while the prefatory remarks are brief, the text itself is, well, not so much

[alannaofdoom]

I was going to go to sleep half an hour ago; and then I was just going to skim through my friends page and go to bed; and then I had a really strange reaction to Sunil's post and I thought I'd try to jot down my feelings about it

Comments

[spectralbovine]

why should a pretty woman's attention validate someone as a person?
To be honest, part of the subtext behind my post was that very question. I don't know why. It just does, for me, and I would have been fine with a discussion about that strange effect. It took on a different, more accusatory tone than I would have liked, though.

Also, this comment comes close to explaining it.

[alannaofdoom]

Yeah, again, my intent was not to discuss your post as such, but my reaction to it - so I apologize for anything that comes off as accusatory or critical. It's not aimed at you, it's sort of aimed at society in general? And at myself, too, because I think that we all have a tendency to look up to, in one way or another, people we deem attractive; and I'm not saying it makes you a bad person to do so. But I am very aware/wary of that tendency in myself.

My whole rant is really far from your post, at heart, but it was the jumping-off point; so, again, apologies for not being clearer that the tone wasn't aimed at you or your post.

[spectralbovine]

Thanks for being clearer about it.

And at myself, too, because I think that we all have a tendency to look up to, in one way or another, people we deem attractive; and I'm not saying it makes you a bad person to do so.
I'm glad you said that because the variety of negative reactions made me feel like I was supposed to feel bad for finding women attractive.

[alannaofdoom]

I'm glad you said that because the variety of negative reactions made me feel like I was supposed to feel bad for finding women attractive.

Oh, no, certainly not. The problem I have is not with people finding other people attractive; it's with a) certain very restrictive definitions of beauty being accepted and promoted as the only option, and b) the intimation that people who don't fit that ideal are lesser, no matter their other qualities and accomplishemtns. Neither of which are anywhere in your post, of course.

Finding someone attractive isn't the problem; treating less-attractive people as inferior or reducing the sum total of a person to their attractiveness is. Which, again, are things I know you don't do.

And now I'm really just repeating myself, I think. Anyway, your post was totally the innocent springboard that sent me vaulting up onto my high horse.

[saikou_dani]

I fucking resent that. I fucking resent that it's hammered home - constantly, continually, un-fucking-endingly - that as a woman my primary virtue is my beauty. That my looks are the most important thing; and that everything else - what I do, what I want, what I think - hell, even that I think at all - is therefore less important. And, a corollary: that anything I do matters less if I refuse to play by the wax-it-off/paint-it-on/push-it-up/suck-it-in/pluck-it-out rules.It is so depressing to think about how much easier it would be for me to achieve the things I want at work if I would just lose some weight, wear more makeup, spend more time on my hair, find more stylish clothes... I just can't be bothered to spend three hours getting ready every morning

[saikou_dani]

Did I tell you about the cab ride on the way to work from the airport yesterday? We were discussing politics, and Hillary's '3am phone call' ad, and the driver said (basically) "I wouldn't trust a woman answering that phone at 3am... what if she has PMS, no offense, but you don't want a woman with PMS running the country."

ARGGGGGGHHHHG.

[alannaofdoom]

Um, also, isn't Hilary, like 60? And therefore most likely menopausal? And THEN we go into the whole discussion about how difficult it will be for this country to watch a woman age in high office. Excuse me, as if it's been a cakewalk watching an overgrown chimp with sub-simian brain function age in high office?

That cab driver fails at Taxi Cab Wisdom. And also, life.

[mrskitty]

I think the thing that hit me the most, that I've experienced, is if someone I find attractive (doesn't have to be a "pretty" boy, but it could be) talks to me or smiles at me I feel validated. Like you said, like I'm not "one of the ugly ones

[lillostme]

I'm a few days late in commenting. Ah, well.

Your post really struck a chord with me, and many of the reasons I frequently hate being a woman, and why I can be so incredibly messed up inside at times. I feel all this pressure to be perfect. It's not enough to be good at my job, I have to be better than all the men in the office, and I have to look good while doing it. I've spoken to other women in engineering who feel the same way, too. Like we've gone through phases of wearing business casual to work in the hopes that it'll make certain people take us more seriously, to saying fuck it and coming in wearing jeans and a t-shirt. But I digress, because I still annoyed that a vendor this week mistook me for being the office manager