If you need a beta, you can drop me an email. (starry_eyedstar@hotmail.com)
Normally I tend to avoid cheating fics (cept when they involve Bella), but I've taken an interest in your work.
So here I am! :)
Like you warned...there were some errors and stuff. Nothing a beta couldn't handle, mind you, but my biggest issue is Jacob. He was...too mushy. I can understand Edward being mushy, sentimental, and romantic, but not Jacob.
I really wanted an angsty kind of vent so I knew they were going to get pretty out of character. I also couldn't see the fic really ending the way I wanted to unless Jacob really twisted into someone who felt genuinely sorry and was mushy like that, so he definitely lost some incharacter-ness.
I'll try to whoop my ass into character >D
(& I'll fersure let you know next time muse strikes me for writing!)
Wow, this was heart breaking and yet kind of sweet at the same time. Poor Edward, it must've been devastating when he figured it out (or heard it). He's forgives a lot faster then I would've.
I kinda pictured their love being stronger than the actual event of the cheat. Besides, if Jacob cheated Edward has always been the more romantic one of them.
first, you've got me totally gushing over that mini fanfic poster of yours. both of them have such dreamy eyes... but ahh there's that scary man again >_< ahaha
i really enjoyed this little oneshot of yours. you have a really nice descriptive voice. very lyrical and mesmerizing. a nice change after having read SO MANY fanfics where it's all just dialogue and the writer never really bothers to, well, WRITE :/ i guess my only qualms would be that at some points(especially with jacob), the dialogue in this was a bit too poetic and no longer felt real. though edward can pull off the romantic wording since he's like from another century, it comes across as archaic when jacob starts talking like that. don't get me wrong-- jacob's THOUGHTS are beautifully written and well-executed. just glad that at the end, they kiss and make up hehehee
all in all, i loved the emotional quality of this. and 'the scientist' is absolutely PERFECT for it! looking forward to more writing from you~
Okay that made me cringe and my heart hurt. Very well written and I loved what Edward said about wishing he could dream. I do not like Jacob cheating on Edward. Edward cheating I can go with. I think because I'm team Jacob and he is placed a little higher in my esteem. If you keep posting I'll keep reading. Good writing is suppose to make you feel the story.
awe thanks (: sorry you didn't like that jacob cheated (i didn't either) but i was in the mood to write something angsty and this happened to come along. the next piece i come out including jakeward will hopefully be on a lighter note.
I thought this was really beautiful. Honestly, I don't think Edward is ever going to forget it and he's possibly still asking himself 'Why did Jake cheat on me?' but he forgave Jacob because they just have that much of a strong connection to each other. Oh, and during this part:
"He barely registered the fact Edward had begun to carry him by the hips out of the water until gravity started to have an effect and Jake wrapped his legs around the other man's waist."
Yeah. I just imagined them as the cover of The Notebook dvd. Tres romantic!
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Normally I tend to avoid cheating fics (cept when they involve Bella), but I've taken an interest in your work.
So here I am! :)
Like you warned...there were some errors and stuff. Nothing a beta couldn't handle, mind you, but my biggest issue is Jacob. He was...too mushy. I can understand Edward being mushy, sentimental, and romantic, but not Jacob.
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I really wanted an angsty kind of vent so I knew they were going to get pretty out of character. I also couldn't see the fic really ending the way I wanted to unless Jacob really twisted into someone who felt genuinely sorry and was mushy like that, so he definitely lost some incharacter-ness.
I'll try to whoop my ass into character >D
(& I'll fersure let you know next time muse strikes me for writing!)
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Great fic. Loved it :).
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i really enjoyed this little oneshot of yours. you have a really nice descriptive voice. very lyrical and mesmerizing. a nice change after having read SO MANY fanfics where it's all just dialogue and the writer never really bothers to, well, WRITE :/
i guess my only qualms would be that at some points(especially with jacob), the dialogue in this was a bit too poetic and no longer felt real. though edward can pull off the romantic wording since he's like from another century, it comes across as archaic when jacob starts talking like that. don't get me wrong-- jacob's THOUGHTS are beautifully written and well-executed. just glad that at the end, they kiss and make up hehehee
all in all, i loved the emotional quality of this. and 'the scientist' is absolutely PERFECT for it! looking forward to more writing from you~
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rob in the banner is from his upcoming film "water for elephants" which looks AMAZING by the way, so hehe.
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"He barely registered the fact Edward had begun to carry him by the hips out of the water until gravity started to have an effect and Jake wrapped his legs around the other man's waist."
Yeah. I just imagined them as the cover of The Notebook dvd. Tres romantic!
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haha now that you bring it up that line doe evoke that kind of image.
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