Full Circle Moment (3/3) continued
Full Circle Moment (3/3) continued
Kris had never enjoyed house-hunting very much anyway, and certainly wasn’t enjoying it this time around. Especially as he had no intention in buying the house Katy had her eye on.
‘It’s perfect,’ she sighed as they walked through the spacious lounge and out into the yard, which had a beautiful view of Beverly Hills. ‘By far the nicest we’ve seen.’
Kris nodded and forced a smile, although inside he felt sick, thinking about what he was trying to work up the nerve to do. He cared about Katy so much and hated himself for what he was going to do, but knew inside that it was what he had to do.
Since landing back in LA the previous evening, Kris had been trying to find the right moment to have the talk. But it didn’t seem like there would ever be a right moment to do something like this.
‘Well, you could be a little more enthusiastic,’ Katy said, snapping Kris out of his daze.
Kris looked back sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s everything we’re looking for,’ Katy went on. ‘Spacious, great back yard, in our budget and only a couple of blocks away from your best buddy.’
Kris didn’t answer.
‘What, what is it?’
This was it. No more stalling. Now or never.
Kris still couldn’t look her in the eye. ‘I... um...’ he began, trying but failing to find the right words.
Katy pulled up a lawn chair to sit down. ‘Kris, talk to me. What’s up? You’ve been kinda quiet all day. In fact, you’ve been like this for weeks.’
He couldn’t delay it any longer. ‘I’ve got something to talk to you about,’ he blurted out, eyes still glued to the floor.
Then it was Katy’s turn to look away. ‘There’s someone else.’
Kris looked up, shocked she’d already jumped to the right conclusion. ‘Y-y-y-yes... well, no! Uh, there was... and possibly is, but...’ he rambled on.
‘Adam.’
Kris stopped rambling on and looked up in surprise, watching as Katy sat opposite him calmly, her expression hard to read. ‘What?’
Katy looked up and met his eyes. ‘I kind of guessed that night you went missing after the Arkansas concert that something was going on. Then when I got home and went through the trash, then found the bed sheets in the laundry... my fears were confirmed.’
‘I’m sorry,’ was all Kris could say.
‘I thought you’d just got lucky with a groupie at first,’ Katy went on, still remaining calm and composed. ‘But then I found a make-up wipe in the trash with glittery turquoise eyeshadow on it, I put two and two together and realised what was happening.’
Kris moved his chair closer and reached out to grab his wife’s hand. ‘I never meant for any of it to happen,’ he insisted. ‘Nothing was planned, it just kinda... happened.’
Katy nodded silently.
‘Well... aren’t you mad?’ Kris asked, not understanding why she wasn’t yelling in his face for being unfaithful.
‘I see the way you look at each other,’ she responded. ‘The way your eyes light up and you smile when someone mentions his name. You love him, right?’
Kris paused, knowing his answer was going to hurt her. ‘Yes,’ he finally admitted, half of him feeling like the worst person in the world for breaking her heart, the other half relieved he had finally got that huge weight off his shoulders.
‘I knew this was going to happen,’ Katy whispered, her eyes slowly filling with tears. ‘Here...’ she went on, slipping off her wedding ring and putting it in the palm of Kris’s hand. ‘I can’t compete with Adam.’
She stood up and rushed back into the house.
Kris followed silently behind, wishing he’d mentally prepared himself for this better. He had no idea what to think and how to react.
‘I kinda figured this out a while ago and knew this was going to happen some day,’ Katy admitted as she opened the front door and headed to the car. ‘I just kept kidding myself I was imagining it...’
‘Maybe we should sit down and talk this through!’ Kris called out as she got into the car and started the ignition, the realisation of what he was doing sinking in and starting to panic.
‘No,’ Katy called out as she backed out of the driveway, her voice wavering as if she was trying hard not to cry. ‘Adam aside, things aren’t exactly working out, are they Kris? You’re never around, I miss home... hey, maybe Adam did us a favor!’
Kris stood on the driveway and watched as she sped off down the street. He knew he should feel happy he was finally free to give things a go with Adam, but he just felt like crap.
He’d just split up with his wife.
Despite her taking the news as well as could be expected, he still had a sinking in his heart and a horrible empty feeling inside.
As he called for a cab and waited for it to arrive, Kris’s mind wandered back to Adam. Would he even be willing to give Kris another chance after everything that had gone on?
Kris felt the sick feeling rise up his throat yet again as he pondered whether he had lost both Katy and Adam.
***
Kris was getting a taste of his own medicine that evening as he sat around staring at his cell phone, waiting for a reply from Adam.
