Nursing Story
For those who are interested in my journey -
The 11 Month (and counting) Tale of a Reluctant Breastfeeder…
I always knew I would formula feed. It wasn’t just because my brother and I were formula fed and we turned out fine. It was mainly because I hated having my nipples touched. And when I say hated, I mean HATED. It was bad enough to have other people touch them (whether on purpose or by accident), but accidentally brushing them myself sent shivers down my spine and I would recoil from my own touch. So there was no way in hell a baby was going to get his mouth around them!
This feeling lasted until about my 3rd trimester. Don’t get me wrong, I had no problem at all with anyone else who breastfed. I certainly didn’t mind seeing babies breastfeed in public. But it just wasn’t for me, I couldn’t do it. My best friend breastfed and I thought it was great. I peeked in on a livejournal breastfeeding community she was part of and learned a lot about it. While some people seemed fanatical, there was definitely a lot of good information there. I never felt guilty about my plans to formula feed, but as I learned more, I started to get a little more interested. Maybe I would try pumping. My friend showed me her pump, and how it didn’t touch the nipple. I thought maybe that would a possibility.
My ob never pushed me to breastfeed. She told me I could maybe try nipple shields, but when I told her no she never pushed again. My husband however, was a little sad. He is a bit of a naturalist, and thought that it would be better for the baby. However he knew how I felt about and also didn’t push.
As the days went on, I become more open to the idea. I could picture my little babies mouth and thinking about it didn’t make me squirm too much, so I decided that I would try to nurse in the hospital if I could, just so he could get a little colostrum. I also decided to ask the hospital LC how to pump. On the paper work I filled out in the hospital I answered that I was going to formula feed but I wanted to learn how to pump. I told myself, “We’ll just try to do it while I’m at the hospital.”
I had gestational diabetes, and the first thing my baby received in the hospital was a bottle of sugar water. When I got the recovery room, I tried to nurse and it wasn’t horrible, although I didn’t really like it at all. I asked for an LC to visit me (and was told that since it was a weekend, they didn’t have one readily available) to show me how to get him to latch and to show me how to pump. I nursed a little, but he mostly had formula. I was literally exhausted, so he slept in the nursery both nights. He received formula there, and he had a pacifier pretty immediately. An LC finally visited me, but she wouldn’t show me how to pump, and she grabbed my boob in her hand and shoved it in the baby’s mouth. Not a good way to encourage someone who doesn’t like her breasts being touched to breastfeed.
We brought the baby home along with formula, and we picked a little more up as well. The first day home we nursed a little and he had bottles.
The next day my milk came in. I was extremely engorged and it was VERY painful. I was an A cup before the pregnancy, a B cup during and now my breasts were two giant red bowling balls. Well, that was the end of the bottles!! I read everything I could, and called my friend, and got mixed reviews about whether I should pump or not. I sent my husband out to get one and stuck the baby on my breast. While I didn’t really like breastfeeding, I liked being engorged even less. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to one week.”
The next day was my appointment with the Pediatrician (who was dressed as Charlie Chaplin for Halloween). He was very encouraging toward my breastfeeding, checked my breasts to make sure they were ok (because they were so painful due the engorgement) and sent me home with a number for the LC at the Pediatrician’s office. I called her and she told me she did not do home visits, but she gave me the number of an LC who did and made an appointment for the next day. The pediatrician called me the next morning to see how we were doing, and I told him I had an appointment with an LC that day. He said great!
I met with the LC, who basically told me we were doing a great job and that the engorgement should disappear in the next day or so. My son had a wonderful latch and was taking in plenty of milk. My pain and discomfort was likely just because I had extremely sensitive nipples and because the latch may not have been great while my breasts were huge or in the hospital. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 3 weeks.”
But I still didn’t like breastfeeding. I wasn’t getting that “bond” people talked about. I resented my baby for the pain and the constant need and inability to rest. I resented my husband for not having to be attached to the baby 24/7. And yet for some reason I still don’t quite understand, I persisted. Cost and Convenience were definitely two very important factors for me. Breastfeeding was mostly free, and it was far more convenient than prepping a bottle.
A month later I was still having pain. I went to see a different lactation consultant who told me I was letting my son “self serve” and that was causing the pain. Even though my son and I had no symptoms of thrush, she recommended that I be treated for it. I knew in my gut that thrush was not our problem. I knew that latch wasn’t our problem. I knew that my own sensitivities were our problem. But for some reason, I still didn’t give up. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 6 weeks.”
At 6 weeks, I started having about a week of pain-free nursing followed by a week of painful nursing. Those weeks of pain -free though got me through. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 3 months.”
At about 3 months, everything stopped hurting. And nursing became easy. The only problem I had was that I stopped being able to pump much of anything and my nursling hated thawed milk, which made time alone with my hubby much more difficult and stressful. That relationship still needs some recovery time. But my breastfeeding relationship is fabulous!
We’re at almost a year now, and I’ll be starting work after his birthday. I have a great new pump now - not that he likes to take breastmilk from a bottle. He loves his solids and is starting to prefer finger foods to purees (if only he would get some teeth!). But he still loves nursing. I hope he’ll be ok without me for 8-9 hours a day. I think he’ll like my milk out of a cup. And I’m hoping he’ll like the soy milk too. But I’m pretty certain that when we’re back together, he’ll be nursing away like the nursling he is. I’m not going to say how long we’ll go now. I never thought I’d be nursing at all, much less extended breastfeeding. But, here we are. And I don’t see us stopping any time soon!
