Full Circle Moment (1/3) Continued
Full Circle Moment (1/3) Continued
Kris had never heard so much fuss over one song before.
‘The country is split 50/50 over it,’ Adam announced proudly as the Idols drove back to the mansion after another hectic live show. ‘Some bloggers are calling it genius, others are saying that Johnny Cash must be turning in his grave.’
Danny and Michael sat behind them, like Adam they were also reading reviews on theirs iPhone. ‘Well, Adam, my local newspaper in Milwaukee didn’t rate it. They agreed with Simon. Indulgent rubbish,’ Danny butted in, looking almost smug.
‘But that’s what I wanted,’ Adam insisted, smirking back. ‘To push people’s buttons, provoke debates.’
‘But don’t you think you went a little too far..?’ Michael questioned.
Adam rolled his eyes. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Maybe you should keep your PG-13 rated performances for your solo tour,’ Danny huffed.
Kris raised an eyebrow at Danny’s bluntness and glanced at an amused-looking Adam. ‘Uh, guys...’
‘My solo shows aren’t going to be PG-13,’ Adam responded. ‘More like... R rated.’
Danny exchanged a look of disgust with Michael and turned his attention back to his iPhone.
‘I’ll have to find it on YouTube and let you know which side of the debate I’m on,’ Kris laughed as they pulled up outside the mansion. He’d been busy backstage and not actually seen Adam’s controversial performance yet, and was dying to know what all the fuss was about.
Once inside, Adam headed off for a shower and Kris turned on his laptop, eager to make his own mind up about the performance. He closed the door, turned the lights down and crawled into bed, hoping the video had already been uploaded.
He was in luck. YouTube already had several uploads, already with hundreds of views and comments.
Kris turned the volume up and laughed at the intro VT with Randy Travis, knowing which side of the debate the country singer would be on. He then sat glued to the screen as Adam began to sing.
Adam’s vocals were immaculate, as always. But Kris soon figured out it wasn’t his vocals that had caused the outcry.
The exotic, erotic arrangement. The sultry looks to the camera. The hip-swivelling. The moans.
The moans.
Kris sat mesmerized. Now he understood why the performance had been so talked about.
‘Wow,’ he murmured to himself, pressing play again to watch it for a second time. He wriggled out of his T shirt, suddenly feeling very hot.
He enlarged the window to watch Adam in full screen glory. Those sultry looks to the camera, the hair hanging over one eye, the tight pants. There was something so beautiful and alluring about Adam, yet at the same time he still managed to maintain a strong, masculine sexiness.
Kris had never met anyone like him before. Adam was so friendly, funny and humble to hang out with and Kris never felt intimidated or threatened. Yet Adam seemed to have a hidden depth that Kris couldn’t quite understand. Something magical and magnetic that drew him in, made him feel happy when they were together. Made him feel good about himself. Made him feel...
...Horny?
Kris lifted the laptop up and stared in shock at the evidence of his feelings for Adam.
‘So, what’s the verdict?’
Kris jumped as Adam walked in the room, still dripping wet from the shower, a towel casually draped around his waist.
‘Um, it was, um... great!’ Kris mumbled, flashing a smile and quickly putting the laptop back down to cover up his erection.
‘I knew you’d like it,’ Adam grinned, sitting on the end of the bed and pushing the wet hair out of his eyes.
Kris closed the video down and gave a nervous laugh. He tried to block it out of his mind, but having a wet, almost-naked Adam on the end of his bed was making him worse.
‘Too PG-13 for Nashville?’ Adam questioned, his lips curling into a smirk.
Kris felt himself going red as he looked back at Adam, trying his hardest to divert his eyes upwards when they really wanted to wander down. ‘Well, it was pretty full-on, but that’s not a bad thing...’
‘That’s not me during full-on mode,’ Adam laughed, adjusting his towel and accidentally flashing Kris a glimpse of his thigh. ‘Look up Crawl Thru the Fire on YouTube and you’ll see.’
As Adam reached towards Kris’s crotch to grab the laptop off him, Kris felt a surge of electricity go right through his body. Shoving a pillow onto his lap to conceal his hard-on, he took a deep breath and tried to remain calm as Adam sat inches away, his bare chest still glistening with water.
