"I Want You to Really Look at Me”
Tired of Pretending
"Tony, wait!" - Tiva - Season 6:8 Cloak Spoilers - What if the conversation wasn't over?
Prompt: “I want you to really look at me”
*All characters belong to CBS
The doors closed silently, like they always did, only this time it was different. Words had been left unsaid for far too long. The conversation was long overdue. It had been inevitable from the moment they got back.
He punched the button repeatedly, much harder than necessary. He hit the wall, anger boiling in his blood.
She made a noise before commenting on his behavior. “That one hurt,” she remarked, thinking of their last mission as well as his hand. They had failed, they had been caught. It had been bugging her all day.
“No it didn’t,” he countered bitterly, still unable to hold still. “Didn’t we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration?”
“Look,” she replied directly. “I too had hoped things would be different by now…”
“I’d like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind…” he interrupted, casting a glare at the ceiling.
“The way you’re losing it, I don’t think you have enough to spare,” she retorted, growing anxious by his pacing.
“Take that toothpick of his and shove it up his SECNAV cigar…”
She laughed, trying to lighten the mood. She could tell he was quickly losing his temper. “You have had enough of this job, then?”
“I like the job,” he replied, pacing like he was trying to wear holes in the carpet. “I don’t like the politics.” He glanced at the ceiling again. “I wasn’t kidding about that part earlier.”
“If you had ever had some military training then maybe you would have learned to follow orders.” She couldn’t take the tense atmosphere; their failure was affecting her, too. He seemed to think he was the only one who was irritated. He whirled around to face her, his anger now directed at her.
“What? Like you?” he yelled, getting right in her face. “We were given a direct order not to engage. I recall that you were the first one to throw a punch!”
“It was a reflex!” she replied, her carefully masked feelings leaking out. His eyebrows flew up skeptically.
“Hmm, really?” he retorted. “Then what happened after? Last thing I remember before the lights went out was you kimbo slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?” His words hurt, insulting her judgment. It was one thing to get mad at her for not protecting him; it was another to get mad at her for trying to save him.
“Yes, it was!” she replied, clearly displaying her emotions. “Gunshot went off, I saw you…” she pointed at him, stopping mid-sentence. Trying to get a grip on her emotions, she took a few deep breaths. Showing exactly how she felt was not something the trained agent did. He seemed slightly surprised at her intensity, but refused to back out of the fight. Their eyes met, speaking words they had never said aloud. Silence hung in the air like a bubble, ready to burst.
“I’m tired of pretending,” he whispered, his gentle tone calming her instantly. Her eyes flickered to his lips, those lips she had longed to kiss since day one. He had always been on her mind, teasing her with forbidden fruit. She knew she was in love with him, but would never admit to it. It was against Gibbs’ rules, and against her own. She didn’t want to love him, but couldn’t stop herself from falling. It seemed he felt the same way.
“So am I,” she replied quietly.
The doors chimed open, signaling their arrival. The elevator ride seemed to last forever, and now the moment was over.
“It's dinner theatre for an audience of one.” He turned to leave. Shock registered on her face, uncomprehending his words. “When's the curtain go down?” He started to exit the elevator, only to be stopped by her words.
“Tony, wait.”
“What?” he replied, without turning back to face her.
“This conversation is not over.” She had thought they were talking about the same thing, but apparently his thoughts were elsewhere. If there was ever a time to have this conversation it was now before she lost her nerve.
“What is there left to say?” he asked, turning to face her as she got off the elevator after him. The doors shut behind her, leaving in her wake her silence.
“I’m tired of pretending,” she repeated his words, hoping he would understand their meaning to her. “I thought you meant…” The anger left his face to be replaced by slight surprise. “I thought it was obvious.”
“I didn’t know,” he replied, looking away. He suddenly realized what their previous conversation meant to her. Now what she said made perfect sense. It was clear she had feelings for him, and he felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. He thought about what it must have felt like for her to watch him fall in love with another woman and sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” She stepped back, finding his words to mean he didn’t feel the same. She should have known he wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings. It was silly to hope for anything else. “I guess I understand you are not over Jeanne…” She started to walk away, hanging her head sadly. She had put it all on the line and all she got was heartbreak.
“Ziva,” he called, growing restless with this new information. He grabbed her arm before she could get away. It was a mistake he wouldn’t make again.
“It is okay, Tony. You do not have to feel sorry for me,” she shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I will get over it.”
“Look at me,” he commanded lightly, his grip on her arm not loosening.
“What?” she replied, glancing at him quickly. “It is not a big reel.”
“Big deal,” he corrected. “And it is a big deal.” He was trying to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him. He let go of her arm. “I want you to really look at me.”
She finally gave in and looked up into his eyes, eyes that radiated warmth and love. She could clearly see that his feelings matched her own.
“I don’t know how or why, but I think I’m in love with you,” he admitted, a weight lifting from his shoulders. A smile he had never seen before broke out on her face.
“I love you, too.” The moment she confessed this he brought his lips to hers in a perfect kiss. It was an excellent end to a terrible day.
{End}
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