Ambivalence
Title: Ambivalence
Characters/Pairing: Maya/Sylar
Rating: R
Word count: 2,209
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summery: Sylar's inner conflict to eat or not.
Note: On the road to NY. He and Maya getting to know the other.
Written for un_love_you, author's choice.
Furtive and longing.
He remembers when he could only cast furtive glances at women, real flesh and blood women. He would look away before he would see their inevitable dismissal, scorn or laughter. But at still and moving pictures of them he would devour to his hearts content. Better that way really, he got to pick and choose. His point of observation was the Madonna. He would collect postcards of her and stick them up on the walls, candle light flickering and casting everything red. His favourite was by Tanner, she looked the most real and the Archangel Gabriel just some fiery beacon, to powerful for any human form to encapsulate. To often the women he would pass on the street were painted up like delectables, waiting to be eaten. Like cupcakes, pretty, light and airy but with no real substance. But to much and they make you sick.
Her gaze is longing and loving, her beauty is raw and natural. Maya. She wasn't handmade, she had substance. She was to be picked, squeezed gently and then the flesh sucked of it's juices until dry. Enriching. He was lucky to meet her in his present state, even if she was just slightly...unripe.
They talk of their shared feelings of helplessness and the overwhelming need to right it. Express their gratitude, faith and understanding in the other and as everyday progresses they become more entwined. Or so she believes. They share much but for one thing, the most important thing in his life. Being normal is just a tinkle in him while in thunders in her. Being different, standing out from the plebeian and being observed was a ravenous need for him. They both regard each other with a light confusion, asking the same query.
"I don't understand, why?" Trying to explain leads nowhere but they still try, Sylar especially. He wants Maya to see her potential, not just settle for second best when she's one of the blessed. She asks him if he knows the pain of causing the death of children? No, he responds, feeling a stab of inexplicable nausea. She doesn't speak further, her eyes say it all.
But he still doesn't agree. She's naive, in her own spiritual way and needs to be shown, lead and eventually flourish into something promising, not wasting her ability through reluctance and fear. It can grow, she can grow. But sometimes, when she recounts certain parts of her story she flashes fierce and fearless and it gives him pause. Maybe he was wrong, maybe.
"Can't normalise the abnormal Maya. And it would be boring." He bemoans, thinking of his past anachronistic life. "Safe but uneventful."
She quarks her lips, teasing. "Living with me would not uneventful Gabriel, I promise." She smiles fully at his stunned face he tries to smother with a knowing look. He never conceived going back to 'normal' would be a joint venture. She does, she's starting too.
What have I got now? He knows that he might not get his abilities back, that it could be just he and Maya but domestication was far from his thoughts. But he lets himself imagine it, just for fun. But then he has to stop after awhile, it became dangerously tempting. Not tempting, pointless, don't think on it anymore. But sometimes it would creep up on him, no matter what he did.
Maya wants him to tell her everything about his past, what he did in Queens. He tries to laugh and shrug it off, "I did nothing and that's not an extravagance." She coos and rolls her eyes, telling him to cheer up. Relenting he would tell her softly about his watches, his shop and some about his childhood. She had lent her ear, enthralled with everything he said and then her face would shine with sadness.
"I see now, I see why you want to be different." She whispers and pulls him into her arms, brushing his hair down. She whispers into his ear that he's not alone now, constructs of specialness do not matter to her. He is what he is and that is what she loves. He pulls back from her arms, turning his face away. Suddenly he didn't know what to do, how to play this. He was pulled and divided and that small voice spoke up, one that he had banished, one that had the dazed eye of a man falling in love, touched and surprised by it.
She doesn't deserve this, she deserves pity. But the greedy, heartless and ruthless part was unconcerned. She's foolish enough to feel and fall for someone like me then she deserves what's about to happen.
No she doesn't. That weedy, soft and lonely voice wouldn't be quiet, wouldn't stop retaliating no matter how hard he pushes him back with his old watches and even older books. But there was one thing they agreed on.
This won't last.
Why do this? She's done nothing but help me, she's not my enemy.
But the other voice, the one at the forefront that's hidden behind his friendly smiles just regards his soft, sad pragmatism with a supercilious feeling. Because I'm hungry, because I can eat her up in another way...
