Because I have much better things to do. Really.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MASSACHUSETTS IF...
-Driving-
1. Khakis are something you start the car with.
2. You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people can get through and a red one means two more can.
3. Someone has honked at you because you didnt peel out the second the light turned green.
4. You have honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green.
5. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only of you want to.
6. You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy.
7. You think it's not actually tailgating unless you're touching the bumper of the car in front of you.
8. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater.
9. You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn’t flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.
10. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.
11. You know what "Bang a U'ie" means and can do it even when it's illegal.
12. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.
13. All the potholes just add to the excitement of driving.
14. $15 to park is a bargain.
15. You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.
16. You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds.
17. People go 50 in the fast lane and won’t move over. Others go 80 in breakdown lane.
18. The person driving in front of you is going 70mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.
19. You feel that the rest of the world needs to drive more like you.
-Location-
1. You're amazed when traveling out of town that people at Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds actually speak English.
2. You laugh at all the other states in New England.
3. You think of Rhode Island as the "deep South".
4. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day. (But who’d want to?)
5. Anything past Worcester is "the middle of nowhere" (if you live in Boston).
6. The fact that Route 128 and I-95 are pretty much the same thing doesn’t confuse you.
7. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre, Cotuit, and Natick.
8. You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or bouth, on field trips in grammar school.
9. You know that P-Town isn’t the name of a new rap group.
10. You've been to P-town, but gush about Race Point and Sandwich.
11. You never go to “Cape Cod”, you go “down the Cape”.
12. You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.
13. If you live in Charlton City, most likely 99% of your family does as well.
14. You know that there is a bigger difference between Roxbury and West Roxbury than just a compass direction.
15. You know what “Southie” is. And how it is different from the South End.
16. You can actually find your way around Boston.
17. Colleges are used as landmarks for directions. E.g., go past MIT until you hit Harvard. Take a right and go past Lesley. Keep going until you get to Tufts (actual directions).
18. If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different names .
19. You always knew the Big Dig would turn out a leaky mess.
20. You compare with friends what Boston was like pre-Big-Dig and post-Big-Dig.
21. You think crosswalks are for wimps.
22. The transportation system is known as the T
-Culture-
1. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke… not quinine water.
2. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.
3. You know what they sell at a “packie”.
4. You are proud to drink Sam Adams and think that the rest of the country owes Boston a big thank you.
5. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.
6. You have gone to at least one party at UMass.
7. Somebody calls UMass “ZooMass” and you take it as a compliment.
8. You have never been to Cheers.
9. You know what regular coffee is
10. You know how to make a frappe.
11. You know that “Big Dig” is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham’s.
12. At the ice cream shop you call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies".
13. You know what a Hoodsie is and know how to eat them.
14. Subway is a fast food place.
15. You still try to order curly fries from Burger King.
16. There are 24 Dunkin' Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house.
17. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
18. You drink from a "bubbla".
19. You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they’re both criminals.
20. You actually think a lawyer from Massachusetts can be elected president.
21. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.
22. You know at least three Tony's one Vinnie, and a Frank.
23. You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester firefighters.
24. You think if someone is nice to you they either want something or they are from out of town and lost.
25. You can recognize a girl from Revere simply by her hair.
26. You shudder in October when all the tourists come up to clog the roads for foliage season.
27. Evacuation day is a recognized holiday.
28. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.
29. Saint Patrick’s Day is your favorite holiday.
30. You’re aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.
31. You understand why they call it Taxachusetts.
32. You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house
33. Paranoia sets in when you can't see an ATM or a CVS.
34. You know what the Ranch House was, and the Rexacana was, and you describe them as "Pissa".
35. You stand in line, not on line.
36. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
37. A lawn chair reserves a parking space eternally.
38. A Crown Victoria = Undercover Cop
39. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
40. You blow your leaves into your neighbor’s yard.
41. When someone calls you a "masshole" you take it as a compliment.
-Dialect-
1. The words “Wicked” and “Good” go together.
2. You do not recognize the letter “r” as a part of the English language.
3. If you do, it’s the seventh vowel.
4. Your car horn is the 8th vowel alongsides a, e, i, o, u and sometimes y and r.
5. You cringe every time you hear some actor/actress imitate the Boston Accent on TV or in a movie, if you don't have it then you're never going to get it even if you were born here.
6. yiz = you, plural
7. You think EVERYONE from out-of-state has the funny, weird accent.
-Deportes-
1. Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.
2. You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Patriots would move to Hartford.
3. When people talk about "The Curse of the Bambino" you know what they're talking about and believe it too.
4. The Curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.
5. You refer to the New York Yankees as the Devil’s spawn, or something worse.
6. You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner’s legs.
7. You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.
8. You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime (again!!).
9. You have been to Fenway Park.
10. You know The Beanpot is a hockey tournament, not a serving container.
11. You cried when Boston Garden was torn down.
-Weather-
1. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.
2. Six inches of snow is considered a dusting.
3. You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round.
4. You laughed at the kids down south who never got snow days.
5. As a kid, there was more than a foot of snow on the ground, and you STILL had to listen to the radio to see if they’d declare it a snow day to cancel school.
6. You say, “Do you know how much snow we’d have if it didn’t turn to rain?”
7. You’ve had to shovel your car out from snow up over its tires - and you still took it out on the road that same day.
8. The plow magically appears at your driveway right after you cleared it blocking you in again with even heavier, wetter snow.
9. You’ve grilled on your back porch when there was snow on the ground.
10. When it’s summer it’s too hot, when it’s winter it’s too cold, when it’s spring you wish it was summer, when it’s fall you wish it was summer.
11. An April weather warm-up of 60F or more meant that it was time for a t-shirt.
12. Three days of 90 degree heat is definitely a heat wave, 63 degrees is on the warm side.