‘Uh... wow,’ Kris mumbled as Adam found the YouTube video of his outrageous pre-Idol performance at the Zodiac Show. Ring of Fire was pretty tame in comparison. ‘I don’t think the producers would let you get away with this on the show!’
Adam shuffled onto the bed beside Kris to watch the video. ‘Can you imagine Gokey and Sarver’s reactions?!’
Kris grunted a reply; he was having a hard time trying to imagine anyone’s reaction right at that moment, only his own. Watching a video of Adam in very tight pants which outlined a very obvious bulge was bad enough, but having Adam sat next to him in only a towel was making him even more hot and flustered.
He tried closing his eyes and trying to shut off the thoughts racing through his mind, but after a few seconds he found his eyelids fluttering open and staring at Adam’s skin-tight pants on screen, then wandering to the towel draped over Adam’s crotch just inches away.
‘Well, I’d love to hear you full Simon Cowell-style critique, but I’m dying to crawl into bed and just sleep,’ Adam yawned once the song finally ended, walking over to his own bed. ‘Sweet dreams!’
‘Sweet dreams,’ Kris echoed, watching as Adam dried himself off then climbed into bed. He wondered exactly what sort of dreams he was going to be having that night.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Kris tried to focus on other things. Results show the following evening. Seeing his friends and family. Picking songs for next week.
But his mind - and gaze - kept wandering back to Adam. ‘It’s just sexual frustration,’ he said under his breath. Being away from Katy was taking its toll on him. His mind had been telling him for the last few weeks that it was wrong to think this way about another guy. His friend.
Plus, he was married. He was straight. He was a Christian. A voice at the back of his head kept nagging at him that it was wrong on every level.
But he still felt turned-on as he watched Adam sleeping soundly just a few metres away, sprawled out in his double bed with easily enough room to crawl in.
Unable to block it out any longer, Kris stuffed his hand under the covers and began jerking himself off, trying not to gasp out to loudly as he relieved the built-up pleasure.
Finally ignoring that nagging voice in his mind telling him it was wrong, Kris had never felt so... right. Closing his eyes tight, he imagined his hand was Adam’s, the bit of bed beside him still warm from where Adam had been sitting moments ago. If only he was still there...
‘What’s wrong with me?’ Kris wondered to himself, pausing to ponder for a moment. He couldn’t be gay, surely not? He loved Katy so much, and had had plenty of girlfriends before her.
Bi-curious. That was the buzz word nowadays, wasn’t it..?
Yes, that was it.
It was normal to have feelings like this. Kris wiped the doubt from his mind and carried on, telling himself it was just a phase everyone went through at some point.
Turning to stuff his face in the pillow, Kris wondered if every night was going to be this frustrating.
***
The bedroom wasn’t quite such a happy place a few weeks later as Kris and Adam sat up having another of their chats in the early hours of the morning.
‘That was the longest 45 minutes of my life!’ Kris groaned as they both recalled the horror of the evening, both having landed in the bottom three.
‘Tell me about it!’ Adam groaned back, laying back on the bed and letting out a long, relieved sigh. ‘It was bad enough being in the bottom three, but having to sit through all those ad breaks and a performance from Taylor Hicks made it even more torturous!’
Kris perched on the end of Adam’s bed and looked at his watch. It was way past midnight and they had to be up early the next day, but he was still far too wide awake to sleep yet. Being in the bottom three was nerve-wracking enough, but Adam too..?
Idol wouldn’t be the same without Adam. Kris wouldn’t be the same without Adam.
Kris had been wrestling with his feelings over the last few weeks, trying to work out exactly what the hell was going on in his mind, and his pants. Kris hadn’t had feelings like this for a guy before... but Adam wasn’t like other guys. He was different. Special.
‘Anyway, now Matt’s gone, I bet one of us will get his room,’ Adam went on. ‘You might get some sleep for once without me rambling on all night!’
Kris sat up in surprise; that thought hadn’t dawned on him yet. This might be his last night sharing with Adam.
‘But I like you rambling on all night!’ he blurted out, his heart sinking.