But even that voice gets quailed.
*
Naivety.
The mesa stretched out dusty and cracked like the shell of a turtle, scrubby and stunted hop sage and tall Joshua trees sprouting upon it. The night was warmer then had previously been, enough so that you could spend time out of the car without shivering. If it wasn't for the light from the car it would be pitch, the waning moon thin. He finds Maya lying on a sleeping bag, hands behind her head, blanket over her.
"Hey, I wondered where you had gone."
She smiles brightly and holds out her hand to him. "I thought you were asleep. Come." She peels back the blanket and makes room and he gets in beside her, tucking the blanket back around them. Sighing he looks up at the sky. The stars were out, clustered and spare in places, at least he thinks so. She watches him squinting his eyes, leaning on her elbow with her cheek balanced on her hand. He points up toward the sky.
"That's Virgo." He says assured even though he wasn't sure. She probably wouldn't know, just wants to impress her.
Maya ducks her face close to his, following the line of his arm. "No it's not, that's Cancer."
"What?"
"Si, look," she takes his hand in hers and moves his pointing finger. "Uuup, doooown and then it forks off at the end. It's faint...But you can see the star cluster si? It's the Manger, representing baby Jesus's cradle." She squeezes his hand, looking at him with a smile and he feels humiliated.
"Right...I don't have my glasses on." He drops his hand down to lie against his chest and she laughs throatily.
"Mmm, I noticed that. The way you were driving, hugging the wheel and your face this close to the windshield." She demonstrates, the palm of her hand an inch from her smirking face. "Thought you were trying to kiss it."
He turns to her with a hurt expression, mirthful. "Don't laugh at my handicap, I can just about see..." She awws at his pitying tone and opens her arms, twining them around him and he's pulled against her softness with a smile.
"Sorry mi corazon, no more driving for you unless we find you some glasses..." She trails her fingers over his face again, staring into his eyes. He presses his body closer to her but the stitches on his belly stretches and he grunts, hand slipping between them. Maya pushes him onto his back, concerned. "What is it? I've seen you hunching over your tummy before..." She doesn't wait for him to explain but grasps his t-shirt and pulls it up. He lays his head down and hears her gasp, swearing. "Dios mio! What happened?!"
"I got into an...I was stabbed." Another gasp, more dramatic and she's cupping his face, eyes so pained for him. But then they grow admonishing, eyebrows dipped into a frown.
"You should have said, acting like nothing was wrong. Ababol..." She ducks back down and very gently prods at it and he clenches his teeth. "Hmm, it smells ok, but I'll put something on to help because it looks inflamed. Stay there." And she was up and he's left looking up at the sky again, squinting and trying to see what she sees. Once her knees thud back down next to him he look back at her sleepily.
"Sorry Maya." She waves her hand dismissively, tucks her long hair behind her ears and dabs the antiseptic cream on him, making him hiss. Once done she tapes a clean bandage on him and rests back on her heels.
"Who did this to you? Why?" Her voice is soft but her eyes smoulder with anger. He can just imagine her thinking if I get my hands on them...
He opens his mouth, wondering what to say but decides to do what he's been doing all along. The truth, but just not all of it. "Some man just stabbed me. I don't know why, I hadn't done anything to him. I don't even know what his name was....I've been recovering for awhile." She shakes her head, pitying and then bends down to kiss his cheek and mouth before pulling away. His heart beats quicker and he smirks. "You sure you still want to go to New York? It's full of crazy people..."
"No crazy people will stop me carino."
No, they won't, will they? He watches her silently and as she lies back down, yawning. After a few minuets she says that they should go back into the car, it might get cold soon. But he wants to say out here with her, the car too cramped and tense. Although it would get a whole lot worse if her brother wakes to see them now. He asks Maya to tell him the rest of the constellations and she does, whispering them in Spanish and English. When she gets to the Virgin his memory is jogged and he lifts his hips to slip a hand into his pocket. He pull out a white, wooden bead crucifix and hangs it before her.
"I found it in the trunk, hidden with all the junk." Derek had been carrying some weird stuff. Maya's eyes widen and she takes it from him gently, thoughtful.
