Belated Update
Should have written this entry on Saturday, really. Ah well. I was having so much trouble sleeping that day, I couldn't be bothered to do anything in the evening except study.
First thing's first. The aquarium. Oh my days! Hadn't been there since I was a kid (and was totally obsessed with marine life)! It has changed a hella lot since then, but in good ways. I didn't really know, going in, how much I could expect to learn, but they had species guides for ALL the exhibits, including their Latin names! It was great to be able to see all the things we'd been learning about in lectures with my own eyes, like the rock pools and the sandy shores. And I was fortunate enough to watch sea stars actually moving!
Learned a lot about ecosystem monitoring, and a lot about sharks and rays, and a HELLA lot about turtles! And in the gift shop I got myself a lovely stuffed turtle, which I am cuddled up with as I write. She (decided this one is a female) doesn't have a name yet though.
I remember saying I planned that trip to enhance my knowledge for the relevant exam today. What a huge load of use that was... :V
It was a nasty paper. That much can be said. And I chose what was, to me, a nasty topic (considering how much I could have said about, say, marine reserves). I almost burst into tears because in the planning stage, my mind just went blank. But eventually it all came back to me and my hands stopped shaking JUST enough to write legibly.
I don't feel that I wrote a good essay. Technically speaking, I gave them what they asked for: lecture derived material, with examples, and outside reading and an attempt at original thought and a good go at answering the question presented. But it just didn't feel... killer, to me. Like some essays do (but saying that, the essay I considered 'killer' last term was my lowest scored). So, I'm afraid, I will be losing some sleep over how that one went, just like with Psychology. And now, the focus is on studying for my final exam next week. I've already started that, and already gotten some great outside reading for it, but I had to stop for I had burned out for this day.
On another topic, things are going better than I could've dreamed, in the gym department.
I'm not just trying to lose weight, although that is the main reason I'm there. Recent events have made me think a lot about my mortality, and how much I fear death. And that a significant fraction of my life has already passed, in what seems like no time at all. So I want to do what I can to ensure I live as long as I can, and with the best quality of life.
Also, I want to do a cosplay of the Digimon Mervamon at some point, and her body is perfect. It wouldn't be right to cosplay her looking like a couch potato just because I have huge breasts. So I wanted to tone up (a dream of mine since I was 15). And I can see results! It looks as though I'm already getting abs (though my pot belly is still too protruding to really see them), and my arms are looking way toned.
And what's more, I actually FEEL fitter! I'm using that cycling machine at such RPM that I could never have imagined before! And it gets easier every time. When I walk down to the high street, or even up the hill to campus, or, even better, simply UP THE STAIRS, I feel like moving my body parts has become easier. I don't get QUITE as out of breath as I did before. Needless to say, I still hate to run (haven't even touched a treadmill in the gym so far), and seeing people jogging out and about still makes me think of pain and suffering. But the bottom line is, I am actually getting fitter, and therefore, healthier.
My diet has had an overhaul too. It's mostly dictated by working out, and a need for protein, so most of my lunch and dinner is pure chicken or turkey. And then I just throw a load of vegetables in there too. But dieting has NOT been easy for me. I wake up, and all I can think about is food. I have my sugary kids' cereal to motivate myself to not eat badly for the rest of the day, and all I can think is 'well, it'll be another 24 hours before I can have that again...'. Then all I can think about is lunch, except if I'm at the gym in between. Then after lunch, all I can think about is dinner. Dinner is ridiculously early in the evening compared to when I go to sleep (dinner at 6PM, sleep usually around 3AM), so all evening, all I can think about is tomorrow's bowl of cereal. Things will get better soon, not because I feel I will lose my appetite, but because when I lose the pot belly, I can treat myself to all the tasty treats again, and maybe move my evening meal a bit further into the evening.
Lastly to say, is that I've been watching Sugar Rush from the start. Oh, how that show comforts me when I am depressed. I first saw it very late at night on TV, during the dark times of begging Ellis to talk to me. I got wasted again, and that show was, that night, so comforting to me. Since my relationship with Ollie has taken steps very reminiscent of those that Ellis took, similar, but worse, feelings have come over me. I'm not taking meds anymore because they mess the body right up, but it's hard to fight these feelings of depression. Sure, I can go out and do everything I normally would, and I'm perfectly cheerful when I talk to people (mainly because I feel happier when I'm around people. I crave company, and have almost none of this right now - I wonder if I am the only person who ever went to university and came out with no friends), but I've been so emotional recently I started crying while watching Final Destination, for god's sake. I go on trains of thought that lead me to terrible places, specifically mortality. It's hard to stop thinking about that.
But things should get better when I finish the exam next week, because I can jump straight back into my hobbies, and see Milly virtually all the time. And I can be around my family, who I love more than anything in the world. I tell my parents I love them sometimes, but I don't think they really appreciate how important they are to me, and how crazy I would've gone if they hadn't been there for me over the last half a year.
