(no subject)
Title: All I Ever Wanted4/?
Pairing: Implied Alex/Olivia. Later on it will be.
Spoilers: 10x15. Lead
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
A/N:omg everyone I am soooo sorry! I posted this on FF.net like 2 weeks ago. I could've sworn I posted it on here. So for those of you that don't go on ff.net, i apologize!
Alex's POV
Oh God, what have I done? I can't believe Serena would do that to me. She knew that I was going to tell Olivia... she knew that. Why did she do this to me..
The truth? Yes, I've been married for the past 4 years, and yes, it's been good. But at the same time, the empty touches and the meaningless words... they take a toll on me. When I went to Olivia's apartment that night, that's honestly the first time in 4 years, that I felt truly loved and cared for.
So what am I honestly going to do to fix this mess? Olivia is the only one I want, and right now, she's out of my reach. I do realize though, that I need to go down to the precinct to at least see her, only after I talk to my darling best friend. I picked up the phone and gave Serena a call.
“Hello?” Her groggy voice rang out.
“Meet me at the corner deli in 15 minutes by my apartment.” I had to be stern.
“Look Alex, it's like 8 in the morning, I had a late night, can't this wait for a better time?” I laughed.
“No, it really can't Serena, we have some issues we need to discuss. Meet me there in 15 minutes, if you're not there, I'll see you at your place. Goodbye.” I abruptly hung up and grabbed my light coat since I knew it was gorgeous outside. I put a pair of comfortable flats on and made my way out of my apartment.
“Hello Ms Cabot, going to work early today?” Gary, the security guard greeted me. I smiled up at him.
“Not today Gary, I have some business that I have to take care of with my best friend. I'll most likely be back within the hour. Have a nice morning!” I went past him and started my walk to the corner deli.
I picked one of the tables outside so that I wouldn't cause a scene inside if things got a little out of hand with us. As I was sitting down, the waitress came up to me and asked me what I would like to drink. “Can I get a sweet tea? With extra lemon?” She smiled at me and walked away.
At this point, I saw Serena walking down the street. She rounded the outside fence and walked over to the table.
“Well don't you look a hot mess this morning Miss Southerlyn...” I laughed. She didn't...
“Don's start your shit today with me Alex. I know what I'm here about. So let me get straight to the point.” The waitress came back with my sweet tea and asked Serena if she wanted anything. “No thanks, I won't be here long.” They both smiled. “She was cute... but hey, anyway. Alex, Olivia deserved to know. I can't believe you were foolish enough to tell her that you loved her! For God's sake Alex, you're married. You've been married since the last year you were Witness Protection. When you came back for Connors trial, she told me about your talk that night and how you told her you had met an insurance adjuster.. Now tell me Alex, how would that make Olivia feel when you tell her that that same guy, is the one she saw you kissing last night? Huh? How would that make you feel.” She banged her first on the table.
“Serena, honestly, you had no right at all telling her, let alone showing her about my private life. I needed to figure out what exactly I was going to do, and say to Olivia. I love her, I truly do. And I understand completely that telling her who exactly he is, is going to crush her. I know that for a fact. Remember Serena, I fell in love with that woman so I know how she is going to react. I know how she'd retreat into herself and not let me in. I know that she wouldn't forgive me, no matter what I did. But, nobody knows the truth about us. Not Olivia and me, but Jason and me..”
“The truth Alex? I can see the truth... You're in a loveless relationship, and at the same time, starting the most amazing relationship of your life. Living your perfect double life... Just as it was before you got shot. God Alex, you're unbelievable. How could you possibly have the nerve to tell Liv that you loved her... You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone her... It's not fair Alex..”
I was beyond pissed off. “You know what's not fair Serena?” I began almost yelling, “Being forced to get married and begin telling myself to create feelings for a man who I couldn't give two shits for. I faked every worked I said to him. Anytime I said 'I love you' to him, I envisioned Liv in my head. Every time we had sex, I came close to yelling her name. Every single time. When we got married, I was FORCED to write my vows for a man I didn't love. And guess what, I almost slipped her name into the vows. Every single night, before I went to bed, I told Olivia that I loved her. Every single god damn night I held onto her. And then I... I can't do this...” I grabbed my bag and stood up. I tried walking away, but Serena grabbed my arm.