"Thank you, I thought I lost it...it was my rosary at the church."
"Christening?"
She shakes her head and looks at him shyly. "I was on my way to becoming a nun, a few months ago." His face goes slack, eyes wide and she bursts out laughing, deep and always ribald. This makes him grin, heart rate rising even more, his skin flush and alive with lust and shock.
"I'm sorry I just wasn't prepared for that..." He whispers and she rolls her eyes, demurely teasing.
"Can't see it?"
"I can now...a nun..." He can't take his eyes off her but feels his body pulling away. He feels...turned on and uncomfortable for it. Somewhere in the back of his mind there's a man with glasses blushing and laughing, dumbstruck. How can I touch her now?
Like she would give him a choice...
*
Poisonous fruit.
They were in Virgina and Maya watches the rain spluttering against the window pane. It had been blowing a gale and pink petals were plastered to the window and she taps the glass where they are stuck. When he sits beside her she straightens and grins, excited and a little shy.
"I have a surprise for you, I hope you like it." She opens up her hand and coiled in her palm is a plastic watch, inexpensive and possibly second hand. "I know it's not as nice as your watch but it's broken. And at least you'll be able to tell the time now and when we get more settled, have more money, you can get a better one..."
He stares at it, so simple and feels something in his gut trying to crawl into his throat. Or maybe it was his heart. He takes it from Maya and closes his fist over it and looks up at her with a wavering smile. "Thank you...you're right, I really needed a new one. Thank you." He kisses her cheek and she gives him a quick hug before standing up, slipping out of the booth they were in to join her brother at the counter, who was getting their breakfast. A large bowl of fruit it ladled up there and she hesitates picking one before going with a peach. She tosses it to him after inhaling the scent with a smile. He runs the pad of his thumb over the fuzzy, soft skin and then devours it. She watches with amusement, he was starving.
"Slow down, you'll eat the pit before you know it and choke. And it's poisonous." She cautions, half joking but he takes no heed to her warning and carries on. It's just a peach, what harm can it do?
*
Translation:
Mi Corazon: my heart
Ababol: foolish person
Carino: darling
Characters/Pairing: Maya/Sylar
Rating: R
Word count: 2,209
Disclaimer: Do not own.
Summery: Sylar's inner conflict to eat or not.
Note: On the road to NY. He and Maya getting to know the other.
Written for un_love_you, author's choice.
Furtive and longing.
He remembers when he could only cast furtive glances at women, real flesh and blood women. He would look away before he would see their inevitable dismissal, scorn or laughter. But at still and moving pictures of them he would devour to his hearts content. Better that way really, he got to pick and choose. His point of observation was the Madonna. He would collect postcards of her and stick them up on the walls, candle light flickering and casting everything red. His favourite was by Tanner, she looked the most real and the Archangel Gabriel just some fiery beacon, to powerful for any human form to encapsulate. To often the women he would pass on the street were painted up like delectables, waiting to be eaten. Like cupcakes, pretty, light and airy but with no real substance. But to much and they make you sick.
Her gaze is longing and loving, her beauty is raw and natural. Maya. She wasn't handmade, she had substance. She was to be picked, squeezed gently and then the flesh sucked of it's juices until dry. Enriching. He was lucky to meet her in his present state, even if she was just slightly...unripe.
They talk of their shared feelings of helplessness and the overwhelming need to right it. Express their gratitude, faith and understanding in the other and as everyday progresses they become more entwined. Or so she believes. They share much but for one thing, the most important thing in his life. Being normal is just a tinkle in him while in thunders in her. Being different, standing out from the plebeian and being observed was a ravenous need for him. They both regard each other with a light confusion, asking the same query.
"I don't understand, why?" Trying to explain leads nowhere but they still try, Sylar especially. He wants Maya to see her potential, not just settle for second best when she's one of the blessed. She asks him if he knows the pain of causing the death of children? No, he responds, feeling a stab of inexplicable nausea. She doesn't speak further, her eyes say it all.
But he still doesn't agree. She's naive, in her own spiritual way and needs to be shown, lead and eventually flourish into something promising, not wasting her ability through reluctance and fear. It can grow, she can grow. But sometimes, when she recounts certain parts of her story she flashes fierce and fearless and it gives him pause. Maybe he was wrong, maybe.
