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[aldeprivate]

i feel nowadays that i can relate to descartes notion of the 'evil demon' which tries to deceive him into believing things are not part of reality. i can't bring myself to believe that this is something external, but rather just some error within my mental framework. just like when you're driving your car and you hear some weird noises coming out

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[aldeprivate]

it's so hard...i mean i know exactly what you're saying, and i've done it before. but constantly thinking the opposite of how i feel is wearing me down, hard.