“Alex, don't go. I'm sorry I never gave you the chance to explain yourself.. I'm so sorry Lex...”
I stood there for a minute thinking about what I should do. I was so damn angry, but knowing that I could finally be honest with someone, let alone my best friend, I knew I had to let it out.
“You know.... You should really order something to drink now... we may be here for a little bit...” I smiled and she laughed.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Olivia's POV
Why can't I just get a damn break.
My morning has already been shot to hell, and it's only 12pm. I woke up with a killer migraine, a shattered heart, and a broken ego. How could I be so damn stupid.
I sat down on the park bench to give myself a small break from my run. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to get rid of this headache. I then put my face in my hands and just let out a long sigh. It felt good to be honest with you. Here I am, a woman who is over 35, having to deal with, what feels like, high school drama.
I don;t know how long I've been sitting there, but I feel like someone is standing in front of me, so I look up. And I'm greeted with a very comforting face.
“Casey?” I smiled.
“Hey stranger, mind if I take a seat?” She laughed and I nodded.
“How have you been Case? I've missed talking to you and seeing you. How's life?”
“After being disbarred and whatnot, I had to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I'm still helping people. It's something you've got to keep doing once you work in SVU, ya know? I have my own private practice, but trust me, I am VERY selective with what I take. Other then that, I still live in Manhattan. I couldn't leave this place. Even though it held so many bad memories, I still had good memories, and amazing friends here.” She looked at me.
“Is everything okay Liv? Shouldn't you be at work?” I laughed.
“Oh Case, so much shit has happened. Alex is back...” I looked down and she put her hand on my shoulder. “She came to my apartment one night confessing her love for me, and why she waited 3 years to contact me, let alone anyone in her past, and then she ran. Looked and waited for her for a week, and then I called Serena. Serena told me the truth of house Alex has been married for the past 4 years, and I'm just crushed. You saw, well, felt, how I was when Alex first left. I put you through hell because my heart was broken. And here she is again breaking that same heart that I worked on for so long to put back together. What did I do wrong Casey?” A tear rolled down my cheek, but I would not let myself cry anymore.
“Oh Liv, I heard that Alex was back, and I thought of calling you, but I figured it wasn't my place. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you since I got kicked out. I'm so sorry... I wish Alex would come to her sense soon for you. I mean, neither of you are getting any younger, and you of all people, deserve to be happy.”
I smiled and we both got up from the bench, “Well, I hope she comes to her senses too Case... but if that ever happens, I might already be gone, ya know? But listen, don't be a stranger. Maybe sometime this week we can get together and talk more. I have to get to the precinct so I can catch Cragen before he leaves for some business trip. It was good seeing you Case.” I smiled and hugged her.
“I'm here for you Liv. I know I wasn't the greatest of friends to you, but I would like to be that friend for you. I'll give you a call later in the week and set something up.”
We both let go, and I waved as I began my run again. Since I was already close to the precinct, I decided to continue running there, instead of wasting money on a damn cab.
As much as my legs hurt, it felt nice being able to feel the hurt coming from another spot in my body, other then my heart. Sounds king of cheesy I know, but it was comforting.
I made my way up the 1-6's steps and walked into the corridor hoping, no praying that Alex wasn't there. I was in no mood to confront her or anything. I walked through the doors and Elliot immediately shot his head up.
“Hey Liv, I was wondering why I didn't get a call this morning, how are you?” He came over and hugged me. I had to laugh.
“I'm okay El. A bruised ego and a twisted knee should be easily fixed with some ice, and a night out sometime this week with my best friend.” I smiled and he laughed out loud. “I think that could easily be planned partner. Oh, I'm guessing you came by to see Cap, he's in the office, but a forewarning, he's not too happy today.” I nodded and made my way to his office. I knocked on his door and heard him yell 'come in'.
“Hey Cap, what's up?” He looked up from his paperwork and instantly lit up.
“Olivia! What are you doing here, I gave you off until tomorrow?” He sat up in his seat.