"Can't normalise the abnormal Maya. And it would be boring." He bemoans, thinking of his past anachronistic life. "Safe but uneventful."
She quarks her lips, teasing. "Living with me would not uneventful Gabriel, I promise." She smiles fully at his stunned face he tries to smother with a knowing look. He never conceived going back to 'normal' would be a joint venture. She does, she's starting too.
What have I got now? He knows that he might not get his abilities back, that it could be just he and Maya but domestication was far from his thoughts. But he lets himself imagine it, just for fun. But then he has to stop after awhile, it became dangerously tempting. Not tempting, pointless, don't think on it anymore. But sometimes it would creep up on him, no matter what he did.
Maya wants him to tell her everything about his past, what he did in Queens. He tries to laugh and shrug it off, "I did nothing and that's not an extravagance." She coos and rolls her eyes, telling him to cheer up. Relenting he would tell her softly about his watches, his shop and some about his childhood. She had lent her ear, enthralled with everything he said and then her face would shine with sadness.
"I see now, I see why you want to be different." She whispers and pulls him into her arms, brushing his hair down. She whispers into his ear that he's not alone now, constructs of specialness do not matter to her. He is what he is and that is what she loves. He pulls back from her arms, turning his face away. Suddenly he didn't know what to do, how to play this. He was pulled and divided and that small voice spoke up, one that he had banished, one that had the dazed eye of a man falling in love, touched and surprised by it.
She doesn't deserve this, she deserves pity. But the greedy, heartless and ruthless part was unconcerned. She's foolish enough to feel and fall for someone like me then she deserves what's about to happen.
No she doesn't. That weedy, soft and lonely voice wouldn't be quiet, wouldn't stop retaliating no matter how hard he pushes him back with his old watches and even older books. But there was one thing they agreed on.
This won't last.
Why do this? She's done nothing but help me, she's not my enemy.
But the other voice, the one at the forefront that's hidden behind his friendly smiles just regards his soft, sad pragmatism with a supercilious feeling. Because I'm hungry, because I can eat her up in another way...
But even that voice gets quailed.
*
Naivety.
The mesa stretched out dusty and cracked like the shell of a turtle, scrubby and stunted hop sage and tall Joshua trees sprouting upon it. The night was warmer then had previously been, enough so that you could spend time out of the car without shivering. If it wasn't for the light from the car it would be pitch, the waning moon thin. He finds Maya lying on a sleeping bag, hands behind her head, blanket over her.
"Hey, I wondered where you had gone."
She smiles brightly and holds out her hand to him. "I thought you were asleep. Come." She peels back the blanket and makes room and he gets in beside her, tucking the blanket back around them. Sighing he looks up at the sky. The stars were out, clustered and spare in places, at least he thinks so. She watches him squinting his eyes, leaning on her elbow with her cheek balanced on her hand. He points up toward the sky.
"That's Virgo." He says assured even though he wasn't sure. She probably wouldn't know, just wants to impress her.
Maya ducks her face close to his, following the line of his arm. "No it's not, that's Cancer."
"What?"
"Si, look," she takes his hand in hers and moves his pointing finger. "Uuup, doooown and then it forks off at the end. It's faint...But you can see the star cluster si? It's the Manger, representing baby Jesus's cradle." She squeezes his hand, looking at him with a smile and he feels humiliated.
"Right...I don't have my glasses on." He drops his hand down to lie against his chest and she laughs throatily.
"Mmm, I noticed that. The way you were driving, hugging the wheel and your face this close to the windshield." She demonstrates, the palm of her hand an inch from her smirking face. "Thought you were trying to kiss it."
He turns to her with a hurt expression, mirthful. "Don't laugh at my handicap, I can just about see..." She awws at his pitying tone and opens her arms, twining them around him and he's pulled against her softness with a smile.
"Sorry mi corazon, no more driving for you unless we find you some glasses..." She trails her fingers over his face again, staring into his eyes. He presses his body closer to her but the stitches on his belly stretches and he grunts, hand slipping between them. Maya pushes him onto his back, concerned. "What is it? I've seen you hunching over your tummy before..." She doesn't wait for him to explain but grasps his t-shirt and pulls it up. He lays his head down and hears her gasp, swearing. "Dios mio! What happened?!"
