Poem~
It's still pretty rough, but it has been gone through a few times. Sooo tell me what you think please! Revision suggestions are welcome!
Don't Ignore Me
Tell me you hate me,
Tell me to go away,
say anything you want,
Come whatever may.
No matter the pain,
How hard it may be.
Whatever you do,
Don't ignore me.
The silence you chose,
The hate in your mind,
I'm ( Read more... )
Comments 1
However, there are some thought twists, as I'd call it:
The silence you chose,
The hate in your mind,
Either he ignores or he hates. How can you know that he has hate in his mind (and shouldn't it be on your mind? but I'm not sure) when he hasn't said anything, when he actually ignores you? Ignoring doesn't mean hate, it can also mean not to even think about something/somebody... you know what I mean?
Did I hurt you,
Or even belong?
Hm, this feels kinda strange, as though you used "belong" only to make it rhyme. Maybe you should think about another word or change the whole two lines.
They're locked away,
Only collecting dust,
Hidden from me,
With lack of trust.
Great, I love those lines! Well done, especially the image of "collecting dust". Maybe you can add more things like this to your poem?
Once again, glad you shared your work! Keep it up!
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