Nothing.
He should have guessed that would happen, after their row at the party over Kris doing exactly that to Adam.
‘Please, Adam. Please,’ Kris said to his phone, eying it avidly as he sat alone in the lounge of his rented apartment.
He hadn’t told Adam the whole story in his messages, but had made it clear he had something important to talk about. But still, no response.
‘I know you’re home,’ Kris said to his cell phone. He’d asked the cab driver to go past Adam’s house on the way back, and noticed his car was there.
‘You’ve got time to tweet random crap on Twitter, but not reply to me,’ Kris sighed, opening Adam’s Twitter page and reading his new tweets about the food he was cooking for his dinner in his new $200,000 kitchen.
Not that Kris had eaten. He felt too awful to even think of food. He’d got home to find Katy gone, a note left on the stairs saying she’d call to talk things over properly in a few days once she was back in Arkansas.
Kris knew he could beg and plead forgiveness with her, but what she’d said while driving off had been true. It wasn’t working. He was never around. Adam or no Adam, it was over.
Kris hit refresh on Adam’s Twitter page for what seemed like the 50th time that evening, only to find another pointless tweet about the cool $200 coffee maker he was using. ‘That’s it,’ he sighed, grabbing the car keys and marching outside.
Kris tried to work out exactly what he was going to say throughout the short drive, but by the time he arrived at Adam’s huge security gates, he still didn’t have a clue.
And he also didn’t have a clue how to get inside. After buzzing at the gate four times, there was still no response.
‘So your cappuccino machine is more important than me, huh?’ Kris said sarcastically.
After a couple of seconds, the gates eventually parted and he drove through.
His heart thumping and head spinning, Kris stood at the door waiting for Adam to open it and praying he’d be alone and not have any new boyfriends around.
Luckily, Adam answered alone, the house silent. ‘I guess you’d better come in,’ Adam shrugged, letting Kris into the grand hallway.
They walked silently out the back to Adam’s balcony and both stood looking out at the view of LA all lit up under the night sky.
Kris still didn’t know what to say. Instead, he just reached his hand out and entwined his fingers with Adam’s.
Adam shrank back, unable to look Kris in the eye.
‘Don’t you notice,’ Kris asked.
‘Notice what?’
Kris motioned towards his hand.
‘No wedding ring,’ Adam finally caught on.
‘Well..?’
‘Well... what?’ Adam responded coldly.
Kris shook his hand away from Adam’s and looked out at the view with an exhausted sigh. ‘I realised what I wanted, Adam. I want you. Katy knows that. It’s over.’
‘So it’s as easy as that?’
Kris couldn’t believe how distant Adam was being with him under the circumstances. ‘Well... I thought you’d be happy, Adam. We can be together at last, now we’re both single and...’
‘Save it, Kris,’ Adam cut him off. ‘Save the pleas for your wife. She loves you, she’ll take you back.’
‘But I want you!’ Kris insisted, grabbing onto Adam shoulders and pulling him around to face him. ‘Why are you being so cold with me?’
Adam looked back at Kris with a look of sadness in his eyes. ‘I have to keep a distance, Kris. I can’t do this to myself again,’ he whispered softly. ‘I’ve been hurt in the past, you know that.
‘I know. But I’m not going to hurt you, Adam!’
‘You already have,’ Adam replied, biting his lip to stop it quivering. ‘You don’t know what you want, Kris. If you change your mind again next week and go back to Katy, where does that leave me? Been there, done that, got the T shirt and whole damn store. I’m not going there again, Kris. I need to protect myself from getting heartbroken again and move on.’
Kris felt tears filling his eyes. ‘I’ve made my mind up! I swear, Adam. I won’t do that to you.’
Adam shook his head silently and didn’t respond.
Kris leant in and pressed his lips against Adam’s. ‘We both want this,’ he breathed, stroking Adam’s hair and looking intensely into his eyes.
Adam inches away, refusing to kiss him back. ‘Please, Kris. Don’t do this to me. It’s hard enough already. Please leave,’ he whispered pleadingly.
‘No, Adam, I won’t leave until you hear me out,’ Kris begged, grabbing Adam’s hand. ‘I’ve thought about this for days, in fact I’ve thought about this for months. You’re never off my mind. I’ve been thinking about you constantly since we met a year ago, right here in LA, that day in Starbucks...’
Adam refused to look Kris in the eye and started walking back indoors. ‘Please, just go,’ he whispered yet again.
‘Why won’t you listen!’ Kris exclaimed, a tear slipping down his cheek.
