part 26
it's like a race or something... XD
one write,and then another, and so on so on..
same as usual - not beta-ed.
No master how well prepared you may be, life always will find a way to leave you feeling numb.
Either from chock, from pleasure, from fear...
It just takes something as soft as a sun’s caress to suddenly turn your whole world upside down, to make everything you ever build crumble deep, deep inside you.
The short, sharp pain in my chest reminded me that I couldn’t hold my breath anymore.
I can’t even remember holding it for so long....
I breath in slowly, not to choke.
My eyes opened wide, resting on Aiji’s face.
What...
Did he just.. did he really kiss me right now?
If there wasn’t this chaos ,that still seemed like the most natural thing in the world, which ruled over my feelings right now...
If I still couldn’t feel that velvety soft tissue press lightly against my mouth...
Maybe it was merely the most gentle of touches...
But it managed to rise a wave deep inside me, that washed over, numbing everything out except ...
Except what?
What is it....?
The clock strikes six times...
I wish I could fall asleep once again...
Not to think, not to try and understand...
But then...
If I would, I know I would be awaken by pain.
And I don’t know if I want it....
The silence around us rings like thousands of bells.
His quickened breath echoes in my ear, I can hear my own blood rush.
Let’s break this silence...
Why did he kiss me...?
Why did he have to wake up this feeling, that seeed burried deep inside me?
Why did he have to care...
I have everything, the faces of unknown poeple on the streets tell me, that they know, that they are rottened with the sin of envy.
I feel like I’m sinking in my own questions, trying to figure myself out...
I don’t know if I know myself anymore...
What am I longing for?
So that this unnamed thought is like a stain on the crystal clear glass ...
His lip tremble sightly as he sighs.
Eyes hidden behind lids... eye lashes resting on hs cheek, dropping a small shadow onto their smooth surface.
“Aiji...” my voice seems to burn, it’s raspy and not my own at all.
He just inches away from me.
Stubbornly keeping his eyes closed, his pretty lips sealed.
Don’t leave me alone with this.
“Aiji, look at me” I say gently, almost pleadingly “Please....”
If I were to hit him...
If I were to cut his body and leave him to die...
I don’t think his face would contort in a bigger pain than it’s now.
Elegant eyebrows knitted, as he only squeezes his eyes more securely.
Does he regret what he did so much he won’t even look at me...
Don’t I at least deserve one, single look?
Feeling my soul fade, feeling my blood slow down, I unwrap my arm, myself from him.
He doesn’t even try to stop me.... it’s like a slow torture for me.
To get up, to push the covers away....to reveal myself to the world, which I know will be cold.
Unlike that little piece of heaven that was in his arms during the night...
My feet touch the floor, and I shiver.
It’s been a while since something felt so ice cold....
I can’t make myself stand up and go.
I just wrap my arms around me, my head lowered.
This silence...
This silence is slowly killing me inside.
Say something, please...
Cry, weep, scream at me..
Anything, just that I can hear your voice. Anything at all...
There’s a rustle behind me and a slight noise.
Curled up on side, face burried in one of the pillows...I know his laying like that right now.
I turn around, the sight only confirming what I just thougth.
Why are we doing this to each other...
I bit my lip as I listen to this loud stillness of the air around.
Why are you doing this to me, Aiji....
Why do you offer me a dream come true and then back away the very next second...
Why do you make my blood boil, only to apologize and make it freeze once again....
....give me the chance to dream again, yet you don’t allow me to share my dreams with you...
....how come you touched the deepest parts of me without even letting me realize that...
I crawl back next to him suddenly, my hands grabbing his arms, turning him so he will face me.
I need to see his eyes.
I feel like I won’t be able to take another breath of air if I won’t gaze into them.
And they snap open at my action....
My fingers clasp on his shoulders, as I lean over him.
So close, that the tips of my hair are touching his face.
Never moving my eyes from those amber ones...
If I’d break down and cry right now, would you offer me your comfort like you did before...?
If there were silver drops running down my face, would you wipe them away gently...?
I keep absrorbing deeply each single thing, each precious feeling of what his eyes hold in their depths.
For the first time I see them so open...
For the first time, I feel what it is to be overwhelemed by the powerful emotiones only a human soul, a human heart can harbor.
If I were to touch your face, would you flinch and be scared....?
You speak a thousand times louder through your eyes than you do through your lips.
Do you even realize that....?
How loud your mind’s screams are when we’re wrapped in this terrifing silence....?
My fingers loosen their hold.
And you finally break from under my gaze.
If my fingers would trace your face... mimicking yours....what would you do....?
Why am I still here....?
Shouldn’t I... leave?
Shouldn’t I be afraid? Shocked? Shouldn’t there be a feeling of a sudden sickenss overcoming me...
Why am I demanding my answer, while I’m not even saying a word...
How come you shiver, as I let my fingers brush against your lips...
If it would be me pressing my own lips against yours....how would you react....?
You look up at me again.
Your eyes showing a confused soul, a pained heart...
Tiredness crawling in their depths, threatening to make you give up on everything...
I can see that...that and much, much more.
Things you would never voice out....
And finally I understand ... maybe not everything, it’s impossible for anyone to understand everything...
But I finally understand you.
“Jun-kun, please...”
Your broken whisper deafens me.
Your eyes bore into mine.
If I kiss you... will you kiss me back...?
“Let me share my dreams with you....” my lips brushing aginst your as I whisper the words.
As I lean that missing milimeter...
As our lips meet again, as softly as it’s possible...
As the chaos inside me dies, and I feel like a puzzle that suddenly was complete...
In that little flash of living on the edge of heaven and earth I want the both of us to dream.
