(no subject)
I walked down the lengthy staircase that lead to Greg's basement, I had walked down these stairs everyday for the past two years but this time was different I knew something was wrong. All I could think about was why Greg had been acting bizarre; he never disregarded my calls before. I don't know what exactly was about to happen, but I could tell by the knots in the bottom of my stomach that it wasn't going to be good. All I am able to focus on was the bottom of the stair case where the fluorescent lighting in the basement glistened off the white shiny tile. It reminds me of one of those scary movies where the person is attracted to the bright light, knowing they shouldn't go toward it but goes anyway. That's me right now, this scared girl going towards this light which will change her life forever.
I sat on the couch where I had sat 5 million times before, where I listened to Greg in the shower where the distant noise of the water splattering on the walls of the shower stall reminded me of the tear drops that were falling from my eyes and falling onto my favorite white button up shirt that I wore just for our anniversary. Just sitting here I remembered all of our memories in his basement, the first time he brought me over to meet his mom and dad, Christmas Eve and his mom reminding him that Santa wasn't going to come if he didn't go to bed soon, and the 2 years of cuddling and talks that we shared right on this very same couch. As I snap out of my little day dream I hear Sarah and Emma make small talk with Dave and Brittney while they waited for me to come upstairs. I am so nervous I can't help but bite my nails in anticipation for Greg to step out of the shower. All the sudden I am thrown into this whirlwind of emotions. I feel betrayed that he not only ignored my calls, but when Sarah went to go knock on the door when we saw his car at the house; him looking her dead in the eye and turn around and walk away. I feel like its all my fault and that I brought this all on myself. I feel sad because I know that nothing good is going to come of this. The worst feeling hit me out of nowhere, I was so full of fear you could smell it coming up from the basement. How can I go on without him?
After sitting on the couch seemed like forever, but in all reality were just the longest minutes of my life I heard the screeching of the shower knobs turn as the water started to come to a stop. After a few minutes out stepped Greg from the bathroom looking better than ever in his American Eagle jeans and the button up shirt I bought him 14 days previous for his 20th Birthday, I didn't even give him time to say anything in between my sobs, I stared him right in the eye and asked him why he hasn't called me. He started to say that he was about to, but knowing him as well as I did I screamed over him with
anger and hurt in my voice and said Bullshit. I asked him why he didn't return any of my calls, I had been waiting on him since 2:00 pm and here it is almost 8:00. He blurted out “I never got the Voice Mails” knowing that this was a complete lie, since I was worried about him and checked his voice mail to make sure that he was getting them. I asked" you didn't?" in a tone where he would think that I believed him, and he shook his head no as he held his head down.
I told him not to lie to me, “I checked your voicemail, I know you got them all” I shouted at him as he held his head down in shame. He said such an empty hearted sorry hat even a deaf person wouldn't believe it. I knew Greg, and I knew by the look in his eye and by the way he has been acting that something was different. I knew it was over, but I had to ask I had to. As I sat there more upset then I had ever been, Greg didn't even try to comfort me. So after I built up enough courage I asked him “ You don't love me anymore do you?” and being the selfish guy he turned into he couldn't even give me a simple yes or no, instead he shrugged his shoulder like a confused child. It's over isn't it Greg? He just held his head down and gradually shook his head yes in a way I had never seen before. Within those 10 minutes my life came to a halt and my heart shattered on the floor like a piece of expensive china. I hate you, I hate you for hurting me and giving up on me when I never gave up on you, as I screamed at him the sadness that consumed my heart turned into this furious fire of hatred that was burning my throat to be let out. When you needed me the most I was there and when it's your turn to be there for me, where the hell are you? How can you break up with me its 6 days before my birthday; Never fucking talk to me again, stay away from me I hate you ,despise you., and never want to see you again.
You would think after that I would feel so much better, but then these huge hot tear drops started rolling down my cheeks like a waterfall; and like a waterfall I couldn't stop. I'm crying so hard I can't breathe, I knew I didn't mean that, in fact I wanted him to hold me and tell me it was ok, I wanted this to be one of those scary dreams that you wake up and realize it was just that a bad dream and you continue moving on with your life. It wasn't a dream, dreams don't hurt this much. “Your a coward for giving up on this, no one will ever love you or care about you as much as I will. No one knows your expressions, your sleeping positions, and the way you smell, or the way you feel just by how you look. That you like to sit around the house on Sundays or that you care more then you let people know. I never believed in anything, in any guy the way i believed in Greg, the way i believed in our relationship, and now its over? This cant be it Greg ...it just can't be we were going to get engaged at the end of college, and married a few years after that how could you do this to me.” After all that and the reaction of him once again just shrugging it off like he didn't care, I ran upstairs crying and out the door knowing everyone in the house heard us fight and break up. I also knew that this was the beginning of a new period in my life, a period without Greg.
I guess in a certain sense everything good comes to a end unfortunately, but you couldn't told me anything good would have come out of mine and Greg's relationship ending.
Things were hard for such a long time; I tried like a desperate child to hold onto the one
thing in my life that seemed real. Holding onto it only hurt myself though, as I would soon learn when he started dating someone else. I've learned so much about myself though, what I like and want out of life. I learned to appreciate my friends, and saw who throught the good and bad was there, and who was just there when it was convenient. I learned to deal with what life throws at you. All this is a part of growing up, and I am glad I went through it because I am a stronger person because of it all.
PLease Answer:
Did you see it happening in your head?
Did you feel emotion?
What was your Fav?
What shoudl i change?