First thing's first. The aquarium. Oh my days! Hadn't been there since I was a kid (and was totally obsessed with marine life)! It has changed a hella lot since then, but in good ways. I didn't really know, going in, how much I could expect to learn, but they had species guides for ALL the exhibits, including their Latin names! It was great to be able to see all the things we'd been learning about in lectures with my own eyes, like the rock pools and the sandy shores. And I was fortunate enough to watch sea stars actually moving!
Learned a lot about ecosystem monitoring, and a lot about sharks and rays, and a HELLA lot about turtles! And in the gift shop I got myself a lovely stuffed turtle, which I am cuddled up with as I write. She (decided this one is a female) doesn't have a name yet though.
I remember saying I planned that trip to enhance my knowledge for the relevant exam today. What a huge load of use that was... :V
It was a nasty paper. That much can be said. And I chose what was, to me, a nasty topic (considering how much I could have said about, say, marine reserves). I almost burst into tears because in the planning stage, my mind just went blank. But eventually it all came back to me and my hands stopped shaking JUST enough to write legibly.
I don't feel that I wrote a good essay. Technically speaking, I gave them what they asked for: lecture derived material, with examples, and outside reading and an attempt at original thought and a good go at answering the question presented. But it just didn't feel... killer, to me. Like some essays do (but saying that, the essay I considered 'killer' last term was my lowest scored). So, I'm afraid, I will be losing some sleep over how that one went, just like with Psychology. And now, the focus is on studying for my final exam next week. I've already started that, and already gotten some great outside reading for it, but I had to stop for I had burned out for this day.
On another topic, things are going better than I could've dreamed, in the gym department.
I'm not just trying to lose weight, although that is the main reason I'm there. Recent events have made me think a lot about my mortality, and how much I fear death. And that a significant fraction of my life has already passed, in what seems like no time at all. So I want to do what I can to ensure I live as long as I can, and with the best quality of life.
Also, I want to do a cosplay of the Digimon Mervamon at some point, and her body is perfect. It wouldn't be right to cosplay her looking like a couch potato just because I have huge breasts. So I wanted to tone up (a dream of mine since I was 15). And I can see results! It looks as though I'm already getting abs (though my pot belly is still too protruding to really see them), and my arms are looking way toned.
And what's more, I actually FEEL fitter! I'm using that cycling machine at such RPM that I could never have imagined before! And it gets easier every time. When I walk down to the high street, or even up the hill to campus, or, even better, simply UP THE STAIRS, I feel like moving my body parts has become easier. I don't get QUITE as out of breath as I did before. Needless to say, I still hate to run (haven't even touched a treadmill in the gym so far), and seeing people jogging out and about still makes me think of pain and suffering. But the bottom line is, I am actually getting fitter, and therefore, healthier.
My diet has had an overhaul too. It's mostly dictated by working out, and a need for protein, so most of my lunch and dinner is pure chicken or turkey. And then I just throw a load of vegetables in there too. But dieting has NOT been easy for me. I wake up, and all I can think about is food. I have my sugary kids' cereal to motivate myself to not eat badly for the rest of the day, and all I can think is 'well, it'll be another 24 hours before I can have that again...'. Then all I can think about is lunch, except if I'm at the gym in between. Then after lunch, all I can think about is dinner. Dinner is ridiculously early in the evening compared to when I go to sleep (dinner at 6PM, sleep usually around 3AM), so all evening, all I can think about is tomorrow's bowl of cereal. Things will get better soon, not because I feel I will lose my appetite, but because when I lose the pot belly, I can treat myself to all the tasty treats again, and maybe move my evening meal a bit further into the evening.
Lastly to say, is that I've been watching Sugar Rush from the start. Oh, how that show comforts me when I am depressed. I first saw it very late at night on TV, during the dark times of begging Ellis to talk to me. I got wasted again, and that show was, that night, so comforting to me. Since my relationship with Ollie has taken steps very reminiscent of those that Ellis took, similar, but worse, feelings have come over me. I'm not taking meds anymore because they mess the body right up, but it's hard to fight these feelings of depression. Sure, I can go out and do everything I normally would, and I'm perfectly cheerful when I talk to people (mainly because I feel happier when I'm around people. I crave company, and have almost none of this right now - I wonder if I am the only person who ever went to university and came out with no friends), but I've been so emotional recently I started crying while watching Final Destination, for god's sake. I go on trains of thought that lead me to terrible places, specifically mortality. It's hard to stop thinking about that.
But things should get better when I finish the exam next week, because I can jump straight back into my hobbies, and see Milly virtually all the time. And I can be around my family, who I love more than anything in the world. I tell my parents I love them sometimes, but I don't think they really appreciate how important they are to me, and how crazy I would've gone if they hadn't been there for me over the last half a year.