Part of him wanted to be relieved; the temptation no longer meters away right in front of his eyes, keeping him awake. But no more late-night chats? No more Adam lounging around in his underwear? No more watching him sleep? Kris felt like bursting into tears.
‘We can still have our late night sessions like this,’ Adam reassured him, noticing Kris’s sad face. He smirked when he realised what he’d said. ‘Talking sessions, you know what I meant! Although our fans seem to be trying to hook us up together, have you read some of the websites about us?’
Kris smirked back; he certainly had. ‘They think we’d make a good couple, huh?’
‘Well, you are so my type,’ Adam laughed. ‘Small, cute and Southern. Too bad you’re married!’
‘Yeah, it’s too bad,’ he laughed back, pulse racing as he gave Adam a playful grin and shuffled closer. ‘You think I’m cute, huh?’
Adam raised an eyebrow. ‘Come on Kris, look in the mirror. Of course you’re hot!’
‘Oh, I’m hot now?’ Kris shot back, enjoying the way the conversation was heading and delighted Adam found him cute and hot, whatever the difference was. He looked back at Adam’s smirking face, taking advantage of the moment and wondering how far he could push it.
‘Well, you’re pretty hot yourself too, Adam.’
Damn. Way too corny. Kris felt himself blushing, hoping Adam wouldn’t crack up laughing.
Adam reached out and stroked Kris’s arm playfully and motioned for Kris to come closer. ‘Do I get a goodnight hug then, baby?’
Baby? Kris could hardly breathe as Adam eyed him up and down, lips curled into a mischievous smile.
A mix of nerves and excitement washed over Kris as he lay next to Adam as they wrapped their arms around one another. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh as Adam continued stroking his arm, slowly and softly.
He felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise and his toes curl as they lay together in a peaceful silence, with just the sound of Adam’s soft breathing and Kris’s racing heart.
He could lay there all night.
Kris opened his eyes and gazed at Adam’s face just inches from his own, taking in every detail, every hair, every freckle. He lay there transfixed, his mind racing with thoughts of what he wished he could do right at that moment.
Adam opened his eyes and looked back into Kris’s for a few moments, his expression hard to read. Kris wondered what was on his mind. Surely he felt the same? Surely he wanted this just as much..?
He watched as Adam opened his mouth, his expression thoughtful as if he was searching for the right words to say.
Kris continued to gaze back, wide-eyed in anticipation.
‘Uh, I guess we should go to bed now. Early start tomorrow, remember?’
Kris watched in dismay as Adam sat up and looked away, his expression still indecipherable. ‘I guess...’ Kris trailed off, reluctantly standing up and shuffling over to his own cold, empty bed.
***
‘Come on, what do you really think of No Boundaries?’
Kris laughed as the third reporter of the night asked him that dreaded question. ‘It’s a great song,’ he lied, cringing at the memory of having to sing the awful coronation song earlier that evening.
After an exhausting week of rehearsals and press and an even more exhausting hour-long live show, Kris kept glancing at his watch and hoping his minder would appear to whisk him back to the mansion. He just wanted to sleep.
And talk to Adam.
They’d both been so busy they hadn’t had one of their in-depth talks in at least a week. And he knew the next few days would be just as hectic and they wouldn’t have much private time together. Kris longed just to sit there alone with Adam, discuss the upcoming result and how they would deal with the outcome, and just be able to laugh together, cry together, and share everything that was going through his mind.
And see what happened next, if what Adam had done just an hour ago was anything to go by.
Kris felt his heart do back flips as he thought back to the moment he’d been standing next to Adam backstage after the show, to find Paula and a film crew approach them and congratulate them both. During an exchange of kisses with Paula, Adam had also planted one on the side of Kris’s head.
That tender spot just above his ear still tingled as Kris thought back to that brief exchange. He couldn’t quite work out what Adam had meant by it. Had it just been innocent and playful... or a sign of how he felt?
Kris was determined to find out.
He scanned the crowded press room, then finally spotted his rival surrounded by journalists and photographers. Typical. There wasn’t going to be any more kissing with so many cameras around, unless he wanted to be splashed all over the tabloids the following day.
Kris stood waiting to catch Adam alone, but it seemed neither of them could go more than five seconds without being approached by press and well-wishers and being roped into a conversation.