"I got into an...I was stabbed." Another gasp, more dramatic and she's cupping his face, eyes so pained for him. But then they grow admonishing, eyebrows dipped into a frown.
"You should have said, acting like nothing was wrong. Ababol..." She ducks back down and very gently prods at it and he clenches his teeth. "Hmm, it smells ok, but I'll put something on to help because it looks inflamed. Stay there." And she was up and he's left looking up at the sky again, squinting and trying to see what she sees. Once her knees thud back down next to him he look back at her sleepily.
"Sorry Maya." She waves her hand dismissively, tucks her long hair behind her ears and dabs the antiseptic cream on him, making him hiss. Once done she tapes a clean bandage on him and rests back on her heels.
"Who did this to you? Why?" Her voice is soft but her eyes smoulder with anger. He can just imagine her thinking if I get my hands on them...
He opens his mouth, wondering what to say but decides to do what he's been doing all along. The truth, but just not all of it. "Some man just stabbed me. I don't know why, I hadn't done anything to him. I don't even know what his name was....I've been recovering for awhile." She shakes her head, pitying and then bends down to kiss his cheek and mouth before pulling away. His heart beats quicker and he smirks. "You sure you still want to go to New York? It's full of crazy people..."
"No crazy people will stop me carino."
No, they won't, will they? He watches her silently and as she lies back down, yawning. After a few minuets she says that they should go back into the car, it might get cold soon. But he wants to say out here with her, the car too cramped and tense. Although it would get a whole lot worse if her brother wakes to see them now. He asks Maya to tell him the rest of the constellations and she does, whispering them in Spanish and English. When she gets to the Virgin his memory is jogged and he lifts his hips to slip a hand into his pocket. He pull out a white, wooden bead crucifix and hangs it before her.
"I found it in the trunk, hidden with all the junk." Derek had been carrying some weird stuff. Maya's eyes widen and she takes it from him gently, thoughtful.
"Thank you, I thought I lost it...it was my rosary at the church."
"Christening?"
She shakes her head and looks at him shyly. "I was on my way to becoming a nun, a few months ago." His face goes slack, eyes wide and she bursts out laughing, deep and always ribald. This makes him grin, heart rate rising even more, his skin flush and alive with lust and shock.
"I'm sorry I just wasn't prepared for that..." He whispers and she rolls her eyes, demurely teasing.
"Can't see it?"
"I can now...a nun..." He can't take his eyes off her but feels his body pulling away. He feels...turned on and uncomfortable for it. Somewhere in the back of his mind there's a man with glasses blushing and laughing, dumbstruck. How can I touch her now?
Like she would give him a choice...
*
Poisonous fruit.
They were in Virgina and Maya watches the rain spluttering against the window pane. It had been blowing a gale and pink petals were plastered to the window and she taps the glass where they are stuck. When he sits beside her she straightens and grins, excited and a little shy.
"I have a surprise for you, I hope you like it." She opens up her hand and coiled in her palm is a plastic watch, inexpensive and possibly second hand. "I know it's not as nice as your watch but it's broken. And at least you'll be able to tell the time now and when we get more settled, have more money, you can get a better one..."
He stares at it, so simple and feels something in his gut trying to crawl into his throat. Or maybe it was his heart. He takes it from Maya and closes his fist over it and looks up at her with a wavering smile. "Thank you...you're right, I really needed a new one. Thank you." He kisses her cheek and she gives him a quick hug before standing up, slipping out of the booth they were in to join her brother at the counter, who was getting their breakfast. A large bowl of fruit it ladled up there and she hesitates picking one before going with a peach. She tosses it to him after inhaling the scent with a smile. He runs the pad of his thumb over the fuzzy, soft skin and then devours it. She watches with amusement, he was starving.
"Slow down, you'll eat the pit before you know it and choke. And it's poisonous." She cautions, half joking but he takes no heed to her warning and carries on. It's just a peach, what harm can it do?
*
Translation:
Mi Corazon: my heart
Ababol: foolish person
Carino: darling