“Yeah, um, about that Cap... do you think I could get an extra week off? There's a lot of things going on right now that I need some time to sort out. And until I sort them out, I don't think I'll be much of any help around here...” I shrugged.
“Liv... It's about damn time you took sometime off. If you need more than a week, let me know. You have the most personal time than anyone in this squad. Get your personal life in order before you get your ass back in here chasing perps. Oh, and I somehow overheard you and Stabler talking... Get that knee checked out if anything.”
I had to laugh because I knew that these people in this precinct, were my true family. I nodded. “Thanks Cap, you'll be the first to know how everything turns out and if I do go to get my knee checked out.” I turned around.
“Liv, remember what I said, give her time. I know you know the truth now, but there's more to it then you think...” I smiled weakly at him and made my way out to talk to El.
“So partner, what did the Cap say? You taking more time off because of everything?” He threw a pencil at me to get my attention.
“Yeah, I'm taking an extra week off to figure this whole mess out. I don't know what I'm going to do El, ya know?” I sat down at my desk, “This is just so crazy. Everything is just spinning out of control and I'm not sure what to do...” He got up and sat on the corner of my desk.
“Honestly Liv, if I were you, I'd go somewhere to clear my head and just get away from all of this mumbo jumbo. You've been under a lot recently. Take it easy. And get that knee looked at. It's looking a bit swollen already.” I grinned. “Thanks El, I think I'll do just that. I got an idea of where I can go to clear my head... And my knee, hey, it's fine. I tweaked it a little bit but it's all good. I'm just gonna sit her for about 10 more minutes to rest, and then make my way back home.” He looked at me, sighed, and turned away shaking his head.
“What?!” I laughed
“You are so damn stubborn Benson...”
We both had to laugh, “Trust me Stabler, I know...”
I began cleaning my desk and getting everything in order for myself when I get back, or my replacement for the time being. I feel bad for doing this to El, but I know he understands. He's told me countless times that I deserve to be happy and to do anything in my power to be truly happy. It's just taking some time for me to realize what truly makes me happy, and of course the one person that does, went and broke my heart. Ahh, oh well, I need to get her out of my head for a little bit.
“Well, how lucky am I to be blessed with the chance to see the truly amazing Olivia Benson? I haven't seen you in a couple of days...” Munch came in patting my back.
“Munch, you saw me 2 days ago... You make it seem as though we haven't seen each other in years” I laughed. “Well my dear, life without you here is just so painful. It's hard to go through everyday withou--” I cut him off by throwing a notepad at him “Shut it Munch” We all laughed.
“Oh, speaking of which, I talked to Casey before I came here. We ran into each other at the park, well, sh e actually caught my resting and started conversation with me...”
“How's my girl doin'?” Fin walked in overhearing the conversation.
“She's actually doing really good. She's still living in Manhattan and she has her own private practice. But she told me she is extremely selective. She looks like the same old Casey we had. We're actually getting together sometime this week to catch up and everything...” I smiled.
“Thats great Liv, I hope she knows we all miss her and everything. She was an awesome prosecutor for us.” We all laughed and shared stories about our times with Casey.
That's when I heard a very familiar noise that made my neck almost snap off from turning to look at the doors. I heard her laugh. I also heard Serena talking to her. She walked through the doors and stood there, “Morning detectives...”
I got up real fast, grabbed my sweatshirt, and walked right past her without even stealing a glance at her. I waved my hand to El, and he of course understood.
“Take it easy Liv, I'll see you when you get back!” I laughed. Of course El had to make it a point that I was taking a break off of work, right in front of Alex.
It killed me, but I felt her staring at me leave...
And it made me want to run back in there.
To do what?
Slap her?
Hug her?
Kiss her?
I don't know what I would have done, but I know that if I didn't leave now, I might regret doing something...
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Alex's POV
“So that's how it all happened... Hammond basically told me if we didn't get married, Zapata and Velez would know that I was right there and they would kill me. Hammond basically forced me to get married. It felt almost like I was a mail order bride. It sucked Serena... It really did. I just wish I could have changed everything 3 years ago when I got out. I felt bad. They guy really loves me, and I feel like I'd ruin his life...” I looked down at my tea and started swirling the cup.
