Full Professor!
So this week I heard that I received the promotion to Full Professor. That's basically the top of the game in academia. My little room in the Ivory Tower is paid for, decorated and feeling mighty cozy right now. No more evaluations. No one else to please. (At least, no one who can impact me in any meaningful way.)
When I got tenure, I felt I slowly relaxed over a period of a year or so. But this one seems to be hitting me more quickly. Maybe I'm more practiced at relaxing now! I just feel really settled and content. I'm so looking forward to taking the full summer off from all things academic.
I feel so thankful that I managed to do this all my way. I don't think I've ever felt like I had to sell out to achieve the things I wanted to. To a very large extent, I've followed my heart and my nose through all of this and ended up in a place that feels very supportive. I know that this kind of path through a career is exceedingly rare and I feel quite blessed. When I tell other academics that I've only ever applied for one job (this one), they are dumbfounded. I found a place I wanted to be and didn't bother with anything else. It was a bit insane but made sense at the time. And it still does. For whatever reason, I work well in this place. Sure, it has its problems and challenges but that doesn't change the fact that I feel at home there. Sometimes I feel guilty saying that because it doesn't mesh with other people's experience of the place. Like eating in front of a starving man or something. Actually I notice that I'm feeling a little bit like that right now in posting this entry. I'm afraid people will hate me if I'm happy or if things go well for me. I notice that I'm fighting a tendency to downplay all of this and let it all pass without marking it as an achievement.
I remember when I was 10 years old, I wrote a short story called "The Elephant and the Ant". It was a very cool story. One of my teachers encouraged me to submit it to a competition at our State Fair. I remember the day I went with my mother to the Fair to see how I'd done. I received a first place ribbon. I can still see it. I felt proud. In the car on the way back, my mother said "oh i knew you would win" but in a way that said "that's just what you do, no need to make a fuss about it." I still remember how silenced I felt by her response. And how alone.
I don't want to be alone in this accomplishment. Guess that's why I'm taking a risk and writing about it here.
When I got tenure, I felt I slowly relaxed over a period of a year or so. But this one seems to be hitting me more quickly. Maybe I'm more practiced at relaxing now! I just feel really settled and content. I'm so looking forward to taking the full summer off from all things academic.
I feel so thankful that I managed to do this all my way. I don't think I've ever felt like I had to sell out to achieve the things I wanted to. To a very large extent, I've followed my heart and my nose through all of this and ended up in a place that feels very supportive. I know that this kind of path through a career is exceedingly rare and I feel quite blessed. When I tell other academics that I've only ever applied for one job (this one), they are dumbfounded. I found a place I wanted to be and didn't bother with anything else. It was a bit insane but made sense at the time. And it still does. For whatever reason, I work well in this place. Sure, it has its problems and challenges but that doesn't change the fact that I feel at home there. Sometimes I feel guilty saying that because it doesn't mesh with other people's experience of the place. Like eating in front of a starving man or something. Actually I notice that I'm feeling a little bit like that right now in posting this entry. I'm afraid people will hate me if I'm happy or if things go well for me. I notice that I'm fighting a tendency to downplay all of this and let it all pass without marking it as an achievement.
I remember when I was 10 years old, I wrote a short story called "The Elephant and the Ant". It was a very cool story. One of my teachers encouraged me to submit it to a competition at our State Fair. I remember the day I went with my mother to the Fair to see how I'd done. I received a first place ribbon. I can still see it. I felt proud. In the car on the way back, my mother said "oh i knew you would win" but in a way that said "that's just what you do, no need to make a fuss about it." I still remember how silenced I felt by her response. And how alone.
I don't want to be alone in this accomplishment. Guess that's why I'm taking a risk and writing about it here.