Adam marched towards the front door and swung it open, his eyes also pricked with tears. ‘Kris, this is painful enough already. Just leave me alone.’
Kris gave Adam one last look, taking in those eyes that lacked their usual sparkle, those lips that were downturned into a painful frown, those hands he loved to stroke clutched together anxiously. He didn’t want to leave, but he had to respect Adam’s wishes.
Stepping outside, he stood in the doorway and watched as Adam slowly closed the door with a last lingering look. Feeling dejected, Kris sloped back to his car and drove out of the gates.
He stopped in the street, wondering where to go. The apartment was empty and lonely. LA was just full of people out having fun, which would just make Kris feel even sadder.
‘I can’t just give up,’ he said to himself, staring at the gates of Adam’s mansion. ‘If Adam taught me anything, it was never to give up and always keep striving to achieve your dream.’
Kris wound down the window and pressed the buzzer.
Not surprisingly, there was no answer.
‘I know you’re there, in your fancy kitchen,’ Kris said into the intercom. ‘Even if you don’t let me in, at least hear me out.’
He paused, trying to think of the right words to use. ‘Adam, I don’t just love you because you’re as sexy as hell and the sweetest, nicest person I know, as corny as that sounds... but you’re also such an inspiration. You’ve taught me so much about life, about love...’
Stopping to catch his breath and stop himself getting choked up, Kris sat silently for a few seconds, hoping Adam was listening.
‘You taught me all about fate, destiny, how the universe lines up at the right time for things to happen when you wish for something enough,’ Kris went on. ‘And that’s what I’m doing now. Hoping that God, fate, the universe, Planet Fierce and whatever else is up there in the big old sky is going to grant me my wish. And that’s you.’
He stared at the gates, silently urging them to open. ‘Come on, Adam. Please,’ he begged, his voice cracking. ‘You always talk about having moments, epiphanies. Sudden realisations when your mind just clicks and you realise something. And that’s what I had driving past the AT&T store on Thanksgiving, when I heard our song on the radio. It was a sign, telling me I had to be with you. And I realise that now.’
Kris let out a long sigh, before continuing to pour out his heart. ‘You’ve said in interviews that if you want something to happen badly enough, everyone has the power to make it happen. And I want to be with you, Adam. I’ve trying my hardest to make it happen. And I won’t give up. I want you to know that. I want you to open those gates and let me in. One year, it’s been a year since we met here, last November, in LA. It’s the perfect timing, Adam. A full circle moment.’
He stopped rambling on and waited, fingers tapping the steering wheel anxiously.
Thirty seconds passed. A minute. Five minutes.
Kris sighed, his heart sinking with every minute that passed.
He realised that he was in for a long wait and started the engine, driving off with tears rolling down his face.
***
Usually when given a rare day off, Kris would be overjoyed to have some time to himself. But for once, Kris actually wished he had work commitments to keep himself occupied.
‘Nothing,’ he sighed to himself as he checked his phone yet again. Still lying in bed, he’d not moved from it since crawling in alone the previous night, and it was already lunchtime.
He hadn’t eaten for 24 hours, but Kris still wasn’t hungry. He felt numb, blank, empty.
Kris lay in bed in the dark room, staring at the blank walls and replaying all the events from the previous day over and over again in his head, torturing himself.
He’d lost them both.
Barely a year ago, Kris had been just a regular guy from the South, newly married and living a pretty care-free, laid back life. Nothing ever phased him. Go with the flow, that had been his approach to life.
Fast forward a year, Kris’s rollercoaster of 2009 had led him to this. Falling in love with his friend, another guy, one that glued rhinestones to his eyelids. A year ago, if someone had forecast Kris’s future he would have burst out laughing.
But Kris had changed in the past year. He wasn’t that laid-back guy with a guitar from last November trying his luck in Hollywood among hundreds of young hopefuls. No, now he was the American Idol. He had a record deal, a hit album, thousands of fans...
But all he wanted was Adam.
Kris pondered what Adam was doing at that moment. After doing some investigations on Idol Forums and ONTD_AI, he’d learnt from Adam’s detective-like fans that Adam actually had a couple of days off and was home in LA.
So why hadn’t he called?
Maybe he was cooking in his $200,000 kitchen again. Maybe he was out and about in LA meeting new guys. Maybe he was out shopping, spending his new wealth.
Or maybe he was lying in bed feeling just as low as Kris.
No, Adam was a positive thinker. One thing that struck Kris was Adam’s constant optimism and enthusiasm for life, even when everything was going wrong. Adam was always one to move onwards and upwards quickly and not dwell on his problems.