“But don't you get it Lex? You're ruining Olivia's because you told her you loved her. It took her years before she could even think about dating. I saw her go on countless dates, only to be sitting at the bar by herself thinking of you. You've always been a part of her Lex, let her finally be a part of you. Let her in. Break things off with Jason. I'm sure he'll understand and move on. Olivia deserves to be happy. And you are her happiness. Think about it...” I nodded.
“I know I have to change a lot Serena, I just don't know how to fix my own mistakes. It's almost impossible for me to fix things now...” I turned to my side, and saw someone who looked eerily familiar.
“Casey?!” She stopped running and turned around. “Alex? It's good to see you, how are things?” She looked amazing and I couldn't help but notice she was almost radiating. “Things could be better, but hey, I'm alive.” W both laughed.
“Hey Serena, how are you?” I looked at them both and things seemed to be awkward. I felt like there was a lot of sexual tension that I needed to question Serena about when Casey left.
“I'm good Casey.. hey listen Lex, I gotta go. I need to meet up with my mother to discuss some god awful family reunion thing we're doing this summer, give me a call later. Remember Lex, take it easy with Liv, her heart is in pieces... Casey, it was good seeing you..” She put a $10 bill on the table and began walking away.
“That wasn't awkward or anything...” Casey said and laughed. She looked at me almost scared of my question.
“Let me guess, you and Serena had a 'thing' had one point... and I'm guessing by the way she pulled back, things didn't end too well...?” She looked down at her feet.
“Things were amazing with us. We had so much fun being together and we had amazing chemistry... but one day she just started to become distant. I realized that she knew things were getting serious between us so she pulled back. She hasn't returned any of my calls since I was disbarred. I miss her...” She looked really sad. She popped her head up.
“But hey, on the bright side, you're back! I caught Liv in the park earlier and she told me what's been going on... I'm not choosing sides, trust me Alex. But be honest with Olivia. She's an amazing woman and an extraordinary friend. She's fragile. She gave me complete hell after you were shot and I came in. She's missed you. She may need some space though Alex.. She took in a lot of information. I completely understand that you wanted to tell her the truth, but give her time to cool off...” I smiled and nodded at her.
“Thanks Casey...” She touched my shoulder then we said our goodbyes and left. I paid the waitress and grabbed my stuff, and started my walk towards the precinct.
I got to the precinct in a little less than 10 minutes. In ways, I was hoping Liv was there, but at the same time, I hope she wasn't because things would be awkward. I started walking up the steps when I heard my name being called.
“Lex!”
“Serena? I though you had to go...?” Now I was confused. We began walking inside
“Yeah, that was kind of an excuse... I'm sure Casey told you about us?” She tried to kind of hide behind herself and all we both could do was laugh.
“That's something that I would love to start again, but we were getting serious and serious and I don't get along too well.”
“Oh Serena..” I laughed as I stepped through the doors.
My eyed immediately stopped at her. She was wearing a navy blue t shirt with a gray sweatshirt. She had black basketball shorts on, and you could tell she was wearing spandex underneath them. She was gorgeous, even looking like she just ran 20 miles.
“Morning detectives...”
As I said that, Olivia got up from her seat real fast, grabbed her sweatshirt, and walked past me without regarding me at all.
I deserved that. I turned around to look at her and saw her waving her hand to Elliot.
“Take it easy Liv, I'll see you when you get back!”
When she gets back?! What is Elliot talking about?
“When she gets back? Where is she going...?” I saw the look in his eyes and I immediately regret asking that.
“She took some time off due to complications in her personal life. Back off Alex. You've done enough to her. Let her be now. She has to clear her head, and she is going to do just that. I suggest you don't try to contact her...” He looked like he was about to attack me, even though his words stung enough.
I nodded, “Well I just came by to see how everyone is doing. I'm going to go head to my office now to grab some files. Serena, you coming?” I looked at her, she was talking to Fin.
“Coming Alex!” I started to walk away and she walked up to me.
“You okay Lex?” I looked at her, with tears in my eyes.
“I really screwed up, didn't I...?” Without waiting for an answer, I walked away.
