Orkney Part 1
The polite rap of knuckles at the door breaks the silence around her and Elena looks up from her work. Her thoughts shift to Damon but he doesn’t knock, he just strides in. Stefan? No, not any more.
“Jeremy?” she whispers aloud and her stomach lurches as she gets to her feet. Her brother has been on her mind frequently since he left and she has been half dreading, half welcoming his return. The house is empty without him and Jenna. But as she reaches the door she dismisses the hope that it will be her brother. Jeremy has a key.
She opens the door and her mouth falls open. “Elijah?”
He stands straight, his hands behind his back and gently inclines his head to her. “Elena. Judging from your shock I take it Damon didn’t tell you?”
She blinks and snaps her mouth closed. “Damon?”
“He pulled the dagger out.”
“Oh...” she trails off, unable to look away from him, unsure what to say. The sight of him is completely offsetting. She sweeps her eyes quickly up and down his body before meeting his eyes. He looks as composed as ever but there’s a strange gleam in his eye that Elena catches and she feels even more unsettled. “Why are you here?”
“Elena...” Everything that she has seen from Elijah conveys a calm, collected man who seems to keep a tight control from everything from his attire to his emotions. Now he regards her with the utmost shame. He inclines his head even more and stares deeply into her eyes. “I’ve come here to apologise. I broke our deal. I thought Niklaus would take me to our family, I was blinded by that but that’s no excuse...I still betrayed you.”
Elena frowns at him. She had been dead at the time but Bonnie had told her what had happened. She nods once slowly. “You did...”
“I don’t expect you to forgiver me but - ” he stalls when she holds up a hand for silence.
“I had months to think about it, about what I would do if I was in your place.” She moves closer to him, her features softening. “I think I would have done the same if I got to see my family again. I understand.”
“You do?” He stares at her with amazement and then smiles suddenly. “You never cease to surprise me.”
“Why? You know how important my family is to me. I’d do anything to see them again if I had that chance. Even a small one.”
He shakes his head slowly, his face darkening. “And look where that got me. Over a thousand years old but I can still make idiotic decisions.”
She frowns heavily. “It’s not stupid, it’s human. Sometimes you have to put your trust in people. Sometimes the wrong people.”
“I should have known better.” Her words seem to little affect on him. He pulses with an air of self loathing.
It surprises Elena, she has never seen him so dejected. She regards him closely for a few moments and then opens the door wider. “Do you want to come in?”
His eyebrows rise and he takes a look behind him, as if expecting someone to drag him away. He looks over her shoulder. “I’m not disturbing you?”
“No, I was just doing some homework. Please?” She moves aside and with a grateful albeit confused glance he steps in.
*
“I didn’t have to invite you in, you could have just - ”
“Broke in? I wanted to regain your trust not destroy it even more.” He comes to a stop in the kitchen where sheets of paper litter the table. “This looks like more then just homework. I am disturbing you.”
She shakes her head and shrugs. “I have exams coming up and I was revising. Honestly I’m glad for the distraction.” She begins sweeping the paper into piles and back into folders. He takes a seat at the table and looks up towards the ceiling.
“You’re alone?”
She pauses momentarily before hurriedly slotting paper into plastic wallets. “Jeremy is staying out of town. Ric comes by when he’s able to but I’m mostly home alone.” Elijah nods, watching her as she finishes tidying up and takes a seat beside him with a sigh. She fiddles with a pen, tapping it on the table and Elijah remains quiet, watchful. Finally she turns to him with looking troubled. “I sent Jeremy away on purpose. I had Damon compel him.”
Not a flicker of emotion passes over his face. “Why?”
“Because Klaus tried to kill him. It was wrong of me, I know but I can’t lose him to.” She stares at Elijah, waiting for him to judge her, to tell her he understands. Instead he looks down at his ring thoughtfully.
“When I became a vampire I was greatly troubled about taking life. I fought against it, just as the rest of my siblings. When it became apparent that we could tell people what to do just by looking into their eyes they felt that it was a gift, a wonderful ability to counteract the torment we had to fight. I did not.”
“I’ve seen you use it. You did it to me.”
A dry smile flickers over his face. “I use it only if I absolutely have to. It’s still hypocritical of me, I admit. The drive to feed, to hunt and kill is so powerful that trying to temper it is like a man trying to control the tides. Compulsion is different; it’s an easy choice, no more then that. I do not feel comfortable stripping people of their will for my own amusement.”
“Only if you really have to.”
He stares at her with dark eyes. “Only if you are prepared to face the consequences.”
Elena leans her elbows on the table and slides her fingers through her hair and grips her head. Her hair falls softly over her face, brushing the table. Elijah gazes at her longingly and his regard is hidden from her. When she sits back his eyes are clear. She smirks at him gently.
“I can see why she said you were the moral one.”
“Who?”
“Rebekah. She said that becoming vampires heightened your core traits. She is stubborn and you’re moral.”
Now it’s his time to smirk. “That’s generous of her. She usually calls me a sanctimonious prig.” He smiles fondly as he says it but his good humour fades and he stares into the middle distance darkly. Elena begins to tap the pen again as a horrible thought comes to her and with it a weight of responsibility. She needs to approach this carefully.
“What did Damon tell you?”
His gaze gradually becomes focused. “He brought me up to date. Rebekah, the hybrids and so on. Though I’m sure he didn’t tell me everything.”
“What do you know?”
A small line forms between his eyebrows as he picks up her worried behaviour but he answers her question. “I know my brother is almost finished furbishing a house for our siblings. He offered me a wing.” He says it dryly, his sombre attitude turning bitter. “I heard what he did to Stefan.” He suddenly stares at her sadly. “I’m sorry.”
