this is the same reason that I believe that you should not have sex with a person that has the potential of becoming a spouse: the focus of the relationship (in my experience) stops being the love you feel for that person, and shifts instead to being about sex.
If the focus of a relationship shifts from love to sex simply because they are having sex out of wedlock, then there really was never a deep and abiding love to begin with. Or the relationship was pretty unhealthy. Also, there are couples whose relationship may change to focus on the import of sex over love after they marry, and they never had sex previously. Many people mistake sexual tension and physical attraction for love. If a couple feel they are in love and start having sex and a year down the road the only thing they have to comment on is the great sex...that is a probable indication that their genes just wanted to breed together and their bodies wanted to have a little fun and the chemicals in their body created or enhanced an infatuation for what they perceived and
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It was mostly a tangential point that I threw in at the end because I wanted to get the point made, even though there's a lot to be said on the matter. Many of the points are things that you said. As it was a tangent, I didn't want to spend a lot of time talking about it. Maybe I will in a future post.
also- (strictly in my opinion)I would want to make sure I was sexually compatable with the person I chose to spend my life with, so as to avoid unpleasant and destructive surprises on down the road. (leave it to women to focus on something that was completely beside the point. ;)
Actually, I would say "Leave it to humans to focus on sex instead of anything else that could potentially turn up."
But on this point, I must disagree. I strongly feel that any issues that could potentially be destructive or unpleasant can be discussed beforehand. If an issue cannot be discussed because it can only be experienced, such as "fit," then it can be easily overcome via experimentation.
And if an issue comes up later that COULD have been discussed but wasn't, then you've got bigger problems than sexual compatibility. That is, a spouse who has lied to you or is otherwise non-forthright and less-than-completely honest, which (I don't care what anyone says) are far more valid reasons for separation than sexual compatibility issues.
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If the focus of a relationship shifts from love to sex simply because they are having sex out of wedlock, then there really was never a deep and abiding love to begin with. Or the relationship was pretty unhealthy. Also, there are couples whose relationship may change to focus on the import of sex over love after they marry, and they never had sex previously. Many people mistake sexual tension and physical attraction for love. If a couple feel they are in love and start having sex and a year down the road the only thing they have to comment on is the great sex...that is a probable indication that their genes just wanted to breed together and their bodies wanted to have a little fun and the chemicals in their body created or enhanced an infatuation for what they perceived and ( ... )
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(leave it to women to focus on something that was completely beside the point. ;)
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But on this point, I must disagree. I strongly feel that any issues that could potentially be destructive or unpleasant can be discussed beforehand. If an issue cannot be discussed because it can only be experienced, such as "fit," then it can be easily overcome via experimentation.
And if an issue comes up later that COULD have been discussed but wasn't, then you've got bigger problems than sexual compatibility. That is, a spouse who has lied to you or is otherwise non-forthright and less-than-completely honest, which (I don't care what anyone says) are far more valid reasons for separation than sexual compatibility issues.
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