Pairing: Implied Alex/Olivia. Later on it will be.
Spoilers: 10x15. Lead
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
A/N:omg everyone I am soooo sorry! I posted this on FF.net like 2 weeks ago. I could've sworn I posted it on here. So for those of you that don't go on ff.net, i apologize!
Alex's POV
Oh God, what have I done? I can't believe Serena would do that to me. She knew that I was going to tell Olivia... she knew that. Why did she do this to me..
The truth? Yes, I've been married for the past 4 years, and yes, it's been good. But at the same time, the empty touches and the meaningless words... they take a toll on me. When I went to Olivia's apartment that night, that's honestly the first time in 4 years, that I felt truly loved and cared for.
So what am I honestly going to do to fix this mess? Olivia is the only one I want, and right now, she's out of my reach. I do realize though, that I need to go down to the precinct to at least see her, only after I talk to my darling best friend. I picked up the phone and gave Serena a call.
“Hello?” Her groggy voice rang out.
“Meet me at the corner deli in 15 minutes by my apartment.” I had to be stern.
“Look Alex, it's like 8 in the morning, I had a late night, can't this wait for a better time?” I laughed.
“No, it really can't Serena, we have some issues we need to discuss. Meet me there in 15 minutes, if you're not there, I'll see you at your place. Goodbye.” I abruptly hung up and grabbed my light coat since I knew it was gorgeous outside. I put a pair of comfortable flats on and made my way out of my apartment.
“Hello Ms Cabot, going to work early today?” Gary, the security guard greeted me. I smiled up at him.
“Not today Gary, I have some business that I have to take care of with my best friend. I'll most likely be back within the hour. Have a nice morning!” I went past him and started my walk to the corner deli.
I picked one of the tables outside so that I wouldn't cause a scene inside if things got a little out of hand with us. As I was sitting down, the waitress came up to me and asked me what I would like to drink. “Can I get a sweet tea? With extra lemon?” She smiled at me and walked away.
At this point, I saw Serena walking down the street. She rounded the outside fence and walked over to the table.
“Well don't you look a hot mess this morning Miss Southerlyn...” I laughed. She didn't...
“Don's start your shit today with me Alex. I know what I'm here about. So let me get straight to the point.” The waitress came back with my sweet tea and asked Serena if she wanted anything. “No thanks, I won't be here long.” They both smiled. “She was cute... but hey, anyway. Alex, Olivia deserved to know. I can't believe you were foolish enough to tell her that you loved her! For God's sake Alex, you're married. You've been married since the last year you were Witness Protection. When you came back for Connors trial, she told me about your talk that night and how you told her you had met an insurance adjuster.. Now tell me Alex, how would that make Olivia feel when you tell her that that same guy, is the one she saw you kissing last night? Huh? How would that make you feel.” She banged her first on the table.
“Serena, honestly, you had no right at all telling her, let alone showing her about my private life. I needed to figure out what exactly I was going to do, and say to Olivia. I love her, I truly do. And I understand completely that telling her who exactly he is, is going to crush her. I know that for a fact. Remember Serena, I fell in love with that woman so I know how she is going to react. I know how she'd retreat into herself and not let me in. I know that she wouldn't forgive me, no matter what I did. But, nobody knows the truth about us. Not Olivia and me, but Jason and me..”
“The truth Alex? I can see the truth... You're in a loveless relationship, and at the same time, starting the most amazing relationship of your life. Living your perfect double life... Just as it was before you got shot. God Alex, you're unbelievable. How could you possibly have the nerve to tell Liv that you loved her... You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone her... It's not fair Alex..”
I was beyond pissed off. “You know what's not fair Serena?” I began almost yelling, “Being forced to get married and begin telling myself to create feelings for a man who I couldn't give two shits for. I faked every worked I said to him. Anytime I said 'I love you' to him, I envisioned Liv in my head. Every time we had sex, I came close to yelling her name. Every single time. When we got married, I was FORCED to write my vows for a man I didn't love. And guess what, I almost slipped her name into the vows. Every single night, before I went to bed, I told Olivia that I loved her. Every single god damn night I held onto her. And then I... I can't do this...” I grabbed my bag and stood up. I tried walking away, but Serena grabbed my arm.