Dream our own reality.
one write,and then another, and so on so on..
same as usual - not beta-ed.
No master how well prepared you may be, life always will find a way to leave you feeling numb.
Either from chock, from pleasure, from fear...
It just takes something as soft as a sun’s caress to suddenly turn your whole world upside down, to make everything you ever build crumble deep, deep inside you.
The short, sharp pain in my chest reminded me that I couldn’t hold my breath anymore.
I can’t even remember holding it for so long....
I breath in slowly, not to choke.
My eyes opened wide, resting on Aiji’s face.
What...
Did he just.. did he really kiss me right now?
If there wasn’t this chaos ,that still seemed like the most natural thing in the world, which ruled over my feelings right now...
If I still couldn’t feel that velvety soft tissue press lightly against my mouth...
Maybe it was merely the most gentle of touches...
But it managed to rise a wave deep inside me, that washed over, numbing everything out except ...
Except what?
What is it....?
The clock strikes six times...
I wish I could fall asleep once again...
Not to think, not to try and understand...
But then...
If I would, I know I would be awaken by pain.
And I don’t know if I want it....
The silence around us rings like thousands of bells.
His quickened breath echoes in my ear, I can hear my own blood rush.
Let’s break this silence...
Why did he kiss me...?
Why did he have to wake up this feeling, that seeed burried deep inside me?
Why did he have to care...
I have everything, the faces of unknown poeple on the streets tell me, that they know, that they are rottened with the sin of envy.
I feel like I’m sinking in my own questions, trying to figure myself out...
I don’t know if I know myself anymore...
What am I longing for?
So that this unnamed thought is like a stain on the crystal clear glass ...
His lip tremble sightly as he sighs.
Eyes hidden behind lids... eye lashes resting on hs cheek, dropping a small shadow onto their smooth surface.
“Aiji...” my voice seems to burn, it’s raspy and not my own at all.
He just inches away from me.
Stubbornly keeping his eyes closed, his pretty lips sealed.
Don’t leave me alone with this.
“Aiji, look at me” I say gently, almost pleadingly “Please....”
If I were to hit him...
If I were to cut his body and leave him to die...
I don’t think his face would contort in a bigger pain than it’s now.
Elegant eyebrows knitted, as he only squeezes his eyes more securely.
Does he regret what he did so much he won’t even look at me...
Don’t I at least deserve one, single look?
Feeling my soul fade, feeling my blood slow down, I unwrap my arm, myself from him.
He doesn’t even try to stop me.... it’s like a slow torture for me.
To get up, to push the covers away....to reveal myself to the world, which I know will be cold.
Unlike that little piece of heaven that was in his arms during the night...
My feet touch the floor, and I shiver.
It’s been a while since something felt so ice cold....
I can’t make myself stand up and go.
I just wrap my arms around me, my head lowered.
This silence...
This silence is slowly killing me inside.
Say something, please...
Cry, weep, scream at me..
Anything, just that I can hear your voice. Anything at all...
There’s a rustle behind me and a slight noise.
Curled up on side, face burried in one of the pillows...I know his laying like that right now.
I turn around, the sight only confirming what I just thougth.
Why are we doing this to each other...
I bit my lip as I listen to this loud stillness of the air around.
Why are you doing this to me, Aiji....
Why do you offer me a dream come true and then back away the very next second...
Why do you make my blood boil, only to apologize and make it freeze once again....
....give me the chance to dream again, yet you don’t allow me to share my dreams with you...
....how come you touched the deepest parts of me without even letting me realize that...
I crawl back next to him suddenly, my hands grabbing his arms, turning him so he will face me.
I need to see his eyes.
I feel like I won’t be able to take another breath of air if I won’t gaze into them.
And they snap open at my action....
My fingers clasp on his shoulders, as I lean over him.
So close, that the tips of my hair are touching his face.
Never moving my eyes from those amber ones...
If I’d break down and cry right now, would you offer me your comfort like you did before...?
If there were silver drops running down my face, would you wipe them away gently...?
I keep absrorbing deeply each single thing, each precious feeling of what his eyes hold in their depths.
For the first time I see them so open...
For the first time, I feel what it is to be overwhelemed by the powerful emotiones only a human soul, a human heart can harbor.
If I were to touch your face, would you flinch and be scared....?
You speak a thousand times louder through your eyes than you do through your lips.
Do you even realize that....?
How loud your mind’s screams are when we’re wrapped in this terrifing silence....?
My fingers loosen their hold.
And you finally break from under my gaze.
If my fingers would trace your face... mimicking yours....what would you do....?
Why am I still here....?
Shouldn’t I... leave?
Shouldn’t I be afraid? Shocked? Shouldn’t there be a feeling of a sudden sickenss overcoming me...
Why am I demanding my answer, while I’m not even saying a word...
How come you shiver, as I let my fingers brush against your lips...
If it would be me pressing my own lips against yours....how would you react....?
You look up at me again.
Your eyes showing a confused soul, a pained heart...
Tiredness crawling in their depths, threatening to make you give up on everything...
I can see that...that and much, much more.
Things you would never voice out....
And finally I understand ... maybe not everything, it’s impossible for anyone to understand everything...
But I finally understand you.
“Jun-kun, please...”
Your broken whisper deafens me.
Your eyes bore into mine.
If I kiss you... will you kiss me back...?
“Let me share my dreams with you....” my lips brushing aginst your as I whisper the words.
As I lean that missing milimeter...
As our lips meet again, as softly as it’s possible...
As the chaos inside me dies, and I feel like a puzzle that suddenly was complete...
In that little flash of living on the edge of heaven and earth I want the both of us to dream.
Dream our own reality.