The 11 Month (and counting) Tale of a Reluctant Breastfeeder…
I always knew I would formula feed. It wasn’t just because my brother and I were formula fed and we turned out fine. It was mainly because I hated having my nipples touched. And when I say hated, I mean HATED. It was bad enough to have other people touch them (whether on purpose or by accident), but accidentally brushing them myself sent shivers down my spine and I would recoil from my own touch. So there was no way in hell a baby was going to get his mouth around them!
This feeling lasted until about my 3rd trimester. Don’t get me wrong, I had no problem at all with anyone else who breastfed. I certainly didn’t mind seeing babies breastfeed in public. But it just wasn’t for me, I couldn’t do it. My best friend breastfed and I thought it was great. I peeked in on a livejournal breastfeeding community she was part of and learned a lot about it. While some people seemed fanatical, there was definitely a lot of good information there. I never felt guilty about my plans to formula feed, but as I learned more, I started to get a little more interested. Maybe I would try pumping. My friend showed me her pump, and how it didn’t touch the nipple. I thought maybe that would a possibility.
My ob never pushed me to breastfeed. She told me I could maybe try nipple shields, but when I told her no she never pushed again. My husband however, was a little sad. He is a bit of a naturalist, and thought that it would be better for the baby. However he knew how I felt about and also didn’t push.
As the days went on, I become more open to the idea. I could picture my little babies mouth and thinking about it didn’t make me squirm too much, so I decided that I would try to nurse in the hospital if I could, just so he could get a little colostrum. I also decided to ask the hospital LC how to pump. On the paper work I filled out in the hospital I answered that I was going to formula feed but I wanted to learn how to pump. I told myself, “We’ll just try to do it while I’m at the hospital.”
I had gestational diabetes, and the first thing my baby received in the hospital was a bottle of sugar water. When I got the recovery room, I tried to nurse and it wasn’t horrible, although I didn’t really like it at all. I asked for an LC to visit me (and was told that since it was a weekend, they didn’t have one readily available) to show me how to get him to latch and to show me how to pump. I nursed a little, but he mostly had formula. I was literally exhausted, so he slept in the nursery both nights. He received formula there, and he had a pacifier pretty immediately. An LC finally visited me, but she wouldn’t show me how to pump, and she grabbed my boob in her hand and shoved it in the baby’s mouth. Not a good way to encourage someone who doesn’t like her breasts being touched to breastfeed.
We brought the baby home along with formula, and we picked a little more up as well. The first day home we nursed a little and he had bottles.
The next day my milk came in. I was extremely engorged and it was VERY painful. I was an A cup before the pregnancy, a B cup during and now my breasts were two giant red bowling balls. Well, that was the end of the bottles!! I read everything I could, and called my friend, and got mixed reviews about whether I should pump or not. I sent my husband out to get one and stuck the baby on my breast. While I didn’t really like breastfeeding, I liked being engorged even less. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to one week.”
The next day was my appointment with the Pediatrician (who was dressed as Charlie Chaplin for Halloween). He was very encouraging toward my breastfeeding, checked my breasts to make sure they were ok (because they were so painful due the engorgement) and sent me home with a number for the LC at the Pediatrician’s office. I called her and she told me she did not do home visits, but she gave me the number of an LC who did and made an appointment for the next day. The pediatrician called me the next morning to see how we were doing, and I told him I had an appointment with an LC that day. He said great!
I met with the LC, who basically told me we were doing a great job and that the engorgement should disappear in the next day or so. My son had a wonderful latch and was taking in plenty of milk. My pain and discomfort was likely just because I had extremely sensitive nipples and because the latch may not have been great while my breasts were huge or in the hospital. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 3 weeks.”
But I still didn’t like breastfeeding. I wasn’t getting that “bond” people talked about. I resented my baby for the pain and the constant need and inability to rest. I resented my husband for not having to be attached to the baby 24/7. And yet for some reason I still don’t quite understand, I persisted. Cost and Convenience were definitely two very important factors for me. Breastfeeding was mostly free, and it was far more convenient than prepping a bottle.
A month later I was still having pain. I went to see a different lactation consultant who told me I was letting my son “self serve” and that was causing the pain. Even though my son and I had no symptoms of thrush, she recommended that I be treated for it. I knew in my gut that thrush was not our problem. I knew that latch wasn’t our problem. I knew that my own sensitivities were our problem. But for some reason, I still didn’t give up. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 6 weeks.”
At 6 weeks, I started having about a week of pain-free nursing followed by a week of painful nursing. Those weeks of pain -free though got me through. I told myself, “We’ll just try to get to 3 months.”
At about 3 months, everything stopped hurting. And nursing became easy. The only problem I had was that I stopped being able to pump much of anything and my nursling hated thawed milk, which made time alone with my hubby much more difficult and stressful. That relationship still needs some recovery time. But my breastfeeding relationship is fabulous!
We’re at almost a year now, and I’ll be starting work after his birthday. I have a great new pump now - not that he likes to take breastmilk from a bottle. He loves his solids and is starting to prefer finger foods to purees (if only he would get some teeth!). But he still loves nursing. I hope he’ll be ok without me for 8-9 hours a day. I think he’ll like my milk out of a cup. And I’m hoping he’ll like the soy milk too. But I’m pretty certain that when we’re back together, he’ll be nursing away like the nursling he is. I’m not going to say how long we’ll go now. I never thought I’d be nursing at all, much less extended breastfeeding. But, here we are. And I don’t see us stopping any time soon!