“Alex, don't go. I'm sorry I never gave you the chance to explain yourself.. I'm so sorry Lex...”
I stood there for a minute thinking about what I should do. I was so damn angry, but knowing that I could finally be honest with someone, let alone my best friend, I knew I had to let it out.
“You know.... You should really order something to drink now... we may be here for a little bit...” I smiled and she laughed.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Olivia's POV
Why can't I just get a damn break.
My morning has already been shot to hell, and it's only 12pm. I woke up with a killer migraine, a shattered heart, and a broken ego. How could I be so damn stupid.
I sat down on the park bench to give myself a small break from my run. I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to get rid of this headache. I then put my face in my hands and just let out a long sigh. It felt good to be honest with you. Here I am, a woman who is over 35, having to deal with, what feels like, high school drama.
I don;t know how long I've been sitting there, but I feel like someone is standing in front of me, so I look up. And I'm greeted with a very comforting face.
“Casey?” I smiled.
“Hey stranger, mind if I take a seat?” She laughed and I nodded.
“How have you been Case? I've missed talking to you and seeing you. How's life?”
“After being disbarred and whatnot, I had to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I'm still helping people. It's something you've got to keep doing once you work in SVU, ya know? I have my own private practice, but trust me, I am VERY selective with what I take. Other then that, I still live in Manhattan. I couldn't leave this place. Even though it held so many bad memories, I still had good memories, and amazing friends here.” She looked at me.
“Is everything okay Liv? Shouldn't you be at work?” I laughed.
“Oh Case, so much shit has happened. Alex is back...” I looked down and she put her hand on my shoulder. “She came to my apartment one night confessing her love for me, and why she waited 3 years to contact me, let alone anyone in her past, and then she ran. Looked and waited for her for a week, and then I called Serena. Serena told me the truth of house Alex has been married for the past 4 years, and I'm just crushed. You saw, well, felt, how I was when Alex first left. I put you through hell because my heart was broken. And here she is again breaking that same heart that I worked on for so long to put back together. What did I do wrong Casey?” A tear rolled down my cheek, but I would not let myself cry anymore.
“Oh Liv, I heard that Alex was back, and I thought of calling you, but I figured it wasn't my place. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you since I got kicked out. I'm so sorry... I wish Alex would come to her sense soon for you. I mean, neither of you are getting any younger, and you of all people, deserve to be happy.”
I smiled and we both got up from the bench, “Well, I hope she comes to her senses too Case... but if that ever happens, I might already be gone, ya know? But listen, don't be a stranger. Maybe sometime this week we can get together and talk more. I have to get to the precinct so I can catch Cragen before he leaves for some business trip. It was good seeing you Case.” I smiled and hugged her.
“I'm here for you Liv. I know I wasn't the greatest of friends to you, but I would like to be that friend for you. I'll give you a call later in the week and set something up.”
We both let go, and I waved as I began my run again. Since I was already close to the precinct, I decided to continue running there, instead of wasting money on a damn cab.
As much as my legs hurt, it felt nice being able to feel the hurt coming from another spot in my body, other then my heart. Sounds king of cheesy I know, but it was comforting.
I made my way up the 1-6's steps and walked into the corridor hoping, no praying that Alex wasn't there. I was in no mood to confront her or anything. I walked through the doors and Elliot immediately shot his head up.
“Hey Liv, I was wondering why I didn't get a call this morning, how are you?” He came over and hugged me. I had to laugh.
“I'm okay El. A bruised ego and a twisted knee should be easily fixed with some ice, and a night out sometime this week with my best friend.” I smiled and he laughed out loud. “I think that could easily be planned partner. Oh, I'm guessing you came by to see Cap, he's in the office, but a forewarning, he's not too happy today.” I nodded and made my way to his office. I knocked on his door and heard him yell 'come in'.
“Hey Cap, what's up?” He looked up from his paperwork and instantly lit up.
“Olivia! What are you doing here, I gave you off until tomorrow?” He sat up in his seat.
