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Aug 03, 2009 20:11

Admissions Essay (2 pages Maximum) including the following ( Read more... )

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Comments 21

jesusssss August 4 2009, 00:22:04 UTC
For me i have trouble writing essays and i think this is really good.

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yrrebyllil August 4 2009, 00:24:00 UTC
Everything flows nicely together and your writing style is superb. I can't find any mistakes that should be fixed.

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chatteredrhythm August 4 2009, 00:26:46 UTC
this is wonderful Alex!!!

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byebyeemo August 4 2009, 00:29:49 UTC
Throughout my years, I put as much effort as possible into my schoolwork, as long with holding down a part-time job at a local general hardware and lumber store, working nights and weekends, about a total of 25 hours a week.
I think it would sound a little better as "along with".

While I enjoyed my classes and job just fine,
You don't need to include the just fine part.

I have and have had an interest in the fashion industry.
idk maybe you could reword this a little differently and like add a little cuteness to it like "I have always enjoyed fashion ever since I experimented with my mother's high heels and make-up, and I feel that I will always be interested in the fashion industry."

Interested, I took the quiz, and found the results intriguing. My top result was that of the visual communications field. Interested, I took a gander at the field, and was pleasantly surprised that it had a mixture of all the activities I enjoy, such as music and arts.You have "interested" used as a start to both of these sentences, and I think it ( ... )

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alexandrahhh August 4 2009, 00:33:21 UTC
thank you so much for your help!

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byebyeemo August 4 2009, 00:33:49 UTC
you're welcome :)

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alexandrahhh August 4 2009, 00:34:06 UTC
and they are indented on word hahaha, it just didn't copy and paste the indent :)

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anonymous August 4 2009, 00:34:59 UTC
i would recommend putting one line in between paragraphs to make it easier to read. And indenting each paragraph

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alexandrahhh August 4 2009, 00:37:23 UTC
it is like that on word hahaha, it didn't copy/paste over lol

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