.
That’s why it’s easy for him to ignore the bruises that litter his body, ignore the nasty words and harsh grip around his neck. He can remain oblivious to the obvious smell of sex and alcohol when Kyuhyun comes stumbling through the door of their apartment at four in the morning. He can do all of it, and still smile at the end of the day because he still loves him with all of his heart.
He knows Kyuhyun doesn’t intentionally mean to hurt him. In some way, all of it had been Jongwoon’s own fault anyway. After all, he always had a way of messing things up and causing trouble for everyone and it was a wonder that Kyuhyun was able to love him and put up with it for so long.
•―•
“You know I love you right?” Kyuhyun said harshly before thrusting into Jongwoon.
Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and it was all he could do to ignore the stinging pain coming from Kyuhyun’s lack of preparing him.
“I-I love you too.” Jongwoon whispered.
Kyuhyun crashed their lips together harshly, and Jongwoon’s head spun from the impact and the coppery metallic taste that filled his mouth.
•―•
When he woke up the next morning, he was alone in sullied white bed sheets. With a grimace, he peeled the covers away from his body and stared at the bloody, browning splotches that littered the sheets under him. When he gathered enough strength, he slid off of the bed delicately before making quick work of pulling all of the blankets and sheets from the bed. After sticking them in the washer, he made his way to the bathroom for a shower.
Turning the shower on, he grabbed a towel before slipping inside and closing the door. He let out a slight hiss as the scalding water made contact with his sore skin, before relaxing under the spray. The heat hurt, but he needed it. He needed to feel the burn, to see his skin turn a painful shade of red that would do nothing to hide his bruises.
After he deemed himself clean enough, he turned off the water before stepping out and drying off. The air was thick and humid, making each breath he drew in a bit shaky and harsh. Walking forward, he found himself in front of the floor to ceiling mirror perched just behind the bathroom door. He stared at his slightly foggy reflection and dully made note of the new set of dark ugly marks that littered his body. The little marks that spoke of just how much Kyuhyun loved him and needed him.
Even though each mark was proof of just how much he meant to Kyuhyun, he could never figure out why he felt disgusted with himself every time he looked at them.
•―•
“K-kyuhyun? It’s me. Um, I…I just wanted to call and check up on you. See how your day was going? So, yeah, just call me back when you get a chance okay? I…I love you.”
After he flipped his phone shut, Jongwoon fell back on his living room couch with a sigh. He leaned back and brought his knees to his chest before wrapping his thin, delicate arms around his knees.
All he needed to do was sit back and wait for Kyuhyun to call him back.
Maybe he actually would this time.
•―•
The sound of jingling keys made Jongwoon stir, and he sat up groggily before peering around. He noted through the foggy haze floating through his brain that he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Peering over at the clock, ‘3:35 A.M’ shone bright and red, contrasting with the dark and greyish interior of their living room.
Blinking rapidly, his ears picked up the sound of more jingling before he sprung up and shot for the door. He made it to the entryway just as Kyuhyun came stumbling in and slammed the door shut behind him. Jongwoon looked at his hunched over form before stepping forward.
“Welcome home Kyu.” He said softly.
Kyuhyun peered up at him with barely concealed disinterest before grunting back. Without so much as a second glance, he brushed past Jongwoon and made his way into the living room.
With a deep choked sigh, Jongwoon followed after him like a puppy so he could make sure Kyuhyun didn’t hurt himself.
“How was your day?” He asked simply.
When Kyuhyun made no move to answer, Jongwoon frowned slightly.
“Kyuhyun…where were you? Why were you out so late again? Why are you drunk?”
Jongwoon new very well that he had a habit of rambling when he was worried and nervous. It was a habit he’d had ever since he was little. He said the first thing that came to mind, and usually ended up embarrassing himself from the sheer stupidity of it all afterwards. In this situation however, he couldn’t help but pale and regret what he said the moment it left his mouth for a completely different reason.
Kyuhyun hated when Jongwoon doubted him or asked too many questions. He hated when Jongwoon controlled him, and hated it even more with alcohol in his system.
“Kyuhyun, I-“
Before he could try and amend what he said, Kyuhyun violently back-handed him across the face sending him tumbling to the floor. Before he could recover, he received a sharp kick to his stomach that effectively knocked the air from his lungs. He wheezed and gasped violently trying to draw oxygen into his body before he was harshly kicked once more. Kyuhyun bent down and straddled Jongwoon’s waist before gripping his neck harshly and squeezing. Instinctively, he reached up before clawing at Kyuhyun’s increasingly strong grip. His lungs contracted painfully as his neck began to throb.