Kris knew he should be taking the same approach and move on, but it was hard. He just couldn’t shake off that sinking feeling in his stomach. He just needed someone to come over, sit down and listen to him ramble on and on to get everything off his chest, and give him a hug.
But who? He couldn’t yet bring himself to call his parents and tell him about the break-up. And he was unsure how his friends back home would react to his feelings for Adam.
What did Adam used to do when he needed guidance, clarity, help..?
Kris suddenly remembered. Adam would read his horoscope. Every day in the Idol mansion, in the tour bus, Adam would go on his favourite astrology site and read out his own reading for the day, as well as one for Kris.
And it had always been spot-on.
Kris had always been sceptical of that sort of thing. But he knew how into it Adam was, and had seen how accurate it could be.
Picking up his iPhone again, Kris found the website and clicked on Gemini. He read on, his jaw dropping open.
Today is a new dawn for you, Gemini. The influence of Jupiter in your chart brings around a healing period to undo wrongs you thought could not be mended. You just need to be in the right place at the right time to make this happen. Trust your intuition and you’ll know where to go. Your perseverance will pay off and reward you with what you’ve been striving towards for a long time and create a true full circle moment.
Full circle moment. Kris had said that the previous night to Adam. And it was one of Adam’s favourite phrases.
It was a sign.
Not caring how rough he looked from his sleepless night, Kris threw on some clean clothes and headed out to his car. He knew exactly where to go.
The LA traffic was as terrible as ever and Kris found himself yelling impatiently at the jam he was stuck in. As he inched his way towards Hollywood, Kris’s heart pounded anxiously.
Adam had to be there. He just had to be.
Eventually, he pulled up into the parking lot at Hollywood & Highland and sprinted down to the shopping complex. It was a typically busy day, with shoppers and tourists everywhere.
Being back there again reminded him of a year ago, when he’d clutched his golden ticket nervously, waiting to go into the Kodak Theater to try his luck. Then he’d spotted that good looking guy in the rock star shades walk into Starbucks... and the rest was history.
Kris rushed into Starbucks full of hope and scanned the room.
His heart fell as he realised there was no Adam in sight.
Still, there was time. He’d stay there all day if he had to. Kris made his way over to the counter and got in line, not even caring what drink he was going to order.
Standing in line, he looked out the window and jumped as he noticed the huge billboard advertising Adam’s album. Was that a sign too? Or was it just fate’s cruel way of taunting him and shoving in his face exactly what he couldn’t have?
Kris bought a drink and took a seat in the corner. He sipped at it slowly, eying the door constantly.
‘Come on, Adam,’ Kris willed. ‘Please.’
Surely Adam was feeling the same. Surely he wanted to at least talk things over with Kris. Even if he didn’t come striding through that door, he could still call, he could still send a text message.
But with every minute that passed, Kris’s heart sank a little more.
He let his mind wander back to recall all the good times from the past year, as if they were a YouTube video montage set to a corny love song.
Watching Adam sing for the first time in the Kodak Theater next door, and the chill that had gone down his spine hearing that beautiful voice. The two of them making it through to the finale of American Idol and all their late night chats leading up to the big night. The night Adam had been feeling down on tour, when Kris had comforted him in his bunk and when they’d laid down and cuddled together.
Their first kiss, outside the AT&T store in Conway on that sticky summer night under the stars. That passion-filled night a few weeks later when they had rekindled their affair after the game of Truth or Dare, with the most mind-blowing sex ever. That bittersweet last night of the tour when Kris had not slept a wink, just laying in bed with Adam watching him sleep and wishing it could last forever.
Sure, Kris had had many good times since they’d ended their affair. Releasing his record, doing live shows, hanging out with friends. But none of it was the same without Adam by his side. He felt like half of him was missing.
Kris looked at his watch and realised that he’d been there an hour. He sighed sadly to himself, wondering why he’d got so excited by the horoscope in the first place. The chances of Adam walking in that particular Starbucks when there was one on every corner were pretty slim anyway.
He stood up reluctantly and made his way over to the counter to order a coffee to go. Not that he had any idea where he was going to. Maybe he’d drive around town aimlessly, trying to clear his head. Maybe he’d go home and go straight back to bed. Maybe he’d try calling and texting Adam yet again, only to sit and wait for the non-existent reply.
Kris felt tears forming in his eyes as he stood in line, remembering that day barely a year ago when Adam had struck up a conversation with him right there. He remembered the way Adam had smiled at him, the way his eyes lit up as he talked about his big dream, the way he playfully pawed Kris’s chest as they’d chatted.