“Yeah, um, about that Cap... do you think I could get an extra week off? There's a lot of things going on right now that I need some time to sort out. And until I sort them out, I don't think I'll be much of any help around here...” I shrugged.
“Liv... It's about damn time you took sometime off. If you need more than a week, let me know. You have the most personal time than anyone in this squad. Get your personal life in order before you get your ass back in here chasing perps. Oh, and I somehow overheard you and Stabler talking... Get that knee checked out if anything.”
I had to laugh because I knew that these people in this precinct, were my true family. I nodded. “Thanks Cap, you'll be the first to know how everything turns out and if I do go to get my knee checked out.” I turned around.
“Liv, remember what I said, give her time. I know you know the truth now, but there's more to it then you think...” I smiled weakly at him and made my way out to talk to El.
“So partner, what did the Cap say? You taking more time off because of everything?” He threw a pencil at me to get my attention.
“Yeah, I'm taking an extra week off to figure this whole mess out. I don't know what I'm going to do El, ya know?” I sat down at my desk, “This is just so crazy. Everything is just spinning out of control and I'm not sure what to do...” He got up and sat on the corner of my desk.
“Honestly Liv, if I were you, I'd go somewhere to clear my head and just get away from all of this mumbo jumbo. You've been under a lot recently. Take it easy. And get that knee looked at. It's looking a bit swollen already.” I grinned. “Thanks El, I think I'll do just that. I got an idea of where I can go to clear my head... And my knee, hey, it's fine. I tweaked it a little bit but it's all good. I'm just gonna sit her for about 10 more minutes to rest, and then make my way back home.” He looked at me, sighed, and turned away shaking his head.
“What?!” I laughed
“You are so damn stubborn Benson...”
We both had to laugh, “Trust me Stabler, I know...”
I began cleaning my desk and getting everything in order for myself when I get back, or my replacement for the time being. I feel bad for doing this to El, but I know he understands. He's told me countless times that I deserve to be happy and to do anything in my power to be truly happy. It's just taking some time for me to realize what truly makes me happy, and of course the one person that does, went and broke my heart. Ahh, oh well, I need to get her out of my head for a little bit.
“Well, how lucky am I to be blessed with the chance to see the truly amazing Olivia Benson? I haven't seen you in a couple of days...” Munch came in patting my back.
“Munch, you saw me 2 days ago... You make it seem as though we haven't seen each other in years” I laughed. “Well my dear, life without you here is just so painful. It's hard to go through everyday withou--” I cut him off by throwing a notepad at him “Shut it Munch” We all laughed.
“Oh, speaking of which, I talked to Casey before I came here. We ran into each other at the park, well, sh e actually caught my resting and started conversation with me...”
“How's my girl doin'?” Fin walked in overhearing the conversation.
“She's actually doing really good. She's still living in Manhattan and she has her own private practice. But she told me she is extremely selective. She looks like the same old Casey we had. We're actually getting together sometime this week to catch up and everything...” I smiled.
“Thats great Liv, I hope she knows we all miss her and everything. She was an awesome prosecutor for us.” We all laughed and shared stories about our times with Casey.
That's when I heard a very familiar noise that made my neck almost snap off from turning to look at the doors. I heard her laugh. I also heard Serena talking to her. She walked through the doors and stood there, “Morning detectives...”
I got up real fast, grabbed my sweatshirt, and walked right past her without even stealing a glance at her. I waved my hand to El, and he of course understood.
“Take it easy Liv, I'll see you when you get back!” I laughed. Of course El had to make it a point that I was taking a break off of work, right in front of Alex.
It killed me, but I felt her staring at me leave...
And it made me want to run back in there.
To do what?
Slap her?
Hug her?
Kiss her?
I don't know what I would have done, but I know that if I didn't leave now, I might regret doing something...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Alex's POV
“So that's how it all happened... Hammond basically told me if we didn't get married, Zapata and Velez would know that I was right there and they would kill me. Hammond basically forced me to get married. It felt almost like I was a mail order bride. It sucked Serena... It really did. I just wish I could have changed everything 3 years ago when I got out. I felt bad. They guy really loves me, and I feel like I'd ruin his life...” I looked down at my tea and started swirling the cup.
