Friday
Good day today, not a lot of pain, maybe because I’m less scared and clenched up?
Who knows. But it was better.
Best part of my day was talking to a friend during her commute home, and then doing the dishes during an AA speaker meeting. I love speaker meetings so much, and there’s a local one (via Zoom now) Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings, so it’s easy to stay happy and connected over the weekends.
I think the thing I realized during the pandemic is that I’m great in a crisis and bad at regular life, so now I’m still in crisis mode when maybe it’s ok to start having a life again. If I ever had one. Even if that just means going on a small walk or something every day. The stay-at-home order has been a great excuse to live a depression life, and pain and fear have been other great excuses, but it’s time to work towards a happy-person life.
A nice thing: I was fascinated at my first AA meetings because they read the same stuff at the beginning of every meeting, and the old-timers would chime in at certain points. I thought I’d never learn those chime-in bits or know the ending prayers, but tonight I did!
I love AA so much; I still feel shy of people in the bigger meetings but I think everyone feels that way. One of the most common things speakers say is that they turned to alcohol because they were anxious and uncomfortable in their own skins. So I guess it’s fine to feel awkward in a big group of people who ruined their lives seeking a chemical solution to feeling awkward.