Feeling his head was going to explode, he needed some time out, even if it was just for a couple of minutes.
As he walked into the men’s room to get a few moments of privacy, Kris heard footsteps following close behind. Great, not another reporter wanting to ask a million questions?
Kris’s face lit up as Adam walked into the restroom behind him. ‘It’s never-ending,’ he joked. ‘Are you ready to drop yet?’
‘Almost,’ Kris laughed. ‘After all this is finished, I think I’ll just sleep for a whole week!’
‘Oh, me too!’ Adam agreed. He got his iPhone out of his pocket and started clicking away at it. ‘Have you seen Dial Idol?’
Kris shook his head, far too nervous to check up on the result.
‘You’re in the lead, by like, one percent.’
Kris’s mouth dropped open. ‘No way!’ he gasped, convinced Adam would be in the lead by miles.
Suddenly it dawned on him that he might actually win this.
Kris knew he should have been delighted at the prospect of winning. But taking it away from Adam?
‘Adam, I-I-I-I’m so sorry,’ she stuttered, unsure how to react to the news and grabbing his friend’s hand.
‘Why are you apologising?’ Adam questioned, looking confused.
Kris shrugged, not knowing whether to feel ecstatic at the thought of winning, or guilty for taking it away from Adam. ‘You deserve it more,’ he whispered, unable to look Adam in the eye.
‘Oh, don’t be silly!’ Adam laughed, stroking Kris’s shoulder. ‘Hey, it might sound like a cliché, but I think we’ve both won already,’ Adam went on, looking back at Kris sincerely. ‘It doesn’t matter what way the result goes, we both made it this far and the future is bright for us both. The universe is lined up and our fate is in our own hands. ’
Kris nodded, loving it when Adam got so deep and spiritual. It was just one of the many things he loved about Adam.
He looked back at Adam, forgetting the crazy media circus going on in the next room, forgetting that they both had partners, forgetting they were rivals competing for the same title. None of that matter to him right at that moment. Just spending a few precious moments alone with Adam.
‘Well, in 24 hours it’ll all be over,’ Adam sighed sadly, snapping Kris out of his daze. ‘I’m psyched about everything that’s going to happen next, but it’s the end of an era.’
End of an era. Kris didn’t quite know what to expect after Idol. He’d been living in his own little bubble for the last few months, safe in the mansion with the other contestants, and Adam. The future had a big scary question mark hanging over it.
He felt tears starting to well in his eyes, overwhelmed by everything racing though his mind.
Adam spotted the tears and rushed up to give him a hug. ‘I know, I know,’ he whispered soothingly, stroking Kris’s hair.
Kris clinged onto Adam tightly, wishing they could stay like that all night instead of having to retreat back to the press room. In Adam’s arms he felt so warm, so happy, so... safe. He couldn’t imagine life without Adam after the show ended.
Sure, there was still the summer tour. But after that? He shuddered thinking about it. He just couldn’t comprehend life without Adam.
Not wanting to think that far ahead, Kris continued cuddling Adam, feeling the warmth of his body against his own. He thought back to the earlier kiss and wondered what Adam really thought about him.
Maybe Adam was reluctant to make a move in fear of offending Kris. Maybe he should make the move this time. A simple kiss, maybe on the cheek, just to see how Adam responded.
Kris turned his head, feeling himself shake as he summand up the courage. He gazed at Adam’s face, those lips he’d dreamt about for so many weeks now just inches away.
Heart pounding, his eyes met Adam’s and he began to lean in closer.
‘Um, guys..?’
Kris and Adam jumped apart as the door swung open and Danny walked in, giving them a dirty look.
‘I guess we should head back,’ Adam announced, shooting Danny an irritated look.
Kris mirrored the irritated face, annoyed the moment had been lost. They wouldn’t be getting any more privacy that night. And once back home, they’d both be fast asleep as soon as they went to bed.
As they walked back down the hall, Adam looked up at Kris and noticed his expression. He gave Kris’s hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘You’ll be fine,’ he whispered.
***
Adam was right. Kris was going to do just fine. Almost 24 hours later, under the hot studio lights and in front of a TV audience of millions, Kris heard his name announced as the winner of American Idol.