Kris closed his eyes and tried to remember what it had felt like. The warmth of Adam’s touch setting off a surge of electricity in his chest.
He felt a hand touch his shoulder from behind, almost making Kris jump out of his skin. His heart pounding, Kris slowly began to swivel around to see who it was.
But Kris knew before he’d turned around who it was. Kris sensed that warmth, that aura.
He stood facing Adam, feeling his legs go weak as he grinned back at a smiling Adam. ‘You’re here,’ he gasped.
Adam nodded, still smiling as he clutched Kris’s hands. ‘I’m here. Right where we first met a year ago, huh?’
‘Yep,’ Kris replied, grabbing onto Adam’s hands and never wanting to let go this time. ‘I know I’ve messed you around during the past year and been confused and scared, but this time Adam, I know what I want.’
‘Is this what you want?’
Adam leant in and kissed Kris’s lips, softly and tenderly.
Kris wrapped his arms around Adam and kissed back, feeling like he was going to burst with joy. He always felt an amazing sense of bliss when kissing Adam, but this time was special.
‘I knew you’d read your horoscope,’ Adam grinned. ‘Thank-you, Jupiter!’
Kris looked up at the sky and laughed. ‘Thank you God, Jupiter, the sun, the moon... the whole universe!’ he agreed.
Adam stepped back and led Kris towards the exit. ‘We’re getting too much attention in here.’
Kris ignored all the stares and followed Adam outside. He didn’t care if people saw them and recognised them. He didn’t care if the press found out and put their photo on the front cover of magazines. He didn’t care if so-called friends in Arkansas ignored him.
He clutched Adam’s hand as they walked back down Hollywood Boulevard. ‘Are you sure?’ Adam questioned hesitantly.
Kris smiled and nodded. Instead of being embarrassed about getting attention and stares, he was proud to be seen with Adam. And anyone who had a problem with it wasn’t worth caring about.
They pushed their way through the tourists on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and made their way towards the parking lot. ‘Remember that day we met when we joked that there might be street entertainers dressed up as us right here, entertaining the tourists?’ Kris remarked as they passed Elvis, the Cookie Monster and Batman. ‘Well, look over there!’
Both stopped in their tracks and stood laughing as they watched a very convincing Adam look-a-like pose for photos with a bunch of excited teenage girls, while a man in a plaid shirt stood next to them.
‘Is that guy supposed to be me, or is he just a random passer-by?’ Kris laughed, still holding Adam’s hand tightly.
The teenage girls spotted the real Adam and Kris and started pointing.
‘Oops, if they bug us let’s pretend we’re imposters like those guys are,’ Adam remarked as they rushed down the street towards the car.
Once inside the vehicle, they started kissing again, Kris appreciating every second of it. He sighed happily as he tasted the sweet flavor of Adam’s lips he had missed so much and entwined his fingers in Adam’s silky hair.
Adam ran a hand up and down Kris’s back, giving Kris goose bumps. ‘I’ve missed this,’ he sighed into Kris’s ear. ‘I hated being mad at you. Let’s promise never ignore one another’s phone message again!’
‘I promise,’ Kris gasped out as Adam slipped a hand down his jeans and moved his hand closer to Kris’s erection.
‘Let’s go to my place,’ Adam suggested when they eventually came up for air. ‘No, wait, our place,’ he corrected.
Kris gazed back at Adam’s eyes, noticing the vivid blueness and the magical glint that had been absent for a while until now. ‘Our place?’ he repeated, his lips curling into a grin.
‘I’m not letting you go back to that cold, empty rented place again,’ Adam insisted. ‘Besides, I need someone to cook for in my new $200,000 kitchen.’
‘I haven’t eaten in like, a day,’ Kris laughed as they started driving back towards Beverly Hills. ‘Can you make me chicken and waffles? Oh, with gravy and biscuits, good old Southern food!’
‘I sure can,’ Adam promised, stroking Kris’s hair as they drove down the street. ‘But no dessert. We’ve got way too much catching-up to do!’
Kris opened his mouth to reply, then his jaw dropped open as he realised what the radio was playing faintly in the background. ‘It’s our song!’ he gasped, turning the volume up.
‘It is!’ Adam grinned, humming along to Don’t Stop Believin’. ‘Wow, what a full circle moment.’
Full circle moment. As they stopped at the lights, Kris looked back at Adam with a satisfied smile. ‘Yes, it’s exactly that.’