“But don't you get it Lex? You're ruining Olivia's because you told her you loved her. It took her years before she could even think about dating. I saw her go on countless dates, only to be sitting at the bar by herself thinking of you. You've always been a part of her Lex, let her finally be a part of you. Let her in. Break things off with Jason. I'm sure he'll understand and move on. Olivia deserves to be happy. And you are her happiness. Think about it...” I nodded.
“I know I have to change a lot Serena, I just don't know how to fix my own mistakes. It's almost impossible for me to fix things now...” I turned to my side, and saw someone who looked eerily familiar.
“Casey?!” She stopped running and turned around. “Alex? It's good to see you, how are things?” She looked amazing and I couldn't help but notice she was almost radiating. “Things could be better, but hey, I'm alive.” W both laughed.
“Hey Serena, how are you?” I looked at them both and things seemed to be awkward. I felt like there was a lot of sexual tension that I needed to question Serena about when Casey left.
“I'm good Casey.. hey listen Lex, I gotta go. I need to meet up with my mother to discuss some god awful family reunion thing we're doing this summer, give me a call later. Remember Lex, take it easy with Liv, her heart is in pieces... Casey, it was good seeing you..” She put a $10 bill on the table and began walking away.
“That wasn't awkward or anything...” Casey said and laughed. She looked at me almost scared of my question.
“Let me guess, you and Serena had a 'thing' had one point... and I'm guessing by the way she pulled back, things didn't end too well...?” She looked down at her feet.
“Things were amazing with us. We had so much fun being together and we had amazing chemistry... but one day she just started to become distant. I realized that she knew things were getting serious between us so she pulled back. She hasn't returned any of my calls since I was disbarred. I miss her...” She looked really sad. She popped her head up.
“But hey, on the bright side, you're back! I caught Liv in the park earlier and she told me what's been going on... I'm not choosing sides, trust me Alex. But be honest with Olivia. She's an amazing woman and an extraordinary friend. She's fragile. She gave me complete hell after you were shot and I came in. She's missed you. She may need some space though Alex.. She took in a lot of information. I completely understand that you wanted to tell her the truth, but give her time to cool off...” I smiled and nodded at her.
“Thanks Casey...” She touched my shoulder then we said our goodbyes and left. I paid the waitress and grabbed my stuff, and started my walk towards the precinct.
I got to the precinct in a little less than 10 minutes. In ways, I was hoping Liv was there, but at the same time, I hope she wasn't because things would be awkward. I started walking up the steps when I heard my name being called.
“Lex!”
“Serena? I though you had to go...?” Now I was confused. We began walking inside
“Yeah, that was kind of an excuse... I'm sure Casey told you about us?” She tried to kind of hide behind herself and all we both could do was laugh.
“That's something that I would love to start again, but we were getting serious and serious and I don't get along too well.”
“Oh Serena..” I laughed as I stepped through the doors.
My eyed immediately stopped at her. She was wearing a navy blue t shirt with a gray sweatshirt. She had black basketball shorts on, and you could tell she was wearing spandex underneath them. She was gorgeous, even looking like she just ran 20 miles.
“Morning detectives...”
As I said that, Olivia got up from her seat real fast, grabbed her sweatshirt, and walked past me without regarding me at all.
I deserved that. I turned around to look at her and saw her waving her hand to Elliot.
“Take it easy Liv, I'll see you when you get back!”
When she gets back?! What is Elliot talking about?
“When she gets back? Where is she going...?” I saw the look in his eyes and I immediately regret asking that.
“She took some time off due to complications in her personal life. Back off Alex. You've done enough to her. Let her be now. She has to clear her head, and she is going to do just that. I suggest you don't try to contact her...” He looked like he was about to attack me, even though his words stung enough.
I nodded, “Well I just came by to see how everyone is doing. I'm going to go head to my office now to grab some files. Serena, you coming?” I looked at her, she was talking to Fin.
“Coming Alex!” I started to walk away and she walked up to me.
“You okay Lex?” I looked at her, with tears in my eyes.
“I really screwed up, didn't I...?” Without waiting for an answer, I walked away.