Standing on stage to hear the results had been one of the most tense moments of Kris’s life. He remembered glancing back at Adam, knowing he too must have been feeling just as terrified at that moment, going through that agonizing wait.
The audience had erupted as Ryan revealed his name. All Kris had been able to do was stand open-mouthed with shock. Surely he didn’t hear that right..? On the day he auditioned, Kris never in his wildest dreams thought he’d get this far. But it was real. He was centre stage at the Nokia Theater, being crowned the Idol champion.
From the moment he’d heard his name, the rest of the night was all a blur to Kris. He went through the motions. Thanking everyone, singing the awful coronation song, meeting the press, celebrating with him family... but it still hadn’t sunk in.
Kris had never felt so many emotions at the same time before. Elation. Joy. Triumph. Pride. Exhaustion. Sadness.
Despite the celebration, there was a lot for Kris to be sad about. The show ending. Not seeing the other contestants any more.
Not seeing Adam.
As Kris stood surrounded by people at the after show party trying to hold twenty different conversations at once, he found his mind wandering and not able to concentrate. As much as he loved his friends and family being there, all he wanted was to escape back to the mansion and to just talk and talk with Adam about everything and anything in the privacy of his room.
And hug him. He really needed one more than ever, and knew Adam would too.
And maybe Adam would want more. After all the late night chats, the jokey flirting, the long, lingering hugs, and of course, that kiss, Kris’s mind had been overflowing with thoughts of what Adam felt for him. Were those things just Adam’s way of being friendly and affectionate, or a signal of his lust?
Kris hadn’t been able to tell. And with all the craziness of the finale going on, he’d hardly had any private time with Adam. But on such an epic night, Kris just had to see him, talk to him, let him kiss him again.
He knew it was wrong. He knew he should be revelling in the glory of his win, spending time with his loved ones who had flown all the way there to be with him, spending time with his wife. But knowing that time was running out before the whole Idol experience was over, he just had to see Adam.
He looked around, still nodding and half-heartedly responding to the crowd of well-wishers talking to him, but Adam was nowhere to be seen.
Kris excused himself from the group and walked around the room, scanning the crowd for his friend.
‘Hey, well done dude!’
Kris smiled and thanked what seemed like the three hundredth well-wisher and quickly escaped to the next room before he could get cornered into a conversation. He was already exhausted from what seemed like hours of press.
Then he spotted the elusive figure, holding court in a corner, drink in hand and chatting away animatedly to a crowd twice the size that had just been swarming around Kris. It was a repeat of the previous night. No privacy. No time. No luck.
He watched as Adam laughed and playfully stroked a random girl’s arm, feeling a surge of jealousy even though he knew Adam would have no interest in her.
‘Oh, sorry Kris!’
Looking up to see who had almost trodden on his foot while drunkenly passing him by, Kris found himself face-to-face with a grinning Drake. ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Kris replied, forcing a smile as he watched Drake stride over to Adam and plant a big kiss on his cheek.
Kris stood and watched, feeling his heart drop as he watched the two playfully interacting while still centre of attention, giving one another secret little glances and smiles.
‘So much for private time together,’ Kris said under his breath, unable to watch any more and turning away.
Then reality started dawning on him.
Why was he standing there pining away for his friend, when he had a very proud family and wife waiting for him in the next room?
Living in the Idol bubble for the last few months, Kris had seemed to have forgotten that there was a real world out there after the competition ended.
A world where Adam had a boyfriend. And Kris had a wife.
As much as he was longing to tell Adam every little fantasy swimming in his brain that he’d been jerking himself off to every night and to act upon those desires, good-old sensible, Christian boy Kris just knew he couldn’t. He mustn’t. He’d ruin not one, but two relationships and there was no guarantee Adam would feel the same.
‘You just won American fucking Idol,’ he told himself angrily. ‘Be grateful for what you have, Kris! Forget about your stupid little crush! Just go and freaking celebrate!’
Blinking back the hot tears forming in his eyes and turning his back on Adam, Kris walked back through the door to rejoin his family, friends and Katy.
And to try his best to forget all about Adam.
Part Two >>>