“I think you’ve forgotten who you are, and how this relationship works, Woonie.” He purred spitefully before tightening his grip slightly.
Jongwoon choked and gasped.
“You don’t question me, you don’t argue, and you don’t call me all day leaving stupid voicemails like a whiny little bitch. You sit here and wait for me to come home like a good boy, and you do what I say. You love me right? If you love me, you’ll listen to me, right?”
His words were mocking and filled with malice, but all Jongwoon could do was nod. His vision began to swim as his lungs protested from the lack of oxygen. He began to feel light-headed before his hands fell limply to his sides.
The last thing he saw before the darkness consumed him was Kyuhyun’s blank and emotionless eyes staring at him.
•―•
“Jongwoon! Jongwoon!! Kim Jongwoon you answer this door right now, you hear me?!”
Jongwoon woke up violently, his chest contracted painfully from the shock before he blinked slowly. He could vaguely make up he was still on the floor of his living room. His throat was sore, and any sudden movements sent a jolt of pain from his side. He could make out loud banging and racked his brain trying to figure out where it was coming from. The banging stopped suddenly, and a thick silence fell around him.
The silence didn’t last long as his door flew up and voices flittered in.
“I swear if he’s still sleeping, I’m going- Oh my god!”
Jongwoon felt pressure on his cheek before shockingly red hair filled his vision.
“Jongwoon! What happened to you?” The red hair gave way to a worried, panicked face.
“H-Heechul?” His voice cracked, and was rough from the harsh treatment his throat received earlier.
“Did Kyuhyun do this to you? Did he!?” By now, Heechul was nearly hysterical.
Jungsu came flying in after he heard Heechul’s exclamation before taking in the site of Jongwoon’s pitiful, small form on the floor.
“Oh my god, Jongwoon.” He breathed out before falling to his knees. He reached out to touch his side, only to draw back quickly from Jongwoon’s pain-filled groan.
“That son of a bitch, I’m going to fucking kill him.” Heechul ground out hatefully.
Jongwoon shakily reached out and gripped the hem of Heechul’s shirt.
“D-don’t. I-It was might f-fault he got angry. He didn’t mean it. I promise. He loves me.”
Heechul stared down at Jongwoon incredulously before glaring.
“How can you say that? He has no right to put his fucking hands on you. None! A person who loves you doesn’t do this Jongwoon! Why can’t you see that?” By now, Heechul was breathing harshly as Jungsu sobbed quietly by his side.
They knew something was wrong. The fact that they’d only ever met Kyuhyun a few times, even though they were Jongwoon’s best friends. The random cancelled plans with them because Kyuhyun didn’t approve. The tons of make-up Jongwoon piled on his face in hopes of covering bruises that they all knew were there. All of it seemed to make sense now.
Somehow, some way, it all had to stop. Jongwoon had to see what Kyuhyun was doing to him wasn’t right, and eventually it would kill him.
“You just don’t understand Heech-“
“You’re damn fucking right I don’t understand! I don’t plan to either.”
“Heechul...” Jongwoon peered up at him, his eyes sullen and wary.
Heechul sighed dejectedly as he fought back his own tears.
“Why...why won’t you listen? Why do you let him do this to you? Why...why can’t you just leave?”
For all he was worth, he had no clear answer. Heechul cringed at the broken and hopeless sobs that spilled from Jongwoon’s lips.
“I can’t ever leave him Heechul.”
•―•
Jongwoon lay in bed. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him without blinking. In the back of his mind, he could make out the sounds of rustling before the bed dipped. He felt the covers lift before strong arms wrapped around his waist, and lips pressed lightly to the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kyuhyun faintly whispered before littering small kisses across his neck and back.
Jongwoon wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time. Tears trickled silently down his pale cheeks before staining the pillow below him. Kyuhyun’s soft touches and quiet murmurings caused the final strings holding Jongwoon’s sanity together to snap. He rolled over in Kyuhyun’s grip before burying his face into the broad chest in front of him.
He could never leave Kyuhyun, because he needed him. It was the moments like this that made it all worth it. Even if it left him bent and broken in the end, he knew Kyuhyun would be there to fix him right back up again. Even if it was only to break him all over again.
Even if it kills me.
Even if I’m not happy, as long as he needs me, I’ll always be here.
I can never leave him.
Even though I want to.
Part 2