Elena shrugs, keeping her face impassive. “What’s done is done. Stefan isn’t under his compulsion anymore, he’s free.”
Elijah looks around again. “I thought he might be here.”
“No. We broke up.” She seems remarkably composed as she says it. But as she regards him again she clearly becomes troubled. The pen drums a beat and he reaches over and stills her hand. Elijah leans closer to her.
“What is it?”
She winces. “I have something I need to tell you, something that will be hard to hear.”
“What?”
Elena stares into his eyes and shakes her head. “I wish I didn’t have to tell you this.”
“Why?” His voice is low, steady but there’s an artificial stillness to it. He’s keeping a restraint on himself.
“Because it’s going to hurt. I don’t want to hurt you like it did Rebekah.” Elena blinks in surprise then he suddenly reaches his hand out and cups her face. He stares at her in bewilderment.
“You don’t want to hurt me? Elena...I don’t deserve your concern.”
“Well you have it.” She straightens, steeling herself and he draws his hand away. “It’s about your mother.”
He frowns. “My mother? She’s been dead a thousand years or more.”
“I know. It’s just that you don’t know the truth about how she died. Klaus lied to you.” Elena pauses, waiting for him to comment but he keeps deathly still and quiet. She continues in a small voice. “Your mother was killed by Klaus.”
When Rebekah had heard the truth it had destroyed her and Elena had left the thousand year old vampire to weep like her heart had broken. Now Elena watches the other sibling, the eldest and sees for just a moment a blaze of utter rage in his eyes and it is terrifying. But just as quickly as it appears the emotion is gone and she stares into a vacant gaze, devoid of any emotion.
“Are you okay?”
He nods, still with that dead expression and Elena finds herself almost hypnotised by it. Rebekah had been overtaken by her emotions, Elijah has smothered them to the point of numbness. Not sure what to say and unsettled by his stillness she takes his hand and holds it tightly. He stares down at it and blinks in surprise. When he looks up Elena feels something in her crack. She has never seen anyone look so lost.
He straightens suddenly and looks towards the cupboards. “I - uh. I could do with a drink. If you don’t mind...?”
Elena springs to her feet, now hypersensitive. “Sure. I think I’ll join you.” She hastily sets out some glasses and a bottle of bourbon. She turns back to see him slumped in the chair, drained and her apology flies past her mouth without thinking. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.”
He shakes his head. “No, I needed to know the truth. Thank you Elena.” He gets to his feet and before she can move he leans down and kisses her forehead gently. Elena remains still for a few seconds before following him into the living room where he takes off his coat. He neatly sets it down and sits, Elena beside him. She sets the glasses and bottle down.
“This is all I have.”
“It’s perfect.” He pours one for himself and Elena. He drains his glass down straight and she can’t blame him. She sips at her own and makes herself comfortable but her stomach is knotted painfully.
*
With only a fraction of the liquor left in the bottle, most of it consumed by Elijah, they sit together in a comfortable stupor. For hours he tells her about his life, the things he had seen and done on his travels. He never mentions his mother or Klaus. Elena hesitatingly tells him about her half formed hopes for the future.
“You don’t sound so sure,” He stares at her shrewdly as she explains her plans to be a writer. The alcohol has taken the edge off his pain but she can see it flare up every now and then. She’s never seen anyone with so much self restraint. Even drunk he’s still incredibly dignified.
Elena shrugs, cradling the glass to her chest. “I want to go to college but for the last few years I decided not to make plans. This place has a habit of getting in the way.” A habit of turning her life upside down and inside out.
“Then leave. Transfer to another school, meet new people. Live your life.” He says it with a soft passion.
“Not now. Once I graduate I’ll go to a college outside of Mystic Falls. I’ve been researching different places. That’s what I want.” It feels good to say it aloud.
“That sounds like a wise choice. I’ll help you in any way I can.” He says, his speech slightly slurred and Elena smiles at him.
“I never thought I’d see you like this.”
“That makes two of us.” He drains the last of the bourbon and slides the glass back onto the table. He slumps back with a tired sigh. Elena looks at the clock and is surprised at how long they have been sitting there. It’s well past midnight.
“So...you’re not staying at Klaus’ mansion?” He shakes his head, jaw clenched. Elena tilts her head. “Where did you stay before? You didn’t stay at the Lockwood’s, did you?”
He looks at her with a small smile. “No. I went there with you because it was convenient. I had a room in town but it seems its been let out.” He waves his hand dismissively at being homeless. “I have other places.”
“But not here?”
He catches her worried expression and grins. “I’ve slept in parks and street corners over the years. I’ll survive for one night.”
Elena stares at him, unable to imagine him sleeping in anything but the lap of luxury. In the past few days he’s had to deal with the betrayal of his brother and now the truth about his mother’s death. He hides it well but the anger and sadness is still there, writhing inside him. Elena stares intensely into his old tired eyes and makes a decision.
“You can have the couch.”
He shakes his head. “Thank you but I couldn’t. I’ve trespassed on your hospitality far too much.”
Elena gets to her feet, wobbles with a sudden dizzy spell before pining him with a stubborn gaze. “If you don’t stay I’ll be offended. I’m trying to show you that I trust you.”
He inhales and exhales slowly before he takes her hands in his and looks up into her eyes. “Thank you, again, but I don’t deserve it.”
“Why else did you come here if you didn’t want to make amends? You can’t have forgiveness and reject what comes with it. I know you’re feeling awful right now but just do this and don’t feel you owe me.”
He says nothing, only nods after a very long pause. She’s the one that has to draw her fingers out from his. She collects a few pillows and a blanket for him and he takes them in silent gratitude. Elena wishes him goodnight and heads to her bedroom.
She lays awake for a long time, picturing him below her and feels an intense satisfaction.