I'll Be Waiting
Summary: Alex decides to just go with it...
It played over and over in my mind like Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.” The soft dulcet tones of her voice drifted across the room as she leaned against my door.
“One date. What’s it going to hurt?” Her eyes shone with hope and her relaxed demeanor almost had me convinced.
What’s it going to hurt?
I smiled sadly and just shook my head no.
“I’m sorry. I really am. If you were... If I was….”
She put her hand up to silence me and my lips ceased to move.
“It’s okay, Counselor.” I shuddered at the lack of warmth in the designation she used in place of the familiar Lex she usually called me by when we weren’t in the company of the squad.
She walked into my office and picked up a frame from my desk. It was one of the entire squad together at the last Christmas party. The way we looked at each other in that photo...I briefly closed my eyes to steady the rise in my pulse that I always encountered when I thought about her.
I crossed my arms over my chest to protect what I could of my heart and shifted uneasily in her presence. Things had never felt more awkward between us and I had never felt more uneasy about anything.
I opened my mouth to speak twice before I found my voice.
“This isn’t going to be….I mean, between us, things won’t be…we’re not going to…” I sighed heavily, perplexed that I was unable to form a coherent thought.
“Don’t worry,” she said calmly as she put the frame down on my desk and shoved her hands into her pockets. “Look, I’ve been turned down before. We’re both professionals. And let’s be honest here, Alex, nothing happened so there’s nothing to feel awkward about.”
She didn’t even see me nodding as she swaggered out of my office, seemingly unfazed by my denial of her request.
Three hours later, I was still sitting on the couch in my office, clutching my purse at my side and holding the frame in my hands that Liv had studied before leaving. I was smiling despite myself, remembering how soft her lips felt against my cheek when we found ourselves beneath the mistletoe and gave in to Munch’s taunts with the aid of too many cocktails. I inhaled deeply as I recalled the whispered admission I made just after the kiss, “Would you believe that’s the best kiss I’ve had in years?”
“Fuck it. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” I muttered as I put the frame back on my desk and pulled my phone from my purse as I closed the door behind me.
I dialed the number from memory and waited for her to answer, hoping I hadn’t been too stupid and that I wasn’t too late.
“Benson,” the disembodied voice answered, deep and obviously painted with sleep.
“Liv?” My voice was weak, yet wanton.
“Lex?” She suddenly sounded alert as she asked, “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”
“No. Yes.”
“Lex?”
“Can I come over, Liv? I want…no, I need to see you.”
I could sense the smile on her face even though there was no way I could confirm it was there. “I’ll be waiting.”
It played over and over in my mind like Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.” The soft dulcet tones of her voice drifted across the room as she leaned against my door.
“One date. What’s it going to hurt?” Her eyes shone with hope and her relaxed demeanor almost had me convinced.
What’s it going to hurt?
I smiled sadly and just shook my head no.
“I’m sorry. I really am. If you were... If I was….”
She put her hand up to silence me and my lips ceased to move.
“It’s okay, Counselor.” I shuddered at the lack of warmth in the designation she used in place of the familiar Lex she usually called me by when we weren’t in the company of the squad.
She walked into my office and picked up a frame from my desk. It was one of the entire squad together at the last Christmas party. The way we looked at each other in that photo...I briefly closed my eyes to steady the rise in my pulse that I always encountered when I thought about her.
I crossed my arms over my chest to protect what I could of my heart and shifted uneasily in her presence. Things had never felt more awkward between us and I had never felt more uneasy about anything.
I opened my mouth to speak twice before I found my voice.
“This isn’t going to be….I mean, between us, things won’t be…we’re not going to…” I sighed heavily, perplexed that I was unable to form a coherent thought.
“Don’t worry,” she said calmly as she put the frame down on my desk and shoved her hands into her pockets. “Look, I’ve been turned down before. We’re both professionals. And let’s be honest here, Alex, nothing happened so there’s nothing to feel awkward about.”
She didn’t even see me nodding as she swaggered out of my office, seemingly unfazed by my denial of her request.
Three hours later, I was still sitting on the couch in my office, clutching my purse at my side and holding the frame in my hands that Liv had studied before leaving. I was smiling despite myself, remembering how soft her lips felt against my cheek when we found ourselves beneath the mistletoe and gave in to Munch’s taunts with the aid of too many cocktails. I inhaled deeply as I recalled the whispered admission I made just after the kiss, “Would you believe that’s the best kiss I’ve had in years?”
“Fuck it. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” I muttered as I put the frame back on my desk and pulled my phone from my purse as I closed the door behind me.
I dialed the number from memory and waited for her to answer, hoping I hadn’t been too stupid and that I wasn’t too late.
“Benson,” the disembodied voice answered, deep and obviously painted with sleep.
“Liv?” My voice was weak, yet wanton.
“Lex?” She suddenly sounded alert as she asked, “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”
“No. Yes.”
“Lex?”
“Can I come over, Liv? I want…no, I need to see you.”
I could sense the smile on her face even though there was no way I could confirm it was there. “I’ll be waiting.”