Whats up
So sibling is being evicted. For good reason - see we knew from the summer that paypal sometimes eats money. Sibling had sent me some when I still in old state and it just. Disappeared. It left sibling's account, but paypal shrugged and said we dunno. Sibling's bank said it disappeared on our end so we can't help. Knowing that, I gave sibling several other options for paying rent once sibling failed to pay landlord on their own and the landlord spilled the beans about my lease still being in use. But sibling never used any of the options and just kept. Using. Paypal. And no the financial aid still hasn't come through.
So December 4 I have nothing from paypal. Nada. And obviously I am very fed up with all of this. Fairly. I text sibling hey money? And sibling swears up and down that they sent it. *sigh* So I kept the $250 I was going to cover for sibling to buy myself some more groceries and a few things for the cat and called the landlord - close out the lease. I can't come up with the rent money and I gave sibling other options (and I mean sibling could've been paying the landlord this whole time on their own); land lord said okay nope if sibling doesn't have the money that's it, he's done, sibling has to go. Fair.
It resulted in a fall out between sibling and I because - I just can't anymore. I can't be in the middle between sibling and real life and the consequences. It just hurts sibling and it makes my anxiety bad. And I was in a minor spiral because what if I'm the bad guy here, having left sibling to flounder when I knew sibling couldn't do it. But my therapist (bless her she is wonderful) walked me through that spiral: that sibling was able to pay me on time for rent and utilities when sibling had income so that can easily translate to doing it on their own without me. And when I left sibling had income and still has income. I...haven't done anything wrong.
Which is hard. But.
I told sibling too that it's going to take me a long time to forgive this - I had to because sibling said it was easier to pay me because I would forgive, but like. No. I'm left holding the shit. And no, none of us expected the landlord to pull the bs of keeping my lease (I know everyone has been on me about not having something in writing, but I did tell him over the phone and he hadn't yet demonstrated that that wouldn't be enough in the interactions I had with him in the years I rented from him), but the least sibling could've done is pay him the rent. And once it came out that my lease still stood sibling could've demonstrated some respect that it my name on the line if they didn't hold up their end of the deal. And now sibling has to cough up the rent as well as move out and if sibling doesn't move out then there'll be legal actions taken and my name through the courts. Plus the $500 I loaned sibling from back in October. For the frustration and lack of respect and the stress...like. It's going to take me a long while to work through it all and forgive. Especially if sibling doesn't get out of there by the end of the month or just bugs out leaving everything in the apartment - I don't have the money to pay the landlord whatever it'll cost after my deposit for him to rent a dumpster and people to clean it out. I don't have the time or energy (mental or physical) to either help sibling move or to help the landlord clear it out.
I did text sibling's case manager saying I am done sibling is on their own right now because I tried and sibling couldn't do their part to meet me in the middle. We're trying to find out if I can submit the paperwork as the landlord because even though I didn't have a lease with sibling, I was technically subletting to sibling. Fingers crossed.
Our sister knows about it all and has drawn her line too saying she can't help either, but doesn't want to anyway because this isn't a move for anything good, this is a move because sibling fucked up. And sister also is pissed off for everything sibling has put me through. I mean our sister had their own shit to deal with which is why I was the one who ended up taking care of sibling these last years and still really wasn't in a place to really help out. Which fair. But I'm now also tapped out.
And yeah it fucking sucks that this happened in winter, but like. Sibling had income. Had demonstrated knowledge that rent is due at the beginning of the month and utilities need to be paid as well. And people have tried helping sibling. This is no one else's fault but sibling's.
So yeah. There's that. We'll almost half way through the month and I'm hoping the end of the month is going to be okay because what if sibling doesn't go? Or sibling does but leaves a lot of stuff in the apartment?
Anyway. Going down next weekend to get the last of my things (I apparently have some things left down in old state) - asked for help so I have someone willing to drive me down and back which is good for my pain levels. And stress. It'll be good to have someone else focusing on the road and possibly someone to distract me from any spiral my brain might end up having.
Let's see. I got my tea in from India - it was a lot more than I was expecting, 250 gram bags so 500 grams of nice chai. Exciting. And it's vacuum packed so it'll keep for a bit. I splurged and got the other teas I was almost out of. I mean yeah ok so I could buy the Red Rose or similar brand of tea from the store, but I like the fancy loose leaf tea.
Finished up my present shopping (except for myself and I don't know how that happened (probably down to all the tea and spluring by buying an album and a few special groceries - snowman cookies and some breakfast meal treats and samosas, oop), but my tree looks very lonely without presents so note to self for next year lol) though I have to go get more stamps, woo. I got a bit more than I was expecting for my cat - I order his litter and food through chewy and I was playing around with the auto ship, adding things to it to see what I could get him and I missed the cut off so he has a lot coming to him (a tree, a basket on a stand, a new scratching post, and some toys).
I will likely end up changing my anxiety med - I'm willing to stay on it, but I don't know what my doctor is going to do; I let her know that it was making me drowsy enough that I was sleeping more (like two to three extra naps a day more plus going to be bed super early) and she suggested trying it in the morning which I did, but that didn't help. However in addition to the extra sleep, I've been having a headache every day since I started it and I'm having trouble focusing on reading. (I think one of the side effects of the drug is something called Low Sodium syndrome; those symptoms are headaches and inability to focus.) I'm going to go back to half a tab at night, but we'll see what my doctor says.
I did finish today my first crochet project - a wonky scarf that I dropped so many stitches on, but sibling had said they didn't care so there we are. One wonky scarf. Finished. And I painted this wooden snowflake ribbon I'd gotten at the dollar store; I'm going to put it up on my front door.
I'm keeping up as much as I can with the local synagogue I'm studying under. They do half and half zoom and in person so I don't see anyone much, but I went to a few of the Hannukah ones and I've been to some of the Friday night services. I became a member finally this month, especially because I now have a pay grade for it :D It's a nice small group so we don't often have enough people for a minyan on zoom (I don't know about in person meetings because I don't go due to covid) and so far I've liked them all. It's a nice group - they are I think reconstructionist leaning, but they've got a mixed bag from all of the different branches and even some people who aren't Jewish, but like to attend services and they don't have a formal leading Rabbi, though they have Rabbi students who serve the community in turn and there are Rabbis in the group. I'm studying under the learning Rabbi who is leaving end of this month, but there's a local retired Rabbi who will be taking over my study in January.
Yeah that's how things have been for me. How's everyone else?
Photos!
